Other parents of Wheelchair bound kids - does this happen to you?

[pumpkinboy]

OK, this morning was the second time it has happened to us. I am having a little breakfast with my 6 yr old DS with severe Cerebral Palsy (who has bright red hair like daddy and is cute as anything), working on feeding him some cereal and chatting with him as he responds with his eyes, as usual; we were staying at a Comfort Inn (tho "comfort" was a bit lacking) on a weekend trip about two hours from home;
So this nice retired man comes over, introduces himself, asks about DS, his name (Caleb) and then he reaches into his pocket and pulls out $60 and insists that I get Caleb a nice little present. Well, I protest, but not so much as to be ungrateful for a very generous gesture, but the man insists that I take the cash and makes it clear that he will not take it back.

This has happened before, not the same person, but clearly someone who was moved by the site of a severely disabled child and wanting to do something. Now my DW is a big firm Lawyer, I work for a big bank and we are fairly comfortably off financially, plus Massachusetts has pretty decent benefits available to families of disabled children (and DW makes sure that we get them). Now I have simply passed these cash gifts on to a wonderful institution here in the Boston area that has helped our DS to develop to his potential, and from whom he has been getting services since he was 6 days old (this would be the Franciscan Hospital for Children), and have not taken the deduction since it was someone else's money.

While it is very moving that ppl want to help out disabled children and that they are moved by my DS and our interection with him, I feel uncorfortable accepting their money. But I also do not want to discourage their generosity, or to seem haughty or ungrateful.

So I am wondering if other parents with wheelchair bound kids have had this happen. Tigger2on, SueM in MN, Mommie2angels and all you others, what have your experiences been? has this happened to you? How have you dealt with it?

 

[SueM in MN]

When DD was little and cute (not that she isn't cute right now, but she's no longer little), it did happen to us a few times, but not with as much money as that. Not very often, and maybe a couple of dollars. We usually were given stuffed animals, small trickets at art fairs, etc.
We felt just as uncomfortable about it as you sound. Usally, we just accepted it nicely and in the case of money, we did the same as you - gave it on to a charity.

 

[Michigan]

Yes, but not with money. Once at a Chicago Cubs game the woman sitting next to us gave my DD a cap. Then at a Detroit Tiger game she got an autographed ball and at a Detroit Lions game the guys sitting in the row in front gave her and a friend of her's also in a chair a hat.

When my oldest DD was 7 we went in the Matel store at Downtown Disney and a CM ask if she had seen Mickey yet and I told them she hadn't been to the parks yet because we just got there and she was still afraid the next thing I know 2 CM are taking her in to meet Mickey and paid for a full photo session. Whe she went in the was afraid when she left she was no longer afraid of the characters. They also gave her a WDW barbie doll and a certificate saying she had been granted a Magical Moment.

 

[kathyk2]

That happened to me as well. I have CP and use crutches, I was out for a walk and an elderly lady tried to give me money. I graciosly declined.

 

[Andrew Bichard]

On two occasions, once in San Francisco, once in Chicago, I have had cab drivers refuse to take a fare or tip from me despite having to load & unload my wheelchair from the trunk.

Andrew

 

[tigger2on]

Boy- with all the crazy expenses we have right now, that would be nice! Maybe it is an American thing!
We are paying off a $4000 Safari Tilt and she needs a new bike too!

 

[tigger2on]

Usually by other little kids at amusement parks and ballonns. But we too have given our balloons to normal little kids too. Ryleigh was given a big Tinkerbell Balloon by the staff at Tony's Town Square at MK this past May and we in turn gave it to a little 2 year old while waiting for the parade. Ryleigh already had an MGM mickey balloon in the hotel room.

 

[ToriLammy]

Originally posted by SueM in MN
When DD was little and cute (not that she isn't cute right now, but she's no longer little), it did happen to us a few times, but not with as much money as that. Not very often, and maybe a couple of dollars. We usually were given stuffed animals, small trickets at art fairs, etc.
We felt just as uncomfortable about it as you sound. Usally, we just accepted it nicely and in the case of money, we did the same as you - gave it on to a charity.

Same here with my daughter, lots of stuffed animals and small gifts when she was much younger, although we went to a NASCAR race in Texas in April and one of the gentlemen at a sunglasses booth insisted on giving Jackie a pair of glasses. I wasn't present and she said she was so embarrassed but she saw how sincere he was so she accepted them. I just consider them a RAOK and am happy there are people in the world who still do that sort of thing. Giving the money to charity is a wonderful thing for you to do and in the meantime that person feels just a little lighter and happier

 

[GeekChic]

my daughter isn't disabled (i am) but it has happened in the past with small gifts from cast members. once she was crying in at the Cali Grill (she dropped a glass accidentily and thought for sure "Mickey would be angry cause she spilled on his carpet." a quick thinking CM gave her a PVC donald and told her that Minnie always has to clean up Mickey's spills and not to worry about it.

Once on her B-day a Contemp. resort CM showed up at our door with balloons, an autograph book and a stuffed mickey.

Myself, on our last trip, I fell madly in love with a little girl who was "playing' with me at the next table all night during dinner at the Cali grill. Before desert I ran (figuratively LOL, more like clattered with my crutch) down to the gift shop and bought a small mickey and minnie for her. her mother didn't want to accept at first, but I begged her to let me have my "fairy Godmother moment", they had been chatting with us about how tight their trip budget was and they were staying off property.

I had more fun for that 18 dollars doing that than I had the rest of the trip, and we were staying at the Grand that time! Watching her love those toys, kissing mickey and minnie with her little baby puppy kisses (she was 15 months old) was so much fun.

I know it's hard sometimes to accept kindness from strangers, but whether your child is disabled or not, sometimes people just like doing things for strangers. I ALWAYS ask the parent and show them the item first if I want to do that, and get permission.

Of course if you're uncomfortable it's your right to decline, i just wanted you to know that I have been on both ends of this situation and the giving is definitely more fun than receiving: makes my heart

~geek
(been a long time since I posted here...*waves* hi sue! I bet everybody has no memory of me LOL

 

[SueM in MN]

Originally posted by GeekChic
~geek
(been a long time since I posted here...*waves* hi sue! I bet everybody has no memory of me LOL

Waving back
I remember you. Nice to see you and thanks for sharing such nice stories.

 

[GeekChic]

awww! sue remembers me, i'm so happy!

didn't mean to stay away so long...life kinda happened for awhile. but hope to stick around this time i enjoy using any knowledge i have about WDW to help people, differently abled or otherwise!

hugs
geek

 

[LuvN~Travel]

Our daughter was born with a birth defect that has meant so many operations over the years, that financial problems were bound to happen. (quite frequently) My parent's former coworkers and my DH coworkers have been so nice over the years to us. Many would just pull out amounts of money and give them to my parents or DH. Some of my DH coworkers have handed over as much at $100.00 at times. Such wonderful people. And, it's not as if you've been asking either. Usually it just comes up in how things are going....
Kim

 

[inkkognito]

Although I do not have children, I have a co-worker whose son has Battens Disease. She is very active in raising money for research. If you are not comfortable taking the money but someone is very insistent, donating to an appropriate research fund or group might be a good way to use it. I will have to ask her if she has ever experienced this; she recently visited Disneyland with her son, and they are now in the process of planning a WDW trip so I am poking around here to get some information for her. He is totally blind and his mobility is getting quite impaired, but they have a new wheelchair for him that should make things easier at the parks.
Barb

 

[RickinNYC]

On a trip a few years back, my partner and I were in one of the shops along Main Street (can't remember which one). There was a family of Mom, Dad and a little boy. The boy was in a wheelchair (sorry, don't know the name but it was clearly not a rental) and was poking at all the stuffed toys. He was clearly in love with Mickey and was fawning over a particular plush toy of Mickey clutching Pluto that I had in my hand.

The adorable little kid was trying to talk with me but his speech was a bit difficult for me to understand. Nevertheless, Joe and I tried to engage him and had fun in the process. When the boy gestured to the Mickey in my hand to his mother, she smiled and said very quietly that they couldn't afford it right now. She casually told me that this trip was so expensive and they were on a tight budget.

We chatted for a bit. She and her husband were such nice people. I quietly handed the doll to Joe and he got the drift, went over and paid for it and handed the bag to me. I then handed the bag to Mom and told her it was a gift for her son. I could tell she was a bit embarrassed but we gently insisted. Joe, great guy that he is, simply said "we don't have kids and your son is such a sweet little guy. It'd make us so happy to give this to him."

The look on the her son's face was the single sweetest look I've ever seen. We were more grateful to the parents for letting us do something so simple.

It wasn't charity in my mind. It was a gift to a family that I like to think would otherwise be friends if we lived in the same town.

In a PS to the story, Joe knew how much I really wanted that silly Mickey doll for myself and he ordered it and had it shipped in time for Christmas. So there were two thrilled Mickey fans now! LOL!

 

[tmli]

RickinNYC, your post has brought tears to my eyes. The difference you made to that little boy and his parents are honestly priceless. My ds has a number of "special needs" and for along time had a major speech issue. He is so cute and loves attention (no visible signs of his disability) and usually gets it. So often when people would start to talk to him, after he responded in his very hard to understand speech, some would just walk away from him...or worse would actually mimic the way he would say something. These are adults not children. My heart would break. To this day, while the speech has improved, he has this way of saying inappropriate things, I stiffen when he engages in conversation with someone we don't know for fear of the reaction. There have been some much kinder people as well, but these negative experiences are hard to forget.

I am sure your gesture to that family meant more to them than you will ever know. Much admiration to you and Joe for your random act of kindness.

 

[BethanyF]

My son (6, ASD and SID) loves to play carnival games, but usually dislikes the prizes. However, he loves to go up to other kids and give them whatever it was he won. He looks around for the 'right' person to give it to. If he spots a child in a wheelchair, that child is his first choice, otherwise he picks a little one in a stroller. He gets as much enjoyment from passing on his prize as he did from actually winning the prize.
I guess I am just bragging about him here, but you never know, your child may one day be the recepient of my child's cast-off prize, LOL.

 

[pandamom]

Had many similar experiences with my sister when she used a wheelchair. On 2 seperate occasions we had people come up and hand us unused tickets at wdw. (This was back in late 80's.) It really is amazing how caring total strangers were -- just having people telling us they would pray for her was touching.

 

[TandyR]

RickinNYC...that is so cool....I teared up when I read it....

tmli....my DD4 has speach issues...all correctable with time a lot of time....when she is tested she is well under the 1%tile. She is just over 4.5 years and she maybe talks like an 18 month to 2 year old...if that. It breaks my heart when adults just turn and walk away when they don't understand her. The thing is that kids are much more willing to try to work with her to figure out what she is saying. Luckily I haven't had anyone mock her speach....I am ashamed to say I am not sure I could control my temper if that happen.

 

[JinniLynn33]

DS11 who is one of twins had an accident when he was 4 and had spinalcord injuries at the c6-c7 level..........so he is in a wheel chair. Anyway the boys and I were a a movie theatre a couple years ago and Teddy had a cup holder on the side of his tray because he was getting dehydrated and we were trying to encourage him to drink as much as possible. Well the movie was over and his cup was empty and some little hispanic man that spoke no english cam up to Teddy, said something in spanish, and put a dollar in his cup. I didnt actually witness this as the boys were in the video arcade section. They came over to me sooooo fast and were like Mom, guess what this guy just gave Teddy money...LOL they were thrilled, I just laughed. Then I got to explain about panhandling and how some people do that and the reasons why and why we don't do that.....that part was kinda long for me....but over all no wierd situations

 

[pampam]

My daughter has never had money given to her by strangers, but many many times she has had small gifts, stuffed toys, balloons etc. given to her. Perhaps she reminds people of someone they know, or identify with. But these are like the times in WDW when a cast member will do something special, and those times are many too. People want to be kind, share love, or empathy, and giving is a good way to do this. Perhaps you could suggest to the person that they give the money to a special charity, although one would never want to seem ungrateful or unappreciative. On the other hand, what you are doing may be th kindest response. It gives them joy, and although awkward for you, it lets you recieve some of their love.