Other Mothered - Disney Edition

[DisneyArie]

Everyone who knows me knows my family and I are heading to Disney this September, and I have gotten a TON of negative comments and unwanted advice. I usually just smile and ignore it because I don't think the person is saying anything with bad will. I fully accept that different things work for different parents, BUT yesterday evening, it will too much.

My son's best friend and his mom were over so they boys could go swimming in our pool. My son asked the BF's mom if he could go to Disney World with us. That lead to a big discussion with his mom. Her family went last year so she decided to "help" me with planning. I told her everything was already planned. She didn't listen. She advised me to stay off property. "Well, we already booked a resort on property." "You poor thing. Did you even research that decision? It's okay. We can still cancel it." Um....what? lol She didn't stop there. She had comments on everything from what we are wearing to how long we are staying and where we are eating. All of my ideas were horrible. Apparently, I planned the trip incorrectly. I tried to change the subject multiple times and even texted my husband to come outside and interrupt us. She was very persistent, and I was annoyed. It sucks because my son and I both really adore her son. I told her thanks for the advice, but we are keeping our current plans. She realized I was trying to brush it off and said something to the extent of I should appreciate having free advice from a Disney expect. Well....I am 100% not confrontational and whenever a situation arises, my defense mechanism is to throw in a bible verse bahahaha. She got upset and said I was being condescending and walked away after saying God would be disappointed in my behavior. This morning she sent a text saying my son is no longer invited to come over on Thursday.

Of course, there are two sides to every story and just as I don't see anything I did wrong. I'm certain she doesn't either. I have thought long and hard and honestly, I thought I handled it well. I didn't yell or anything. I just tried to change the subject and ignore her...and I know I will have to call her later, apologize, and probably ask to hear her ideas just so our kids can hang out. Ugh!

How do you guys deal with criticism or unwanted advice from other parents?

 

[happymommy]

I don't see that you should apologize for anything really. Sounds like she was being a jerk.

 

[poohfriend77]

Ug, sorry you had to deal with that, and that your son is essentially being punished for this woman's overbearing behavior! It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. I'd probably apologize in a vague way... "I'm sorry if you thought I was being rude or ungrateful, But it's been fun doing all the research myself. I'm sure we'll make some mistakes, but I'm also sure we'll have a great time once we figure out the best way for OUR family to do Disney. I hope this won't get in the way of the boys' friendship!"

Don't ask for her ideas or bring it up again after that! I usually smile, nod, and say "we'll have to look into that," when getting unwanted (or down right WRONG) advice. (I've also learned to share details about our trips with VERY few people ahead of time) But I've never dealt with someone that over the top! Sounds like you handled it the best you could.

 

[Luna81]

I think some people just need to be negative or rain on your parades. My husband was telling his brother we were going in May. He went last December for 3 days. We're doing 5. "Oh, you'll be bored. There isn't enough to do. And it's going to be so hot...you'll hate it" So I looked up the temps on when he was there versus the dates this May...there was a 4 degree temperature difference.
Sorry they brought you down, and it's a bummer your son has to pay for it. If you REALLY wanted I guess you could try texting/calling her and talking it out?

 

[EvilQueen2018]

You owe her nothing. She owes you an apology. Your way is different, not wrong and what works for her doesn't need to work for you. If she mentions it again, just tell her that she can keep her plans for her own trip since she obviously doesn't mind missing out on the magic that can only come from staying on site and she is far from an expert. You've been to a doctor before so you are clearly an expert qualified to give medical advice. You should give her a free diagnosis for her help. Didn't Doc McStuffins call it big head-itosis, or something?

FWIW, I'm not staying on site and while I recommend it for someone with a large family looking to cut costs, I know it isn't what most want so I wouldn't attempt to push. I'd stay in the bubble if it was in the budget.

 

[roseaster]

Okay. I will disagree with everyone. She acted badly, but preaching a bible verse at someone is condescending. It really is the definition of "holier than thou."

 

[Mousemommy1]

Now I want to know which bible verse you used...

 

[DisneyArie]

Now I want to know which bible verse you used...

I asked, "have you ever heard the verse 'A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger"

I guess I can see how it could be taken as condescending, but I was honestly just trying to calm things down. When I was younger and would go to my mom upset, crying or even yelling, she would respond by whispering. I couldn't hear what she was saying so I would have to calm down and stop acting out. That worked with me...but I didn't want to do it with an adult so I was trying something else.

 

[MouseMama11]

It's so sad that she's basically punishing your son and her son for a disagreement you had. I honestly don't think you owe her an apology or anything. You were explaining your plans and trying to share your excitement for your trip and she was extremely rude and trying to replan YOUR trip! That's not fair. Everyone has a different way of researching and every family is different in how they want things to go. You weren't really asking for her advice...

 

[Sagginit]

This woman sounds like a lecture on everything in life waiting to happen. Honestly how good friends are they and what age is your son? When I was a child we had one or two friends that my parents cut us off from for various reasons (I actually lost a very good friend of mine as her brother graffitied the walls of my bedroom when he was over playing with my brother. His parents denied he did anything wrong so my mother wouldn't let us hang out with either child in the family. I was upset as I was about 9 or 10 years old but I moved on). I don't think you did anything wrong. She sounds like she was being very pushy and will continue to be pushy in the future.

Overall I wouldn't want someone like that in my social circle. That is poor manners and morals to use her child as a pawn to try to get someone to admit she was right about how to plan a Disney Vacation. Even typing that out I feel like giggling as it is so silly.

 

[scrapquitler]

Things like this are part of why I don't hang around with the parents of my kid's friends. Nothing good ever comes of it.

 

[powellrj]

This comes up all the time, and I really don't understand why people tell everyone what their vacation plans are. The only people who know about my vacation plans are people who are directly involved with it.

My friends take vacations all the time, but they don't share where they are going months in advance unless I have a need to know. I am actually fine with that. Nobody can make a comment positive or negative if they don't know about your trip.

Right now other than my countdown, the only people who know I am going are my kids and my bible study. The only reason my kids know was to let them know if they want to go and one of them is going with us and the only reason my bible study knows is so I am not a hostess that week.

 

[hmharter]

If it was just my own relationship at stake, I wouldn't apologize, because I don't need that kind of person in my life. But in your situation, where your son is being punished for her being crazy, I would try to apologize, not for your actions, but that she was offended. Something along the lines of "I'm sorry for what happened the other day, I didn't mean to sound ungrateful or condescending, and I really appreciate that you were willing to share some advice." Hopefully she lets it go!

 

[here757]

How lucky are you to have a Disney specialist! Note my sarcasm. Ur better then I am. No bible script would be mumbled out my foul sailor mouth.... Just saying!
Should have texted her back and asked her if she thinks the proper punishment is to keep her son away from yours.. Does she feel it's appropriate for u to leave her's home when all hit Disney?
Congratulations on keepin ur cool

 

[GotLabradors]

Why do people think the way their family does Disney is the 'only, correct' way to do Disney?

 

[usnuzuloose]

I asked, "have you ever heard the verse 'A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger"

I guess I can see how it could be taken as condescending, but I was honestly just trying to calm things down. When I was younger and would go to my mom upset, crying or even yelling, she would respond by whispering. I couldn't hear what she was saying so I would have to calm down and stop acting out. That worked with me...but I didn't want to do it with an adult so I was trying something else.

I know that verse, and that really had no place for your conversation. People take things way out of context for versus. And that one I would never use for general conversation. Any way you don't have anything to apologize for. And to bad she is punishing her son for something she does not agree with. I would just let it go. And if it comes up again, I would politely say , thank you for your input but we are keeping our plans. She is looking to get a reaction from you.

 

[happymommy]

I don't know any verses from the bible. I'd just ignore her and move on. No need for that in my life for sure.

 

[pixie08]

Okay. I will disagree with everyone. She acted badly, but preaching a bible verse at someone is condescending. It really is the definition of "holier than thou."

What roseaster said. I think she was in the wrong but I understand why you did it. Some people get peace from quoting scripture, or prayer and I am sure that was the case for you. I call it finding my center. I am sure she took it the wrong way as some people might. I find most things in life are a matter of misinterpretation.

Maybe just explain that you spent a lot of time planning and your family was excited for your plans. You appreciate her advice and will consider it.

 

[North of Mouse]

This comes up all the time, and I really don't understand why people tell everyone what their vacation plans are. The only people who know about my vacation plans are people who are directly involved with it.

This! I usually talk about it with my dsis as we share most everything about out lives (live 1,000 miles apart), and this makes us seem closer. Other than that, it's need to know only, and a trusted neighbor that we 'house watch' each others homes when gone. That seems to keep comments or unwanted advice from people to a minimum, even though a lot of them find out after the fact, which doesn't bother us.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

This! I usually talk about it with my dsis as we share most everything about out lives (live 1,000 miles apart), and this makes us seem closer. Other than that, it's need to know only, and a trusted neighbor that we 'house watch' each others homes when gone. That seems to keep comments or unwanted advice from people to a minimum, even though a lot of them find out after the fact, which doesn't bother us.

This comes up all the time, and I really don't understand why people tell everyone what their vacation plans are. The only people who know about my vacation plans are people who are directly involved with it.

My friends take vacations all the time, but they don't share where they are going months in advance unless I have a need to know. I am actually fine with that. Nobody can make a comment positive or negative if they don't know about your trip.

Right now other than my countdown, the only people who know I am going are my kids and my bible study. The only reason my kids know was to let them know if they want to go and one of them is going with us and the only reason my bible study knows is so I am not a hostess that week.

According to the OP, the son invited the neighbor's son. The OP didn't start the conversation about her vacation.