OT-Why do I feel like I need another child?

[Honeystar120608]

This is going to sound really harsh, so just remember- you asked...

You need to grow up! You've "cried, ignored him, and yelled." Quite frankly, you sound like a spoiled child.

Why aren't your DH's feelings important? He sounds very stressed out, works hard so that you can stay home and the thanks he gets, is a contentious wife? WTH!!

My words of wisdom- spend your time counting your blessings and enjoying the family you have.

First off, what I asked for was advice, and your intent albeit constructive, your delivery was REALLY bad.

On that note, I have acted out in ways to get what I want. The reason for this is because he has said 3 times he wants a baby, I have gone off of bc for him to say after 2-3 weeks that he doesn't want one. (long story short). So that just sends me confused signals in which my reactions are listed above. His communication dealing with the fact has been less than lacking. BUT! It has brought us to where we are today, so I can't feel sorry for that. We have talked about the way I have acted, and the way he dealt with things and are both sorry on both fronts.

Don't for one minute think that I dont think I am extremely lucky. From what I can tell, you are the only person to get that Im not appreciative of my life. The REASON I would love another is because of how great my life is. How beautiful and loving my children are, how my husband is with me and how great of a father he is. I was brought up with a single Mom on welfare and a biological father who could care less about my well being. No pitty party, it is just is what it is. My mother was great, my grandparents were great and I lost the only father figure at that time(my grandfather) when I was 12 yrs old. And trust me, he was just as much of a father to me as he was to my Mother. I know all too well how short life is, which is why I chose to celebrate it and think with my heart more than my head. So when Money is a reason to not follow your heart, it's a huge pill to swallow. BEcause tomorrow, god forbid, something may happen to my dh, something may happen to me. Our children are the only part of us we get to leave behind. To remember and carry on the lessons and morals we have instilled. Those are the reasons i want children. NOt because Im whinny or childish, but in fact because in my short 27 yrs of life I've seen enough hatrid, drama, and soul defying things to know that the happy things are what you need to be around. You my friend, sound like you need to relax and not attack people and re read some posts before jumping into something deep. Learn how to tread in the water before you drown. Perhaps see the good in people and not the bad.
Again, I appreciate critisism, just not in that form. It's disrespectful. But thank you none the less. And I have told myself to be grateful. But it's a vicious circle since the reasons I am thankful are the core reasons I would love another child.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

Been through the wanting another baby too! BUT after DD3 I had my tubes tied, so only by the hand of God will it happen. We have 2 children and both were high risk, so being lblessed with a boy and girl we didn't want to play the chances...and where we are living & DH work I didn't want more children. Of course, almost 4 years later we are moving and DH will have a "normal" job and be home every night (currently he is gone 3-5 week & home 2-4 weeks), and a lot (like its wierd there si so many of them) of friends are having/just had babies so the baby bug has hit. Knowing that I am not going through a tubal reversal and a baby is out of the question I try to focus on what I have (my healthy, loving kids) and don't have to do (middle of the night feedings, teething, colic, potty training). Sure I could focus on all the cutesy things I would be missing too, but that is where my friends come in...I can still play with their babies and babysit, but know that they get to be the ones on night duty, potty duty, and pay for college. I also get to focus on the family vacations with only 2 children (only one resort room at WDW) and the days when it will be back to just DH and I (we're one of those weird couples who enjoy being with each other). I will also be going back to work (teaching) when we move since DS is in school and DD soon will be in full time.

Wanting another baby isn't something you should ignore, but it isn't something that you should focus on either, especially when DH is set against it..at least for now. Try focusing on the positives and other issues to occupy you mind...I know easier said than done.

 

[Honeystar120608]

I don't think it was harsh at all. The OP has basically thrown tantrums to get what she wants and is now suggesting resorting to duplicity to do it. She does sound like a spoiled child. It certainly does not sound as if she is a partner in a marriage working towards compromise or willing to concede the other's opinion. Raising a family is very, very hard. Children are stressful and a huge expense. If both parties in the relationship are not both 100% committed to having a baby, don't have one. Oftentimes in life, you do not get everything you want.

Some thoughts for the OP. If one of your husband's concerns is money, would you be willing to go back to work for a couple of years to build up your nest egg in order to afford a third child?

All I can do is refer you to my latest post. Tantrums is not what I was doing, I know tantrums, and I did not through tantrums. What I wanted from DH was an understanding of where our lives were going since he was on board and then not. I had 3 chemical pregnancies, and confusion was the name of the game for about a year. So in order to push dh into talking, i resorted to those tactics. Instead of acusations, you should have just asked why I felt the need to go to those messures. You are a little quick to judge.

As for the question. Absolutely! I would work if that is what dh trully wanted. But he really wants me home. That decisions wasn't completely mine. He wants me home, he wants me to raise our children, not a stranger. And he wants the kids to have a home life. When dh comes home for lunch from work, he gets to see the kids. When he gets off of work, he drives 3 mins and is in the driveway. We have moved to be where dh is close to work so he is home fast to spend as much time with us as possible. He would never ask me to work and not be home with the kids. I do all the 'work' when it comes to them. Not to say he won't, but I do since he works all day. I don't ask much of him but just quality time with the kids.

So this is the thing. Not that 'tantrums' are a norm in this household, but just because I am married doesn't mean I don't get a say in things. OUr lives revolve around our children, and we want it that way, we make it that way, we plan it that way. But when I ask for something, and yes this is huge, my feelings need to be heard and dealt with, which is not something he has done in the past. I have been wandering around for 2 years not knowing anything about my future. Im a goal oriented person. If he says in 2 yrs we can have a baby if certain things fall into place, I will see to it that anything in my power, will get done. That is an answer. That is something he and I have worked on, and we are getting better at. His form of communication is ignore and distract, and mine is up front and personal. Neither work for either one of us, so we both are trying hard to change that.
Marriage doesn't mean I dont have standards for myself. We do A LOT that revolves around him, that is only for him, and that I would in no other circumstance agree to. A baby is a totally different situation than material things or where to live, or what car to have. But he gets as much as we can afford so he is rewarded for everything he does. I do not get my nails done, hair cut is generally done by my mother who is a barber, I dont go to spas, out for drinks, out at all in fact. I dont do these things, and yes..neither does dh, because I want to make sure that he has the DOdge CHarger that is sitting in our driveway. That he has his XBox 360 and 42" LCD. To him, those are rewards. My rewards are much different, and absolutely must be dealt with in a completely different manner since it is a BABY. BUT, the original question, which you haven't answered is why do I feel this way, and how can I make it stop? 'suck it up' is not an answer. If I told that to my kids when they are teenagers and they come to me with their feelings and I say stop whinning and stop being childish...like what? These are feelings and emotions. I don't hate my husband, I love him, so much to have another of his children. I don't want the mailman's child, I want his! Only if he is willing and able. Again, I mentioned that before too, but that somehow got over looked.

 

[Honeystar120608]

Been through the wanting another baby too! BUT after DD3 I had my tubes tied, so only by the hand of God will it happen. We have 2 children and both were high risk, so being lblessed with a boy and girl we didn't want to play the chances...and where we are living & DH work I didn't want more children. Of course, almost 4 years later we are moving and DH will have a "normal" job and be home every night (currently he is gone 3-5 week & home 2-4 weeks), and a lot (like its wierd there si so many of them) of friends are having/just had babies so the baby bug has hit. Knowing that I am not going through a tubal reversal and a baby is out of the question I try to focus on what I have (my healthy, loving kids) and don't have to do (middle of the night feedings, teething, colic, potty training). Sure I could focus on all the cutesy things I would be missing too, but that is where my friends come in...I can still play with their babies and babysit, but know that they get to be the ones on night duty, potty duty, and pay for college. I also get to focus on the family vacations with only 2 children (only one resort room at WDW) and the days when it will be back to just DH and I (we're one of those weird couples who enjoy being with each other). I will also be going back to work (teaching) when we move since DS is in school and DD soon will be in full time.

Wanting another baby isn't something you should ignore, but it isn't something that you should focus on either, especially when DH is set against it..at least for now. Try focusing on the positives and other issues to occupy you mind...I know easier said than done.

LOL Im getting a lot to respond to tonight! ABsolutely, I completely agree. And honestly, the night I posted this I was tired and just in a moment. All day I have been thinking about my best friends baby due in Nov, can't wait to buy he or she something in disney world since the baby will have come a week before. (better not be late!!).
I dont want another right now. I really dont. DH knows that. But as I told him today at noon, that doesn't mean I DONT want one, I just dont want one now. I dont want to be full term in DW (and yes that is a factor since my parents are going, their first trip, we are already saving so we can go all dlx, and my kids are already excited) but DS starts school in Sept and I want that to be priority right now. Im obviously not ignoring hte feeling, but in some aspects wishing and hoping it will go away. But if not I think that come Nov/Dec I will be bringing it back up to DH again. Im fine with the wait this time.
BEfore it was the fact that Im a stay at home, I didnt want to have kids all spread out in age, so I was just like lets do this, get it over with so we can move on... but it's not what dh wanted, so i told him a while ago, I've shelved the baby idea. It's not in the trash, but it's on the shelf, we will revisit things when things are more calm.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

LOL Im getting a lot to respond to tonight! ABsolutely, I completely agree. And honestly, the night I posted this I was tired and just in a moment. All day I have been thinking about my best friends baby due in Nov, can't wait to buy he or she something in disney world since the baby will have come a week before. (better not be late!!).
I dont want another right now. I really dont. DH knows that. But as I told him today at noon, that doesn't mean I DONT want one, I just dont want one now. I dont want to be full term in DW (and yes that is a factor since my parents are going, their first trip, we are already saving so we can go all dlx, and my kids are already excited) but DS starts school in Sept and I want that to be priority right now. Im obviously not ignoring hte feeling, but in some aspects wishing and hoping it will go away. But if not I think that come Nov/Dec I will be bringing it back up to DH again. Im fine with the wait this time.
BEfore it was the fact that Im a stay at home, I didnt want to have kids all spread out in age, so I was just like lets do this, get it over with so we can move on... but it's not what dh wanted, so i told him a while ago, I've shelved the baby idea. It's not in the trash, but it's on the shelf, we will revisit things when things are more calm.

Sounds like you have a good plan. I think we often use the Disboards to vent and share feelings we can't or don't want to share with others (at least at that specific time of writing), sometimes readers take it for more than just clearing your head...try to let it roll off .

I totally understand about planning a pregnancy. We had to plan ours around lobster season so DH would be sure to be home for it and/or not have to miss work. I wouldn't want to do WDW pg either!

Good luck to you and DH!

 

[Honeystar120608]

Raising a family is very, very hard. Children are stressful and a huge expense. If both parties in the relationship are not both 100% committed to having a baby, don't have one. Oftentimes in life, you do not get everything you want.

I'm sorry, I went back to make sure I wasn't reading you wrong...which I wasn't... and this stuck out to me. You seriously believe that you often don't get everything you want? Trully? I am sorry, but to me, everything I wanted I have got. I have a wonderful relationship with my mother and sister and step dad, I have TWO great kids who have taught me more than I will ever begin to understand how they did it, I have a dh who from the moment I met him I just KNEW he was the one. It was never easy with him, we are 2 very different thinkers, but we always come out in the end together. I have a great house, which could be bigger, but seriously, we have a house with a backyard!!! When I ask for something from DH like a trip to DW, even though he is always putting up a front, he always says yes... as long as we can afford it. Our bills are doing great (we never used to be budgeting people and now we are)...SERIOUSLY?? What really could I want if not a baby? Im not a materialistic sort of person. I do believe a child can end up president (or in my case Prime MInister) even if they come from a background that doesn't afford them all of the world's luxuries. I had to work to get what I wanted, and Im sure appreciated it much more because it was my earned dollar. What more could I want?? I am happy to have everything I have. I never thought as a little child I would have a brand new car, I'd have a house in a nice area in a good part of the city, that I would ever get to DW, and here I am. We love travelling, we love quality time and you are telling me I can't get what I want.
I will never ever tell my kids you don't always get what you want. You work hard for the things you want in life and you Will get them. Takes time and trust, but you WILL get them. As for a life-a baby- it is different. It is, I can't work for it, and I can't buy it, it is a life! But I could never tell someone they won't get what they want. How absolutely hopeless and discouraging is that!



When dh and I sat down at the beginning of our relationship, we talked and discussed everything! I wanted 4 kids, his number was 4 too. When I had my miscarriage a year ago, he was disapointed because he had been watching videos of the kids when they were babies and he remembered how great it was, when he held our nephew for the first time, he played with him for an hour without giving him over to anyone. He wanted to make sure we bought him a toy in DW (last trip). You can't convince me that he doesn't want any more children, he just isn't ready for one now. But the OP wasn't about him wanting one, as much as it was how I could really get rid of this shadow in my mind that never goes away. It's always there with a question mark. He is the only one that can trully make the situation into anything or nothing. In any direction I will be fine, the not knowing drives me bonkers.

 

[Honeystar120608]

Sounds like you have a good plan. I think we often use the Disboards to vent and share feelings we can't or don't want to share with others (at least at that specific time of writing), sometimes readers take it for more than just clearing your head...try to let it roll off .

I totally understand about planning a pregnancy. We had to plan ours around lobster season so DH would be sure to be home for it and/or not have to miss work. I wouldn't want to do WDW pg either!

Good luck to you and DH!

Thanks!! I've never though about due dates before. DS's bday is a week before Christmas, and DD's in Feb. We tried as soon after DS as we could to have another. Looking back we were totally crazy, but of course Im very happy we did it! I have my princess! (I was a total tom boy, so I never expected her to turn out so girlie, but she did!! lol )
Yes, I totally came to vent. I think a few people didn't get it, I didnt want to go to DH about this. I didnt want to set it on him again. I wanted him to not be a part of the turmoil inside my head. I have been accused of not feeling for him, but that is the whole reason I posted on here...so I didnt place it on those around me who's lives are busy and hectic.

Seeing you are in the Bahamas! Sort of jealous right now. lol I am ...wel... North East of Maine. Seems like people get the geography better when I say that. Atlantic Canada. It's cold, just got 4 inches of snow. But it's slowly warming up! Cant wait to see some tulips!!!

Ok, have to get to bed. lol Thanks!

 

[SLK1]

I don't think you're being spoiled, or unappreciative, or throwing tantrums or anything like that. You're being honest, and there is no shame in that! Kind of funny...my "number" when we first discussed kids was four. My husband's was SIX!! We have four, and he would have more if I could handle it - but both physically and mentally, I can't do it (I ran out of patience back at child #3!). So, sometimes those initial discussions are meaningful, and your mind was made up years ago! All I know is no matter how much "planning" you do, it's sometimes out of your hands! Good luck to you!

 

[Honeystar120608]

I don't think you're being spoiled, or unappreciative, or throwing tantrums or anything like that. You're being honest, and there is no shame in that! Kind of funny...my "number" when we first discussed kids was four. My husband's was SIX!! We have four, and he would have more if I could handle it - but both physically and mentally, I can't do it (I ran out of patience back at child #3!). So, sometimes those initial discussions are meaningful, and your mind was made up years ago! All I know is no matter how much "planning" you do, it's sometimes out of your hands! Good luck to you!

hehehe, holy smokes! I ca't even begin to imagine 4 kids, before I had kids I could. But not now! That is my new frame of mind. I trust that if I feel so strongly about it, that it will happen. Not by pressure with dh or anything, just be the grace of God when my family is ready, it will happen. However, being on bc pill doesnt help, and this is what plays on my mind. I feel like Im interfering with Gods plan, especially since I do have this feeling, by taking the pill. But since dh doesn't have this feeling in a strong way, I do it for him. I know the pill works, but I don't 'believe' in the pill. I do if you want to take it because you KNOW you dont want any more kids and can't handle it or something. But in my case, and for me, I just feel it's meddling with God's plans. But on the flip of the coin, I don't want 10 kids. lol

 

[jakoky]

Hi ...i always knew i wanted three kids....after losing my first pregnancy at 28 weeks, i went on to have a dd, ds, and dd...(after complicated pregnancies and a m/c, and my youngest spent her first 2 months in a hospital having surgeries and a preemie)...anyways....I love having 3, but here's the catch, now i would love a 4th and my kids are almost 18, 15 and 13 ( i am only 39 )...well, of course my dh had the big "V" when my youngest was one, so we arent having anymore...i am not sure for me the feeling to have another will ever go away...i so miss the baby days..i do a LOT of babysitting, and try to get my fix that way, but it doesnt work...

I must say, i do feel for you...i hope you and your dh can continue talking about this and maybe one day

As for those who say that at DW you need two rooms (yes it true) my best advice, start going to DL...NO problems putting 5 in a room there ...Good luck and will be thinking of you...as others have said, i am now waiting on grandchildren ..i keep telling my almost 18 year old daughter that i would like some within 7 years and all she does is laugh at me....
sharon

 

[TheRatPack]

I wanted 2 when we first got married, now I have 5 LOL Although 3 of those are adopted....they still are OUR children. I understand about the mixed signals from your husband though...mine was all for adoption and then 1/2 way in to the paperwork he started saying "just drop it, this is just too stressful".....then he'd get back on board and we'd move forward. It took years for us to complete all that paperwork LOL

 

[SLK1]

Hi ...i always knew i wanted three kids....after losing my first pregnancy at 28 weeks, i went on to have a dd, ds, and dd...(after complicated pregnancies and a m/c, and my youngest spent her first 2 months in a hospital having surgeries and a preemie)...anyways....I love having 3, but here's the catch, now i would love a 4th and my kids are almost 18, 15 and 13 ( i am only 39 )...well, of course my dh had the big "V" when my youngest was one, so we arent having anymore...i am not sure for me the feeling to have another will ever go away...i so miss the baby days..i do a LOT of babysitting, and try to get my fix that way, but it doesnt work...

I must say, i do feel for you...i hope you and your dh can continue talking about this and maybe one day

As for those who say that at DW you need two rooms (yes it true) my best advice, start going to DL...NO problems putting 5 in a room there ...Good luck and will be thinking of you...as others have said, i am now waiting on grandchildren ..i keep telling my almost 18 year old daughter that i would like some within 7 years and all she does is laugh at me....
sharon

I met a guy today who has a 23-year-old, and his wife (age 49) wants another one!!!!! Yikes.

If you need a baby fix, I would recommend spending an afternoon with my little beast (yes, I love her but man, oh, man she is a toughie), and that will be all the birth control you will need!!! It's a good thing she's cute!

 

[sk!mom]

I'm sorry, I went back to make sure I wasn't reading you wrong...which I wasn't... and this stuck out to me. You seriously believe that you often don't get everything you want? Trully? I am sorry, but to me, everything I wanted I have got. ...

He is the only one that can trully make the situation into anything or nothing. In any direction I will be fine, the not knowing drives me bonkers.

Maybe that's your problem. You've gotten everything you've ever wanted and are now being told, no.

Seriously, you seem to be getting very defensive with anyone who says anything except- poor you.

In you're OP, you stated that your DH has said, no, many times despite your "crying, ignoring, and yelling". Yet you refuse to believe that he means it because you know better- You honestly believe that he doesn't know his own mind or that you know it better.

As far as whether or not you're having a fit or acting spoiled, I think that many people would consider the behavior that you described to be childish. I'm not putting words in your mouth, you said, "crying, ignoring, and yelling." Those aren't typically adult ways to handle an issue.

I could completely understand the desire to have another child and the difficulty in making the decision just not the way your handling it and treating your DH.

 

[SLK1]

Maybe that's your problem. You've gotten everything you've ever wanted and are now being told, no.

Seriously, you seem to be getting very defensive with anyone who says anything except- poor you.

In you're OP, you stated that your DH has said, no, many times despite your "crying, ignoring, and yelling". Yet you refuse to believe that he means it because you know better- You honestly believe that he doesn't know his own mind or that you know it better.

As far as whether or not you're having a fit or acting spoiled, I think that many people would consider the behavior that you described to be childish. I'm not putting words in your mouth, you said, "crying, ignoring, and yelling." Those aren't typically adult ways to handle an issue.

I could completely understand the desire to have another child and the difficulty in making the decision just not the way your handling it and treating your DH.

I didn't take the OP literally...probably an exaggeration of her responses to her DH.

 

[mom2princessj]

I think for men, they often feel the burden (especially if they are the only working spouse) and ofcourse a child is a joy but also a financial responsibility and let's face it children are definitely not cheap! As I said to you in my first post...its all about coming to a mutual agreement. I mean for me he was saying NONE whatsoever. I would have never married him (no matter how much I loved him) if he had told me he had no intention to have children because I knew that children were important and I at least wanted 1. Because he did finally 'give in' so to speak (and we had many at length discussions) so for me because he met me in a compromise I was willing to say...ok he changed his mind and decided he didn't want kids so he's doing this for our relationship and for me now I will say ok if she's all you want then that's all we'll have. I was high risk and after 2 m/c and a difficult pregnancy with dd I was ok being done. He was amazing with her as I knew he would be and truly he let on it was more about the state of affairs in this world that he didn't want to bring children into more than not wanting to have them at all. He still worries all the time about what kind of world will be left for our children to live in but I know he wouldn't trade either of them for the world.

While I can't share the feeling you have I can appreciate that you have a feeling of incompleteness and the yearning for another child. I'm sure its a struggle for you that you feel this way knowing your dh doesn't share the same feeling. I really think though that shelving the idea for now and maybe revisiting later will be best for you and dh. I think its probably a good solution for now and maybe he'll come around to the idea and if not, I think you have to respect that (however difficult it may be) and take your blessings as they are. When I was pregnant and complaining I tried to remember my time sitting in the infertility clinic talking to all of those people who would give their right arm to be in my situation. Some of them were on their last IVF attempt, others had taken all the $$ they had to have just one child. While that doesn't minimize how you feel in the least just remind yourself that while you'd love 3 some people aren't even blessed with one and you have two so try and take that approach and see if it helps at all. I'm in no way trying to disrespect you or how you feel. Just trying to give you some perspective. Life is short and full of twists and turns...you never know what the future will hold for you. Maybe you'll be in a better financial situation and a bigger house and dh will be more comfortable having another. You are still young and have a few years to work with. Best of luck and keep focusing on disney...what a great time you'll have as a family on your magical vacation!!!!

 

[EllaDisney]

I feel the same way! I had a 3 year old and married a guy with a 5 year old, so we started our family off with two girls already. We got pregnant soon after and had another girl last September. She's only 6.5 months old and I am talking about the next baby. I know that with me, I'm only 24 years old and I never ever thought that I would be done having kids at this age. It makes me really sad to think that she was our last baby. She has Down Syndrome and a heart defect and we knew this the whole time during the pregnancy so I was very worried about her. She was born healthy, other than the heart defect and had open heart surgery at 11 weeks old. Now that she's healed and healthy, I definitely want another baby sometime in the future, probably when she's 2 or so. I want to experience having a baby inside of me, picking out names, dreaming about him or her! I've always wanted 4, so it would be perfect.

 

[jodifla]

OP, rf my husband were having heart issues and feeling very stressed, the first thing I would be doing is finding a job, even a PT one, to help take the stress off.

Sole breadwinners FEEL A LOT OF PRESSURE, especially more so now.,

And while many men feel compelled to say they want to have their wives at home, many would be better off physically and financially if their SO contributed to the family income.

I raise my child even though I work. All of us working moms do. Particularly once your kid are in school, there is time to get a job and keep yourself busy and connect with the adult world again.

Then, perhaps down the road, things will be clearer financially and your DH will want to have a third child.

For everyone who says "just have a baby, it will work out" I can show you two marriages where the husband WALKED after the baby was born, even when he agreed to the baby.

 

[Madzac]

I wish you the best of luck in coming to a resolution on this issue. It is such a tough one, as I know just how deep that longing can be. I have been very fortunate to have my DH on board in regards to family size(though my extended family was not), but my best friend's DH was not and I know how hard it was for them. The hardest thing in this whole issue is that a true "compromise" really isnt wholy possible. you cant have a "half" a baby. Essentially one person "gets their way" so to speak. I guess you have to do a lot of talking to figure out what you both can best live with as the years go by. Otherwise I think either choice can create a lot of resentment.

Good luck... I am one that is SO glad I went for that #3, he is the light of our life!!!

 

[loveysbydesign]

I wish you the best of luck in coming to a resolution on this issue. It is such a tough one, as I know just how deep that longing can be. I have been very fortunate to have my DH on board in regards to family size(though my extended family was not), but my best friend's DH was not and I know how hard it was for them. The hardest thing in this whole issue is that a true "compromise" really isnt wholy possible. you cant have a "half" a baby. Essentially one person "gets their way" so to speak. I guess you have to do a lot of talking to figure out what you both can best live with as the years go by. Otherwise I think either choice can create a lot of resentment.

Good luck... I am one that is SO glad I went for that #3, he is the light of our life!!!

I have to say that our #3 is the light of our life too!!! I love them all equally but when the older 2, almost 10 and 6 1/2 are having their issues it's so nice to have a sweet toddler to hold!