OT: Whats with kids not wearing hats

[jeepgirl30]

UGH. DH just called and screamed at me. I'm a horrible mom.

DD7 is going through a phase where she flat out refuses to wear a hat. She has "lost" 3 since Dec. She doesn't zip her coat, etc.

I drop her and DS5 off at daycare in the am, the bus picks her up and drops her off and i pick them both up on my way home from work.

DH was off early today and picked them up. DD did not have her hat. DS apparently did not either. Now DS did have a hat this am but who know what happend at daycare. Also, for pick up and drop off I pull right up front and run them in.

It was 4 degrees this am. DD was told several times to zip up and pull her hood up. Now I know I'm the mom and she is the kid but I work full time, do ALL the cooking/cleanning, shopping, homework help, etc. last night was crazy because DD is a bit behind in school so every night we have extra work. DH needed clothes ironed and DS need his time also. Of course no time for mom but thats the norm at night.

Sorry for the vent but I feel like a bad mom on a daily basis because I do work and am always feeling like i'm 5 min behind and rushing them through everything. So i'm a bit ticked at DH for calling me on it all.

Not to mention feeling like crap because YES they should have had hats on.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Eh it happens. Don't beat yourself up for it. I do think though that the daycare needs to make sure the kids at least leave with what they came with. I would punish my kid if it was important to me that they wear the hat. Don't beat yourself up over it though. I sent my DD to preschool this morning with a hat on. At pickup they could not find her hat. This is not the first time either. I am sure I will get it next week. You are not the only parent out there with hat issues.

 

[MSSANDRA]

Hugs for you... There is no reason for your husband to yell at you..ever.

As for the hats. Sit the children down today. Explain that you are tired of fighting over the winter coat issues. Decide what the rules are and let them know. For example..a hat if under 20 degrees or what ever. Tell them that you will remind them once in the am as how they must be dressed. if they are not, no TV, desert or what ever that night.

Help the children to decide how is the best way to keep up with their hats. Tell them that you expect the hat to come home...if it does not, no tv deserrt or whatever..

Try to get some mommy time, relax and know spring will come.

 

[brergnat]

I agree about enforcing a rule about the hats/coats, especially given the age of your daughter...

Explain to her that she must wear a hat if you say so (you are the parent, and remind her of that). She doesn't have to like it, but if she doesn't comply, or if she "loses" her hat, take away a privilege.

Have a talk with your husband and let him know how stressed out you are. Remind him that he is a parent as well, and maybe HE should be the one to enforce the "hat rule". He shouldn't take it out on YOU if the KIDS break a rule. He needs to grow up too, if you ask me. Make him do his own ironing, for pete's sake. Unless he has no arms, there is no reason why he can't do that for himself.

Stop being a martyr. Take care of yourself, or you will have nothing left to give your kids or your husband.

I think a "family meeting" is in order in your household. If I were you, honestly, I'd go on "strike" and then let them see what happens when you stop doing all you do.

Hugs to you. Don't call yourself a bad mom.

 

[DevilDuckie]

If you work full time what in the heck are you doing ironing that man's pants? Does he have hands? Can he reach the ironing board? Let him do his own darned trousers! If both partners work full time outside the home there needs to be a division of labor inside the home or you need to call a cleaning service to come in once a week.

Screaming at you over something he is equally capable of addressing is not acceptable... no, wait, even if you had sent the children off to school with no hats and in flip flops, screaming at you would STILL be unacceptable. Just, no.

When we lost hats, gloves, backpacks, etc on a chronic basis Mom made us pay for the new ones. It was very effective.

 

[Mkrop]

If you work full time what in the heck are you doing ironing that man's pants? Does he have hands? Can he reach the ironing board? Let him do his own darned trousers! If both partners work full time outside the home there needs to be a division of labor inside the home or you need to call a cleaning service to come in once a week.

Screaming at you over something he is equally capable of addressing is not acceptable... no, wait, even if you had sent the children off to school with no hats and in flip flops, screaming at you would STILL be unacceptable. Just, no.

When we lost hats, gloves, backpacks, etc on a chronic basis Mom made us pay for the new ones. It was very effective. [/QUOTE]

Ye p DS10 just ruined another 8 pocket folder that they are required to have and THIS time I mad ehim get it out of his money and fill out the order form and everything.

 

[cigarboo]

Sorry, your DS is in the wrong for screaming at you. You've got plenty on your plate, juggling work and taking care of the kids and home. If you let something slip, it's a sign he needs to help you more, not scream at you. Just to let you know, 99% of the time, I don't have my kids in hats or gloves. I'm in upstate NY and it gets pretty cold here. They are out in the cold for less than 5 minutes where ever we go. Hypothermia does not set in going from the car/bus to inside of a building. I actually, don't even like hats because of all those occasional lice notice I get from school. Fuzzy winter hats just foster those little critters. Unless the kids are going to be out in the elements for an extended amount of time, I don't see a need for the hat. I can understand "hat hair." My DS7 just started to wear a hat(when he remembers), because he likes the attention he gets when all his hair is sticking up when he takes the hat off. That's probably not the look your DD7 wants.

Don't beat yourself up. I'm a stay at home mom and I'm always 20min late and forgetting things, the house is a mess and I don't cook, plus I almost never have my kids in hats and gloves, but they're happy and healthy. I have bad days too, but I'm trying my best and that makes me a FANTASTIC mom(my husband thinks so too)... so that must make you a SUPER, FANTASTIC mom. Don't let DH bring you down. Look at all that you do.

 

[CampbellScot]

Hugs for you... There is no reason for your husband to yell at you..ever.

As for the hats. Sit the children down today. Explain that you are tired of fighting over the winter coat issues. Decide what the rules are and let them know. For example..a hat if under 20 degrees or what ever. Tell them that you will remind them once in the am as how they must be dressed. if they are not, no TV, desert or what ever that night.

Help the children to decide how is the best way to keep up with their hats. Tell them that you expect the hat to come home...if it does not, no tv deserrt or whatever..

Try to get some mommy time, relax and know spring will come.

I was going to say the SAME thing. Set a boundary and stick to it. This is a health and safety issue and not something to bend on when children decide to be willful. Put that foot down mommy! Your daughter is old enough to know what she is doing and to recognize that she is being defiant. It's not acceptable!

My step son (who is 6) went through a very short phase of refusing to wear his hat/losing his hat/forgetting it at school on cold days. We told him if he came home without his hat firmly on his head and over his ears once more there would be a consequence. He "forgot" again...and after one night of no tv and early to bed...that was the end of the phase.

and like someone said above...spring will soon come! Hang in there...and tell your husband to BE NICE!

 

[WantToGoNow]

My kids have never worn hats and I buy gloves but they lose them after one or two times. I don't worry about it. My kids are healthier than many I see bundled up like they are going to the Arctic. My battle is making dd4 wear her COAT. She carries it most of the time. I talked to the pediatrician about it and he said not to stress - not wearing a coat won't make her sick -- it will make her cold - and that's her choice to make. We are in Ohio and it was -2 yesterday morning so we don't live in a warm climate.

Sounds to me like your dh needs to take on some of the responsibility of the home and children.

 

[kellyg403]

This is a battle that will be hard to win! My teen dd's are always trying to leave the house with a hoodie and a pair of flipflops in any kind of weather. Doesn't matter to them one bit because looking good and being "in style" is much more important! But, they also know if they mention how cold it was I will mention the fact that flip flops in the ice cold pouring rain usually equals being cold.

As for working full time and your dh...well. He shouldn't have yelled at you IMHO. As for ironing his stuff...I would be the one to take his stuff to the cleaners and let them iron it. Let him "forget" his pants once or twice since they are HIS responsibility and I bet he won't be so quick to be nasty.

I think you are a great mom. Kids are their own little people. They sometimes will try to get away with whatever they can get away with. If having the hat/hood is important to you, make some consequences and stick with them. They will also learn, everything is NOT your fault or your responsibility.

Kelly

 

[angeluna]

Just to let you know, 99% of the time, I don't have my kids in hats or gloves. I'm in upstate NY and it gets pretty cold here. They are out in the cold for less than 5 minutes where ever we go. Hypothermia does not set in going from the car/bus to inside of a building. I actually, don't even like hats because of all those occasional lice notice I get from school. Fuzzy winter hats just foster those little critters. Unless the kids are going to be out in the elements for an extended amount of time, I don't see a need for the hat.

I agree. My DS (7) has a hard enough time remembering to bring his jacket home everyday, let alone hat and gloves. I figure if he's just going to be out in the cold just a few minutes he'll be okay. However, if playing outside for awhile, then I make him put on more protection.

On another note, I drove by the high school this morning and kids were walking into school wearing shorts and t shirts. It's 35 degrees here for crying out loud. I know their mothers must be pulling their hair out.

Talk to your husband and let go of some things. I've been the martyr before and have to constantly not beat myself or the rest of the family up over my own expectations. We've all got to learn to take a step back every now and then. Life is short. Try to breath and enjoy the little moments. Hang in there. Dis loves you!

 

[XYSRUS]

Our kids were separated at birth. My fourth refuses socks, coat being zipped, hat, gloves...you name it. And he loves to be "first" in line in preschool and that means waiting outside in the cold...when it's -5! Everyone makes a big deal about it, but I don't. I say pick your battles. And I'd tell my husband to go pound salt if he spoke to me that way. Kids are funny and they're all different to beat the band!

 

[graygables]

I completely feel your pain about your DH; mine is the EXACT same way. I agree with the PP that he needs to step it up, but even though I KNOW that, it's much easier said than done. I heard somewhere that we teach people how to treat us, which has been an eye-opener. As far as him yelling at you, that is completely UNACCEPTABLE and you need to be calm-assertive (think Dog Whisperer) and tell him that you will not be spoken to disrespectfully from anyone. My hubby, while he's totally "mid-century" knows the quickest way to raise my feminist ire is to raise his voice at me.

My 11yo has sensory issues and will NOT wear a hat. I have a hood on her coat that she does sometimes pull up, but hats are a big, fat NO WAY. 9yo isn't thrilled about them, either. Granted, we homeschool, but we live in NE Ohio and they go out to play a lot. Sans hat. I agree with the PP who said they won't get sick. They will suffer the natural consequence of being cold.

With gloves/mittens, I get a length of ribbon that reaches from fingertip to fingertip, then I sew the gloves to each end and thread it through their coat sleeves. The gloves are never lost and they LOVE it. I've also known people to sew a clip to the glove and a ring to the coat sleeve, but mine like the ribbon thing (they get to pick 'cool' ones).

 

[Minniemouse07]

My kids only wear hats when they are outside for any length of time. Dd (6.5yo) has gloves in the pocket of her coat that she wears when her hands get cold. Ds (2yo) only wears gloves when we go out to play in the snow (like today!).

Both kids have really good parkas w/ hoods. I'm not worried about it...in fact I don't even think about the fact that they aren't wearing these things. To be yelled at for not putting a hat on a child... ludicrous!

Maybe I'm the odd mom though, my kids never wore/wear undershirts and in the summer ds is known to go to bed in only a diaper!

 

[collcass]

Someplace very hot would have to freeze over before my dd wore a hat, zipped up her coat or even put gloves on. Does it drive me nuts, yup, but I certainly can't glue them to herbody.

This isn't a new phenomenon with her and one of her brothers is following in her footsteps as far as this goes. I so feel your pain

 

[tjlovespooh]

I'm sorry you had such a tough night - your DH really shouldn't have yelled at you.
The hats sound like a big deal to the both you and your DH. Kids are very observant and when studying to be a teacher we were encouraged to lead by example. Do either you or your DH wear hats? If not (most adults I know don't), then perhaps your DD is just trying to display her ability to be "grown-up". Maybe you could sit down with DD and have a chat about hats and why they're important. Even if she still insist she doesn't want a hat, perhaps you could compromise and get a coat with a hood (not as constricting) or earmuffs/headband-wrap (sorry don't know the actualy term). If that fails you could always help her feel like she'd be setting a good example for her younger brother (in a way that makes her feel like she's the role model for him).
I have a young DS (2) and he still loves hats but I can imagine how difficult a time this must be for you. My niece(10) hasn't been wearing her jacket pretty much all winter. If she were mine, I'd freak but my sister isn't bothered by it at all (views it as a fad that will pass eventually). She and I have very different parenting perspectives though (hard to believe we were raised by the same parents ).

Good luck

 

[JacobsMommy11002]

I think I would very kindly tell DH that if he would like me to have the time and sit down and explain ahe importance of hats, etc, to the kids, perhaps he could iron his own clothes But that's just me...

Seriously, there is no reason to yell at you, both of you work. If he has a problem, he can step up and help rectify it.

 

[SmallWorld71]

I swear kids don't feel cold the same way we do. I teach 1st grade and we, the teachers, constantly have to remind them to zip up, get their hats etc... We were outside for recess recently on a sunny day and tons of kids kept asking if they could take their coats off. Yes, it was sunny, but it was only 40degrees. Anyway, as frustrating as it is, DD behavior is completely normal. Sorry your DH over reacted.