OT-What to do? Send preschooler to school or not?? HELP!

[weesignlanguage]

I am having a hard time deciding how I feel about a situation that came up tonight at home. Here's a little background:

My ds is going to be in a few weeks. I am a teacher and dh is a minister. DS stays at my in laws house M-Th, which is literally three blocks from dh's church. He has stayed there since he was a few months old. They love him dearly and take good care of him. We pay them $200.00 a month to watch him. His day usually consist of good lovin' from his grandparents, daily visits from daddy (sometimes even a trip to the store w/ daddy), playing games (hopefully some are educational) on the computer, watching cartoons (mostly spongebob....argh....I am not against sb but can't he watch something else???) and eating (lots...not always what I would feed him but..) so as you can see I have "some" isssues w/ his care but have always felt that for the good of my in law relationship that I should choose my battles unless I felt necessary. DS has two years (including this year) until he starts Kindergarten b/c his b'day is after the Sept. 5 cut off. Our original plan was to send him to preschool next year to prepare for school.

Till this occured...my mom called tonight and said that there was an opening in the 3 yr old class on M/W/F or a very good school in her town which is about 20 minutes from our home town. My nephew (who is 10 weeks older than ds and will be going to Kindergarten a year before b/c his b'day is before the cut off) goes to this school and is in the 4 yr. old class. he school is 9-1pm. Actually, dh and I had talked briefly about sending ds to this school this year but decided against it. There are NO preschools in our hometown that we would pay to send ds to...they are all kinda yucky. We know that we want ds to go to this school next year for sure. However, we mainly decided not to do it b/c we weren't sure what to do w/ son after 1pm. I teach in a town another 10 minutes from the preschool but don't get off till 3pm. DH is 20 miles away and can't get him every time. My mom offered tonight to let me drop him off on my way to my school in the morning, she would take him to and pick him up from school and keep him till 3pm. My parents would reallllly like for ds to take this opportunity to start getting some formal schooling. It only cost $135.00 per month plus I send his lunch/snack.

So, I presented the info mom gave me to dh. My proposal was that he continue going to in laws on T/Th and go to my mom/dads on M/W/F along w/ the new school. We would pay in law's $100.00 per month instead of $200.00 since they are only keeping him half as much. We would take the other $100.00 and put it towards the new school and really only feel a change of the extra $35.00 a month. No big deal financially. I actually think this is a great idea. However, dh is not as happy about the proposal. First he said, let's let him be a baby for one more year. He will change when he goes to school. Then he said he would feel sorry for his parents b/c they love him so much. I said they would still see him on T/Th. He really just couldn't give me a definitive reason for why he didn't like the idea and just kept saying we should just wait till next year and let him do it then. So, now I am torn terribly. I realize we do need to consider his parents' feelings b/c they have been awfully wonderful to us.

On the other hand, our ds is very intelligent, highly verbal and very active. He speaks like a 10 year old. I think he would blossom under some good instruction and social interaction. He needs to begin learning to cut, color, follow directions, learn his letters/numbers, write his name, etc. BUT he can learn it next year and is smart enough to pick it up then too.

So...from those who have had children in preschool and from those who had home care that maybe wasn't so academic, what do you feel would be the best decision? I really respect my dh and don't want this to be a point of contention between us. I really left the conversation tonight in his hands. I told him I thought it was a great idea but that if he didn't like it then we would do whatever he says is best. No questions asked...I just feel torn. Any advice on how to handle this situation?? Thanks!

Waiting for some great ideas! TIA!

 

[TinaLala]

okay..I have two girls. One went to preschool 5 days a week for 10 hours a day because both Dh and I worked tons of hours. She started going to preschool when she was 3yo. She was very outgoing, friendly and reading by the time she went to kindergarten. When she got to kindergarten, which was 1/2 day she was bored, but that's another story.

Other daughter stayed home with me. I sent her to preschool for two days a week for 2 hours. She's outgoing, reading, friendly and her first year in kindergarten was a breeze.

What am I saying to you? It depends on the child. Can you afford it?
Does the child NEED the social interaction? If he's sitting infront of the TV is he getting the learning - socially that he needs for a 3 yo?

Can he adjust to change? Routine is important, but he needs to have the daily schedule preschool will give him that will make him adapt to change easily.

I'm wondering if your DH is more worried about upsetting his parents then what is best for his DS. I'm sure he loves his son, don't get me wrong, but sometimes you have to do it. Trust me there were days I would drop DD off at preschool and she'd be crying - I'd be crying all the way to work, but when I would call preschool - she'd be fine - I'd be a mess.

Worse comes to worse you sending for a month and if he hates it no big deal, but don't make it a family issue. You don't want bad feelings - especially with your in-laws - over a decision you're making about your DS. He is your son.

 

[Alex&Evan'sMom]

Hello fellow Alabamian! First of all, I know how difficult it is to decide when to begin schooling. My baby is now 4 yrs. old and in the 2nd year of preschool. He went M/W/F last year(8a-12p) and is going M-F this year. He attends our church preschool so I know the people and that he is very well taken care of. Last year he did a lot of arts/crafts and started learning how to follow directions and be in a classroom setting. This year will focus on what he needs to know before he starts kindergarten. I know it's so hard to let your baby grow up but when kindergarten starts you'll be glad he has had some preschool(whether this year or next) because school is a lot different than it used to be. I also have a 7 yr. old 2nd grader and I am blown away with how much more they are expected to do than when I was in school many moons ago. I'm glad that you have 2 sets of supportive grandparents. Your son is obviously extremely loved!

 

[Karlzmom]

I'll offer my 2 cents, as that appears to be what you asked for....

My younger DS is 2 1/2. He is home all day with DH, so we have no daycare bills. Some of his friends are starting preschool, but we have declined. DH spends a bit of time each day on the "learning" in a playlike fashion and DS gets plenty of socializing with his playdates and being out and about with us [i.e. friends' houses, church, etc.]

It seems that your biggest issue is what your DS is doing all day. Perhaps offering your in-laws new "toys" in the form of books or developmentally appropriate puzzles, etc? When you consider there will no doubt be "issues" that crop up at whatever setting you place DS in [and it doesn't stop when they start school], I wouldn't be in any hurry to rush things. The time with his grandparents [who raised your husband and he survived, odd foods and all] along with your DH getting to be involved, by way of regular visits, is priceless....

 

[weesignlanguage]

See...you guys get it....I am torn sooooo much! I see the wonderful benefits of both!!

DS being w/ his g'parents and daddy is priceless...education is important...yeah...ds is not as "educated" as others who go to preschool...still...he is a VERY smart kiddo and I have no doubts that he will do fine w/ just one year of preschool under his belt rather than two.

Back and forth...back and forth...I cannot decide where to put my heart in this issue.

I do think my parents will be disappointed if we opt not to send him...but they will get over it. I am strong enough to tell them that I will go w/my dh's decision...still there is a part of me that thinks ds would love it.

Socialization is not an issue, his father is a children's minister so ds is with kiddos (although most are older) allllll of the time, including a few his age. I did buy some workbooks the other day from Barnes and Noble and have been waiting for the opportunity to talk to my mother in law about it....still...I don't know. Argh!

 

[mjantz]

First, let me state that I'm a preschool teacher so that affects my opinion.

Personally, I'd send him. You don't know that there would be an opening next year. My current workplace has a waiting list for every class every year. Also, as kids get older parents tend to send them more days so that kid who is only going T/Th may start going M/W/F & a M/W/F kid may start attending 5 days/week.
There's also so much that can't be duplicated with family members or playdates. Scheduling & transitions are a big part of what we do along with teaching responsibility for self & stuff. And yes, school does change them but that doesn't have to be a negative. Over the years I've potty-trained kids, helped them 'lose' their binkys, helped them learn how to get their jackets on by themselves & watched them become their own persons. These are all changes but I daresay they are positive ones.

Also, why doesn't your mom 'deserve' some time with your son as well? One of the reasons she may be suggesting the school is that she'd like some extra time with your ds. She may be a bit 'jealous' of the time your inlaws have been able to share with him & she'd like a bit of time too.

Just all food for thought.

 

[Aristomommy]

If it was my choice, I would probably send him to preschool. DS3 just started a couple of weeks ago and I am so impressed by how much they do every day. It's not just the academic stuff, but they do show and tell, computers, gross and fine motor play etc. I don't know how they fit it all into 4 hours. He is becoming a responsible young man and I think preschool is helping with that.

 

[mjkacmom]

Well, all of my kids had either 2 or 3 years of preschool, and I'm a SAHM. I didn't do it for academic reasons - one of the preschools was literally romper room, with not a pencil in sight. My kids LOVED it. I also took my kids to mommy and me classes, and had a couple of playgroups, so they were very well socialized. Are the IL's socializing him with other children? If not, I'd do it in a heartbeat - actually, no matter what, I'd do it, based on my experience.

It sounds like he's an only child? That's another good reason to have him around other children on a regular basis.

 

[PollyannaMom]

If it weren't for the family issues, I'd probably lean toward sending him to the preschool just to insure you could get in to the 4yo class next year.

BUT... what DH may not be saying is that his parents really need the money, and losing the $100 would be a hardship for them that he is embarassed to mention.

 

[lisadr]

I look at this from this angle.

When we were trying to decide whether or not to put my DD in preschool, I was really torn as well. I didn't want to let her go. She was my baby and my only one.But I also realized that she is very bright and I wanted her to be challenged mentally.But being an only child, I wanted her to be challenged socially as well(if not more-I was already doing lots of academic stuff with her). I wanted her to be around other children her age. I wanted her to learn to cooperate, and take turns, and share. Not that she didn't do this-but she didn't have a lot of experience with kids her own age-just adults.

I think the real issue is your husband (a lot less than his parents) can't let go. He is obviously very close to your son and is able to have a lot of interaction with him because of his job. So maybe the real issue is your husband is not ready to let your son go.

Maybe if you talk with your husband and your in-laws, you might be surprised to find out that they welcome the idea of a little break-not because they don't love your son-but because a young child takes up a lot of energy. And the person who is heart-broken is your husband.

Just my two cents-hope it gives you another side of the story to consider.

Oh, and I do want to note that I do see a difference in the confidence level my DD(now 7) has as opposed to her cousin who is 4 months younger, who did not go to preschool. My DD was much better prepared for school. And not just the classwork-self control as well.

 

[Temair]

I'd let him enjoy his life and keep him with the grandparents. Kids are only kids for 18 years then they become adults. 1 year will not change him from a rocket scientist into a garbage man. Also consider the money. I know that my budget can't afford and additional $35/month without having to cut something else out. Maybe it's better to save up over the year so you can afford it next year. Also check out walmart and the book stroes. There are many litle workbooks that start teaching kids thier letters, cutting and gluing. Perhpas your inlaws would enjoy doing a page a day with him. I'm all for keeping the kids home and enjoying the time with them. My DD stayed home till Kindergarten and is doing fine if not great. People are forgetting that until recently Kindergarten was optional and was created to get kids ready for 1st grade. Preschool was daycare for kids of working parents.

 

[DopeysMommy]

I say send him to school.

I have a 2 yo who has started a mini-program, and it is doing wonders. My 4 yo started at 3, and it was a great experience for him. Being with other children, forming friendships, is a skill to learn early, plus it helped us with potty training and other independent skills. And POD to the poster who said it will help secure a spot next year; at registration I was told my son didn't get the class I wanted, so I was making plans to attend another school. Lo and behold, they made the time work. Once they have you, they don't want to lose you.

I'm sure your ILs are wonderful, and you are not taking your son away from them, just expanding HIS world. It's about him, not them. Someone mentioned the $$ may be very important; they'll lose $100 per month, but gain 3 free days a week. If the money is that much of a hardship (which is all an assumption at this time) then maybe they need to look into a little retirement supplement part time job, also to fill up their time.

just my 2 cents.

 

[laughinplace199]

I'd send him. I think your solution of having your DS go to the in-laws T/Th, and your parents after school on M/W/F is a great compromise.

At this age, academics are not that important, but social skills are. He would probably really enjoy and benefit from being around other kids his age. It's a great opportunity to learn about sharing, taking turns, etc. as well as to develop friendships. My DD is 9 and she met her best friend in preschool. They've been inseperable since the day they met!

I'm not sure how it is with schools in your area, but at the school where my children go there is usually a waiting list to get in. If there's any concern that he won't get in next year as a new student, I'd send him this year to make sure he got a spot next year.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[bellebud]

It depends on your child. Will he easily adjust to the split week, going back and forth between your parents/school, and inlaws? From your post, it sounds like he'd be fine. But I can see where for some kids, that might be too much going on. We have our own business, so I worked from home when the kids were little, and they were either home w/ me, or in the pre-k class t/th from 9am - 11:30am. A very simple schedule. A friend of mine had to work, and her dd (same age as my dd), used to ask at 3yo every day a little anxiously "where do I go today???" because she went to a few different places, depending on the day (2 days w/ 2 different grandparents, 3yo pre-K for some hours, and maybe a day w/ a friend). She was really fine, but my friend always felt bad and couldn't wait for her to start 4yo pre-K (because it was part of a catholic school and it was 5 days a week, all day, just like K). But at least her dd was going to be in 1 place all week, and her dd liked that. But that was her dd's personality... other children could care less about being in a lot of different places, and they may even like it.

Both my kids (now 7 and 8) went to 3yo pre-k (and actually my dd started at 2yo because our cut-off date here in NY is Nov 30, and she's a mid-Oct baby). She LOVED it... so did my ds (who had only turned 3yo late July, so he was 'young' too, for a boy). They both still talk about their 3yo pre-K school, and miss it.

I think if a child can try 3yo pre-k, it's worth a shot. The ones who like it, usually LOVE it. There are a few kids who need a little more time before starting a school, but I think most kids really enjoy the experience.

Good luck deciding.

 

[Queen of 3 princess]

I would send him. I am a SAHM and I sent my kids to 3's preschool. Not for the acedemics, but for the social aspect. I could teach them what they would learn in preschool but I couldn't teach the social aspect. Think of how much more fun it will be for him to be with kids his own age. He will get to make new friends , play with all sorts of new toys, do art projects, learn songs , learn rules, circle times where he has to to sit still and pay attention. It's not everyday so he isn't loosing his "baby" qualitys but is gaining some independece. All my kids loved it and I bet if you give him a chance he will too. Just my opinion

 

[EthansMom]

I would send him. It's amazing to see how well kids learn to socialize well with their peers in a good preschool program. Plus, he would probably get automatic entry into their 4 year-old program instead of wait-listed.

And DS would have a good transition going from full time with the paternal grandparents to part time at preschool and part time with grandparents.

Barring any physical or emotional reason to keep DS out of preschool, I'd send him.

(Also, you might mention this opportunity to your ILs. Tell them that you think it's a great opportunity to get into a good program but that DH is concerned that their feeling might be hurt. You never know, the ILs might be happy to get a few days off each week!)

 

[LadyShea]

Hiya neighbor, I live in Bon Secour! DH and I were having a similar discussion just recently (for next year, DS is 2.5 now). We really have few preschools in this area, and those few don't seem to be good ones, to me. Which school is the one you're looking into near your folks?

Is your DH willing to try the school/new schedule out for a few months, just to see if it suits your son?

 

[robin09]

Just had to throw my 2 cents in here. I think it is a good way to start school. If all of a sudden you put him in 5 days a week, it might throw him a little. This way he still is with family and adjusting to school slowly. To me it is a win win situation... Plenty of family around

 

[3princesses+aprince]

I have not read the other posts, so not sure what advice you have been given so far.

I have 3 daughters. My dd9 did not go to preschool, my dd7 did go, and my dd4 is starting next week. I think preschool is a wonderful experience if the child is ready. My dd9 was not ready until she had no choice but to go to Kindergarten. My 2 younger dds LOVE it , they love school, this preschool is great!!
But, If I were in your shoes, I would let him stay with the inlaws for the rest of this year, and start him in the preschool next year. He will still have a year of preschool before K, so he'll still be off to a head start. I wouldn't feel it would be worth the tension between dh and I. When it comes to the kids, I always try to reach a happy medium between dh and I, or if one of us cannot agree on something, then we just don't do it. I don't do things if dh is against it when it comes to the kids, and I would be upset if he did that to me. I totally understand where you are coming from though, it seems like you are wanting what's best for your ds, and your dh is only thinking about his parents feelings. So I understand this is tough for you, but I would start him next year. Good luck in whatever you decide to do. I just really feel that if a husband and wife work together and agree on things together, it makes life a whole lot easier, when bigger things come up.

 

[kitsch4]

This is a tough decision for you! We did not have a choice, since we both work. My kids have been in daycare (and then preschool) since they were very little. It sounds like your husband doesn't want to lose his baby. He loves being able to visit him and spend time with him during the day, and he probably isn't ready to give that up. It sounds like preschool would give your son the best of all worlds. He would be able to play with kids his own age; spend time with both sets of grandparents; and still be able to hang out with daddy on the days he is with the inlaws. We had great experiences with preschool. It gave the kids a challenge and let them make some good friends while learning how to act in a school setting. Good luck to you!