(OT:)Todder food fights

[JJLJ]

Could anybody give advice on what to do when your almost 4 year old will not eat the dinner that you make? Tonight she refused the pasta meal that was made. I want to make one meal a night that will be eaten by all. She said she wanted Cheerios and we let her have that with some fruit just to get her to eat.

Should we force her to eat what was made? (She does usually eat pasta).
I know of friends and co workers who make one thing and send the kids to bed hungry if they do not eat what was made.

Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks

 

[bibbity bobbity boo]

Hah! I am going through this as well! DD will be 4 next month. Fun age, huh? I have decided that if she will TRY it and STILL doesnt like it then she can have something else...like a bowl of cereal. She seems to have an intense dislike of cream of mushroom soup, which I like A LOT and use in many recipes during the colder months! I can tell when she truly does not like something and I wont force her to eat it. I think part of me actually relates to her though, because I am a fairly picky eater.

This too shall pass...HOPEFULLY!

 

[Hannathy]

I refuse to make dinner into a battle! Personally I don't like everything and think it is unreasonable to think my child will like every food I do. If I know one of mine doesn't like what I am making I will make something else to go with it, Like my DS does not like fish but we do so when we have fish I make him a hot dog or we have Macaroni and cheese with it. If any of them don't like dinner they can make a sandwich or have cereal. I don't make 2 dinners but I also don't force them to eat what they don't like. I always think how would you like it to be forced to eat what you don't like and to dread sitting down with your family for a meal. I would rather have conversation and good memories.

 

[Twingle]

What has worked very well for me is that I make one meal for dinner, that the kids must have at least as many bites as their age (my son has seven bites, my girls have three bites). They have to give me some reason as to why they don't want to eat it - and because it's yucky is not an option! My son will usually say it's too salty, my one daughter it's too slimey, and my other daughter, usually something about the color it is. They're only other choice is to have pb&j. My kids aren't that picky, but when we do try new recipes they will usually fight it the first few times I make it, but they know that have to have xx number of bites.

As far as sending them to bed hungry, nope, not here. There were too many times as a child that I didn't like dinner, only to go to bed hungry and get it served to me cold for breakfast. I agree that the kids will not always like what I'm making for dinner, but they know that they have to try it, and then the can have the sandwich.

Good luck - hopfully it's just a phase!

 

[kandb]

I think to force your children to eat something they do not like is kind of sick. Sometimes it becomes a control issue and some parents just want to win the battle!!! Just say this to yourself, "when she's in high school, she'll probably eat the pasta with no problem"!!! She's probably showing her independence and wants to eat what she wants to eat. I don't think her behavior is inappropriate!!!

 

[rmjkharrisfam]

I've got a 4yr old too - I agree - what a fun age....We have the same food fights. Our new rule is he has to try every food on his plate. If he really doesn't like it he gets pb&j. Usually he takes 1 bite and decides he likes it. I don't send him to bed hungry either - he's too skinny to miss a meal!

 

[MSSANDRA]

Been there done that!! What I did most of the time was make sure that there was some part of the meal that I knew he would eat. Some times just a bowl of grapes or cheese on the table with a normal meat and veggie meal. That way it did not come across as him getting a special meal but I knew he had something to eat. Often with the comfort of some things he liked he might take a bite or two of what ever else might be on the table. Sometimes however if I had something I knew he did not like, veggie stri fry or something like that, I would make him a sandwich or mac& cheese to have for dinner. There are things I do not like too. He is Still at 14 somewhat picky but will most of the time try what ever we have but I will let him fix himself a sandwich or ceral after dinner if he is still hungry. We enjoy dinner together and refuse to use that time at a battle zone.

 

[Steph9072]

Our house rule is you must try a bite of everything on your plate. Taste buds change especially at such young ages. I make sure there is something with in the meal that everyone likes. Even if it is a big salad dd (6) will eat two whole dinner plates of salad. Believe it or not my 2 year old eats better than my 6 year old.

EDIT Oh and I am finding that if dd helps make dinner she is more likely to eat what is made. Even if she did not like it before. Ex. Last night I let her season the corn and she ate it without being asked. NEVER has happened before

 

[QueenGoblin]

I know I have heard/read that just like kid's hearing is more sensative than most adults', so are their taste-buds. So the food that is yummy to me actually may taste bad to my 4 year old. I know there are foods I enjoy today that I actually remember tasting bad to me as a kid. I've also heard that kids avoid green foods because it is hardwired into our brains that green foods are under-ripe or poisonous and we only get over that instinct with time/experience. So I guess sometimes it isn't just a battle of wills (though I am sure that is often part of it too!)

I do the same things that have already been mentioned. I ask my DD to try something if it is new and then I let her eat what she wants if she doesn't like what DH and I are eating. This usually means cereal and yogurt. I don't worry too much b/c she will eat pretty healthy foods on her own.

 

[debster812]

Food can be SUCH a hot button, control type issue.

I've been there, done that, with DS, who is now 9YO and starting to REALLY expand his culinary horizons.

I remember when he was about the same age as the OPs child, we were at his well child checkup. His PNP was talking to us about his eating habits. Did she wish he would eat more fruits and vegetables? ABSOLUTELY. Was he wasting away from living on mac n cheese, pasta, pizza and chicken? NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT. She prescribed a chewable multi-vitamin with flouride (we also have crummy water in town), and told us to keep trying.

He'll now eat shrimp, scallops, carrots, green beans, baked potatoes, steak, hamburgers, with his old favorites again.

As someone else said, this too will pass, and I found by us not making a big deal out of it, it kept everyone happy.

Don't like what we're having for dinner? Have a bowl of cereal, some peanut butter toast, cheese and crackers. And if he goes the occasional night with no dinner, that's not the worst thing to happen either.

Good Luck!

 

[JacobsMommy11002]

I boil a box of pasta a week, and keep it in the fridge. I serve the kids what I make for dinner every night, and if they refuse it, thy get the pasta.

 

[mericletwins]

Could anybody give advice on what to do when your almost 4 year old will not eat the dinner that you make? Tonight she refused the pasta meal that was made. I want to make one meal a night that will be eaten by all. She said she wanted Cheerios and we let her have that with some fruit just to get her to eat.

Should we force her to eat what was made? (She does usually eat pasta).
I know of friends and co workers who make one thing and send the kids to bed hungry if they do not eat what was made.

Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks

Around that age 3 or 4 we started with they ate what was served and then got dessert if they wanted or they didn't eat and they didn't get anything till breakfast the next morning. It didn't take long for them to get with the program. If they only eat part of their dinner and then say they are full, then they still don't get anything till the next day. Our kids are now, pretty good eaters that eat a variety of things. I refuse to battle. Eat it, if you don't want to that is fine, but that's all you'll get till tomorrow. I say it calmly and I refuse to get pulled into the drama.

Edit: I do make sure that there are parts of the meal I know that they'll like. i.e. If they don't like the meat, they have the option to eat more of the veggies or vice versa. We usually have 2-4 different side dishes so they need to find something in there that they like or they will go to bed hungry. We do refuse to let them have an alternate dinner. To me, this is outrageous.

 

[ilovejack02]

I boil a box of pasta a week, and keep it in the fridge. I serve the kids what I make for dinner every night, and if they refuse it, thy get the pasta.

Thats awesome! Ill have to remember that.

I usually try and make something he likes, and if i know im making something he hates ill just whip up mac and cheese, put some ham and grape tomatoes in it and he is happy. I dont put up with liking something one day and hating it the next though. The other day he told me he hated eggs after he asked for them which is total BS... he has eaten eggs like a champ since a yr old, he was just trying to control me. He was told, no eggs , no tv. He ate the eggs lol.

 

[bumbershoot]

My boy isn't quite 3, and we haven't had any overwhelming problems yet.

However, I'm the oldest of 5, and there are two family units in that (2.5, really, since my half-sister was born 10 years after her next brother), so I've been able to watch a variety techniques.

The forcing techniques turn out the worst, IMO. Food Wars are ugly for the rest of the family. With DH's experience, Food Wars turned him into a food sneak, eating what he WANTED to eat secretly, on top of what he was FORCED to eat. I'm sure you can guess he's got a weight problem.

My half-sis, the youngest, still won't touch anything but chicken nuggets and fries, and she's 12.

The other two, eh, who knows what those young men eat, but there were YEARS of sitting at the dinner table for hours and hours, just utter misery for the rest. (especially since full brother and I were *visiting*, not wanting to deal with arguments, just wanting a nice time)

Making them go hungry wouldn't have worked; they would have just snagged the food they wanted the next day (my dad and stepmom are tall; those kids could reach anything from very young ages). For my full brother, it wouldn't have worked, that boy could go hungry for a LONG time, and he would NEVER cave in.

My full brother only branched into "green food" once he was married, and that only means mom's homemade pesto on pasta. Since she's gone now (7 years today), no more pesto.

Interestingly, I'm the one that was the peacemaker, I would eat my brother's potato when he refused (and my mom went out of the room), I was the one punished by proxy, of having ALL the attention going to the non-eater, today I'm the vegetarian in the family, with various food aversions (during pregnancy it was AWFUL). But I have NEVER made my adult food decisions a problem for any of the rest of the family, unlike their annoying demands and my parents' obnoxious insistences that they eat what was on their plate!


So try to think "big picture", rather than just of today or tomorrow.

Oh, also, I have environmental allergies, and some of my problems are foods that I HAD to eat as a toddler (the family of me and my full brother were in near poverty for years, so the chickens were for eggs and we couldn't waste food), even though I didn't really like them (and wouldn't have eaten if I weren't a peacemaker). Left to my innate responses to foods, I likely wouldn't have eaten those foods.

So I think there's an innate allergy-avoidance in small children, when they refuse to eat things, and I feel that that is worth listening to, rather than forcing the current opinion of "nutrition" on a balking child.

 

[bookgirl]

This is not a battle I choose to have with the nephews when I have them.

I've got one very picky eater and one somewhat picky. We just make sure that somewhere in the dinner mix is something they'll eat (they both like protein-chicken, steak, pork, fish but one is a no veg kid and one is a veg kid, and they both like bread), every once and a while we have nothing they like so we just plan to have a can of chef boy ardee or some chicken noodle soup or fish/chicken sticks handy. I won't make a complety different meal but I also know that as a kid who was picky (still am) that there are some kids with texture/smell/visual sensitivities and I'm not having a war over whether or not to take 3 min and have an alternative for the kids.

Plus they usually have a bowl of cereal before bed so I don't worry if they really don't eat dinner.

My brother is like me, however thier mom is the type to run through two or three different drive throughs and fix every kid a different meal. That I won't do.

 

[Stephres]

Ugh, my almost five year old is the same way and I am trying to gradually wean her off the separate meal for her. I usually give her one part of what we are eating and sides that I know she likes, like fruit and wheat bread. They are so challenging at this age and I think their growth is so sporadic that they are really not as hungry as we think they should be. My seven year old eats twice as much as she does, so I think he must be about to go through a growth spurt. Hopefully when she goes through hers, she will eat more.

Good luck!

 

[JJLJ]

Thank you to everyone for their input. We appreciated hearing your thoughts.

 

[RachaelRol]

OP,

I have to say my worst parenting moment was forcing my DS, now five to eat. A couple of times when he was about 4, I did the open your mouth thing and fed him 4 extra spoons of food. He'd cried or throw up, etc. It was just horrible. I felt terrible, he felt terrible, DH was angry. Dinner was the worse part of the day. After the second time this happened I stopped. I apologized to DS for bullying him into eating.

Since then he has to try what I make, but if he doesn't like it or doesn't want much of it fine. If he eats five spoons I'm happy. I'll make him a sandwich, some cereal or a bagel before beds with some milk. It really isn't worth the fighting and turmoil it causes.

Something to remember too is that thier stomaches are small and can be filled on very little. Stick to one meal and be okay with making a sandwich or preparing a bowl of cereal later. Don't let her go to bed hungry and avoid the fights. I had to learn this the hard way...

Rachael

 

[SmallWorld71]

Hi, Try not to worry too much. As my mother told me when I had kids, "They won't let themselves starve." That said, I try to have at least one thing at each meal that DD4 will eat. Sometimes that just means opening up some canned pears or carrots. (Even if she likes everything she will usually focus on just one thing anyway.) Also, she eats a lot in the morning and afternoon and frequently picks at dinner. Many little kids are like that - they don't space out their eating okay and that is fine. If she says she's hungry but won't eat what you are having, I don't see anything wrong with giving her cereal. It's when you start giving kids cookies and doughnuts just so they will eat something that you have a problem. Good luck. And, try to enjoy each other at the table. It'll mean so much more in the long run.

 

[belle&beast]

DD5 will eat ANYTHING but DS3 is becoming very picky. Our rule is that he has to take 3 bites of everything on his plate and if he doesn't like it then he can have the stand-by peanut butter and jelly sandwich (which is always his request at any meal.) If we are having something that I know he does not like, I make him the sandwich. The 3 bites seems to be working and he is expanding what he will eat.