OT: The Birds and the Bee's...

[Nancyg56]

I thought my 3 year old understood that he'd have a new brother or sister. Three days after the baby came home, my son asked if we could return him to the hospital now.

 

[txgirl]

The other extremely difficult question (especially for girls ) was "where does the baby come out?" This one is still disturbing for me sometimes and I am a grown woman with three kids!!!!

 

[Nancyg56]

The other extremely difficult question (especially for girls ) was "where does the baby come out?" This one is still disturbing for me sometimes and I am a grown woman with three kids!!!!

Me too!!! I don't know what my DD told my DGD (avoid these discussions like a root canal ) but my DGD just had another pony pop out of the top of her shirt...

 

[txgirl]

pop out of the top of her shirt...

IF ONLY IT WERE SO EASY!!!

 

[Nancyg56]

IF ONLY IT WERE SO EASY!!!

I know, but it works for her

 

[rt2dz]

I have to say I like this thread. We have a brand new baby (why so tardy on replying) and my DS4 asked how the baby got in my tummy. I chickened out--it just caught me so off guard. I told him that when God decides that it is time to have another baby in the family, God puts a baby in the mommy's tummy. I had a lot of trouble getting pregnant with DS20 months, so to me that seemed very honest and good enough of an answer.

When he asked how the baby got out, I explained a c-section to him (what I'd be having), but told him there is another way too. That also was good enough for him. I know there are books out there, don't know the title, aimed at preschoolers for explaining this. Maybe someone else can help with that? I had planned on sitting him down in first grade and reading the "Where Did I Come From?" book in first grade. I wouldn't wait until too much older, by that time they are getting much information from other kids and I'd want it to be correct and presented in a context I approve of.

 

[kkaisu]

With respect to peoples description to their children as adults having to be married to have baby... when my DD was in pre-school at parent teacher conferences the teacher told me how my DD got into a very loud arguement with another girl about how babies are born - the other girl was insisting that you had to be married and my daughter was insisting very loudly and very sure of herself that you do not ...I am not married and never have been so to my DD that made no sense at all for someone to tell her you have to be married to have a baby. I completly understand and respect your decision to tell your children this, just be prepared when they come home from daycare or school one day saying "well so and so's mom has never been married and she had a baby". I am guessing the other childs parent had some explaining to do that night. I understand why a parent would include this in the description. At my house I just used adults and in love instead of married, since it fit our family better at the time.

 

[tlbwriter]

Having a baby via IVF makes this so much easier. "When a man and a woman love each other very much, they go see a special doctor, and he takes a little bit of mommy and a little bit of daddy and puts it together to make a baby, and then he puts it inside of mommy to grow!"

 

[Disneyglobegirl]

The other extremely difficult question (especially for girls ) was "where does the baby come out?" This one is still disturbing for me sometimes and I am a grown woman with three kids!!!!

LOL - I got this one when DD was 5 - A neighbor was pregnant and DD asked how the baby comes out - i asked her what she thought and she said "Well you either throw it up or poop it out" LOL - I explained how the baby comes out and she then she preceeded to tell Daddy about it at the dinner table that evening. You should have seen the look on his face - LOL

I do think that it is important to talk and tell our kids when they ask but it is hard - I agree with the many mini talks instead of one big talk. I am so nervous for kids my DS age - he is in 6th grade and there is already a girl who is pregnant at his school in the 6th grade. It just makes me cringe.

 

[funcinderella]

The other extremely difficult question (especially for girls ) was "where does the baby come out?" This one is still disturbing for me sometimes and I am a grown woman with three kids!!!!

This is the one my four year old DD always asks. For me, it was easy. I had twins, and so had a c-section, so I tell her they made a little door in my tummy and pulled out the both of them. But I did also tell her that there is another way. I explained "it's like a poopy coming out but it comes out your goosh-goosh (our made-up word; just haven't gotten into the "correct" words yet) instead of your hiney." She was fine with that. But then she asked how do they make the door, does it hurt, etc. etc. I do keep answering her honestly. There has to be a plus side; after all, how many 4 year olds do you know who can pronounce "anesthesia"? (And know what it means too!

 

[Teresa Pitman]

I think it is really important to talk about this as openly and casually as possible. Kids are very good at picking up on parental discomfort and can easily get the message "they don't want to talk about this" - and then they go to other sources!

I always tried to think about how I would respond if they asked about any other topic. "How does the picture get in the TV?" for example. Well, I'd do my best to explain as fully as I could in language the child understands. Maybe with diagrams if I thought that would help. So that's how I responded to questions about sex.

Will they understand all of it the first time? No, but neither do they understand everything the first time you explain anything else (like manners, reading, how cars work, etc.). That's why you have to repeat things so often, or discuss different aspects.

My main goal wasn't to get every fact embedded in their brains. It was to make sure they knew that I was someone they could talk to about these issues, that I wouldn't be upset or flustered or brush them off but would give them (or help them find) accurate information. It worked well (my kids are in their 20's).

When my second son was 10, he asked me "I know how men and women have sex, but what do two gay men do? Or two lesbian women?"

Teresa

 

[txgirl]

it comes out your goosh-goosh

I'm so glad I wasn't the only one who held off on the "proper" terminology. FYI-we are in the world of "correct terms" these days but I miss the good ol' days of "the front part" and "the back part"!!!

My girlfriends staged an intervention when I was pregnant with my son and made me speak the word. You know the word.

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

I'm 25 and my mom still hasn't told me . . . about anything related to reproduction.

Don't worry, though, I've figured it out. (actually I read medical journals to understand how it all worked, because I didn't believe anything I heard in school)

That said, I think telling a 3 year old too much info will confuse them. I've always been a fan of the "when a mommy and a daddy love each other a lot, that love grows into a baby" explanation or some variation thereof. If only that were really the case more often. I don't know if I could pull that on my kids, especially if they have a kid in their class with 3 brothers/sisters all with different "daddies" or one who has called their mom's live in bf's "daddy" ( I know one kid who has called four different men "daddy" at one time or another.)

Anyway, I would think it over, make it as simple as possible, and only answer their questions- don't tell too much at once. I think t's more important to be available and open to daily questions- just like the kind I couldn't ask.

Good luck.

Oh, and buy some more ice cream . . . just in case.