OT: Telling kids about surgery

[Steph9072]

I am having a hysterectomy in June. I need advice of how much I should tell my kids. They both know Momma is very sick once a month. For ds I can say the doctor is going to fix Momma's boo boo so she isn't sick anymore. While Momma is in the hospital you will stay with Nunie (what the kids call my Mom) and Papa.

DD however will not be that easy. She is a soft hearted sole and worries about things to the point she makes herself sick. She does know about a womans cycle because my sister and I both started @ the age of 9 and I wanted Holly to be prepared not scared. So I know I have to tell her some detail but how much is too much? I was thinking of saying this :

You know how Momma is sick every month and God has blessed us with you & Sammy . The doctor is going to fix to where Momma no longer has a period so I won't be sick and grumpy every month. I will be in the hospital for about 2 or 3 days. Then Momma will be sore and sick at home for about a month. But after that I will be all better. I will add during that month we can have fun planning our trip to WDW and watching our favorite movies & TV show.

Then if she has questions answer them until she is satisfied.

Do you all think this is enough or should I be more detailed?

TIA

P.S. If you don't mind keep me in your prayers...I am scared to death but know in the end my life will be so much better afterwards. Thanks

 

[momofrrr]

I would keep it very simple and honest but not too childish. I always feel that they will ask the questions that they need answers to. Assure them that countless mom's have this surgery every day so that they are healthier and don't have other problems that could come along later. Reassure them that you will be your old self soon but that you will need a few days to get better and will need their help and lots of their love. There are lots of ways that they can help even if it is just to get you a cold glass of something to drink.

I will be thinking about you!

 

[poohguys]

I would say you are on the right track. I had same surgery last summer. DS was 7 at the time and we just told him that mom had to go to the hospital so that her stomache would not bother her any more and that she would need help when I came home for a while. He is an only child and very attached to me and dh.

I would say to have the kids visit you in the hospital maybe the day after your surgery just so they can see for themselves that you are fine.

DS was fine and was a big help when I got home.

Maybe you could see if the hospital has any kind of program for kids to show them the hospital. Kind of like they do when mom goes to have a new baby.

Good Luck. Don't worry too much about the surgery. Just think of how much better you will feel when it is all over

 

[disykat]

I would be careful about associating it with taking away your period, as if periods are something bad that need to be taken away.

I would say that your uterus is not working right and since you don't need it anymore the doctor thought it would make you feel better if he/she removed it. You'll be in the hospital a few days and when you get back they can help take care of you while you are recovering by....

My kids were older (11 and 13 I think), but the mistake I made was not thinking to have dh warn the kids what I looked like before he brought them to the hospital. I had a bit of a rough recovery at the start and still had IVs and oxygen when they first came in. They were prepared for the IV, but a bit freaked out by the oxygen and the fact that I just didn't look very good.

I'm sending out best wishes for a quick recovery. I have to add that, despite having a tougher than normal recovery, I'm so glad I had my surgery!

 

[Amy&Josh]

I would stop using the word "sick" once a month, once your daughter starts her cycle, she will think that she is "sick".... Simple put "I am having surgery so I will no longer have a cycle"...

 

[EthansMom]

My husband recently had brain surgery. We were honest and upfront with the kids but kept things in terms they could understand. We explained that "Dad's brain was too big for his head" and that was "what was giving Dad headaches". We also told them that "The surgeon was going to cut out some of Dad's skull to make room for Dad's brain and when it all healed Dad would feel a lot better". Also, we told them that "Grandma was going to take care of them for several days so that Mom could help take care of Dad while he was at the hospital".

Our DS7 and DD4 had no problem with any of this. DS7 made several comments about how he "couldn't wait for Dad to be better so they could play together". But they seemed to feel comfortable and confident, knowing what was going on and why.

I also sent in a note to DS's school to let the teachers/staff know what was going on in our household in case DS had any problems at school.

 

[61292cna]

Best wishes for a speedy recovery!!!

 

[ADisneyQueen]

I know this is not the same degree of surgery you are going to have, but I had my gallbladder out in Aug. and my younger dd (age 7 1/2) wanted to be the "nurse" when I got home. Before I left she made a nurse's hat and then she would bring me things on a tray like water or crackers. My DH would send stuff for her to bring me like the phone or a book. This made the experience less scary for her and she liked being helpful.
On another note- both the girls would get upset if they saw the scars on my stomach.

 

[pednurse]

I had my hyst when my DS was 7 and my DD was 3....so June of 2005. For my kids I basically told them that the place inside where the babies grow had stopped working right and was causing problems it doesn't normally cause, and that the doctor needed to go in and fix it. I also told them that they needed to not climb on my lap or push on my tummy for a few weeks afterwards (this took a lot of reminding & a lot of letting them climb up on the couch next to me for cuddle time since they couldn't sit on my lap). My DS was a great help once they returned from my parents' house (where they stayed for the first week after my surgery)....he vacuumed even! (OK, I had to relax my "standards" of clean, but he helped greatly!) I suggest you check out a website that really helped me out....lots of information as well as support from others going through the same thing (message boards like here as well) called hystersisters.com where you can find women from all over the US as well as from around the world who are going to have hysts or have had hysts (I made friends there from England & Australia as well as the US). Praying for a quick recovery for you!!

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Prayers and good wishes being sent your way!

 

[Steph9072]

I had my hyst when my DS was 7 and my DD was 3....so June of 2005. For my kids I basically told them that the place inside where the babies grow had stopped working right and was causing problems it doesn't normally cause, and that the doctor needed to go in and fix it. I also told them that they needed to not climb on my lap or push on my tummy for a few weeks afterwards (this took a lot of reminding & a lot of letting them climb up on the couch next to me for cuddle time since they couldn't sit on my lap). My DS was a great help once they returned from my parents' house (where they stayed for the first week after my surgery)....he vacuumed even! (OK, I had to relax my "standards" of clean, but he helped greatly!) I suggest you check out a website that really helped me out....lots of information as well as support from others going through the same thing (message boards like here as well) called hystersisters.com where you can find women from all over the US as well as from around the world who are going to have hysts or have had hysts (I made friends there from England & Australia as well as the US). Praying for a quick recovery for you!!

Thank you so much for the advice...I have joined hystersister I have read alot but not posted much. I love the spin you put on telling your little ones.

**********************************************************

Thanks to everyone else for the advice. I had not thought about putting a negative spin on the word period for dd. I have made a note.

 

[RN4Babies]

I had a hysterectomy in Dec. 2007, when dd had just turned 7. I, too, tried to avoid any negative connections regarding my period and never referred to myself as being "sick". I told her that I needed to have surgery because there was a part inside of me that didn't work right anymore. I made sure that my mom brought both of my kids to see me every day after school; it seemed to reassure them to see me vs. just talking on the phone.

I don't know if you're having a robotic procedure, having it done laprascopically or with a traditional incision. Mine was done robotically, and I was amazed at how fast my recovery time was. Remember that usually the day after the surgery is usually the most difficult day of all, and that you will feel a little better each day after that. You'll have so much relief and it's a joy to not feel cruddy every month!!

Trust in your doctors, be a good patient, and accept any and every offer of help that comes your way. Prayers and good thoughts coming your way!

 

[Steph9072]

I had a hysterectomy in Dec. 2007, when dd had just turned 7. I, too, tried to avoid any negative connections regarding my period and never referred to myself as being "sick". I told her that I needed to have surgery because there was a part inside of me that didn't work right anymore. I made sure that my mom brought both of my kids to see me every day after school; it seemed to reassure them to see me vs. just talking on the phone.

I don't know if you're having a robotic procedure, having it done laprascopically or with a traditional incision. Mine was done robotically, and I was amazed at how fast my recovery time was. Remember that usually the day after the surgery is usually the most difficult day of all, and that you will feel a little better each day after that. You'll have so much relief and it's a joy to not feel cruddy every month!!

Trust in your doctors, be a good patient, and accept any and every offer of help that comes your way. Prayers and good thoughts coming your way!

Hopefully laprascopically depending on wha they find. I have endometriosis and he said if from my MRI we know it is pretty thick so they may end up doing the traditional incision. I never thought I would be excited for a surgery but I can't wait not to fell bad every month .

 

[liznboys]

My mother had a hysterectomy when I was your dd's age. I knew that she was going to be in the hospital for a few days to have something taken care of, but knew nothing more than that. And I was satisfied with that. I didn't know until I was older exactly what she had done. I'm glad I didn't know more, I think I would have focused on it too much. Ignorance is bliss sometimes.

I am the type who thinks that kids don't need to have that much info...I think that can make things worse. I haven't gone through one myself, but I have had other medical procedures done (ones where I was worried about my well-being), and I would keep the brave face around my kids and make no big deal out of it. I would just tell them I'd be away for a bit and I'd see them when I was done. So yeah, I would keep it very simple and matter of fact. Say you'll see her soon and to have fun with her grandmother, focus on what fun things she'll do.

Best wishes to you!!

 

[mom2faith]

Obviously this is not exactly the same, but I just had a tonsilectomy before Christmas and DD was full of questions, and worry.

We prepared her that Mommy was going to see the Dr and told her the I was getting my tonsils out. DH showed her my tonsils with a flashlight and she was pretty impressed.

I did not have to stay in overnight, but when DH came to pick me up he brought DD so she could see what was going on and know that everything was OK.

For the next week - it was a long week - she was awesome. For 4 years old she was very mature and assisted DH a lot, stayed away from me and looked after me. She loved to take the flashlight and check out the scabs (I know gross, but she was impressed).

Obviously you cannot play Dr with your kids like I did, but I suggest you just let them know the bare minimum and then answer questions as they come. DD still does not know I was "put to sleep", but we would not have lied if she had asked. KWIM??

What is great about it is that she is excited to get her tonsils out too!! (She is on a waiting list) So, it prepared her for her surgery to know that mommy did it and that everything was OK.

Good Luck to you!!!

Amy

 

[mommytoone]

Prayers and good wishes,

 

[Aliceacc]

My sympathies and sincere prayers for your good health!!!

I had a mastectomy in September. To be honest, we told the kids as much as we figured they would understand. We were concerned that what they were imagining would be far, far worse than the reality. My 9 year old daughter had never heard of the word "cancer" until she was assured that my kind was the kind that was "fixable."

We also told our kids that we promised, we would answer any questions as truthfully as we knew how. As the questions have arisen, we have met them head on. So they knew the truth about my radiation. (Though we waited to tell them about the pregnancy scare during radiation. After we found out, thankfully, that I wasn't pregnant, we told only our 10 year old about the scare.)

My next door neighbor, who is a month ahead of me in the whole breast cancer spectrum, chose to tell her daughter very little. Obviously, I think that's a mistake, or at least it would be for our family. Kids have incredible imaginations. I don't want my kids worrying the next time I have a minor headache, afraid of what I'm not telling them.

We've joked a lot about my "heffalump." When I went in for Monday's reconstructive surgery, they knew what the doctor would be doing, and that I'm not allowed to drive or carry much for a while. (But I can shower tomorrow ) And the jokes have helped reassure them; if I can laugh about it, them mom's sure to be OK, right?

 

[WDWorBUST]

Not to hijack your thread....but does anyone know what to tell a 5 year old about mommy having a D&C? We didn't tell her about the pregnancy as a "precaution" and are so glad now....but it looks like I'm going to have to give in and have a D&C.....was hoping it would all happen naturally but now it's looking like I won't be given a choice..... It should be outpatient and I'd just not tell her anything....but I don't think I can pull that off. She'll have to know a little bit at least (that I went to the doctor, etc) But I don't want to scare her because I had 2 appts last week while we were trying to find out what was gone.

 

[Steph9072]

Not to hijack your thread....but does anyone know what to tell a 5 year old about mommy having a D&C? We didn't tell her about the pregnancy as a "precaution" and are so glad now....but it looks like I'm going to have to give in and have a D&C.....was hoping it would all happen naturally but now it's looking like I won't be given a choice..... It should be outpatient and I'd just not tell her anything....but I don't think I can pull that off. She'll have to know a little bit at least (that I went to the doctor, etc) But I don't want to scare her because I had 2 appts last week while we were trying to find out what was gone.

First my heart goes out to you I know how painful a m/c can be. Take care of youself the next little bit.

To answer your ?? When I had a m/c and d&c we told dss who was 3 1/2 at the time that I had a boo boo and the doctor was fixing it. We did that because we knew I would be sore a few weeks and he had to know a reason why.

Just a fare warning don't know if you have ever had a d&c before. Bu did not ut he worst part for me was the gas they us to move the abdominal organs out of the way. It will set in your chest and shoulders. I had my first one when I was 14 exactly 6 months after my Papa died of a heart attack and I thought I was having a heart attack. My advice to help with the gas put a pillow under under your knees you are resting. When your able to eat drink something like rootbeer or soda that will cause you to burp and do it. Sorry if I overstepped but this is something I truly wish somebody would have warned me about.

 

[Steph9072]

My sympathies and sincere prayers for your good health!!!

I had a mastectomy in September. To be honest, we told the kids as much as we figured they would understand. We were concerned that what they were imagining would be far, far worse than the reality. My 9 year old daughter had never heard of the word "cancer" until she was assured that my kind was the kind that was "fixable."

We also told our kids that we promised, we would answer any questions as truthfully as we knew how. As the questions have arisen, we have met them head on. So they knew the truth about my radiation. (Though we waited to tell them about the pregnancy scare during radiation. After we found out, thankfully, that I wasn't pregnant, we told only our 10 year old about the scare.)

My next door neighbor, who is a month ahead of me in the whole breast cancer spectrum, chose to tell her daughter very little. Obviously, I think that's a mistake, or at least it would be for our family. Kids have incredible imaginations. I don't want my kids worrying the next time I have a minor headache, afraid of what I'm not telling them.

We've joked a lot about my "heffalump." When I went in for Monday's reconstructive surgery, they knew what the doctor would be doing, and that I'm not allowed to drive or carry much for a while. (But I can shower tomorrow ) And the jokes have helped reassure them; if I can laugh about it, them mom's sure to be OK, right?

My Mom has just celebrated her 7th year cancer free. I will put you in my prayers that your treatments will be succesful.