OT-Teens and cell phones

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Okay...let me first say that I am pretty much a non-believer of allowing teens to carry cell phones all the time (only because they tend to use them when it is inappropriate or not necessary-during school hours or at home to chat with their friends). However, DD13 and DS15 are now at the point where they have the budding social lives and activities. I have found myself handing off my own cell phone to them when they are out with their friends, on trips with the recreation center or at school functions (dances, football games, etc.). I do this so that they can call me for rides home, to let me know they arrived safely, to check in and stuff like that-not for them to call their friends-and they don't.

I am ready to break down and get them phones (probably Disney or another type that I can monitor and limit its use of). I intend on only letting them have the phones when there is an activity or something where having the phone in their possession would be necessary (otherwise I will hold onto them). Because when they take mine, then I am left with nothing and tend to be tied to being home by the phone just in case (not to mention I get calls for my business on my cell phone sometimes). Anyhoo...DH is against cell phones for the kids PERIOD! However, he is not the one who is taxi service for the kids and it honestly would give me peace of mind if heaven forbid there is an emergency of some sort. Has anyone else with teenagers struggled with this issue?

 

[lcrane]

Hi,

Both of my Teenager have phones DD (15) DS (13), and it comes in handy they are so busy with all of the school activities plus on the weekends they want to go some where with there friends. It make it possible for me to keep track of them. Our Children are made to check in every hour, if they go somewhere different they are told to call to let us know, where they are going and with who and they must check in when they get there (it is a lot easer with cell phone). We start off with a pre paid and then after about 6 month we went with Verizon. Set down with them regarding the rules for the cell phones we did this with both of our kids and it seems to be going great. Good luck in what every way that you choose.

Lisa

 

[mamacatnv]

The age old dilemna - what to give them and when

My DS is 17 and has had a cell for 5 years.
When he first got it he was not allowed to use it except to keep in touch with us. However, he always had it in his possession - it was his responsibility to abide by the rules and to be accountable for it.

He had it taken away once in middle school because it was turned on and he got a call from a wrong # - I called the school and explained, they gave it back. It went to vibrate mode from that point on during the day.

2 years ago we added a limited text message plan
1 year ago I increased the text message plan
2 weeks ago I purchased the unlimited text message plan for him.

When I was 12 or 13 I would have lived on the phone if I had been allowed to. DS never ties up the home phone, never uses excess minutes because all he does is text and to date has never abused the priviledge of having his phone.

He is not allowed to talk while driving and I have tested him more than once.

Personally, I love knowing I can reach him and vis-versa at any point in the day. If I only gave it to him on "occassions" then I would not have been informed the time the bus left them stranded or the power went out at school and the kids were being sent home or practice was over early and he needed a ride or he went to a friends house only to find inappropriate behavior and wanted a ride home NOW.

We have a family share plan - 3 phones, 700 minutes and Unlimited Texting for about $120 a month.

DD 8 wants one - Nope, not until she is 12!

Good luck in whatever you do - it is hard to stick to your guns when all you hear is "but everyone........" They are your kids and you make the decisions for them.

 

[Darcy03231]

All of our kids have cell phones (DS-22, DD-19, DD-15½, DS-13½). We got them for them when they each turned 12 and went to middle school. At that age they began being more involved in after school activities and much more social. They were also walking home from school. I've found them to be invaluable in knowing where the kids are and what's going on. They've all been very good about not going over their minutes. Both girls have unlimited text messaging (which they pay for) so I don't worry about that either.

 

[devotedchristian]

I would ONLY get one as a Pre-paid...which is to be used in case of an *Emergency* or to let Mom or Dad know "Okay, you can come and pick me up now"

NOT just for talking on phone as an every day basis...*especially* if you have a land line.

My DH bought a very expensive phone for my SD(15) for a little over $200 bucks with UNlimited minutes AND we had a land line.

It was a Camera/Internet phone. She lost it within 3 days

 

[minnierocks]

We really struggled with this decision for DS, who is now 14...but he plays sports and I got really tired of waiting at the school for him to be done with practice or return from wrestling meets...The last straw was the night that I picked him up at 6:15, and he had been done at 4 PM!!! The coach left and he was stuck there with no way to call me.
They came out with a really good deal (DH works for Alltel) and we just couldn't pass it up. He "earns" it by keeping my van clean, inside and out. He also can lose it when he gets into trouble.
So now, we have DD (almost 12) who has been asking when she will get hers...
My answer..."When it becomes necessary!" To be honest with you...I love the fact that I can contact him whenever I need to and I am not stuck waiting for him constantly. Really, it's just too convenient for me...

 

[mjh8955]

Our son 16 has one, our daughter 13 does not. We got one for our son on his 16th birthday when he got his license. He knows that his minutes count toward our family minutes and he has not abused that at all. His phone remains off during the day at school (school rule, they give detentions otherwise, it can't even be set on vibrate - it has to be OFF). At night it is off and placed on the dining room table or on the charger; this way none of his friends can call and talk past bedtime (this is one of the primary reasons why teens don't get enough sleep). He does not have any text messaging privileges. When he goes anywhere he calls and lets us know when he is heading home, or lets us know of any change in plans. Being connected with him has allowed me to actually relax while he is at his part-time job at a movie theater, coming home after 11 at night. Just make sure you are clear about the rules, and what the consequences are for abusing the privileges. And we also bought him a stripped down model. He actually picked out a very modest model because he knew we wouldn't get him one with bells and whistles anyway... too many distractions!!

 

[F4disneyfan]

Okay...let me first say that I am pretty much a non-believer of allowing teens to carry cell phones all the time (only because they tend to use them when it is inappropriate or not necessary-during school hours or at home to chat with their friends). However, DD13 and DS15 are now at the point where they have the budding social lives and activities. I have found myself handing off my own cell phone to them when they are out with their friends, on trips with the recreation center or at school functions (dances, football games, etc.). I do this so that they can call me for rides home, to let me know they arrived safely, to check in and stuff like that-not for them to call their friends-and they don't.

I am ready to break down and get them phones (probably Disney or another type that I can monitor and limit its use of). I intend on only letting them have the phones when there is an activity or something where having the phone in their possession would be necessary (otherwise I will hold onto them). Because when they take mine, then I am left with nothing and tend to be tied to being home by the phone just in case (not to mention I get calls for my business on my cell phone sometimes). Anyhoo...DH is against cell phones for the kids PERIOD! However, he is not the one who is taxi service for the kids and it honestly would give me peace of mind if heaven forbid there is an emergency of some sort. Has anyone else with teenagers struggled with this issue?

Well my kids are younger but they will not have cell phones until they are working and can purchase the phone and pay for the service on thier own. There are plenty of pay phones around if they would need a ride home or to call for anything just make sure they carry some change with them. There really isn't a need for a teen to have a cell especially if they aren't payng for it on their own. Hell the wife and I hardly ever use ours LOL we call it our electronic leash and it normally sits at home on the microwave I think we have taken it with us one time in the last 2 months. We only ever take it with us if we will be driving someplace that is over an hour away otherwise we usually leave it at home.

 

[mamacatnv]

There are plenty of pay phones around if they would need a ride home or to call for anything just make sure they carry some change with them. There really isn't a need for a teen to have a cell especially if they aren't payng for it on their own. .

There are not plentiful pay phones everywhere. They are few and far between where I live. The old "don't leave home without a couple of dimes for a phone call" that was my parents motto no longer holds true in many areas. yeah, I know, I'm old!

It is a 7 mile drive to DS's high school and there is not a single pay phone between here and there. The high school does not have pay phones anywhere on the campus. Between our house and his school he can go stretches of a couple of miles where there is nothing, no homes, businesses or anyplace to call from. He slid off the road in the snow this year and if it hadn't been for his cell phone he would have had a 3 mile hike to the nearest place where he could have called to say nothing of his car being half on the road and half in the ditch. His cell phone allowed him to call us and we were able to go pull him out and still get him to school on time.

 

[F4disneyfan]

There are not plentiful pay phones everywhere. They are few and far between where I live. The old "don't leave home without a couple of dimes for a phone call" that was my parents motto no longer holds true in many areas. yeah, I know, I'm old!

It is a 7 mile drive to DS's high school and there is not a single pay phone between here and there. The high school does not have pay phones anywhere on the campus. Between our house and his school he can go stretches of a couple of miles where there is nothing, no homes, businesses or anyplace to call from. He slid off the road in the snow this year and if it hadn't been for his cell phone he would have had a 3 mile hike to the nearest place where he could have called to say nothing of his car being half on the road and half in the ditch. His cell phone allowed him to call us and we were able to go pull him out and still get him to school on time.

Wow that must suck because there are payphones on almost every corner in our city and all the schools have tonnes of payphones and there is alays somone in the office till all the kids are gone if there are activities so they can get in to call from there if they have no change. This is for our public schools from JK to grade 8 even our highschools have rows of payphones.

 

[minnierocks]

There are no payphones here either...
We have brand new schools (K-12 campus) and not a payphone anywhere in the buildings...
We felt that a cell phone was the best option for us...DS is not a phone talker and really just uses it to communicate with us. For our family, it works...for others, it might not. I love the peace of mind it brings

 

[mamacatnv]

Wow that must suck because there are payphones on almost every corner in our city and all the schools have tonnes of payphones and there is alays somone in the office till all the kids are gone if there are activities so they can get in to call from there if they have no change. This is for our public schools from JK to grade 8 even our highschools have rows of payphones.

I think with the prevalence of cell phones (at least in our area) that the cost of upkeep vs. actual usage of payphones has caused their decline. I was in San Francisco recently and even there we didn't see many.

As for the schools, the office is usually closed within a 1/2 hour of classes being let out but activites for the HS will go on into the evening, the middle school has sports going on with the office closed and not much goes on at the elementary except the afterschool program and they have their own phone line.

 

[F4disneyfan]

I think with the prevalence of cell phones (at least in our area) that the cost of upkeep vs. actual usage of payphones has caused their decline. I was in San Francisco recently and even there we didn't see many.

As for the schools, the office is usually closed within a 1/2 hour of classes being let out but activites for the HS will go on into the evening, the middle school has sports going on with the office closed and not much goes on at the elementary except the afterschool program and they have their own phone line.

Wow that is crazy I would be talking to the school board about that as they should have pay phones for the students to use.

 

[swillis]

We got my DD a cell phone when she turned 12. I guess we must have drilled the rules into her so much that she is afraid to use the darn thing! I have to make her bring her phone with her when she leaves the house!

She keeps telling me that she is so afraid she will lose it and we will be upset with her, but I finally put my foot down the other day when she told me to pick her up from school at 3:30pm. Well apparently she really meant 4pm, so I ended up sitting there for 30 minutes! If she had her phone with her then I couldve called and said "Where the heck are you?"

Anyway... cell phones are a way of life now. I finally told my DD that she is not allowed to leave the house without a fully charged cell phone. Just the way my mother used to tell me I couldn't leave the house without .10 cents for a pay phone call! It's a safety thing, and we don't have many pay phones around here anymore.

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

We gave my oldest a cell phone when we was 11/12. He was involved in many sports activities and I had a my daughter when he was 10 1/2, so I hated sitting around waiting for practice to end or waking her up from a nap to go pick him up only to find out the coach decided practice should last another hour, etc. He was the first kid to get one in his school. Parents told me I was nuts - I really did it for our own convenience (I'm going back 6 years).

When one of his friends collapsed on the field, my son was the only person who had a phone - even the coached had no form of communication with them. This happened two weeks after 9/11.

Since then (because of 9/11 and my son's friend's death), my children (including my daughter, who is now 8) carries one all the time. They are taught proper phone etiquette - and they know the phone will be limited if they're ridiculous with it. I have no problem with them talking endlessly with their friends - as long as homework is done, chores are done and they're not in a location where it is rude (store, restaurant, library, etc.).

I honestly do not see what the big deal is. We've set very specific rules and my kids have never broken them. I guess each family has to do what is best for them. For us, I want to be connected to my kids, and I want them to be connected to the outside world.

I know people say, "What did we ever do before we had them..." Well, I grew up without a microwave and I'll be goshdarned if I'm not going to use one of those now...

 

[sjms71]

My DH has been looking to get a new phone. So, we were at our cell phone carriers store. Anyway, my dd 9 was also looking at the phones with us and saw one she liked. I said I don't think so not for a few years. Anyway, the sales guy then proceeded to inform me that the average age for a first cell phone was 5 years old. I just looked at him rolled my eyes and said that was the lamest sales pich I ever heard.

 

[allison443]

I know people say, "What did we ever do before we had them..." Well, I grew up without a microwave and I'll be goshdarned if I'm not going to use one of those now...

Computers too!!!

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Our schools don't have payphones and you rarely see them anywhere around the towns by us now either. I don't think DS or DD would abuse the phone privilege as they are level headed kids. The schools here confiscate phones (big controversy...but that is another topic all together) if the kids carry them-and the parent has to come to the school to reclaim it. The only way they can have it in school is if it is totally turned off and kept in their locker. They can use it after school officially ends if they have sports or clubs they stay after for. Like OP said, the schools here also close the office almost right after the normal day ends, so anyone staying after is out of luck for a phone.

Part of me does worry that friends may influence them to use their phone when their not supposed to or for reasons they shouldn't...and that I won't find out until I get the bill. I probably should have said this before, but DD and DS are both special education, so even though they know what is acceptable, they can be easily influenced at times...DS more than DD. Friends of theirs have had cells and my neighbor told me her DD ran up several hundred dollars worth of texting charges before she knew what was happening-she promptly took the phone away. My DD has also reached the phone phase where we may need to surgically remove the home phone from her ear.

I figure I have to get with it and get them phones-for convenience and peace of mind. Just was wondering what everyone's experience has been-seems to be positive overall. Now I need to work on DH and getting him to come around.

Does anyone have experience with those firefly phones or a phone that has parental controls? Just curious if those were worth it or not...it might be something I could use to convince DH. Thanks for all the words of wisdom!

 

[jenrein]

My daughter was given her first cell phone at 9. She did chores and earned money to pay for her cell phone. She earned $20 a month- exactly enough for her phone- it was prepaid btw. Well she decided one month to spend all her credits on games and ringtones. She had no minutes left. I did not buy her any and she suffered because of it. That taught her a lesson early on- she has never wasted money like that again.

A year ago we added her to our cell phone plan and she got a nicer, newer phone and it actually made our total bill $10 less by having her on there. She has been very responsible with it, never running up texts, ringtones or anything. I am so glad we started with the prepaid at a younger age- she learned the lesson right off the bat.

Some people give me crap about a 9 yr old with a cell phone. Its really because I love her and am overprotective. When she stays at friends houses I like to call her anytime I feel like it without waking up the friends parents or anything. And she also spends the summer in FL with her grandparents so calling from NY to FL used to get a little expensive- with the cell phone its great.

 

[Jen66]

They are taking out most of the pay phones around here. I figure in a few years they will be mostly gone. That being said, my DD (12) has a cell and I believe it is a necessity. She is very active (show choir, cheerleading, dance, etc) and I need to be able to contact her. More importantly, she calls us if she gets done with a practice early or something. I never thought I would get her a cell this early, but reality dictates our actions. Hopefully she follows the rules of good phone etiquette that we have drilled into her!