OT:Son's b-day party, friend canceled

[ilovemickeymost]

I really need to vent & get this out before I respond to my friends email. DS' b-day is this Saturday. His real birthday is in January, but we are expecting a baby then. So, since he loves Halloween & the firehouse is having their open house this weekend, we decided to have it in October. I sent out evites a couple months ago b/c of the difference in months & wanted to give everyone a heads up to get costumes together. About a month ago, I told the parents that I needed to know for sure what children were coming & needed their children's shirt sizes b/c I'm making Hallloween shirts for their goodies. I talked to one of the moms yesterday & we're talking about the party & how excited she & her son are. I sent a reminder that the party was this weekend to everyone. This same friend emailed me today & told me she can't come b/c her daughter has her 1st week of gymnastics & DH can't take her. Needless to say, I'm a little peeved. Normally, I don't do goody bags b/c of the cost. But this year, I found canvas trick or treat bags @ the $ store & found really neat things to fill the bags & decided to make shirts. When am I ever going to do another Halloween birthday party? I understand stuff comes up, but I'm upset b/c the moms all knew that I was making something for their children. I feel like sending her a bill. Thanks for letting me vent. If any of you want to post, please do.

 

[Zeebs]

Why not send it to him anyway, with a note saying we were really sorry you couldn't come, we missed you.

You have it made anyway and the boy would love it. I am sure the Mum didn't do it on purpose these things happen.

Kirsten

 

[Bren's Mom]

Why not send it to him anyway, with a note saying we were really sorry you couldn't come, we missed you.

You have it made anyway and the boy would love it. I am sure the Mum didn't do it on purpose these things happen.

Kirsten

ITA!

Don't sweat the small stuff...this is small stuff...surely she isn't keeping her son from the party on purpose. Send him his shirt...and put it out of your mind...

 

[Ellester]

I understand why you are upset, but it really isn't a big deal in the scheme of things. If you really want him to come, maybe you could suggest the mom drop him off early and/or pick him up late so she could still take her dd to gymnastics. In any case, I would still give him at least the personalized things. At least she let you know ahead of time instead of just not showing up.

 

[jenb1023]

I think her excuse is a little odd and I would be mad too after all of the trouble you went to. My DD's gymnastics class at a beginner stage only lasts 45 minutes - I think that would be plenty of time to still stop by your party. Other options I would explore before cancelling would be if I knew another parent going to the party or gymnastics, I would also see if that child could go with them until I could get there or if a grandparent could help out since DH couldn't.

To me the bottom line would be in the details of the situation. If the friend does not have family or friends to help and DH just told her he couldn't help due to work or something I would try to be gracious and understanding and would give the child the goodie bag. I had a friend who had to back out on my DD's bday party last month at the last minute that was pre-paid for and not cheap. However, the reason was not anything in her control (an event she had to be at was pushed back two hours right into party time) and she was extremely apologetic and even offered to pay. I totally understood and told her not to worry about it. I think her attitude about it and the fact that the situation was out of her control made it much easier to be gracious about.

Hope it makes you feel better to vent and know that others understand your frustration!

 

[mommy-on-the-move]

Would it be possible to offer to have him on a playdate which includes the party? Pick him up (or have him dropped over) early and then drop him back (or have him fetched) later, compared to the other guests so your son gets a friend over as well as a b'day party, the other mom can still manage her commitments and your son nor his friend miss out?

 

[kitsch4]

I feel like sending her a bill.

Seriously? Please just give her the benefit of the doubt, and, like a pp said, offer to give the child a ride if you want him there that badly. Things come up, and the mom might feel as disappointed as you do. If he doesn't come, just give him the bag and tell him you're sorry he couldn't come. It'll make him feel good.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I agree with the others. Offer to pick him up or have him come over early. Offer to let him stay later if that helps accommodate the mom's schedule. I'm sure she isn't purposely trying to keep him away from the party. Some people just aren't good planners and have trouble balancing multiple obligations. If you offer her a solution she might be very grateful.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

DD just had her party this past Sunday. A couple of the kids that couldn't come seemed like really lame excuses made up by the mom. Hey maybe they were legitimate, but to me didn't seem so. Whatever!

There were plenty of DD's friends at the party and seriously she didn't even miss the kids that weren't there. Don't worry ! As someone said, don't sweat the small stuff.

Does it have the kids name on it or something, can your son wear the shirt?

 

[dvcmommy]

Your friend did the polite thing and let you know they wouldn't be able to make it. She could have just not shown up.

Just as your life situation is preventing you from having the party in January, her life situation is preventing her from being able to have her son attend your son's party on the date chosen. I don't see any reason to be upset with her. Upset that your son's friend cannot make it, sure, but no reason to be mad at your friend.

Life does have a way of interfering with plans.

Also, no way could I commit to having my kids attend a party a month in advance. We usually get invitations 1-2 weeks in advance when I actually have a better idea of their schedules.

 

[mjkacmom]

Your friend did the polite thing and let you know they wouldn't be able to make it. She could have just not shown up.

Just as your life situation is preventing you from having the party in January, her life situation is preventing her from being able to have her son attend your son's party on the date chosen. I don't see any reason to be upset with her. Upset that your son's friend cannot make it, sure, but no reason to be mad at your friend.

Life does have a way of interfering with plans.

Also, no way could I commit to having my kids attend a party a month in advance. We usually get invitations 1-2 weeks in advance when I actually have a better idea of their schedules.

ITA - an invitation more than 2 - 3 weeks in advance not only gets a huge eye roll from me, but I'm more likely to miss the RSVP date, as who the heck knows what is going on that far in advance (especially when they're little, and I am expected to stay at a party - I need to know that I have 2 free hours). I send out invitations 1 1/2 weeks before the party, when people will know what they have going on that weekend. I buy favors at 5 below, save the receipt, and can return some of them). I've had kids not show up after RSVPing yes, and I've had kids say they're not coming 15 minutes before a party. I've had kids not RSVP, and show up. I honestly don't care who comes.

 

[nicki.momof3]

Things come up in peoples lives that they can not avoid. Last weekend my sons (4 & 6) had there first football game - dad was supposed to take them. I had already RSVP'ed ot a b-day party at a gymnastics center for my 3 year old. Work call and my husband has no choice but to go in. I couldn't leave my sons football team of 8 down 3 kids so I cancelled on the party for my daughter and took the boys to football. Not everyone has "extra" family and friends around that can at the drop of a hat cart kids around.

It is not the little boys fault - I am sure he was very upset about it. Also you asked for a committment for a 5 years olds party a month in advance - way to far in advance. Weddings only ask for a 4 week RSVP generally. Sending out invitations 2 months ahead is a little to "long range planning". Give the women a break and give the kid the gift.

Relax it is a party for a 5 year old.

 

[Magic Mom]

Why not send it to him anyway, with a note saying we were really sorry you couldn't come, we missed you.

You have it made anyway and the boy would love it. I am sure the Mum didn't do it on purpose these things happen.

Kirsten

That's a great idea! Or you could always offer to take the boy early so the Mom could then take her DD to gymnastics.
Either way, you should cut her some slack. It sounds like she wanted to be there, but something unexpected came up. You really wouldn't feel good if she told her DD "Sorry, you can't go to your first gymnastics event, because 'Joey's' mom already bought a party gift for your brother." would you?

 

[bigbabyblues]

I'm sorry the little boy can't come. However, I agree with the other posters, stuff comes up in life and sometimes there is nothing you can do. I wouldn't send her a "bill" though, she'd probably think you were a little off.

 

[churchpilot]

I agree completely with a PP---I couldn't even begin to guess at my child's schedule that far out, and mine either for that matter. Unless my son was a very good friend, receiving an invitation that early that required an RSVP would probably mean an automatic "unable to attend". I don't need the stress of trying to remember. Take the high road and bless the child with the stuff you made for him and accept the reason. You will be better off.

 

[RubySlippers]

I am sorry your feelings are hurt. It is tough when people cancel plans but please remember that life throws people curve balls all the time. I think you need to step back, take a deep breath and call your friend and let her know that her son will be missed and send her the goodie bag.

Ruby

 

[jenndisney]

I also agree to see if he can come earlier or such. BUT also think if there may be a money reason she had to cancel. I did that when my DD was in Kindergarten. DH had been laid off and money was really tight. We could not afford a gift that week. A week earlier or later would not have been a problem, but it was just a timing issue. We are proud people and I was not going to send without a gift, or tell the other mom the real reason.

Have a great day!

 

[akersten]

Is the child 2.5? Maybe she feels he's too young for it all. Send his shirt and treat bag to him. Perhaps the pregnancy is making you hormomal about all of this.

 

[emma'smom]

Interesting...because I love getting a "heads-up" about birthday parties as early as possible so that I can get them on our family's calendar and plan around them. We've had two b-day party invites for THIS week-end show up in the last two weeks. We're going out of town and my dd is misssing both parties! If we had known with enough advance planning, I would have made plans to leave a day later so that she could attend.

We're doing an annual holiday party for kids in December and I polled the folks we usually invite for the "best date" to get an idea of what might work. I'll send out a more formal invite in late November with an RSVP request....but at least the party is on the radar screen and folks who are really interested in attending will be aware and not unintentionally double book social engagements.


P.S. In the OP's case....can she pick up the boy in advance and/or drop him off later or have her DH pick him up if she is doing party prep?

ITA - an invitation more than 2 - 3 weeks in advance not only gets a huge eye roll from me, but I'm more likely to miss the RSVP date, as who the heck knows what is going on that far in advance (especially when they're little, and I am expected to stay at a party - I need to know that I have 2 free hours). I send out invitations 1 1/2 weeks before the party, when people will know what they have going on that weekend. I buy favors at 5 below, save the receipt, and can return some of them). I've had kids not show up after RSVPing yes, and I've had kids say they're not coming 15 minutes before a party. I've had kids not RSVP, and show up. I honestly don't care who comes.

 

[mjkacmom]

Interesting...because I love getting a "heads-up" about birthday parties as early as possible so that I can get them on our family's calendar and plan around them. We've had two b-day party invites for THIS week-end show up in the last two weeks. We're going out of town and my dd is misssing both parties! If we had known with enough advance planning, I would have made plans to leave a day later so that she could attend.

We're doing an annual holiday party for kids in December and I polled the folks we usually invite for the "best date" to get an idea of what might work. I'll send out a more formal invite in late November with an RSVP request....but at least the party is on the radar screen and folks who are really interested in attending will be aware and not unintentionally double book social engagements.


P.S. In the OP's case....can she pick up the boy in advance and/or drop him off later or have her DH pick him up if she is doing party prep?

Maybe I'm getting older and more selfish, or that my calendar is so full, that kids birthday parties are at the bottom of my list of events to attend. Unless it's a very close friend, I'm doing the happy dance of joy when we get an invitation, and are already booked.