OT-so depressed I don't want to plan

[taitai]

I remember your post from a month or so ago. If you and your husband are going to continue to have the financial arrangement you do, then you need to get to work. As sad as it might be, millions and millions of women work outside the home and you will just be one more.

On the other hand, you could try to work out a different financial arrangement with your husband that would allow you to stay at home.

If I recall your arrangement correctly, the one who holds the purse strings holds the power in your home. You are going to get nowhere until you are financially independent. Get a job. One way or another, you are really going to need it.

taitai

 

[look1angel]

I ran a regestered daycare in my home for 17 years so I could be a stay at home mom. I closed my doors in Dec. 2003 due to a divorce. At the time I was charging $100.00 for ages 1 & up & $125.00 for infants, parents supplied all infant food/diapers etc. I typically had 5-6 kids & would only take 1 infant at a time the next child had to be at least 6 months older than the youngest. Afterschool care was $15.00 $10 if you had a day sibling.

I grossed $625.00 a week sometimes more if I took in drop-ins.

How I got my fees was based upon 4 different daycare places in my area. I took the 2 highest & 2 lowest & averaged them out. Wrote up contracts, always kept parent informed, & received many recommendations.

Granted it's not for everyone, but I always had someone around to play with my kids & as they got older they would help me out. It was one of the best jobs I ever had & I got to stay home with my kids.

I know of a woman who only took in infants & once they turned 2 they had to move on. For a good 4 years I took in no infants & then one of my families was expecting so it was either lose 3 kids or take in the infant.

I might add that had I not worked our vacations would have been far & few in between.

Good luck, I hope you find what works for you & your family.

And the girl in my photos, is my baby... all 23 years of her

 

[mrsklamc]

First, if this is so important to your hubby and you don't feel like planning...he should do it.

For those who haven't read OP's first post, they have separate accounts and at that time he was unwilling to let her care for another child and she couldn't work evenings because of his work schedule.

 

[cah5525]

i can't post links on this site yet but, i found back in february a link on this site that has really helped me save money for my next trip. i love earning those disney gift cards and cash in my paypal account. i'll pass it on like this:

www dot rainydayfunds dot yolasite dot com

good luck!

 

[badblackpug]

I guess I am missing something...You are $800 dollars a month short of your obligations, you are not working, and do not plan to go back to work until September, yet you are taking a $3200 vacation? It seems to me planning this vacation should be the last thing on your mind.

 

[mrsklamc]

I guess I am missing something...You are $800 dollars a month short of your obligations, you are not working, and do not plan to go back to work until September, yet you are taking a $3200 vacation? It seems to me planning this vacation should be the last thing on your mind.

She and her husband keep separate accounts. HE is paying for the vacation.She does not have the choice to use 'his' money for 'her' obligations.

 

[thegreggersmom]

Okay, now I am curious. If she stays home with their child what financial obligations does she have that he is not willing to cover?

 

[thegreggersmom]

subscribing

 

[mrsklamc]

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2117497

 

[thegreggersmom]

Oh.My.

 

[la79al]

Good grief, I was having a bad day and needed to vent. Yes, my husband and I have separate accounts and separate bills. For the most part, this arrangement works very well for US. I have bills that are considered mine and as of right now, I am using a portion of our tax return to pay them while I am staying home. DH has decided that after he has paid bills and provides spending money for the family with his paycheck, he would like to put what is left into savings, IRA, etc rather than pay 'my' bills so I can stay home longer. The vacation is being paid for partially with tax return money and the rest is coming from DHs paychecks. DH dislikes Disney and is only going for me and the stepkids. If I left it up to him, we would probably end up in Jamaica again.
I know going back to work is not the end of the world and lots of women do it, some even prefer it, and DD will be fine. I just feel like I am going to miss so much. And I am probably overreacting but she's my first. I know I am lucky to have a job to go back to and I am lucky that I got to stay home this long. I am really more stressed I think because I don't have childcare lined up yet. I have a couple of options, I just need to pick one and get work hours set up for the fall.
I have considered babysitting because I actually work with kids for my 'real job', except I am having problems finding people that need childcare. I was watching a neighbor girl for a few weeks but then her dad got back together with his girlfriend or something like that. I have also considered trying to work at my 'real job' when DH could watch DD but that would only be on Saturdays and I probably won't be able to get Saturday hours (I'm still going to try in the fall though). I have also considered getting a job at night but until DD sleeps for more than 2 hour stretches, that is out of the question too. My next plan is to talk with my grandparents to see if any of their friends need help with anything. I'm also going to start paying closer attention to sales at grocery stores since groceries are one of 'my' bills. I figure even if I just make a little bit over the summer, it will be less that I have to work in the fall. And who knows, maybe DD will start sleeping through the night by then or maybe the perfect hours will open up for me .
Thank you all for your positive thoughts and all the suggestions. I'm feeling a lot better today and a lot more optimistic that my world is not going to come crashing down, regardless of what happens in September.

 

[pakhowe]

Just a thought, you said you work with kids for your "real job" does that mean you work in a school? I know a few teachers that use former co-workers to watch their kids. It works out very well and the day care provider has a "school schedule". If there is no school, there is no child care that day. You would get your summers off, all school vacations (for when your little one enters school) and weekends. You could also provide after-school care for teachers that have meetings, etc after school.

Good luck, I know how hard the decision is to go back or not and to find day care if you decide to go back.

 

[princessmom29]

Did you say that your 12 month old does not sleep mre than 2 hours at a time??? If you don't mind my asking, is there some kind of medical condition underlying this?? If not have you tried sleep training at all? I cannot imagine getting up every 2 hours with a 1 year old. Sleep trainig was the best thing I ever did for peace and sanity in my household. Everyone was miserable when my DD was still not sleeping all night at 6 months. Once we taught her to put herself to sleep both at bedtime and when she worke n the night everyone was much more wel rested and happy. I know that a lot of people thing it is cruel, but my DD was a much happier baby after we did it b/c she was getting all the rest she needed.

 

[la79al]

pakhowe-I work with some kids in schools but not as a teacher. I have clearances and CPR and everything like that, in addition to a college degree but at this point I am just hoping to find any kids to watch, I'm not picky on when.
princessmom29-I LOLed at your post. My little darling apparently just likes to get up every two hours. I have not done any kind of sleep training (except for like 1/2 night of No Cry Sleep Solution). There never seems to be a really good time for DH to be woken up (he doesn't wake up when she wakes up now but would if I let her CIO). She's a really happy easy baby as is but since she's turned one, I am putting some serious consideration into Ferber or at least trying to night wean.

 

[princessmom29]

pakhowe-I work with some kids in schools but not as a teacher. I have clearances and CPR and everything like that, in addition to a college degree but at this point I am just hoping to find any kids to watch, I'm not picky on when.
princessmom29-I LOLed at your post. My little darling apparently just likes to get up every two hours. I have not done any kind of sleep training (except for like 1/2 night of No Cry Sleep Solution). There never seems to be a really good time for DH to be woken up (he doesn't wake up when she wakes up now but would if I let her CIO). She's a really happy easy baby as is but since she's turned one, I am putting some serious consideration into Ferber or at least trying to night wean.

I didn't use any particular person's method to do it. I just started by putting her down awake and only going in once every 5 min if she was crying. Eentually she was able to self soothe and get to sleep on her own. I would say that it took about a week to get her self sufficient. I would NOT let my DH be the reason I didn't do it. She is his kid too and you guys have to be o the same page about parenting. He will probably just have to suck it up for a night or to and deal with it, convinent for him or not, or it is just not going to happen. It is never a good time for a sleepless night, but it is sometimes necessary for the "greater good." Like everyone, not just DH getting enough sleep to function. You said something about night weaning. Is she still gwtting milk at night? If so that will sabotoge anything you try to do with sleeping through. She is more than old enough, barring a medical compliction, to make it without milk at night. If you do go back to work, I would highly recommend at least night weaning ASAP. I was a walking zombie working 40 hours and doing night feedings. It sounds like your DH is not willing to get up with her at all to take some of the load, so I would definitely try to have her sleeping through before you go back.

 

[Colleen27]

I have considered babysitting because I actually work with kids for my 'real job', except I am having problems finding people that need childcare. I was watching a neighbor girl for a few weeks but then her dad got back together with his girlfriend or something like that. I have also considered trying to work at my 'real job' when DH could watch DD but that would only be on Saturdays and I probably won't be able to get Saturday hours (I'm still going to try in the fall though). I have also considered getting a job at night but until DD sleeps for more than 2 hour stretches, that is out of the question too. My next plan is to talk with my grandparents to see if any of their friends need help with anything. I'm also going to start paying closer attention to sales at grocery stores since groceries are one of 'my' bills. I figure even if I just make a little bit over the summer, it will be less that I have to work in the fall.

Those are all good ideas.

Do you attend church? That can be a good place to spread the word that you have availability as a sitter, as well as a good place to get in touch with elderly folks who might need an extra hand around the house. I have a friend who has built a pretty nice business doing grocery shopping/errands and light housework for elderly people in our community,and she takes her 12mo old DS with her when she works. She's found that a lot of times, the adult children who are doing those things now are happy to pay a small fee to have someone else handle it. She hasn't even really advertised - a small notice in her church newsletter and a flyer at the grocery store have kept her as busy as she wants to be.

 

[DISNEYFOS]

Sorry for jumping in on the thread but I'm still trying to figure out how grocery's can be one of "your bills" if you don't have a job for income..you guys figured out it would be good for you to cover food expenses for the family???

That said I think people have had some great ideas. It is a very emotional thing...try to look at like nothing is permanent. If you are unhappy look for ways to change your situation or adjust it in ways that work. You'll eventually find a happy medium. Get your DH to help with figuring out what a happy medium is as well. An unhappy mommy makes for an unhappy family

 

[crisi]

I beg to differ - this arrangement is not working well for you. In two months you've come to this board twice to vent about fundamentally the same issue. That is not the behavior of someone whose marital and financial situation is "working well for them." Or if your marriage is working well for you, then you are doing this community a disservice by using us to vent about something that is working fine.

 

[Colleen27]

I beg to differ - this arrangement is not working well for you. In two months you've come to this board twice to vent about fundamentally the same issue. That is not the behavior of someone whose marital and financial situation is "working well for them." Or if your marriage is working well for you, then you are doing this community a disservice by using us to vent about something that is working fine.

I agree, but it doesn't sound like her DH is willing to renegotiate, so there's no point in beating that particular horse. Hopefully the OP has gotten some good suggestions about how to handle the reality she has chosen to accept, whether by making money at home to cover "her" expenses or by making peace with going back to work.

 

[livie1205]

WTH?? you are a SAHM and he wants YOU to find a way to pay for your bills? oh no no no no ! Is their something you are leaving out?do you shop a lot? maybe shopping addict? IF not then no way should he be doing this.If you two are NOT making enough to pay bills and take care of the family then yes but otherwise no way.
I am a SAHM and my dh works hard to make that happen but his check goes into OUR account and I have whatever access to the money I need or want.We have 3 kids and my dh considers what I do a lot of work and even says thank you very often...if I am not feeling well he will even come home and cook ME dinner! I know you say this is working for you but it does not sound like it.If I had to leave my dd at daycare and we could afford not to it would break my heart...I feel for you.