OT: Skipping a grade

[mickeyplanner08]

OK, so when you don't know what to do in life, you do what every good DISer does and get onto the boards and ask several hundred strangers what they think you should do, so here goes.....

We missed parent/teacher conferences a couple weeks ago-not really a big deal because DD is not having any problems at school. Last week she came home and said "Mrs. so and so says I can go ahead in my math book if it's OK with you." So I sent a note and set up a meeting with her teachers today. Went in and they suggested that we consider skipping her ahead to 4th grade next year.

Little backstory-she does make the age cut off for 4th grade by 2 weeks-it's December here. She was home schooled for the past 2 years and apparently that worked out OK because now she is ahead of the rest. BUT, I am more than a little freaked out about the thought of my baby wanting to date some 16 year old in her class when she is only 14. Oh my, do we let middle school and high school play into this decision or just go with it for now and see what happens. There's really no going back if we decide to do this. Help! Anyone been there/done that or have any suggestions? TIA!

 

[chigirl]

Ok...when I grew up, the cutoff in Illinois was December 1st and my birthday is in late November, so I was 4 when I started school, the youngest in my class. Then, in second grade, they put me in 3rd grade classes, even though my "homeroom" teacher and kids I ate lunch with were in second grade, I walked down the hall to attend 3rd grade math, reading, etc due to being ahead of the other kids (this was in the 1970's when they did not have gifted programs). It was very tough to be young, especially when I attended high school...for all the reasons you mentioned. I was the last one to drive, I had older boys ask me on dates, etc. I HATED it. Plus I was 17 when I started college and that was too young. Now, it is Sept 1 for the cutoff and my kids birthdays are just after that, so they are the OLDEST in their classes. It is better! They are both high-honor students and are just more relaxed. Just my two cents...

 

[mickeyplanner08]

Thanks for your input. You are talking about all the junk that I am so worried about. We went round and round when she was 4 about K or Pre-K and decided then that we didn't need to push it, but here we go again

 

[StephMK]

We skipped our youngest - DS - and had the exact same fears. He was already young for his age, 5 in June, started K that August. At the end of K, they suggested skipping him to 2nd. We worried for all the same reasons but ultimately decided to allow the skip since he passed the cumulative 1st grade math test & reads well above grade level. We figured not being bored in class was worth the drawbacks of being the youngest.

Socially, it took a little while to get comfortable but academically, he's still doing fantastic. It makes me sad that we kind of lost a year of his childhood but think there are enough options when he's older that it was the right decision for him. We live in a college town so he could easily go to school & live at home & lots of HS kids here have the opp to dual enroll &/or take classes in HS at the colleges.

Good luck, it really is not an easy decision! Have you asked her what she wants? We told him it would be our decision but did ask his opinion & he was interested in going ahead. If he had been totally adamant or scared, we probably would have left him as is.

 

[MiniGirl]

Little backstory-she does make the age cut off for 4th grade by 2 weeks-it's December here. She was home schooled for the past 2 years and apparently that worked out OK because now she is ahead of the rest. BUT, I am more than a little freaked out about the thought of my baby wanting to date some 16 year old in her class when she is only 14. Oh my, do we let middle school and high school play into this decision or just go with it for now and see what happens. There's really no going back if we decide to do this. Help! Anyone been there/done that or have any suggestions? TIA!

My oldest just missed the cut off date, but there was a private school here that was going to take her early. I really was all for it and then I started thinking down the rode. With her being the youngest, I knew she wouldn't be driving, and I really didn't like the idea of her being in a car with other drivers. The dating thing was also part of it.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[kacaju]

You do realize you could leave her where she is and at 14 she could still meet a 16 year old and want to date him, right? I've been there done that, my 15 year old has been dating her 17 year old boyfriend for a year now.
I wouldn't let that influence you. You need to think of what is best for her not who she may be dating in the future.
How is she in school now?
Is she bored?
Does she have friends?
Is she in 2nd grade now, so she will skip 3rd grade?
If so why is she not in 3rd grade this year if she is *old enough* for 4th grade?
Regardless, what work will she miss if she skips a grade?
Will the school make sure she is caught up before allowin gher to skip a grade?

 

[maddiesmom0116]

My nephew skipped 3rd grade while he lived with me after a lot of debate. He went from all A's to A's and B's which is still great, but he really was not very happy. He asked us to stay in 4th grade the following year again, to be with his class. I would let your child have a voice in the matter.

good Luck

 

[mickeyplanner08]

You do realize you could leave her where she is and at 14 she could still meet a 16 year old and want to date him, right?

Yeah, but if we leave here where she is she will still be in 8th grade and "elementary school" not high school.....

I wouldn't let that influence you. You need to think of what is best for her not who she may be dating in the future.
How is she in school now?
Is she bored?
Does she have friends?

She is currently in a 2nd/3rd split classroom in a very small school. This is the first year she's been IN school, so she's not really bored, but the novelty is certainly wearing off.

Is she in 2nd grade now, so she will skip 3rd grade?
If so why is she not in 3rd grade this year if she is *old enough* for 4th grade?[QUOTE/]
She made the cutoff by 2 weeks so we "held her back" and did a year of Pre-K before kindergarten

Regardless, what work will she miss if she skips a grade?
Will the school make sure she is caught up before allowin gher to skip a grade?[QUOTE/]
Yep, because she is in the 2nd/3rd split she's been doing a lot of 3rd grade stuff and we would work on/finish 3rd grade math over the summer.

Our other option is just to accelerate math and possibly reading/language arts. Oh the decisions!

 

[maiapapaya]

When I was a kid I was "accelerated" - did grades 2,3 & 4 in two years. The worst of it for me was that at first some of the older kids were a little mean. There was a group of us and we were kept with our class of grade 2's and did the grade 3 work. Then the next year we were integrated into the 4th grade class. While we were still part of the grade 2 class, some of the kids in the next grade up didn't believe that we were doing the same work as them and occassionally harrassed us (nothing too serious, just "prove it" kind of talk, because they didn't think us little grade 2's could possibly be doing the same work that they were! LOL). The only other big issue was that here in Ontario the drinking age is 19 and I was only 18 my first year of college (we used attend high school until grade 13 then), so I couldn't go drinking with my classmates. bummer.

Really in retrospect I don't think I suffered too much damage from it. I think I may have been frustrated and bored if I hadn't done it. I had a friend who was invited to be in the accelerated group as well. His parents declined and I know later he kind of resented it.

You know your daughter best. It's a tough decision, but in the end I'm sure you'll do the right thing. Good luck!

 

[crisi]

Little backstory-she does make the age cut off for 4th grade by 2 weeks-it's December here. She was home schooled for the past 2 years and apparently that worked out OK because now she is ahead of the rest. BUT, I am more than a little freaked out about the thought of my baby wanting to date some 16 year old in her class when she is only 14. Oh my, do we let middle school and high school play into this decision or just go with it for now and see what happens. There's really no going back if we decide to do this. Help! Anyone been there/done that or have any suggestions? TIA!

I was one of those kids. It was hard to be younger than anyone else, and honestly, the skipping doesn't usually help a smart kid that much, they catch up and surpass again - its a stop gap measure for a school that can't come up with better ideas. We didn't push my daughter ahead (misses the cut off by two weeks) for the social reasons. If your daughter is very socially mature for her age, though, I might consider it. My daughter is socially kind of delayed (not bad, she has just been a little slow on social cues and has no interest in being older - but interest in being younger).

I'd add enrichment at home and work with the teacher to add enrichment to the lesson plan if she can.

(I dated a 21 year old at 16 - very sweet guy and 'nothing happened' - he was 'waiting' for me. Then I dumped him for a guy that had a band who was my age or some such stupid 16 year old thing - he was much more trouble than the guy way older.)

 

[notsosnowwhite]

I think the answer depends not on her academic readiness but her social readiness. If she is comfortable with her peers and maturity wise "fits" with the younger grade, that is where she should stay. As a teacher I've had students both several levels above and below in the same class. Academically it's pretty easy to make adjustments to reach all students and keep them challenged. Good luck!

 

[mickeyplanner08]

(I dated a 21 year old at 16 - very sweet guy and 'nothing happened' - he was 'waiting' for me. Then I dumped him for a guy that had a band who was my age or some such stupid 16 year old thing - he was much more trouble than the guy way older.)

OK, thanks for that reassuring bit of advice

She's not really that socially advanced. Mostly just too bossy-maybe the older kids could teach her a thing or two about that.

I think we are leaning slightly towards not skipping at this point, but I was just floored when they brought that up today. My last comment to the teachers was "it just keeps getting easier, doesn't it?"

We will probably talk with her about it this weekend. She is old enough to at least voice her opinion, but as someone earlier stated, her dad and I will make the final decision.

 

[Leajess99]

OK, so when you don't know what to do in life, you do what every good DISer does and get onto the boards and ask several hundred strangers what they think you should do, so here goes.....

We missed parent/teacher conferences a couple weeks ago-not really a big deal because DD is not having any problems at school. Last week she came home and said "Mrs. so and so says I can go ahead in my math book if it's OK with you." So I sent a note and set up a meeting with her teachers today. Went in and they suggested that we consider skipping her ahead to 4th grade next year.

Little backstory-she does make the age cut off for 4th grade by 2 weeks-it's December here. She was home schooled for the past 2 years and apparently that worked out OK because now she is ahead of the rest. BUT, I am more than a little freaked out about the thought of my baby wanting to date some 16 year old in her class when she is only 14. Oh my, do we let middle school and high school play into this decision or just go with it for now and see what happens. There's really no going back if we decide to do this. Help! Anyone been there/done that or have any suggestions? TIA!

Does your school not offer gifted and talented program or advanced math program?? My 10 year old is Gifted and Talented as well as doing 6th grade Math, reading on an advanced level and that. I would not be willing to advance her a grade because she already hates being the youngest or now 2nd youngest in her class. She even took the Explore test a couple of weeks ago just to see where she is on that. It was an opportunity available for her through Duke University's TIP.
My youngest is in the 1st grade Math class as well as the primary talent pool (pre gifted program) and again I would not advance her a grade even though she is one of the middle kids in her class.

I would really recommend seeing what other options are available to her other than just skipping a grade. It may become overwhelming to her and her grades and love for school may take a hit because of it. In the end the decision is yours and I wish you luck in making it.

 

[zoemurr]

skipped 1st grade.

But for us K was a HUGE problem. She immediately felt very different from the other kids and was dumbing herself down. Her confidence tanked. We tried a lot of things, but moving her up seemed to be the only real solution.

She's in 5th now and we just had her conference with her teacher and her gifted teacher. They both said that no one would know that she skipped and that she is still the smartest in the class. (I can brag 'cause she sure didn't get it from me ). She's very social, tall for her age, and crazy smart. No fears sending her to middle school next year.

For us there was no question that it was the right thing to do. However, she was tested at 5 years ahead in verbal, and 2 in math at age 5. She has also always been very social, and tall (she's 5ft.. just turned 10). If all of this had not been in our favor we wouldn't have done it. Also, as I said, she was very unhappy where she was, and it was obvious.

Good luck. We did it and never looked back. No one even thinks about it anymore.

 

[mickeyplanner08]

Does your school not offer gifted and talented program or advanced math program?? My 10 year old is Gifted and Talented as well as doing 6th grade Math, reading on an advanced level and that. I would not be willing to advance her a grade because she already hates being the youngest or now 2nd youngest in her class. She even took the Explore test a couple of weeks ago just to see where she is on that. It was an opportunity available for her through Duke University's TIP.
My youngest is in the 1st grade Math class as well as the primary talent pool (pre gifted program) and again I would not advance her a grade even though she is one of the middle kids in her class.

I would really recommend seeing what other options are available to her other than just skipping a grade. It may become overwhelming to her and her grades and love for school may take a hit because of it. In the end the decision is yours and I wish you luck in making it.

No talented and gifted-they do work with a consultant for kids on either end of the spectrum, but it is a very small private school without many of those kind of resources. We love having them there, and are so happy that they are not exposed to so much of the junk that kids are exposed to these days with peer pressure to fit in and wear the right clothes and on and on. The teachers are wonderful and will support whatever decision we make. We just are praying that we make the right decision for her. I'm pretty sure we are going to run into some of the same issues with her brother who is 15 months younger next year....

 

[mickeyplanner08]

She's in 5th now and we just had her conference with her teacher and her gifted teacher. They both said that no one would know that she skipped and that she is still the smartest in the class. (I can brag 'cause she sure didn't get it from me ). She's very social, tall for her age, and crazy smart. No fears sending her to middle school next year.

For us there was no question that it was the right thing to do. However, she was tested at 5 years ahead in verbal, and 2 in math at age 5. She has also always been very social, and tall (she's 5ft.. just turned 10). If all of this had not been in our favor we wouldn't have done it. Also, as I said, she was very unhappy where she was, and it was obvious.

Good luck. We did it and never looked back. No one even thinks about it anymore.

Wow! Good for her I'm glad to hear an opinion on the other side of the fence. It can work either way, we just need to decide which way.....

 

[bonybroad]

I skipped two grades
The school district has asked if I would like my older son skipped, and I flat out refused.
Graduating before you can drive is not fun.
Not being allowed to stay out late for prom is not fun.
Being smaller than everyone else is not fun.
It was hard to make friends when everyone else in your grade is dating, and you aren't because you aren't allowed until you are 16.
You know your daughter and what she is capable of.
I could do the schoolwork, I just feel I suffered a little socially.

 

[mickeyplanner08]

I skipped two grades
The school district has asked if I would like my older son skipped, and I flat out refused.
Graduating before you can drive is not fun.
Not being allowed to stay out late for prom is not fun.
Being smaller than everyone else is not fun.
It was hard to make friends when everyone else in your grade is dating, and you aren't because you aren't allowed until you are 16.
You know your daughter and what she is capable of.
I could do the schoolwork, I just feel I suffered a little socially.

I hear you! I struggled socially because I was quite a "nerd" and I was the same age as my classmates. I think I would prefer for her to remain on the older end of the spectrum so she can socially have more time to mature....

 

[zoemurr]

Wow! Good for her I'm glad to hear an opinion on the other side of the fence. It can work either way, we just need to decide which way.....

Yes.. we were happy with it. To the posters who talk about your child not being able to drive or whatnot.. I think the OP said that her DD would only be the youngest by a few weeks right? Our cutoff is 12/1 and DD was 2/6, so she is really only a few months younger than the youngest bunch of kids. I don't think the few months of waiting to drive/date/whatever will be worth the years of added benefit it has brought her self esteem.

Of course it's hard to say though, as of course we haven't gotten that far yet.

My DD is a "nerd" too.. but she has found other "smarticle" (her word.. not mine) kids to hang out with that are nerds too. Honestly, I'm glad she's with this crowd, and not the "popular" one.

 

[daisyduck123]

My DD14 (in 10th grade now) skipped 1st grade. I honestly believe it was the best thing for her. She's taking 2 AP classes & some Honors classes as well & has a 4.2something GPA.

Socially - she fits in perfectly. Most of her teachers have never known that she skipped, but the ones that do learn of it usually comment that they would've never guessed she's younger than the rest of the class.

Size-wise, she has always fit in as well. In fact, she's always been the tallest girl in her class & even got her period first, at 10yo.

She will graduate at 16yo & also get her license that year. She has no problems with that.