OT: pre-school or Kindergarten? Can't decide.

[ToyStoryBo]

Opinions please, as I just cannot decide what to do.

DS will be 5 on August 30. The cut-off to start school here is Sept 1, so he's able to start kindergarten. 2 out of our 3 kids already in school have late birthdays and are the youngest in their classes....and they are doing just fine.

DS does fine academically in that he can already read, and knows all the basic pre-k requirements such as colors, shapes, his phone number, letters, numbers, etc.

The problem is that he just isn't "into" it. His teacher says she has to bribe him to do any sort of "work" (like math, writing, reading, etc), and even then he won't often do it....he'll just sit there and look at it. He's very stubborn (like his grandma, LOL), and if he doesn't feel like doing it, he won't. He's only 4, so I don't see a big problem with this, and don't think he needs to be "pushed" at this point since he "knows" the material. His teachers agrees with me on that. The pre-school he attends now is a Montessori one, and I think he needs a change. Since he's not self-motivated, I am not sure Montessori is a perfect fit for him like it was for my older kids.

A little voice inside my head thinks I should keep him in pre-school another year, but I am afraid he will be really bored. I've been interviewing other schools, and they tell me how they focus on one letter a week, etc, and I just don't see DS doing that since he's already reading, kwim?

He does need a lot of practice with his handwriting, but he refuses to do it. He's just not interested in that either. He does not like to color or draw much either.

I am wondering if he would do better with the structured environment of kindergarten (versus the Montessori), or if he just needs another year to mature a bit. I even hate having to make this decision now, because the next school year is another 6 months away, and alot can change between now and then. On the other hand, if he's soo uninterested in school, he'll be miserable and feel pushed, so maybe allowing him to be a "kid" another year in pre-school would be a good thing.

I don't know, I am so conflicted, and haven't had this issue with my other kids. My parents and Dh are telling me to send him to K, with the idea of pulling him out if he's not doing well. I am just not too crazy about the pre-school options right now, but I will keep searching....

Can anyone help me shed some light on this? I realize that every child is different, but I would appreciate hearing your thoughts and/or experiences. TIA

 

[iwrbnd]

I've met many parents who regret sending their children to kindergarten (me included) but I've never met a parent who has regretted holding them back.

I can think of many advantages to being one of the older students in class but not many being the youngest, especially for a boy.

I had an April and a May boy and I sent them both. I wish I hadn't. They are doing fine but would be doing much better if they could have an extra year of development. I saw the biggest problem with this in middle school. For example, my son is 13 (turning 14 in May) and many of his peers will turn 15 before he turns 14. That means a 13 yr old is hanging with a 15 yr old in the same class. It's a big difference in development.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[familydisney]

My son also has an Aug. 30 birthday and you could be talking about him a few years ago. I sent him to K, mostly because the school said that, since he was testing well enough to go on, I'd have to send him to kindergarten or find another place to put him. It forced my hand and, for the most part, I'm glad.

For the down side: he is definitely less mature. Like yours, mine was very bright, maybe more naturally gifted than his older brother, but he just doesn't care the way his brother does. He could read earlier, but has read less. He is a whiz at math, yet drags his feet. On the first day of 2nd grade, the new teacher wanted him sent back to 1st grade since he did literally nothing on his assessment test. Then one day, he just decided to do well and blew her out of the water. She spent the rest of the year apologizing.

This year again (he is in 3rd now) he was up to his old immaturity. He just didn't finish the state standardized test...the teacher said he just sat there. He is very easily frustrated, so that may be part of it. How many other kids do you have? I have noticed that, since he's youngest, he has no perseverance with ANYTHING since older brother comes to the rescue. Even in a video game, if he gets stuck he just asks his brother to do it for him. I think this is the problem he has with school.

I'd definitely send him. A smart kid needs to be challenged, even if he doesn't want to be. We only learn when we're uncomfortable, and he'd be way too comfortable repeating pre-school. As for the maturity, we always have a few speed bumps, especially in the beginning of the year. I just adjusted my expectations for him (probably too high to begin with) and let him fail once in a while. He's not perfect, but he's perfectly fine, as yours will be whatever you decide.

 

[ToyStoryBo]

My son also has an Aug. 30 birthday and you could be talking about him a few years ago. I sent him to K, mostly because the school said that, since he was testing well enough to go on, I'd have to send him to kindergarten or find another place to put him. It forced my hand and, for the most part, I'm glad.

For the down side: he is definitely less mature. Like yours, mine was very bright, maybe more naturally gifted than his older brother, but he just doesn't care the way his brother does. He could read earlier, but has read less. He is a whiz at math, yet drags his feet. On the first day of 2nd grade, the new teacher wanted him sent back to 1st grade since he did literally nothing on his assessment test. Then one day, he just decided to do well and blew her out of the water. She spent the rest of the year apologizing.

This year again (he is in 3rd now) he was up to his old immaturity. He just didn't finish the state standardized test...the teacher said he just sat there. He is very easily frustrated, so that may be part of it. How many other kids do you have? I have noticed that, since he's youngest, he has no perseverance with ANYTHING since older brother comes to the rescue. Even in a video game, if he gets stuck he just asks his brother to do it for him. I think this is the problem he has with school.

I'd definitely send him. A smart kid needs to be challenged, even if he doesn't want to be. We only learn when we're uncomfortable, and he'd be way too comfortable repeating pre-school. As for the maturity, we always have a few speed bumps, especially in the beginning of the year. I just adjusted my expectations for him (probably too high to begin with) and let him fail once in a while. He's not perfect, but he's perfectly fine, as yours will be whatever you decide.

I have 4 other kids. All boys. This DS is #4, so he has 3 older brothers, and one younger. DS #1 also has an August birthday, he's now in 5th grade, and has done just fine. DS#3 has a mid-September b/day and we put him thru early, and he's done just fine as well. I just don't want to regret whatever we decide to do.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

This is hard, because. like you said, you know your child better than others.

Our DD was very young when she started Kindergarten (she was 5 at the end of Dec). I think she would have gone completely nuts if we had her do pre-k again. But I think she was affected, although only slightly, with being the youngest in her class.

Our son, on the other hand, probably would have been OK with repeating pre-K. He's smart, but laid back and learns at his own pace.

One of my best friends had to repeat kindergarten, and was really upset about it. But I'm not sure if that means he should not have been held back in kindergarten an extra year, or that he should have stayed in pre-k another year to begin with.

 

[beccamarie]

I would let your child start Kinder now and go from there. If your child is struggling, you can have them repeat the Kinder again. My daugther has a late summer birthday and I was worried. She did struggle in Kinder with being silly/ talking (probably due to the younger age), but now in first grade she has blossomed and is doing great.

 

[sunnymom5]

Every child is different. As for our situation, we chose preschool and never regretted it. My son has Aug 14 bday. Academically, he was ready but socially, we felt he needed to mature a little. Also in our area, the sports bday cut off is before his bday. Therefore, by holding him back, he is playing sports with kids in his grade. (not that this should be something to base a decision on ) He is currently in 2nd grade. Academically, he is ahead in some areas but receives enrichment classes to help challenge him. In other areas, he is right on target and this includes social interaction. If anything, I feel holding him back gave him an advantage, gave him some extra confidence and socially helped him to mature to the point that I knew he would do great. I have a friend whose son was born a week later and she sent him. He did great and had no problems. Well, that is just my experience and like I said, every child is different.

 

[cinderellamom123]

Would keep him in preschool another year. Like PP said, I have never heard of anyone regretting keeping their child back.

A red flag for me is that he does not seem mature enough to know that he will be required to do/finish work. There is a lot of coloring, letter practicing and even homework in kindergarten. The work is not an option, it is required.

Yes, you could hold him back from kinderarten, but I think that it can hurt their self esteem when they see all their friends more on and they are held back in a new class with new friends.

 

[zoemurr]

most other people in your area do? Here the cutoff is Dec 1, but my son with a July birthday has been one of the youngest in most of his classes. Everyone seems to hold their kids just because they can.. not really fair, but it is what it is.

 

[hedgehog2owl]

with what you just posted here, I would say send him. If he is uninterested now, I don't see how he will be not uninterested next year, esp if he is ahead.

Is he socially mature? Follow directions? stand in line? I tend to send him.

But you know him best

 

[ShannonMB]

A little voice inside my head thinks I should keep him in pre-school another year, but I am afraid he will be really bored. I've been interviewing other schools, and they tell me how they focus on one letter a week, etc, and I just don't see DS doing that since he's already reading, kwim?

I don't know, I am so conflicted, and haven't had this issue with my other kids. My parents and Dh are telling me to send him to K, with the idea of pulling him out if he's not doing well. I am just not too crazy about the pre-school options right now, but I will keep searching....

Hi OP! Sorry you are having trouble making this decision! My DD has a late December bday, so I was never in this situation. However, 2 things (the things I bolded) are kinda standing out to me...

1) You know Oprah would say that whenever you hear that little voice, it's your instinct talking -- and a mama's gut instinct is usually more reliable than just about anything! Sounds like your little voice is telling you that while your son may not be in the right preschool for him, another year before K may benefit him a lot.

2) How much of an opinion does your DH have on this? If he is dead set that the little guy go to K this year, is this something that is going to cause problems, or is he pretty laid back about it and willing to let you take the lead? I think that can make a difference in the decision. Either way, I think you should discuss and both be on the same page once the final decision is made, because with both parents in the same corner your son will have a good idea of what is expected of him.

Best of luck deciding! It always amazes me how DIFFERENT kids are, born with their own little personalities right from the womb -- raised just the same and as different as night and day! But I guess that's what makes life fun and exciting, right?!

 

[mjkacmom]

Do you have any play-based preschools around? My children attended one - no letter, numbers - just learning through play. Not the best for kids who need help academically, but all of mine were reading when they started kindergarten, so I just wanted something fun, and my kids loved it.

 

[Ericandjenng]

Have you talked to the school/teachers where he will be attending kindergarten?

Our son's bday is in January so we never even considered holding him for another year. His language skills are out of this world but when he first started kindergarten this year, their testing indicated he needed literacy work (even after having attended pre-k). I don't think it was an issue of couldn't as much as it was not interested. Between regular classroom work & the extended day program he's in, he has improved tremendously and got a FABULOUS report card this week!

At this same time, a neighbor has the same issue as you do--end of August bday for her son. She chose to hold him another year due to her perception of his immaturity. He'll start kindergarten in the fall....I'm not sure how this will end. I wouldn't have made this choice because this kid is very bright.

The pre-k program my son had been in also offered a private kindergarten. This offered parents who were unsure about it a chance for their child to go in a more structured environment that can be counted as either kindergarten or another year of pre-k. Do any in your area offer this?

Good Luck!

 

[ToyStoryBo]

Hi OP! Sorry you are having trouble making this decision! My DD has a late December bday, so I was never in this situation. However, 2 things (the things I bolded) are kinda standing out to me...

1) You know Oprah would say that whenever you hear that little voice, it's your instinct talking -- and a mama's gut instinct is usually more reliable than just about anything! Sounds like your little voice is telling you that while your son may not be in the right preschool for him, another year before K may benefit him a lot.

2) How much of an opinion does your DH have on this? If he is dead set that the little guy go to K this year, is this something that is going to cause problems, or is he pretty laid back about it and willing to let you take the lead? I think that can make a difference in the decision. Either way, I think you should discuss and both be on the same page once the final decision is made, because with both parents in the same corner your son will have a good idea of what is expected of him.

Best of luck deciding! It always amazes me how DIFFERENT kids are, born with their own little personalities right from the womb -- raised just the same and as different as night and day! But I guess that's what makes life fun and exciting, right?!

My DH is VERY laid back about this. He tends to let me make all the final decisions on these things. He trusts my judgement and always supports the decisions I make....We always discuss things to death, LOL, then I usually decide. Beings he works long hours, he feels I really know the kids best.

 

[puffkin]

It sounds to me like your DS is bored silly in preschool and is now indifferent. IMHO, I think it would be a mistake to keep him back for another year. I think you should try to challenge him and send him to kindergarten. The worst case scenario is he doesn't do well and he has to repeat that grade. But why not at least try to challenge him rather than stick to the status quo

 

[chrisw127]

We were in your exact same position two years ago (my son has a late August b-day as well) and we held him back. It was a really smart decision. When I see the kind of work they expect in first grade and all the social stuff kids need to know, I know that he would have had problems had I sent him so young. I got some flack from a mom friend of mine, but I realized that she wasn't going to be the one in the principal's ofifce, I was. That sealed my decision.

He's actually right in the middle age-wise in his class and loves school. A lot of parents hold kids back around here if they have summer birthdays.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[ajjollie23]

I can say from my experience, my 5 yo is in Kinder right now at a Catholic school. The public school was learning their alphabet and numbers and some letter sounds..Things he had learned for 2 years already. We decided to send him to Catholic school so that he was not bored learning the same material again. He is one of the youngest in the class (Cutoff Oct- his bday is June and he was 6 weeks premature), so he is smaller than the rest and most are already 6. Socially and maturity wise he tends to get in trouble for being silly, but academically he is perfectly fine and actually much happier. He is learning so much more than he would have been. He has been reading and doing double digit math and things the public school wouldn't have touched. Last year in public school he would hand things in messy and just not care about his work at all, he would also come home and say he was bored and he didn't learn anything. This year because of the structure and how much more strict they are, he isn't allowed to get away with this, and he does so much better. For us it was a really good decision to send him and to put him in private school.
Also, my birthday is the end of Dec. I moved into a new district right before 1st grade and missed the cut-off by my parents said I had already went thru K and they didn't want me repeating. I ended up being the youngest up until High school when there was 1 child younger than me. Academically I was always fine, socially, it was sometimes hard because some of my friends got their license a yr and 1/2 before me. But, then they just had to drive me around. It wasn't a huge deal and I don't have any regrets.
You have to do what you think is best for your child though. Maybe he isn't doing the work because he is bored with it. If that is the case holding him back won't help. It is a tough decision, I would talk to his teachers and get their input as well.

 

[Kaler131]

We kept our youngest DS in preschool for an extra year too. His bday is in June and he was academically ready but still not ready for Kindergarten. He is in Kindergarten (he's now 6) and is doing very well.

On the other hand...we sent our DD to Kindergarten a month after she turned 5 (her bday is in mid-July) and she did okay....but now she's in 10th grade and it's apparent that she's not as mature as most kids in her class. I'm kinda wondering if we should have waited for her as well. I'm not sure she's going to be ready to go off to college in two years Academically she always did great (she was in the gifted program and she's taking AP and honors classes)....until this year.... I think it's all kind of catching up with her.

 

[MSSANDRA]

Sounds like he needs another year just to grow up!!

I have been a preschool director for many years and have never had a parent that was sorry they retained a preschool child. Have had MANY wish they had waited a year.

Held back my June b-day boy that could aready read well going into kindergarten and never was sorry.

School is much more than just knowing letters and numbers. They have to use so much self control and many little boys are just not ready for that.

Listen to that mommy voice.
Start now however looking for a good preschool that will fit his needs.

 

[Colinsmom]

I have a boy with a September birthday who had to wait a year to start K, and it was rough on him since he also had all the basics down a good year before starting. If I were you, I'd start him now. Waiting will just leave him even more bored next year, which will make it even harder to motivate him.