OT-PA. 9/11 site & toddlers..

[bribert]

We're driving from Chicago to DC over Easter & we'll be going by the site where the United 93 flight went down on 9/11. My DW & I would like to go there, just to see all the memorials that are set up, but don't know what to tell our kids, 3 & 5, about it. We're flying to WDW in June & don't want to freak them out about flying on a plane.
Any advice?
Thanks!!

 

[Timon_n_Pumba]

Hiya, pal!

With kiddos that young, I can understand not wanting to freak them out about future plane trips.
Our oldest son is going to be six next month and has seen some 9/11 footage on television at various points. We try and be as practical as possible, with a heavy dose of "parental guidance."
For example, he asked me what happened to the buildings after seeing video of them burning, and I kinda sorta hedged by stating that there was a fire in the towers. He then asked how many people were in those buildings and did they all get out (kid doesn't miss a trick in the realm of making ye olde father squirm, I tell ya), and I told him there were a lot of people and just like happens in some fires, some of them didn't survive . He hasn't seen the collapse or the impacts of the jets or the more graphic footage of the victims in the WTC that day, and I will be very cautious when introducing such material to him.
Insofar as the Shanksville site is concerned, it all depends on how "honest" you want to be with them. Since it sounds like you are (probably correctly) concerned with having a negative effect on their feelings about future air travel, I would hedge here and explain it as a fire where a lot of people were, unfortunately, killed.
There isn't any way to explain a plane crash other than to use that very terminology which would be most likely to scare them (I guess in that respect I got off lucky by being able to confirm the obvious when questioned about the Twin Towers--yes, son, it's a fire).
I don't think I'd go so far as to call it an accident, though. It wasn't, and while a five year old may not need to know about terrorism and other nefarious world evils, neither do they need to be misled about it. No useful purpose would come at this age by telling them about "the bad people" who perpetrated the acts though, IMHO.

Of course, I am a professional historian with an intense interest in, of all things, the Titanic disaster in 1912 (and I was into it WAY before the movie...and the kids...and the wife, come to think of it...), so my eldest is kinda sorta used to seeing research materials/photographs/video of various aspects of that incident. Now I am NOT drawing ANY comparison between the Titanic and 9/11, other than both deal with subject matter that may be a bit daunting for many children (and their parents) to deal with, i.e. the untimely deaths of thousands of innocent victims.
When you stop to think about it, from a parental perspective and wanting to explain things as succinctly (yet as accurately) as possible, there actually IS a great deal of similarity between the two events, in that lots of people were killed. The whys and hows of their deaths aren't going to do anything to a five year old but scare them...if the fact of their deaths doesn't do that on its own.

Whew, this is long! My advice is to be honest, but be what I like to call "parentally honest." That is to say, be deceptive by omission (i.e. don't call Shanksville an accident, just as you don't want to call it a plane crash for fear of upsetting them regarding air travel--neither would comfort them, but the second explanation, at least, is true...there WAS a crash). Call it an incident, a fire (that's actually probably a lie in this case, but YOMV on that one), or better yet, if asked, state somberly that it was a tragedy in which a lot of innocent people died.
If they ask what a tragedy is, you can tell them it's an event that shouldn't have happened, but did...then breathe a sigh of relief that you got off so lucky with the explanation.
Of course, if they ask if there were little kids on the plane, you have a bit more of a sticky wicket to deal with. (ETA: Just checked, and there were no children aboard United 93; the youngest passenger was 20. Not to minimize the tragedy, but you know, as a parent, how kids are when other kids are injured or killed. It must have something to do with realization of their own mortality or something. But still --->) Same thing goes if they ask if the people were mommies and daddies, etc. It's thinking about them asking questions like this (and their probable reactions to the truthful, unvarnished answers) that make me want to go wake up my kids and hold them, and to tell you to lie and minimize the reality...but I won't tell you that, because it's not what I believe we should do when approaching this matter with our children. However, at the ages we're dealing with, there IS absolutely such a thing as too much information...and what would be the point or result, other than to scare them (unintentionally, of course, but you can't unring a bell).
And, at their age, obviously if they don't ask, then don't volunteer anything beyond that it's something that mommy and daddy want to stop and see. Then give 'em (and each other) a hug and count your blessings.

Best Regards,

Scott in MO

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

You could always say, "This is a place where a lot of heroes died one day before you were born. We've come here to honor them."

You can talk about bravery and being a hero. Sometimes a simple, succint answer will suffice. Your five year old may be more curious and ask further questions, ie "How did they die?"

You can answer, "They were great people who loved America so much they died protecting it from some very bad men. They were brave and courageous and fought back and won."

It's at this point, I would talk about other heroes that your 5 year old may know about and ways that person is honored.

I haven't been to Shanksville - I'm not sure if there are any photos, signs, memorial, etc. in the shape of a plane. I would avoid the plane aspect of 9/11 for as long as you can. Please remember though - the images of 9/11 pop up at some godawful times - it might not be a bad idea, as they get older, to start broaching the subject. The imagery has got to be scary to younger children who weren't even alive when it happened. You really can emphasize the positive effects from this safety-wise (stronger cockpit doors, better security, etc.).

For our family, we lost several family friends. So, my kids have learned by experience about 9/11 (all the memorial services and funerals and now all fundraisers for memorial scholarships and other annual events to remember our friends). My youngest is eight and understands what happened - the reality that I know in my 43 year old brain is that I can't even comprehend what happened that day - just thinking about it boggles my mind. The younger children (my two older children remember the day clearly and will for the rest of their lives), those who were too young or not born yet to experience the actual horror of that day will look at it as part of history rather than an actual experience.

So, I think it's important to keep that in mind. In a way - my eight year old can talk about 9/11 with much more ease and serenity than her siblings and her parents. Thankfully, she was removed enough from the horror and it's become just an event that occurred before she was born, if that makes any sense.

 

[Schmeck]

How about seeing if your local library has any children's books on the subject before you go? you can scan them first to see if it's an approach you'd like to use.

BTW, when you used the word "toddlers" in your title, I wasn't expecting your kids to be older than 2 yrs old. I don't think your 5 yr old would like to be called a toddler. That's even below a pre-schooler in rank!

 

[juligrl]

You could always say, "This is a place where a lot of heroes died one day before you were born. We've come here to honor them."

This is exactly what DH and I have told our girls (4 & 1) since our oldest was 14 days old - our first time stopping there. Come to think of it we also said pretty much the same thing at the WTC site this past summer and even at all the Civil War sites we've taken them to.