OT - need help with punishment for DD4 who stole and lied

[carrollchristoph]

I hope your dd "learns her lesson". We have tried everything with DS8 and nothing works. He lies, steals, does not complete tasks as asked, and does not listen when you are trying to talk to him about this. He does his "punishment" and as soon as his punishment is over he goes back to doing whatever he wants. It is so frustrating because we don't know what to do with him. He is a sweet person and makes friends easily but he has no self control. We go into a store and he wants a pack of gum he will just put it in his pockets. We have to search him before we leave stores, before and after school, it is so exhausting but we dont' know what to do. He has been to jail for a tour to be shown what happens to people that steal... did nothing. So if anyone has any suggestions for an 8 year old that just does not care about anything but himself I am open for suggestions. We have tried reward charts but he behaves until he earns his reward and then goes back to his old ways so he is not really learning anything just that he wants the reward. He loses privledges (no bike, tv, movies). I am sorry to take over OP post it just hit home when I read the title. There are days that all I want to do is cry because I feel so helpless.

I agree with mom2faith! Please look into having your son tested! Many times there are learning disabilities, processing disabilities, sensory issues, etc and the poor child just gets labeled as "bad". Public schools are obligated by law to test your child for these issues. Your school principal or special education teacher should be able to help you with how to do this in your state. If you get no help from the school, try to find a local special education PTO. They'll know what to do. Good luck and God bless!

 

[Alesia]

I hope your dd "learns her lesson". We have tried everything with DS8 and nothing works. He lies, steals, does not complete tasks as asked, and does not listen when you are trying to talk to him about this. He does his "punishment" and as soon as his punishment is over he goes back to doing whatever he wants. It is so frustrating because we don't know what to do with him. He is a sweet person and makes friends easily but he has no self control. We go into a store and he wants a pack of gum he will just put it in his pockets. We have to search him before we leave stores, before and after school, it is so exhausting but we dont' know what to do. He has been to jail for a tour to be shown what happens to people that steal... did nothing. So if anyone has any suggestions for an 8 year old that just does not care about anything but himself I am open for suggestions. We have tried reward charts but he behaves until he earns his reward and then goes back to his old ways so he is not really learning anything just that he wants the reward. He loses privledges (no bike, tv, movies). I am sorry to take over OP post it just hit home when I read the title. There are days that all I want to do is cry because I feel so helpless.

That isn't normal behavior. It sounds like he may have some sort of personality disorder. Honestly, you really need to get professional help.

 

[Debbie7452]

I hope your dd "learns her lesson". We have tried everything with DS8 and nothing works. He lies, steals, does not complete tasks as asked, and does not listen when you are trying to talk to him about this. He does his "punishment" and as soon as his punishment is over he goes back to doing whatever he wants. It is so frustrating because we don't know what to do with him. He is a sweet person and makes friends easily but he has no self control. We go into a store and he wants a pack of gum he will just put it in his pockets. We have to search him before we leave stores, before and after school, it is so exhausting but we dont' know what to do. He has been to jail for a tour to be shown what happens to people that steal... did nothing. So if anyone has any suggestions for an 8 year old that just does not care about anything but himself I am open for suggestions. We have tried reward charts but he behaves until he earns his reward and then goes back to his old ways so he is not really learning anything just that he wants the reward. He loses privledges (no bike, tv, movies). I am sorry to take over OP post it just hit home when I read the title. There are days that all I want to do is cry because I feel so helpless.

So sorry you are going through this. When I read your post it reminded me of my DNiece, she has had numerous similar problems. I researched her behaviors extensively and have come to believe she has effects of fetal alcohol(FAS or FAE). Some of these kids honesly have no impulse control. She is also adopted, so there's no telling for sure...but it explains a lot. Maybe this is an avenue you have already considered...just trying to be helpful and supportive! There are a lot of great support groups and info on the net.

 

[ireland_nicole]

I teach Pre-k, so I have a lot of experience with this age group.

First of all, I think it's good that you want to correct this.

Having said that, the punishment is way too complex for a 4 year old. When you throw that many things at them, they can't absorb it all and the punishment looses it's meaning.

I think I would have stopped with making her return the quarter and apologize. Then I would have followed up with a conversation (not a lecture) about why stealing is wrong. If she can write, a (simple) written appology would be a good idea.

At 4 years old, most kids don't really get the concept of being grounded. Taking away the bike and the DS doesn't really relate to stealing and they can't make the connection between the two.

I hope your dd "learns her lesson". We have tried everything with DS8 and nothing works. He lies, steals, does not complete tasks as asked, and does not listen when you are trying to talk to him about this. He does his "punishment" and as soon as his punishment is over he goes back to doing whatever he wants. It is so frustrating because we don't know what to do with him. He is a sweet person and makes friends easily but he has no self control. We go into a store and he wants a pack of gum he will just put it in his pockets. We have to search him before we leave stores, before and after school, it is so exhausting but we dont' know what to do. He has been to jail for a tour to be shown what happens to people that steal... did nothing. So if anyone has any suggestions for an 8 year old that just does not care about anything but himself I am open for suggestions. We have tried reward charts but he behaves until he earns his reward and then goes back to his old ways so he is not really learning anything just that he wants the reward. He loses privledges (no bike, tv, movies). I am sorry to take over OP post it just hit home when I read the title. There are days that all I want to do is cry because I feel so helpless.

There are a lot of very real neurological conditions/variations that make impulse control extremely difficult/impossible. It doesn't make him a bad kid, and it doesn't make you a bad mom. No, the behavior is not ok, yes, seeking testing is probably a good thing. But it may simply be that because of neurovariation he doesn't respond to typical parenting techniques that work w/ "most" kids. A neuropsychologist or other professional can help pinpoint what he's really doing and why, and then you can start to figure out the best form of discipline. You're not alone, I promise.

That isn't normal behavior. It sounds like he may have some sort of personality disorder. Honestly, you really need to get professional help.

While "professional help" is definitely a good idea, this child is not showing signs of a "personality disorder." He's not showing signs of behavior that would be consistent with DSM IV criteria for these "types" of disorders.