OT: My FIL is finally at peace

[Ms. Shuttergirl]

After a 3 year and 2 month long battle with cancer, my FIL has finally been laid to rest. The past 4-5 weeks have been very very hard for the whole family with the last 2 weeks bordering on nightmarish. He passed away on Monday night last week, after being unconscious from Friday evening. My children were very fortunate to be able to talk to him a few hours before he was no longer conscious and got to say their goodbyes over the phone (we live interstate). My FIL said the most beautiful things to them and it was the most wonderful and most gutwrenching thing I have ever experienced as a mother to my children. Watching their faces change as reality dawned during the chat with grandpa was about as tough as it gets. A blessing though, they are very lucky to get to have that talk and I am sure they will treasure that as they get older.

My DH was able to get there in time to see his father and whilst they have had a difficult relationship, they were very much at peace with each other at the end.

Arriving down there with the kids was a relief, it was awful being back in Canberra when everything happened. The funeral was organised within days and was a very moving and fitting tribute to him. All of the 4 grandkids spoke and took part during the mass and he would have been beaming with pride watching them from above. It was full on because there were so many people there who we hadn't seen for a long time since we live away. Overwhelming for DH, the kids and myself as at times it felt like an onslaught of wellwishers. Of course everyone meant well and we were glad so many people came.

We have flown back into Canberra this afternoon after the longest most draining week and are happily cocooned in our house, washing, ironing (and catching up on the DIS ).

I've mentioned on here before about his illness and how we hope MIL will come away with us at the end of the year so thought I would update you on his passing. Haven't discussed the trip with MIL yet obviously but will do so once things settle down.

I feel drained now but happy for FIL because it was really pretty rough for him in the end and it was definitely his time. MIL is doing very well considering. I think she had definitely subconsciously begun the grieving process months ago and that has really helped her through this week.

His famous line throughout the whole journey where he fought tooth and nail to stay with us as long as possible:-

"I know I can't win this race, but I can come a damn close second".

Thanks for listening and for all the support in the past.

 

[aussietravellers]

Oh Ms.Shuttergirl I am sorry to hear about your FIL . My thoughts are with you and your family.

Even though it was an expected thing, it is still hard when that day to say goodbye finally arrives and the emptiness that follows after months or years of caring for and loving a loved one.

 

[Travel Mum]

Oh Ms Shuttergirl, my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. Thanks for letting us know because, through your posts over the years, we have been aware of your FIL's battle.

 

[Aussie Wendy]

So sorry for you Ms Shuttergirl though I know you have been expecting this for some time. Was lovely that your children were able to talk to him and in years to come they will treasure this and that your husband was able to be there. Also that when the time came it sounded relatively speaking, quick and peaceful. Having been through three in quick succession last October (an aunt very dear to us, my father-in-law and a friends dad) I know how draining it can be but at least he is now at rest. Your mum-in-law will need some extra support for a few months and I agree, when time has passed suggesting the trip with you is a good idea. Take care

 

[PrincessInOz]

Shuttergirl, my thoughts are with you and the family at this time. I wish you all peace and long life.

 

[Toy Story]

I am sorry to hear of your loss. Your children are lucky (and blessed) that they were able to have one final conversation. You should be proud that they spoke at the service.

 

[Caroline NZ]

So sorry to hear of your loss Ms Shuttergirl.

 

[Ms. Shuttergirl]

Oh Ms.Shuttergirl I am sorry to hear about your FIL . My thoughts are with you and your family.

Even though it was an expected thing, it is still hard when that day to say goodbye finally arrives and the emptiness that follows after months or years of caring for and loving a loved one.

Thanks aussietravellers. I appreciate it. And you are so right, even though we knew this was coming, it has still come as a shock and will definitely be alot to come to terms with in the coming months. I especially think my DH will have alot to think about and digest as he comes to terms with his father passing.

Oh Ms Shuttergirl, my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. Thanks for letting us know because, through your posts over the years, we have been aware of your FIL's battle.

Hey Travel Mum, that is sweet. Thank you.

So sorry for you Ms Shuttergirl though I know you have been expecting this for some time. Was lovely that your children were able to talk to him and in years to come they will treasure this and that your husband was able to be there. Also that when the time came it sounded relatively speaking, quick and peaceful. Having been through three in quick succession last October (an aunt very dear to us, my father-in-law and a friends dad) I know how draining it can be but at least he is now at rest. Your mum-in-law will need some extra support for a few months and I agree, when time has passed suggesting the trip with you is a good idea. Take care

Hi Wendy - oh dear, I'm so sorry to hear of so much loss in your own family. That is alot to take so closely together. And yes, when the time came, for him to go fairly peacefully gives us all alot of comfort. Thank you very much.

 

[ExcitedSam]

Ms Shuttergirl, So sorry to hear of your FIL passing. I had a little tear in my eye when you talked about your children's last conversation with their grand father, how touching and beautiful,but yes I can understand how heartbreaking too. Hopefully you are getting some rest after your exhausting week, at least it's a PH tomorrow so you have another day to rest and catch up.

 

[queenie82]

Sending love and prayers Ms Shuttergirl. It's been a long and rough road for all of you and as devastating as it is that he now has passed, it is a blessing he passed peacefully and that you and your family got that final farewell.

Wishing you and your family some peace and close bonding time to adjust.

 

[austraveler]

I'm sure you have mixed emotions right now - relief that your FIL's pain is over and sadness for your family who is now without him. Give your husband and children lots of hugs.

 

[Ms. Shuttergirl]

Shuttergirl, my thoughts are with you and the family at this time. I wish you all peace and long life.

Thanks my lovely PIO

I am sorry to hear of your loss. Your children are lucky (and blessed) that they were able to have one final conversation. You should be proud that they spoke at the service.

Toystory - they truly are very lucky and I am oozing pride at that way the children handled themselves at the funeral.

So sorry to hear of your loss Ms Shuttergirl.

Thanks Caroline, very kind.

Ms Shuttergirl, So sorry to hear of your FIL passing. I had a little tear in my eye when you talked about your children's last conversation with their grand father, how touching and beautiful,but yes I can understand how heartbreaking too. Hopefully you are getting some rest after your exhausting week, at least it's a PH tomorrow so you have another day to rest and catch up.

ExcitedSam - thanks for that, yes it is an emotional thing. I start crying everytime I think of the kids talking with grandpa and their faces. I love that it's a public holiday tomorrow but since I work for myself, there is kind of no such thing and now it's just a matter of catching up. I'm thinking of popping to Costco tomorrow morning though because we need some supplies and because that place just makes me happy

 

[alicia1506]

ms shuttergirl - i am so sorry for the loss you and your family have experienced. it is horrid to lose someone you love at any time, however i know the struggles you have experienced and wish you all peace and happiness for the future.

my grandfather passed just before my 21st birthday and i got to spend a few hours with him before hand. the memories of being able to see him smile, his utter contentment at that moment and the feeling of his palm on mine as i got to hold his hand that last time bring me a huge deal of joy even 10 years later, knowing that he was happy in that moment. i know he truly is resting in peace and that is a memory i treasure and i know that your family will treasure their memories of those last conversations they had with him.

my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.

 

[Ms. Shuttergirl]

Sending love and prayers Ms Shuttergirl. It's been a long and rough road for all of you and as devastating as it is that he now has passed, it is a blessing he passed peacefully and that you and your family got that final farewell.

Wishing you and your family some peace and close bonding time to adjust.

Thank you my lovely Queenie, that is very sweet. It definitely was a long and hard road but mostly for him and my MIL. She was really the most amazing person throughout, I am totally in awe of her.

I'm sure you have mixed emotions right now - relief that your FIL's pain is over and sadness for your family who is now without him. Give your husband and children lots of hugs.

Yes that is exactly it, mixed emotions. So glad he is no longer in any pain and is at peace but most especially sad for my babies.

 

[WAMUMOF4]

Ms. Shuttergirl sending you and your family lots of even when you are expecting it it still comes as a shock when it actually happens.

That last conversation is one of the hardest things i have ever had to do your children will remember that for the rest of their lives an it is an amazing blessing to have that opportunity and not think i wish i had been able to say goodbye.

Thank you for sharing love and prayers to you all during this time

 

[periwinkle20]

Very sorry for your loss Ms Shuttergirl, may your FIL rest in peace

 

[Sugarglider]

thank you for sharing your touching story, Ms Shuttergirl. My condolences to your family, and I hope the next few months proceed smoothly for you all.

 

[Kangarucci]

 

[Aust]

Very sorry for you and your family.

 

[dabecs]

My thoughts and prayers are with your family.