OT-my daughter just made me so cross

[saraheeyore]

I am soo mad right now my daughter just made a hole in her build a bear kitty and pulled all the stuffing out of it. I've pretty much taken all her toys away. she was supposed to be going to sleep and she has just been sat there pulling the stuffing out. She is normally pretty good but she is very destructive and will tear a book to peices or draw over a wall or something. I don't really know how to stop her doing this

 

[aidtrismommy]

I know this sounds ridiculous, but maybe it would help if she had no toys in her room so her room could be for sleeping only. My boys only have a small bookshelf in their room with paper books (the board books are in the living room, so I don't have to worry about my little guy tearing up the paper books) 3 board games and puzzles. This would mean that all the toys and such whould have to be in the living room or play room. I don't have a play room so all their toys are in the living room. It is something to get used to, but well worth it for my kids to have a neat, and serene place to sleep with no distractions. I think you are doing the right thing to take away her toys when she destroys them. She has no idea how expensive it was and it probably affects you more than her. You will have to take away things that mean a lot to her for it to sink in. For my son, if I take away his favorite tv show, or tell him I am going to return one of his movies, it works. Try and find that thing that she really loves and threaten to/or actually take it away. You have to be consistent in order for it to work. I know how frustruated you are, but try and change it now becasue it will be much harder when she is older.

 

[DumboPrincess]

Just a side note--Build A Bear will re-stuff and stitch him back up for free!

 

[saraheeyore]

Just a side note--Build A Bear will re-stuff and stitch him back up for free!

lol thanks its just that its a 1 hour drive away. i can probably repair it but its close to going in the bin right now to prove a point

 

[saraheeyore]

I know this sounds ridiculous, but maybe it would help if she had no toys in her room so her room could be for sleeping only. My boys only have a small bookshelf in their room with paper books (the board books are in the living room, so I don't have to worry about my little guy tearing up the paper books) 3 board games and puzzles. This would mean that all the toys and such whould have to be in the living room or play room. I don't have a play room so all their toys are in the living room. It is something to get used to, but well worth it for my kids to have a neat, and serene place to sleep with no distractions. I think you are doing the right thing to take away her toys when she destroys them. She has no idea how expensive it was and it probably affects you more than her. You will have to take away things that mean a lot to her for it to sink in. For my son, if I take away his favorite tv show, or tell him I am going to return one of his movies, it works. Try and find that thing that she really loves and threaten to/or actually take it away. You have to be consistent in order for it to work. I know how frustruated you are, but try and change it now becasue it will be much harder when she is older.

her bedroom is quite big and we've never really had problems with her going to bed so its not been a problem before. she normally ignore toys at bedroom but will go to bed with a book sometimes (board book). not got room for a playroom and i like having a bit of space in living room for ourselves. I've pretty much taken away everything i could and she won't be getting them back for a few days at least

 

[Maggie'sMom]

How old is your DD?

I know it's frustrating and there should definitely be a consequence for her, but take a deep breath. It sounds like she's young enough that she may not fully understand the results of her destructive behavior. Just keep following through with consequences and she'll learn. And this is one story you should file away in your memory to pull out when she has kids and is complaining about things they do.

 

[saraheeyore]

How old is your DD?

I know it's frustrating and there should definitely be a consequence for her, but take a deep breath. It sounds like she's young enough that she may not fully understand the results of her destructive behavior. Just keep following through with consequences and she'll learn. And this is one story you should file away in your memory to pull out when she has kids and is complaining about things they do.

she is 2 and a half so is still young but i want her to realise that she can't just destroy stuff. I made her look at me and told her how wrong it was and then kinda flipped out and took all her toys away. not really sure were i am gonna hide them right now. most are on my bed right now which is not helpful
calming down a bit now after writing this. its hubbys late night (i am in england so its almost 9pm) so i can't talk to him yet so needed to write something

 

[aTasteOfHeaven]

Destructive behavior in not good, but she is only 2 1/2....

Hopefully she isn't picking up on other people's anger and this is how she takes out her anger and frustration. The little ones are very impressionable.

 

[Maggie'sMom]

she is 2 and a half so is still young but i want her to realise that she can't just destroy stuff. I made her look at me and told her how wrong it was and then kinda flipped out and took all her toys away. not really sure were i am gonna hide them right now. most are on my bed right now which is not helpful
calming down a bit now after writing this. its hubbys late night (i am in england so its almost 9pm) so i can't talk to him yet so needed to write something

Of course she needs to learn that she can't destroy stuff. And you are doing your job as a mom to impose a consequence as a manner of teaching her that. But keep her age in mind when imposing that consequence. At 2 1/2, taking all her toys away for a few days will probably be counter-productive. Maybe let her earn the toys back tomorrow, but leave the kitty unstuffed for a few days. Gather up all the stuffing and store it so you can repair the kitty later if you decide to do so. But seeing the unstuffed kitty will demonstrate what you are trying to teach her much better than leaving her with no toys for a few days. If you decide to repair it, make her help you.

 

[Hollytigs]

Sometimes it can be so frustrating. My DD has a habit of every now and then (about every 6 months) doing something really random like completely bending and twisting her glasses for no reason at all! I just walk in the room and she has broken them!
I tell her off and punish her because she knows she shouldn't have done it, but then a few months later she does it again. You just feel so frustrated and helpless as to how to get through to them!
And believe me, my DD is really a very good girl, very well behaved and usually no problem at all!

 

[mom2faith]

I have to commend you for nipping the behavior in the bud right away!!

I think earning them back gradually starting tomorrow is a good idea.

We are trying to teach DD value right now too, and it is a struggle!! But she sold lemonade for her first Webkin and is trying to con me into another. I told her she had to save her money again and then I get those puppy dog eyes...sometimes being the parent sucks!!

 

[NotUrsula]

When I was little I used to take things apart to see how they worked -- I did it ALL the time. She might have been curious to see what would happen if she took the stuffing out -- what he would look like without it.
Kids who do this don't see it as wanton destruction; they have what they consider to be a good reason for doing it (yes, sometimes even at age 2), and they usually don't mean for the deconstruction to be permanent.

The first time that I really wanted to destroy something I did it on purpose to get rid of it, and I did it methodically, in a way that insured that there would be no repairing it. I was 4, and I still remember doing it, and that I thought that suffering the punishment was worth it. (The object in question was a HIDEOUS pair of aqua double-knit pedal pushers that were given to me by an Aunt. I hated them on sight and found them dreadfully uncomfortable, but my mother insisted that I wear them to please the person who had given them to me. To get rid of them I took Mom's dressmaker shears and cut them into hundreds of very tiny shreds of fabric. I got into trouble on several levels, but I had rid myself of the aqua pants, so I didn't mind paying the price.)

She didn't shred the toy or stomp on it, she just took it apart. More than likely she does not understand that that was destructive, so there is a good possibility that she doesn't know why you are so angry about it. Does she speak well enough to explain what happened to the kitty? She might tell you something that you are not expecting, like perhaps that she was his doctor.

 

[aTasteOfHeaven]

Along the lines of the PP, maybe she was looking for the heart?

 

[cuppycake]

I'm going with some of the PP on this one...my guess is that she had a reason that made perfectly good sense to her as to why she did that. It doesn't sound like she was trying to destroy it.

At that age, taking away all of her toys will most likely not get much across (though you do know your daughter, and maybe it is the step you need to take). I would leave the unstuffed kitty in plain sight and when it is time to repair the kitty, I would have her help (actions have natural consequences...if the kitty is apart, he isn't much fun to play with....if you want to take something apart that isn't supposed to be apart, you need to fix it).

I think it's great that you want to start teaching her things....I've found in my house what works really well is trying to keep my cool (HA!) and really talking to my kids about what has happened. They usually surprise me when I hear their reasons, and we turn it into a teaching moment and these same things just don't happen again!

Best of luck with everything! Sorry it was a rough day for you guys!

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

She didn't shred the toy or stomp on it, she just took it apart. More than likely she does not understand that that was destructive, so there is a good possibility that she doesn't know why you are so angry about it. Does she speak well enough to explain what happened to the kitty? She might tell you something that you are not expecting, like perhaps that she was his doctor.

I agree with this, I would ask her calmly why she did it. Over Christmas I let my then 4yo take pictures with my camera. I've never had a problem with it, and he loves taking pictures. While he ws doing it he accidentally dropped it and the batteries came out. He tried to put them back in because I had told him to wait a minute because I was busy, but he put them in wrong so the camera wouldn't work still. I explained that to him and again told him to wait a minute and I would help him. Instead he threw the camera on the floor again and kind of broke it. DH got upset and took the camera away and put him in time-out, but he over reacted by not asking DS why he did that. It turned out his reasoning was that the batteries came out when he dropped it so if he dropped it again they would come out again so he could put them in correctly. Yes, he should've waited for me to help him, but really he was just trying to be independent, he wasn't trying to break my camera.

 

[Mickeypooh99]

I wouldn't punish a 2 1/2 year old for doing that. Toddlers are very curious. They are learning how the world works. She probably wanted to know what was inside. This is a very natural thing. I have a son who started destroying things at an early age. I gave him things that he COULD take apart without punishment. Broken toys, and things. This helped satisfy his curiosity.

At 2 1/2 she can't understand the value/cost of things. She can understand if you explain that it makes you sad when the things are broken and can't be fixed. Most kids don't want to make their parents sad. If my son broke something on purpose we did not fix it. This helped him learn not to do that.

My son had a v-tech computer. At 4 years old I found him with all the keys off. He had pried them off the keyboard, and was putting them back on in alphabetical order. That made more sense to him. He thought he was fixing it.

 

[saraheeyore]

Sometimes it can be so frustrating. My DD has a habit of every now and then (about every 6 months) doing something really random like completely bending and twisting her glasses for no reason at all! I just walk in the room and she has broken them!
I tell her off and punish her because she knows she shouldn't have done it, but then a few months later she does it again. You just feel so frustrated and helpless as to how to get through to them!
And believe me, my DD is really a very good girl, very well behaved and usually no problem at all!

thats exactly how mine is. its just a random every now and again thing and i don't understand it. she hugged me this morning and said sorry mummy right after she woke up

 

[mickeyplanner08]

Grab your camera. I am so serious. We used to find my daughter in some lovely situations....whole box of q-tips all over the bathroom floor. Shredded roll of toilet paper, whole box of kleenex pulled out one by one...you get the idea. I just had to keep reminding myself that they have NO impulse control at that age. Take a picture and make them clean up. It makes you walk away so you don't hurt them, and by the time you take the picture, you've calmed down a little.Made the best scrapbook page that now I can laugh at....wasn't nearly so funny at the time!

 

[TBGOES2DISNEY]

My youngest isn't 2 yet, but she gets into all kinds of trouble that my oldest two never did.

She climbs on everything - tables, ladders, chairs, step stools. Her latest adventure is to pull a step stool up to the fridge and play with the water button until she is soaked.

She likes to rip stuff. I've pretty much got her to stop ripping books, but she still shreds any other papers. She empties bookshelves and empties cabinets. She'll throw everything off of table tops. Some of this is just exploring and typical toddler behavior, but sometimes she's just being a naughty little devil!

She has scribbled in books, drawn on the wall in pencils, written on a chair in pencil and pen, and decorated herself in markers countless times. She colored on my laptop with sharpie (rubbing alcohol got it off). The worse thing she has done is color on the carpet with sharpie - twice! (FYI hand sanitizer got most of it out.)

She seriously just doesn't get it yet, I guess. I don't know. I'm being consistent in dealing with her, but enough already!

Her older sisters kept leaving markers within her reach, and now they know if they leave them out, they'll be punished too. The little dear is now interested in the kiddy scissors, so I'll give her big sisters the same rules about those. My oldest two always knew not to touch them, and when they were older, they firmly understood they were never to cut hair. I can clearly picture this one chopping off chunks of her hair as soon as she realizes that it's possible.

So, anyway, you're not alone....

 

[saraheeyore]

Grab your camera. I am so serious. We used to find my daughter in some lovely situations....whole box of q-tips all over the bathroom floor. Shredded roll of toilet paper, whole box of kleenex pulled out one by one...you get the idea. I just had to keep reminding myself that they have NO impulse control at that age. Take a picture and make them clean up. It makes you walk away so you don't hurt them, and by the time you take the picture, you've calmed down a little.Made the best scrapbook page that now I can laugh at....wasn't nearly so funny at the time!

maybe i should try that. sounds like a plan. she's played with toilet roll too. pulled roll apart and put whole thing down toilet in bits so we had to fish it all out