OT - lost my best friend today..help

[mlegerto]

Hi Everyone

I realize how off topic this is for this forum, but I have always found helpful advice on this site so I am hoping there will be some ppl out there able to help me.

 

[mlegerto]

Last night I had to say my final goodbye to my baby Rumbles (my grey tabby). He was 21 years old and I got him for my 4th birthday. I cannot remember a time without having him with me. Being a very lucky girl, my dad got my two kitties for my birthday (tippy my orange/brown tabby).

I noticed a while ago that rumbles was getting small and losing a lot of weight (at this point he was already 19). I figured it was a normal part of getting older. He was extremely happy, eating well, drinking water and always following me around to be with me. On Sunday I had this feeling when letting rumbles that something wasn't right (I just knew him so well). I monitored him over the next few hours and decided that he needed to visit the vet (rumbles did not make regular visits to the vet due to his age...I knew he was older and not in the greatest health and I could not afford surgeries and tests. Vets in the past told me that he was too old for surgery anyways because he was not strong enough to survive). Wen we got to the vet, we found that he was very fragile and dehydrated. The vet gave him fluids under the skin and sent us on our way. He seemed much happier and full of life, wanting to cuddle with me and purring. Over the next few days we played the same game (he wouldn't look good, we'd take him to the vet, he'd be better temp. Then back to not so well). Even though I know he wasn't feeling well, I'd sit ere with him to pet him and console him and he'd purr. Not his normal purr though. Looking back, I honestly believe that he was fighting for me and trying to console me and tell me it's okay.

Finally on Tuesday, I could tell he wasn't doing well at all. He didn't want to move, barely wanted to cuddle with me and was not purring in his usual fashion. I called the vet to update them and they told me "this isn't good. We suggest you bring him in right away, but please do not come by yourself because it doesn't sound good". I knew at that point that Rumbles was in much pain and that I would have to make the extremely hard decision to say goodbye.

We went to the vet and just as I had feared, the vet agreed he was in extreme pain and had gave up fighting. We went through with the procedure.

Now I feel alone and like I have lost my best friend. I try to take my mind off of it with work and good memories of my time with Rumbles (and let's be honest, over 21 years there were a lot). It keeps popping into my head the moment when I was holding, petting and consoling (as I told him how good a boy he was and how much I loved him) and he took his last breathe. I keep second guessing myself and if I made the right decision, I know I did though. I couldn't see him in that pain and the chances of him making any recovery was so slim (they estimated that he only had about 20% kidney use left. There has not been a night since my 4th birthday that I had not slept alone at home without him. Needless to say, even with e assistance of sleeping pills I cannot sleep. When I close my eyes all I can think of is e final look I got at him.... Him laying lifeless on the table as I walked away.

I can not express the feelings that I have. I feel sad, depressed, lonely, lost and guilty. I just really really pray that Rumbles knows how much he was loved and how much he will be missed. This decision was made so that he wouldn't be in anymore pain, regardless of the pain I feel now. I feel broken hearted. To make matters worse, his sister, companion and lifelong friend is walking around my house looking and crying for him. Breaks my heart.


As I said, I know this is completely off topic from Disney, but I just had to talk to someone.


RIP Rumbles 1991-2013. I love you more than you will ever know and I thank you for fighting to stay wi me for the last 21 years. I will never forget you.

 

[Rosanne]

The word "lost" can mean significantly different things so I don't want to assume anything. In either case, what has helped me in many different situations is to accept the way I need to deal with loss as normal. It can be a slow process with two steps forward and one step back but don't rush yourself. I hope the best for you and strength.

 

[Rosanne]

Okay, I see.

I lost my "child" (cat) of 17 years about two years ago. I still miss her. I totally understand. Clearly you did everything you could for her. I thought I wouldn't get another cat (I only had the one) for a long time because she could not be replaced. I couldn't make it a week before I broke down and rescued a cat that looked just like her from the shelter. Of course, I knew it wasn't my precious love but it was helpful to see a black ball of fur running around.

My current cat (I've had two years now) is growing on me and I on her. It isn't the same, never will be, but I saved her life and she has done a lot for me as well.

I am so sorry to hear about your precious kitty. I won't be on computer much today but feel free to PM me if you want to talk more and I will be sure to check in before 10 EST. If not, know that you were a great companion to your dear kitty.

 

[pumba]

if you look at our boards ...we do have a coping and compassion board...they have helped many people with their "loss" ...even animal losses...we all grieve for our devoted "friends" ..

Please know that some of us know what you are going thru and I am sure you can get some really good talks there..

here is the link.

http://disboards.com/forumdisplay.php?f=149

 

[ready123go]

Last night I had to say my final goodbye to my baby Rumbles (my grey tabby). He was 21 years old and I got him for my 4th birthday. I cannot remember a time without having him with me. Being a very lucky girl, my dad got my two kitties for my birthday (tippy my orange/brown tabby).

I noticed a while ago that rumbles was getting small and losing a lot of weight (at this point he was already 19). I figured it was a normal part of getting older. He was extremely happy, eating well, drinking water and always following me around to be with me. On Sunday I had this feeling when letting rumbles that something wasn't right (I just knew him so well). I monitored him over the next few hours and decided that he needed to visit the vet (rumbles did not make regular visits to the vet due to his age...I knew he was older and not in the greatest health and I could not afford surgeries and tests. Vets in the past told me that he was too old for surgery anyways because he was not strong enough to survive). Wen we got to the vet, we found that he was very fragile and dehydrated. The vet gave him fluids under the skin and sent us on our way. He seemed much happier and full of life, wanting to cuddle with me and purring. Over the next few days we played the same game (he wouldn't look good, we'd take him to the vet, he'd be better temp. Then back to not so well). Even though I know he wasn't feeling well, I'd sit ere with him to pet him and console him and he'd purr. Not his normal purr though. Looking back, I honestly believe that he was fighting for me and trying to console me and tell me it's okay.

Finally on Tuesday, I could tell he wasn't doing well at all. He didn't want to move, barely wanted to cuddle with me and was not purring in his usual fashion. I called the vet to update them and they told me "this isn't good. We suggest you bring him in right away, but please do not come by yourself because it doesn't sound good". I knew at that point that Rumbles was in much pain and that I would have to make the extremely hard decision to say goodbye.

We went to the vet and just as I had feared, the vet agreed he was in extreme pain and had gave up fighting. We went through with the procedure.

Now I feel alone and like I have lost my best friend. I try to take my mind off of it with work and good memories of my time with Rumbles (and let's be honest, over 21 years there were a lot). It keeps popping into my head the moment when I was holding, petting and consoling (as I told him how good a boy he was and how much I loved him) and he took his last breathe. I keep second guessing myself and if I made the right decision, I know I did though. I couldn't see him in that pain and the chances of him making any recovery was so slim (they estimated that he only had about 20% kidney use left. There has not been a night since my 4th birthday that I had not slept alone at home without him. Needless to say, even with e assistance of sleeping pills I cannot sleep. When I close my eyes all I can think of is e final look I got at him.... Him laying lifeless on the table as I walked away.

I can not express the feelings that I have. I feel sad, depressed, lonely, lost and guilty. I just really really pray that Rumbles knows how much he was loved and how much he will be missed. This decision was made so that he wouldn't be in anymore pain, regardless of the pain I feel now. I feel broken hearted. To make matters worse, his sister, companion and lifelong friend is walking around my house looking and crying for him. Breaks my heart.


As I said, I know this is completely off topic from Disney, but I just had to talk to someone.


RIP Rumbles 1991-2013. I love you more than you will ever know and I thank you for fighting to stay wi me for the last 21 years. I will never forget you.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I have been through the loss of a "furry best friend" more times than I can count. Give yourself time to mourn. It is a process. You will be upset for a while yet, but it does hurt less with time.

I have also made "the decision" more times than I care to remember. You made a hard choice, but it was the kindest and most selfless.

Rumbles was a loyal and loving companion, eventually you will remember nothing but the good times and the love.

My thoughts are with you in this time of grief.

 

[mlegerto]

Thank you pumba. I will post there for support. Thanks everyone

 

[mlegerto]

Ready123go this is my first pet and my first experience with death. I cannot imagine having to do this more than once, but at the same time I cannot imagine myself not having a little buddy to come home to. I am very thankful to still have Tippy (rumbles sister), but I am afraid that she is starting to stress (they have never been apart since birth). If she gets sick from the stress I don't know what I will do (the vet has warned me that this may happen).

 

[POOHsie]

My heartfelt sympathy to you and your family. We lost our dear Momma cat in September. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her. Momma cat, and now Rumbles, are awaiting our arrival at the Rainbow Bridge.

Here's a lovely YouTube of the Rainbow Bridge poem. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ig3S86-p1A4

 

[mlegerto]

Thank you.

 

[Dreamsdocometrue9112]

I've lost two fur-babies in the past. Nothing describes the pain. It truly is losing a family member. My heart is heavy for you. I know what you are feeling. I actually cried reading your post because it took me back to the emptiness I felt those days. We now have 2 fur-babies over the past 4 years. They have mended my heart. No pet is ever the same, they are each special in their own way. You're in my thoughts tonight.

 

[tarzansmom]

((Hugs)) I lost my fur baby (age 16) the sweetest yellow tabby this past September. Making the decision to let him go was heartbreaking. I knew it was best as he was suffering but my heart wasn't ready. I had him longer than my husband and son. He was with me through our infertility journey, my battle with cancer and so much more. It was even worse because my sons 1 year old tuxedo kitty escaped the day after Sammy passed and we found him ran over on the highway. We recently adopted a gray tabby, a 8 year old rescue but I am just not bonding like I did with Sammy. It's hard to lose someone you love.

 

[Lynne M]

Since the OP has reposted on Coping and Compassion, I'll close this.