OT...Kindergarten or not?

[budbeerlady]

I am very surprised how many kids in our area start kindergarten at 6! I knew with DD having an Oct birthday she would be on the younger end, but most of the kids in her class were 6 or almost when school started and she wasnt quite 5. She is doing well and I have no regrets but for some reason the teacher brought it up several times at PT confrences.

 

[DisneyPhD]

I'm in Oakland County. DS isn't school age yet but the cutoff in Mich has been 12/1 since I started Kindy in 1979. My Dsis is head school psychologist for a district here in SE Mich and I'm sure she'd tell you things haven't changed in over 25 years. Girls with fall b-day are more often than not sent (as was I and my sis despite her speech problems back then). Boys are more often than not held a year. As a girl, it wasn't a problem being one of the youngest but I think it was harder for the few younger boys in HS. I wouldn't worry about holding your DS#2 back. I'm thankful that my mom refused to allow the school to skip me a grade. I started college at 17 and can't imagine if I had been 16. I actually went to college with 2 16 yr old girls and while academically they were fine, maturity wise they were miles behind (as were some of the 17 yr old girls).

Since your DS has an august b-day, you could really go either way. Go with your gut instinct. If you (parent of 3) think he's not ready, he probably isn't. Perhaps you could put him in a preschool that really challenges him and he'll be that far ahead and more confident starting Kindergarten.

Good luck with your decision. As the mother of a DS with a June b-day I'm glad I won't have to make that decision. Of course, since he's physically in the 75th percentile, I struggle with whether or not to move him up with the bigger toddlers at day care. I swear its always something.

Thanks for your input, I found it interesting. Also an oalkand co person here and I grew up in the area. Still finding it hard to consder summer birthdays as questionable cut off ones. (since I always thought as nov as questionable.) I agree it does seem like at age 5 girls are normally more mature for school then boys. I never dreamed when I had an early Aug child this would be an issue. My oldest turns 5 next week, and she is so ready for K. (and has been for a while.) If her sister is the same when she turns 5 she will be ready, but as we all know, every child is different.

Any way this thread has given me a lot to think about. Thanks OP for starting it and everyone for the input. OP I hope all goes well with your DS!

 

[KTSMOM]

My DD was 11 days away from the cut off date for K. My DH and I decided to keep her one more year in preschool so she would be one of the older ones. She has flourished this year and I know we made the right choice. My DH said he wanted to give her another year at being a kid. I agree..they grow up so fast.

 

[1of6]

Thanks for your input, I found it interesting. Also an oalkand co person here and I grew up in the area. Still finding it hard to consder summer birthdays as questionable cut off ones. (since I always thought as nov as questionable.) I agree it does seem like at age 5 girls are normally more mature for school then boys. I never dreamed when I had an early Aug child this would be an issue. My oldest turns 5 next week, and she is so ready for K. (and has been for a while.) If her sister is the same when she turns 5 she will be ready, but as we all know, every child is different.

Any way this thread has given me a lot to think about. Thanks OP for starting it and everyone for the input. OP I hope all goes well with your DS!

I grew up in Oakland county (we are now in Macomb after 3 years in DE) and have the same feeling about summer birthdays. I figured DS#2 was my easy decision with his mid-Aug. b-day. But these are the kids held in other states that have Sept. 1 cut-offs.

I also know that if DS#2 didn't have his speech issues then he would be going. Once you put special needs on top of everything it changes everything. He has come so far I hate to have him struggle with anything right now. Many communication interactions are still very difficult.

OT- I have to say that the characters at WDW were awsome. DS#2 was not his normal shy self with any of them. He was the first one to hug and I had to pull him away from the 1 more high-5 at the end. It was truely magical for us!

 

[deedeed]

My dd now 7 has a birthday Sept. 24th. She just missed the cutoff so she is an old student. It has been a wonderful thing! She actually would have been ready to go a year earlier but I feel that she picks up on the skills quicker than most! Maybe its age, Maybe she just gets it.
Do what you feel is best for your child! If his speech problem is going to give him some trouble in school, give him the time to mature a little more. If you feel that it wont be a problem put him in! Either way, you know your child more than anyone else, go with your gut and everything will work out fine!

 

[CleveRocks]

For the life of me I can't understand why it has become the fashion in some parts to hold a child back a year before starting school. Of course, they are some very appropriate reasons due to any of 10,000 different problems or challenges or deficits. But to do it just because the healthy, happy, relatively problem-free, developmentally appropriate child is near the cutoff date is just unfathomable to me.

I think children who possess at least an adequate amount of self-esteem end up doing BETTER when they're around kids who may be a little ahead of them. They strive to act like the other kids, and thus, again if they have adequate self-esteem and adequate "other tools," they progress faster than their same-age cohorts.

My 3 year old was born 11 days before our school's cutoff date. She's only in the 5th percentile for height. She's a fairly bright kid. We have no question that we're going to send her to kindergarten at her "normal" time. We will not choose to leave her back a year. Part of it is just because we see no reason TO leave her back. And I guess a small part of the reason is that I think we'd both feel guilty in later years when she sees her same-age friends going to the junior prom, the senior prom, going off to college, etc., leaving her behind. Believe me, she'll have enough other things to blame on me, I don't need that headache, too.

I made the cutoff for school by about 3 weeks. I started K at age 4, 9th grade at age 13, senior year at age 16, went away to college at 17, senior year at age 20, and started working full-time and going to graduate school full-time at age 21. At age 23 I was almost 2 years younger than someone who earned his master's degree at the same time I earned mine, and he didn't fail any grades, take a year off from school, or cause any of his own delays. I felt very proud to be so relatively young and yet have made the same achievement. So there's the flip-side to holding kids back.

My wife, a pediatrician, tells me that by around 2nd grade she can't tell any difference between kids held back and "straight arrows."

It's clearly a highly personal decision that each set of parents must make for themselves. I wish us all the best.

 

[CleveRocks]

My DD made the cut off by about 6 weeks, but would have been 5 for less than a week when she was scheduled to start K. We opted to keep her home another year, then she went to a private all day K. Now she is in 1st grade and she was so ready, I have no regrets at all.

My DS is a November baby so he tends to be on the older end of his class. I think this has served him well. He is now in high school and the extra months of age just seem to help in his decision makingcompared to a lot of his friends that can be many months younger.

I am very happy for you that things have worked out so well for your kids. Nothing can make a parent happier. But let me ask you this: Do you think their successes were because of their ages relative to their cohorts, or because they are blessed to be naturally bright, naturally social kids who would have been shining stars even if they were "straight arrows?"

 

[MayMom]

I am a teacher and taught kindergarten one year. People often ask me the "should I" question. My answer is always if you have any question regarding your child being successful - don't send them. You can't go back and change your mind when they are behind their peers later and if teachers decide that he/she needs to be held back later it is not good for their self-image. Many people may disagree, but I have seen the looks on kids face when they know that they are behind their peers and it breaks my heart. When you give them an extra year they seem to have a more positive self-image - they "know" more than the other kids. I wouldn't hesitate to hold a child back from kindergarten. I would, however fight tooth and nail for them NOT to be held back a year later on. Studies have shown that it rarely has a positive affect on a student. Just my two cents.....

 

[eryn the pooh]

I know theres already a heap of answers for this but I really wanted to add my experiences also. First, my mom and another lady were best freinds when us kids were born. Me on Dec 15, my best freind on Jan 4. Now, cut-off here is Dec 31! So I was 4 for almost 4 months of kindergarten, always the youngest! And my best freind who was born 4 days after cut-off, wasnt allowed to join me. She had to wait that whole extra year. We werent happy about that!(kids!) Anyway, so she was the oldest and very smart so when she finally got up to grade 3 they decided she was to far advanced and she went right to grade 5 when grade 3 was done. So by forcing her to stay back, made her first few years just a blah. So we ended up in grade 5 together and graduated together! (Then she was the youngest!)

Next story. My youngest sister. Her b-day is in Oct. And cut-off is still Dec 31, so she is definatly allowed in, but my mom doesnt think shes ready. So she starts school the next year. She was usually the oldest, didnt bother her.

Now my sister has a daughter, Brazyl. Born Dec 30, just close enough. But, she spent the first year of her life in the hospital. She finally came home just after her first B-day. So she is quiet a bit behind. My freinds daughter, Sierra, born 2 weeks after Brazyl, so Jan 12, after the cut off day. Sierra is amazingly advanced! The two are light years apart BUT Sierra isnt allowed to go to school and Brazyl is! It is so unfair. My sister wont keep Brazyl behind until the next year(which i think she should) and Sierra has to stay at home another year.

This makes me mad! I understand there needs to be some way to decide who starts school and when but I think it should be by maturity and not by age! At this age they are still all very far apart. There should be maybe some kind of test to decide.
Anyway, thats my story and Im stickin to it! (thanks for reading!)

 

[debloco]

I know the best thing for him right now is to give him the extra year to develop before sending him to school full time.

Trust your instincts for this decision for "right here, right now".

But I am looking for some insight as to anything I might be in for down the road with him being the oldest in the class.
Any advice?

I think that anything that might come up "down the road" you'll be able to handle just fine. It's so hard to see what might happen given all the different twists and turns our lives (and our kid's lives) take. So I'd say make the best decision you can for today and trust your instincts, and then when something comes up later...make the best decision you can for that day's "right here, right now".

 

[mangosink]

I don't think you would regret waiting a year, I do think you could end up regretting starting him now. My kids both have July bdays and will be going to kgarten as just turned 6 yr olds.

 

[disneyfan6301]

Been there, done that. My DS was born August 30. At age 3 he started speech class. Not a major major problem, but very noticeable. My mother taught second grade for 35 years and let me know that I needed to hold him out a year. We did, and it has been the best decision we have made. Yes, he is one of the oldest in his class, but he is mature and while he would have done okay had I started him, we would have had to work much harder than we do. I teach seventh-eighth grade and I see the problems of starting kids too early. Just recently we have dealt with a mom in the same situation (Aug. b-day, but started when he was 4 turning 5) who now wants to retain her son due to immaturity and he is in 8th grade. I really feel for her because if I had not known or had my mom to tell me to hold my son out, I would face this decision. I would rather hold them out a year than face retention at some time.

Boys mature at a much slower rate, and I believe, as both a teacher and a mother who has been there, that holding them out a year is the best thing you can do for your child!!