OT- Kids tattoos....ummm WHAT????

[teresajoy]

OMG, why not just put your kid in a bubble?? What about when you're in a mall or in any public place. People are everywhere with camera phones.

Yes, but they won't be showing everyone their behind in a mall!!! I think you've missed the previous posters point completely.

 

[TommyTutone]

She wanted to look like her daddy's new girlfriend who works at Hooters. Nothing wrong with that (if you're a redneck).

 

[momtoBrandon&Jacob]

Yes, but they won't be showing everyone their behind in a mall!!! I think you've missed the previous posters point completely.

No I wasn't missing the point at all. She mentioned using a camera phone and that's what my answer was about. Does she really think that there was a perv in the daycare waiting to take shots of someone's behind??

 

[Tiger926]

Very interesting responses. As someone who hangs with teens all day - I'm a highschool teacher - I am confident in saying that some of you are missing the point. Alcohol, tatoos, piercings, are all adult activities. Letting a baby take a sip of alcohol or letting a 5 year old get a fake tattoo on her backside is not done in isolation -there is value attached to those activities, if not, why let them do it? Those activities mean something to the parents and the other adults they are putting the show on for, if it didn't, then that behaviour wouldn't be encouraged. If it were just an innocent little tattoo/sticker, then it would be on her hand, which is where my daughter gets hers - the backside is another whole ball of wax altogether.

I can assure you that most of my teens got the very same mixed messages that many of you are sending to your kids - a baby girl of 5 showing a tattoo on her backside is a mixed message for her, but it is a very clear message to the rest of us. It is sexualizing a young girl and that is wrong. Parents can trick themselves into thinking it's not, but it is what it is.

I would love for the parents on here who do shots with their kids (doesn't matter if it's juice or alcohol as the messages from that activity are the same) or tattoos on the backside to hear what my students learned from those activities at early ages. It's not just innocent fun, but it actually sends messages to many kids that those adult activities are ok at young ages - that little girl obviously has seen her mother, aunt, babysitter, etc., engage in pulling down her backside to show off a tattoo, so she has done the same. Play tattoos or stickers on the hand are ok as this is just fun, but once placed on a backside or breast, or other private area, that's something else. The whole pulling down the pants thing and placing tattoos there in the first place is very common with my teens, Britney Spears, etc. - it's placed on the backside for a reason, and that reason is not something a baby girl of 5 should know anything about.

It's sad that so many parents don't realize that these 'innocent' activities are usually anything but until it's much too late. Any kind of adult activity such as drinking, tattoos (I mean placement of tattoos & not tattoo stickers on hand/arm), pretend smoking, etc. should not be dumbed down or made childlike at all, as it's a dangerous area to be in. How in the world are you going gto explain to your 13 year old who then wants to switch the jello or juice in the shot glass for alcohol, that it's wrong when you've been encouraging this fun behaviour for years? It's hypocritical and confused message parenting, and this is the worst of kind of parenting in terms of damage control.

Tiger

 

[graygables]

It's sad that so many parents don't realize that these 'innocent' activities are usually anything but until it's much too late. Any kind of adult activity such as drinking, tattoos, pretend smoking, etc. should not be dumbed down or made childlike at all, as it's a dangerous area to be in. How in the world are you going gto explain to your 13 year old who then wants to switch the jello or juice in the shot glass for alcohol, that it's wrong when you've been encouraging this fun behaviour for years? It's hypocritical and confused message parenting, and this is the worst of kind of parenting in terms of damage control.

Tiger

As a former high school teacher who got fed up with it, I applaud your reply. Dead on.

 

[nuke]

It's sad that so many parents don't realize that these 'innocent' activities are usually anything but until it's much too late. Any kind of adult activity such as drinking, tattoos, pretend smoking, etc. should not be dumbed down or made childlike at all, as it's a dangerous area to be in. How in the world are you going gto explain to your 13 year old who then wants to switch the jello or juice in the shot glass for alcohol, that it's wrong when you've been encouraging this fun behaviour for years? It's hypocritical and confused message parenting, and this is the worst of kind of parenting in terms of damage control.

Tiger

If what you're saying is true please explain to me why I don't smoke nor have ever smoked a cigarette, yet play smoked candy cigarettes all through my childhood? We never played house without them!
I also took sips of my father's beer yet maybe have one a week now. Far from an alcoholic.
I think your logic is flawed. If you make it perfectly clear to your teens what is allowed and not allowed then there shouldn't be confusion no matter what they may have done as pre-schoolers or small children in the name of fun.

 

[Aliceacc]

No I wasn't missing the point at all. She mentioned using a camera phone and that's what my answer was about. Does she really think that there was a perv in the daycare waiting to take shots of someone's behind??

For the record, the only "perv" (translation: registered sex offender) I've ever known DID drop off his son at daycare (before, of course, he was caught.) He was also an usher at church. He was also a good friend. He and his wife babysat my kids any number of times. Thank God, they were safe under his wife's care. But one young girl was not.

Here's my point (and, yes, I'm another HS teacher): any behavior that leaves kids open to abuse is dangerous. While I happen to agree with the points made about the jello shots, that's not my focus here.

Putting a tatoo, temporary or otherwise, on a child's tush will invariably lead to the child pulling down her pants to show off the tattoo. And everyone will laugh and admire the tatoo. So all the lessons about "private places" the others aren't supposed to see become nullified, since everyone enjoyed the look at the tatoo on her tush.

In all probability, that will be the end of it. But there's the tiniest chance that it will make her more vulernable to a predator. Maybe it will be a dad at daycare with a cellphone, and her tush will be posted on the internet. Maybe it will be someone else, and she will be happy to show him her tatoo, or to let him apply a new one, since everyone got such a kick out of the one she had when she was 5.

But is the laugh everyone got at the sight of that tatoo worth the risk?

 

[Liljam]

Very interesting responses. As someone who hangs with teens all day - I'm a highschool teacher - I am confident in saying that some of you are missing the point. Alcohol, tatoos, piercings, are all adult activities. Letting a baby take a sip of alcohol or letting a 5 year old get a fake tattoo on her backside is not done in isolation -there is value attached to those activities, if not, why let them do it? Those activities mean something to the parents and the other adults they are putting the show on for, if it didn't, then that behaviour wouldn't be encouraged. If it were just an innocent little tattoo/sticker, then it would be on her hand, which is where my daughter gets hers - the backside is another whole ball of wax altogether.

I agree that these are adult activities and that is why there are age requirements to partake in them legally. A fake tattoo on a young girls back isn't something I agree with and I also think if they are going to be placed on a child, they should be put in an area that isn't "sexual" at all!

I can assure you that most of my teens got the very same mixed messages that many of you are sending to your kids - a baby girl of 5 showing a tattoo on her backside is a mixed message for her, but it is a very clear message to the rest of us. It is sexualizing a young girl and that is wrong. Parents can trick themselves into thinking it's not, but it is what it is.

I would love for the parents on here who do shots with their kids (doesn't matter if it's juice or alcohol as the messages from that activity are the same) or tattoos (real or fake) to hear what my students learned from those activities at early ages. It's not just innocent fun, but it actually sends messages to kids that those activities are ok at young ages - that little girl obviously has seen her mother, aunt, babysitter, etc., engage in pulling down her backside to show off a tattoo, so she has done the same. If the mom knew this, she wouldn't have put the tattoo there, or, let her daughter see her showing her tattoo off to someone. The whole pulling down the pants thing and placing tattoos there in the first place is very common with my teens, Britney Spears, etc. - it's placed on the backside for a reason, and that reason is not something a baby girl of 5 should know anything about.

I'm torn on this. I don't believe that my own tattoos are going to give my son any mixed messages at all. And if he so chooses to have a mohawk or an ear peirced or a temp tat on his arm, then I will encourage his individual choices. I suppose I'm comfortable with this because as someone who drinks occassionally and has several tattoos, I'm also a manager (although currently a SAHM) of my family's multi-million dollar collision repair shop. I mention this because I think that some people believe tattoos are meant for "rednecks" or "trailer trash" - I put those in quotes because they aren't words I use, but have heard them used in this sort of association. As a matter of fact, each of my tattoos have cost me more than many people pay for the family tv, lol! I think that mothers and father who leave there children in the care of others to go out every single weekend and mothers who encourage sexuality in their little girls are where the mixed messages can come from. I don't think they come from open and honest sorts of parents who also set limits and rules. I hope this makes sense and that it doesn't appear to be a flame of any sort. I do agree with what you say for the most part. As for the my "tramp stamp," I hate it that people even call them that and I didn't get it to show off to other people. I got it because I plan to cover my entire back at some point and I knew it would fit nice there. I don't pull my pants down to everyone who mentions the word "tattoo" like some. I actually can't stand people who do that. It was still unpopular to get tattoos when I got the one on my back.

It's sad that so many parents don't realize that these 'innocent' activities are usually anything but until it's much too late. Any kind of adult activity such as drinking, tattoos, pretend smoking, etc. should not be dumbed down or made childlike at all, as it's a dangerous area to be in. How in the world are you going gto explain to your 13 year old who then wants to switch the jello or juice in the shot glass for alcohol, that it's wrong when you've been encouraging this fun behaviour for years? It's hypocritical and confused message parenting, and this is the worst of kind of parenting in terms of damage control.

Tiger

Key word there is "usually." I know that drinking is illegal until 21, but I was raised to be allowed to drink at parties and such before then although I had some rules such as not getting in a car with anyone - I was to call home if I needed a ride and had the slightest sip of alcohol. I was allowed to do things that several of my friends weren't. Their conservative parents sheltered many of them so much that they went overboard when introduced to drugs and alcohol whether they were 16 or 21. I was never sheltered as a child and my family was always open with me. They have been the same way with my brother who is now 17. When he goes out, he is DD for his friends and has no desire to drink or do drugs. But he does have a tattoo already (which I argued with him about.) I think if a parent does do shots of juice with a child and "dumbs down" alcohol use, they better be able to talk to their kids and have an open relationship with a set of rules (to whatever extent.) Without the communication and rules, that's when it becomes the bigger issue. As for tattoo placement on children, I agree that the little girl had to have seen an adult showing off their tattoo in the same location and it's a little too much for me. I was actually thankful to find out my son was a boy because I knew that I wouldn't have to select outfits from a sea of shrunken "pornstar" clothing! Maybe I sound somewhat contradicting but it's tough to try to describe some feeling I have on this without people taking things out of context.

 

[Tiger926]

If what you're saying is true please explain to me why I don't smoke nor have ever smoked a cigarette, yet play smoked candy cigarettes all through my childhood? We never played house without them!
I also took sips of my father's beer yet maybe have one a week now. Far from an alcoholic.
I think your logic is flawed. If you make it perfectly clear to your teens what is allowed and not allowed then there shouldn't be confusion no matter what they may have done as pre-schoolers or small children in the name of fun.

Let me explain. I didn't say all kids who see this will do it once they are older, but, for many who do, they then relate it back to being allowed to do it as children, KWIM? It's just like the father who says to his son, I'll kill you if you smoke, all the while he has a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. It's very hypocritical and confusing to play fun with alchohol or candy cigarettes because once they are older, you are then left to deal with the real items and these aren't fun anymore. Believe me, it's no fun having a 13 or 15 year olds stomach pumped - I've dealt with that with my students, and it's not a good place to be in.

My teens will tell you that playing with candy cigarettes or taking sips out of alcohol as kids, really stayed with them. Parents seem to forget that kids model so much of their behaviour from their parents, so some will not emulate these behaviours (as you say you haven't) in an abusive way, but when I speak to my teens, and I've spoken to hundreds of them about these very topics on a daily basis, they all relate the same stories to me about being shown adult activities or items in a childlike or fun way - it's a confusing message!

In regards to parents who let their kids drink or smoke before legal ages, that is absolutely wrong as well. You are basically teaching your kids that your rules supercede the law - good luck if they go to jail after breaking a law as the judge is not going to let mommy and daddy's rules overrule the law. Again, very confusing parenting. Honestly, parenting doesn't need to be this difficult - kids need to see positive messages, and know that there are limits, rules and boudaries in life. If mom has a tattoo that shouldn't mean anything negative to that child, it's how mom shows off that tattoo that is going to be the biggest determination in how that child understands that topic. This little girl saw someone show off a backside tattoo and since no one bothered to explain decorum to her, she then showed off her tattoo - one that shouldn't have been placed in that spot in the first place, IMHO. The parent who allowed that honestly has no idea that they may be putting that little girl at risk. As others have mentioned, that little girl may now have confusing messages about private areas, as well as who she should and should not be pulling her pants up or down to.

For me, I encourage parents to not make fun out of any adult activities: sex, alcohol, smoking, drugs and tattoos/piercings being the most important ones on the list. By the way, it doesn't matter what you 'tell' children, teens or preschoolers, about these behaviours, what you show them in regards to actually partaking in these activities speaks louder than the words or lecture that you are going to give them.

Tiger

 

[camelotcats]

Let me preface this post with this fact: I am a HEAVILY tattooed parent. Nape of neck to tailbone tattooed parent. Because of these tattoos, I have had to explain to my now four and five year old the meanings of such lovely words and terms as "dirtbag", "tramp", "sl*t", "wh*re", "white trash", etc, etc,etc. Terms we NEVER use at home, btw.

Yes, my first tattoo was a "tramp stamp", and I truly HATE that term and its connotation. I do NOT agree that every guy who sees a tramp stamp thinks what some people here are suggesting, just form an informal polling of my friends. I happened to get my first tattoo on my lower back because I have serious back problems, and had just found out that I DIDN'T need surgery to correct them, so I got the tattoo there in celebration. Perhaps not what you would do, but I don't regret my decision.

I am aware that people judge me on my tattoos, and I use that as a teaching tool for my children....just like I use everything else that happens in life. I believe we all teach our children to learn from their environments and the people in the world, both the good and the bad.

I allow my kids to have temporary tattoos anywhere that would be APPROPRIATE to show in public. This means arms, legs, shoulders, even occasionally a neck. No belly anymore for my DD, since she started lifting her shirt.

HOWEVER, I do not believe that I am soomehow robbing my children of their childhoods by letting them have temporary tattoos. They view them as dress-up and understand the difference between "play" tattoos and "real" ones. I really cannot compare temporary tattoos with age inappropriate clothing for pre-teens, everyday make up for children, etc.

I KNOW my children see temporary tattoos as a "toy". And I know they like to show them off, which is why I keep them in appropriate places. I agreew ith the OP that the PLACEMENT of the temp was inappropriate, but the temporary tattoo, in and of itself, I do not believe has anything wrong with it.

I think the most important thing we can do, as parents, is to teach our children to be tolerant and open-minded people, who do their best NOT to judge others based upon their looks, inherited or chosen. However, we must also make out children aware of how society treats and sees people, all people, who are different, whether by choice or by birth (and it does, no matter how much we may wish differently). By allowing our children to make the decision to be different or not with our blessings and no potential judgement or ostracization by us, as long as they walk into that decision with their eyes wide open to the consequences, is I believe, one of the greatest gifts we can give our children.

Ok, off of my soapbox.

 

[Tiger926]

Let me preface this post with this fact: I am a HEAVILY tattooed parent. Nape of neck to tailbone tattooed parent. Because of these tattoos, I have had to explain to my now four and five year old the meanings of such lovely words and terms as "dirtbag", "tramp", "sl*t", "wh*re", "white trash", etc, etc,etc. Terms we NEVER use at home, btw.

Yes, my first tattoo was a "tramp stamp", and I truly HATE that term and its connotation. I do NOT agree that every guy who sees a tramp stamp thinks what some people here are suggesting, just form an informal polling of my friends. I happened to get my first tattoo on my lower back because I have serious back problems, and had just found out that I DIDN'T need surgery to correct them, so I got the tattoo there in celebration. Perhaps not what you would do, but I don't regret my decision.

I am aware that people judge me on my tattoos, and I use that as a teaching tool for my children....just like I use everything else that happens in life. I believe we all teach our children to learn from their environments and the people in the world, both the good and the bad.

I allow my kids to have temporary tattoos anywhere that would be APPROPRIATE to show in public. This means arms, legs, shoulders, even occasionally a neck. No belly anymore for my DD, since she started lifting her shirt.

HOWEVER, I do not believe that I am soomehow robbing my children of their childhoods by letting them have temporary tattoos. They view them as dress-up and understand the difference between "play" tattoos and "real" ones. I really cannot compare temporary tattoos with age inappropriate clothing for pre-teens, everyday make up for children, etc.

I KNOW my children see temporary tattoos as a "toy". And I know they like to show them off, which is why I keep them in appropriate places. I agreew ith the OP that the PLACEMENT of the temp was inappropriate, but the temporary tattoo, in and of itself, I do not believe has anything wrong with it.

I think the most important thing we can do, as parents, is to teach our children to be tolerant and open-minded people, who do their best NOT to judge others based upon their looks, inherited or chosen. However, we must also make out children aware of how society treats and sees people, all people, who are different, whether by choice or by birth (and it does, no matter how much we may wish differently). By allowing our children to make the decision to be different or not with our blessings and no potential judgement or ostracization by us, as long as they walk into that decision with their eyes wide open to the consequences, is I believe, one of the greatest gifts we can give our children.

Ok, off of my soapbox.

Excellent post! Exactly what I said in regards to a positive attitude of the whole issue - kids' tattoos should be looked at as stickers and placed in appropriate areas such as hands or arms, exactly where most children's stickers are placed. Stickers of Cinderella or Lightning McQueen would more than likely never be placed on a backside - this parent placed the tattoo there just as she did on her own body, and unfortunately, this placement has many adult connoations.

No one should be judging anyone because they have a tattoo, purple hair or 10 earrings, but kids need to know that these are adult activities that require responsibility and proper choice about placement of tattoos, taking care of them (many of my students get them done by their friends and then they get infected), etc.

Great post, Tiger

 

[ty&brenmom]

My teens will tell you that playing with candy cigarettes or taking sips out of alcohol as kids, really stayed with them. Parents seem to forget that kids model so much of their behaviour from their parents, so some will not emulate these behaviours (as you say you haven't) in an abusive way, but when I speak to my teens, and I've spoken to hundreds of them about these very topics on a daily basis, they all relate the same stories to me about being shown adult activities or items in a childlike or fun way - it's a confusing message!

In regards to parents who let their kids drink or smoke before legal ages, that is absolutely wrong as well. You are basically teaching your kids that your rules supercede the law - good luck if they go to jail after breaking a law as the judge is not going to let mommy and daddy's rules overrule the law. Again, very confusing parenting. Honestly, parenting doesn't need to be this difficult - kids need to see positive messages, and know that there are limits, rules and boudaries in life. If mom has a tattoo that shouldn't mean anything negative to that child, it's how mom shows off that tattoo that is going to be the biggest determination in how that child understands that topic. This little girl saw someone show off a backside tattoo and since no one bothered to explain decorum to her, she then showed off her tattoo - one that shouldn't have been placed in that spot in the first place, IMHO. The parent who allowed that honestly has no idea that they may be putting that little girl at risk. As others have mentioned, that little girl may now have confusing messages about private areas, as well as who she should and should not be pulling her pants up or down to.

For me, I encourage parents to not make fun out of any adult activities: sex, alcohol, smoking, drugs and tattoos/piercings being the most important ones on the list. By the way, it doesn't matter what you 'tell' children, teens or preschoolers, about these behaviours, what you show them in regards to actually partaking in these activities speaks louder than the words or lecture that you are going to give them.

Tiger

I totally agree with you on all parts especially allowing your child to do something illegal, that as parents we should make sure our kids know what is "adult" activities and what is appropriate for children, especially tweens and teens. Also that we are open enough to have adult conversations with them and not just the I am the parent and these are the rules, but this is why we don't allow this, this and this. I am one of the parents who drink juice out of shot glasses, we do not call them shots at my house. It's just fun to sit around the table and have juice out of little glasses. I don't believe this is sending mixed messages to my children, considering that I am in recovery and have been for seven years, and have been very open with my sons in regards to drinking and drugs.

 

[Liljam]

Camelotcats ---
That is pretty much what I WISH I'd typed

You said so much that is so true! My biggest frustration is what the tramp stamp has come to be.... Aside from the looks and name calling.

 

[ksumn1]

I have no tattooes, drink occasionally, and do not smoke. My DDad has tattooes, drinks heavily and smokes. I do agree that kids see and hear everything you do. However, at a certain point they have the free will and hopefully good judgement as adults to make these decisions.

I don't think that allowing my 4 yr old DD to put a temporary tattoo on her arm or tummy will lead her down the path to becoming a tatoo enthusiast. She knows that they are for "dress up" like earrrings or play makeup. Also that you must be a grown up to get a real tattoo. AND that you get stuck thousands of times with a needle covered in ink to get a real tattoo.

She also knows that there is a difference between regular drinks and "grown up drinks" that DH and I occasionally drink. And on occasion (especially on vacation at the beach) I have made the kids frozen daquiris with crushed ice and fruit, even sugar rimmed glasses. But they know that there is alcohol in Mom and Dad's drinks and under no circumstances are they allowed to partake.

All that said, my DD loves to show off her temp tattooes, so they are only allowed in areas that aren't private. And I don't dress her up in minishirts, knee high boots, short shorts or very tiny t shirts or tanks. I think a kid should dress like a kid, and a temporaty tattoo is just another kid thing to play with just like a sticker or stamp.

 

[_queenie_]

I absolutely HATE the majority of the clothes I see on the racks for little girls. It's very inappropriate although it seems like it is starting to get better again. And there are some stores and catalog companies like Lands End, Gap and Gymboree that make children look like children not mini-floosies. I can't believe the amount of little girls under the age of 10 that I see walking around in mini skirts that are WAY too short for them and black heeled boots up to their knees. I think more shocking is that there are parents that actually buy their little girls these clothes and think it's "cute" for them to look like tramps.

I don't know whatever happened to girls wanting to look "pretty", "girly", and "classy", now they just seem to want to look "slutty" (is that considered a swear). Whenever I pick my DD13 up from school, as much as it disgusts me to see the eigth graders looking either trashy or dressed head to toe in Hollister and Abercrombie, I can't help but gag at the fact that I'm seeing more and more fifth graders look like that. My two older kids (DD13 and DS17) feel the same way, it's like you can't just try to look just "nice" anymore, with both boys and girls.

The latest thing with my DS is him not wanting to wear camo shorts. He's been shooting with my DH up at the range lately, and typically wears camo when they go up there. I bought him a pair of camo shorts last fall, and he seemed pleased when I gave them to him. He wore them to school one day, and now he won't wear them again since apparently someone made a rude comment. My DD cares less about other people (which is surprsing with her being a girl), but even if she barely pays any attention to them she can't help but hear them. She has curly hair and is always listening to people telling her that it needs to be flat-ironed so bad, and that she needs to wear "better" clothes. She likes having curly hair and her clothes, she's mostly been wearing Gap, Polo and J. Crew which we both think are way nicer (and can be pricier) clothes than the ones from these dumb "brand name" stores. One other thing that really annoyed us was kids calling her Dansko clogs "grammy shoes". They're neutral shoes that are great to go with anything for all ages (I actually hardly ever see older women in them), even my DD3.5 as a pair! It's like kids tell her "Don't look classy, look like trampy!" I think 13 is still way too young for this, though half of the kids in her class are a year or two older than her. Again, my DS gets the same thing, just in a "boy version" (though once in a while he'll actually listen to the kids).

This world is just pathetic!


By the way, sorry, I'm just venting. I know my post is little off topic from the thread.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

As a few posters have mentioned, girls clothing is horrible. I am the mother of a 12 year old and it's been hard for me to find clothes for her for a while. Just today we went shopping and she basically wears a juniors 7 and medium tops. The problem is everything is cut to be super tight, low cut (both tops and shorts) and trashy. And I went shopping at Kohls! I don't buy into all this Apple Bottom, Baby Phat hooker crap that's out there. I shop in places like Kohls, JC Penney, Target. I really liked Limited Too, but she doesn't fit in too much of their stuff anymore and even that had to be watched because some of that was inappropriate (IMHO). I find that once they're in juniors sizes, there's not much to choose from that I deem appropriate. We laugh because I still buy my daughter "granny panties" -- I know, too much information -- but there's a point. Do you know how hard it is to find shorts and jeans that fit her and don't have her undies sticking out!? Shorts are cut so low (and so high from the other end). I also think (and I'm sure this will bring the flames), that the reason why my daughter doesn't fight me on clothing is because she goes to a Cathlolic grammar school, where uniforms are mandatory. I think the kids are brought up in an environment where they are expected to dress and therefore act a certain way. Don't get me wrong, there are some behavior problems in her school, but not like the local public schools. I also know the reputation most Catholic high school girls get. I'm just saying that at least for the younger kids, I think uniforms are appropriate. For the parents who disagree, I simply say -- if your kids weren't dressed like trash (and obviously its the parents who buy the clothes) then there wouldn't be a discussion about whether uniforms were needed. I'm so happy that my town has recently gone to uniforms in the schools (both grammer and high school). I would have fought to the death when I was in high school if someone told me I had to wear a uniform, but things have gotten SO out of control with the clothing. I don't want to see anyone's "Tramp Stamp" (and excuse me, but why do 13, 14 and 15 year olds have these in the first place!) just like I don't want to see some boy with his pants around his knees, and his underwearing sticking out. I don't think kids take much pride in themselves or their appearance, and apparently their parents don't either.

 

[DVCJones]

Very interesting responses. As someone who hangs with teens all day - I'm a highschool teacher - I am confident in saying that some of you are missing the point. Alcohol, tatoos, piercings, are all adult activities. Letting a baby take a sip of alcohol or letting a 5 year old get a fake tattoo on her backside is not done in isolation -there is value attached to those activities, if not, why let them do it? Those activities mean something to the parents and the other adults they are putting the show on for, if it didn't, then that behaviour wouldn't be encouraged. If it were just an innocent little tattoo/sticker, then it would be on her hand, which is where my daughter gets hers - the backside is another whole ball of wax altogether.

I can assure you that most of my teens got the very same mixed messages that many of you are sending to your kids - a baby girl of 5 showing a tattoo on her backside is a mixed message for her, but it is a very clear message to the rest of us. It is sexualizing a young girl and that is wrong. Parents can trick themselves into thinking it's not, but it is what it is.

I would love for the parents on here who do shots with their kids (doesn't matter if it's juice or alcohol as the messages from that activity are the same) or tattoos (real or fake) to hear what my students learned from those activities at early ages. It's not just innocent fun, but it actually sends messages to kids that those activities are ok at young ages - that little girl obviously has seen her mother, aunt, babysitter, etc., engage in pulling down her backside to show off a tattoo, so she has done the same. If the mom knew this, she wouldn't have put the tattoo there, or, let her daughter see her showing her tattoo off to someone. The whole pulling down the pants thing and placing tattoos there in the first place is very common with my teens, Britney Spears, etc. - it's placed on the backside for a reason, and that reason is not something a baby girl of 5 should know anything about.

It's sad that so many parents don't realize that these 'innocent' activities are usually anything but until it's much too late. Any kind of adult activity such as drinking, tattoos, pretend smoking, etc. should not be dumbed down or made childlike at all, as it's a dangerous area to be in. How in the world are you going gto explain to your 13 year old who then wants to switch the jello or juice in the shot glass for alcohol, that it's wrong when you've been encouraging this fun behaviour for years? It's hypocritical and confused message parenting, and this is the worst of kind of parenting in terms of damage control.

Tiger

Another teacher who agrees 100%!!!! Well said!!!

 

[momof3girls6712]

I agree with the clothing issue for girls. We have to be careful when picking out clothing for my 12 yr old. She is 5'5 already which basically means no shorts for her ever. They are made short to begin with and then her height makes them booty shorts. However, she picks out capris and jeans and is prefectly happy. We do shop at Hollister and aeroposle, etc, but she chooses more modest clothing. My DD grew up putting tatoos everywhere and taking fake shot drinks. Shoot my DH grandpa gave her wine on hard bread one visit when she was teething. Apperently, thats what his wife did when his kids were small. But she also had us telling her what was ok for her and what was not. As long as you build a solid foundation for your children these things seem small and silly. My DD is in 6th grade and has never made a grade below a B (ranges 3.6-4.0), dresses with clothes that fit (even lifts her arms to make sure her shirts do not rise up), treats adults with respect, and grew up of the fake tatoos and fake drinks stage.

I read alot of the posts from teachers on here and I am glad you are not at my DD's school. To make a generalized judgement based on a few teens in your classes is wrong. Honestly, I can not imagine there being that many troubled teens in your classes. I might be a bit naive here cause we do live in a small county town (the middle school has under 600 kids for 6th-8th). I will admit right away. But I have volunteered many hours at our middle school and the kids are behaved for the most part. Usually there will be 2-3 in a day that acts up. I also am in charge of our public library's tween and teen programs. We have some of the best tween and teen volunteers. Now we have had a few that join just to join, but usually come around in the end. I can not say what other teens and kids will do because mommy let them but a tatoo on their belly. But I can give my own experience with my own kids.

 

[Tiger926]

I agree with the clothing issue for girls. We have to be careful when picking out clothing for my 12 yr old. She is 5'5 already which basically means no shorts for her ever. They are made short to begin with and then her height makes them booty shorts. However, she picks out capris and jeans and is prefectly happy. We do shop at Hollister and aeroposle, etc, but she chooses more modest clothing. My DD grew up putting tatoos everywhere and taking fake shot drinks. Shoot my DH grandpa gave her wine on hard bread one visit when she was teething. Apperently, thats what his wife did when his kids were small. But she also had us telling her what was ok for her and what was not. As long as you build a solid foundation for your children these things seem small and silly. My DD is in 6th grade and has never made a grade below a B (ranges 3.6-4.0), dresses with clothes that fit (even lifts her arms to make sure her shirts do not rise up), treats adults with respect, and grew up of the fake tatoos and fake drinks stage.

I read alot of the posts from teachers on here and I am glad you are not at my DD's school. To make a generalized judgement based on a few teens in your classes is wrong. Honestly, I can not imagine there being that many troubled teens in your classes. I might be a bit naive here cause we do live in a small county town (the middle school has under 600 kids for 6th-8th). I will admit right away. But I have volunteered many hours at our middle school and the kids are behaved for the most part. Usually there will be 2-3 in a day that acts up. I also am in charge of our public library's tween and teen programs. We have some of the best tween and teen volunteers. Now we have had a few that join just to join, but usually come around in the end. I can not say what other teens and kids will do because mommy let them but a tatoo on their belly. But I can give my own experience with my own kids.

We as teachers are not making generalized judgments at all - since I've worked with hundreds upon hundreds of teens, I am speaking in facts, not generalizations. I don't generalize, as it serves no purpose. I am speaking from years of experience in teaching and counselling teens.

Again, most parents are tricking themselves if they think pretend drinking of alcohol (real drinking of alcohol is even worse), pretend cigarettes, etc., is just innocent fun. Innocent fun should not include adult activities. In regards to the tattoos, I did not say that if kids use fake kids' tattoos that this is horrible - I said that the placement and sexualization of the little 5 year olds' backside tattoo is wrong. Play tattos/stickers are fun for many kids, but they should be treated as the fun stickers that they are, and placed on hands, not on backsides, breasts, etc. Once they are placed in these areas, it has now crossed over from child play, into adult play, and that is not an area that I want any baby girl of 5 years old to be in. Also, it's important if kids know what real adult tattoos are, to explain the difference between the removeable play tattoos and the permanency and risk of adult tattoos.

A bigger issue than actual tattoos (kids can't get real tattoos at reputable places until they are of a certain age), is play alcohol, cigarettes, candy pills, etc. For those in which these activities are an issue, and that's pretty much most of my students, they almost all trace it back to what their parents and other adult relatives did with them. Why take a chance? Growing up is hard enough as is, but this kind of stuff makes it even harder - we'll let you play with pretend alcohol when you are little, or, pretend tattoos on your backside so that you can show off your body to others, but once you hit 10, by golly, you can't do this stuff anymore, and if you do, I'll ground you, kill you, etc.? That's very confused and inconsistent parenting.

No offense to any parents who find these behaviours acceptable, but have you taken any basic child development or psych courses? I'm thinking not - it doesn't matter how solid a foundation you think you are giving your kids, once you practe confused and hypocritical parenting, it will break this solid foundation down in many cases, faster than you will believe. Again, not for all kids, but for most.

Not to mention the messages that it's sending to other parents - I would never allow my children to play with children whose parents think alcohol is a game. I have had many family/friends/students killed by drunk drivers, so this alone tells me that you are all missing a very big point. Alcohol should never be used in fun situations, ever, as it can kill. This is basic psychology 101 - once you dumb it down and make it childlike in nature, it then becomes something other than what it is and that is when real trouble hits. Believe me - it's no fun seeing a young, beautiful girl of 15 laying in a casket. You all need to remember that when you are doing jello shots or juice shots with your kids - there is no difference between gin or juice in this instance, except for how it affects the body. You have set up an atmosphere in which alcohol is now a game or a toy, and that is a huge problem.

In regards to the tattoo issue, as the OP posted about, it is getting into dangerous territory, period. I have no right to judge any adult who gets a tattoo, as that is not my concern nor right to do so - that is not what I have been discussing at all. I have a problem with the placement of this tattoo as this little girl seems to think it's fine to drop her pants to show off a private area of her body. This is dangerous because already she is showing boundary issues. Again, I have counselled teens who have been raped who had these same boundary issues as it's hard for kids to distinguish when the boundaries have been continually blurred.

It all starts in childhood folks, so, please for the sake of the mental and physical health of your children, stop making adult activities into games. Play tattoos are stickers to be placed on hands or arms, and that's it. Alcohol, sex, cigarettes and pills are to be treated at all times in a serious manner because when they aren't, you can end up seriously injured or dead. This is the message that you need to be showing your kids at all times. Actions usually speak louder than words, as most people are visual learners, so if my mom is doing jello shooters of juice with me, I learn that alcohol is fun, no matter what mom has told me. This is confused parenting at its finest!

Tiger

 

[kristennn]

I vote borderline inappropriate but not a super big deal. I am assuming it was more on her lower back then on her actual butt - and she had probably seen grown ups with tattoos there and was emulating them. I doubt the 5 year old was 'trying to be sexy"
I don't care for tattoos on hands though either. Truthfully I am not a big fan of the kid's tattoos because most of the designs are kind of ugly and they start to wear off right away but take forever to fully wear off. My daughter got a really cool "glitter tattoo" of a heart done last summer though - and she got it on her upper forearm.
I agree though that i don't like the trend of sexy sayings on kid's tshirts - and to PP that was talking about kid's singing inappropriate songs - my mom has a tape she keeps in her car called like 'kids pop" or soemthing like that - and my niece and my daughter love it. I was a little irritated to hear my daughter singing "barbie girl" and knowing most of the words ... but I just let it go because we don't own the tape so i don't have to hear it all the time - and because I don't want to have a talk with her yet about the reasons *why* I don't like that song. Not because it would be an awkward conversation but because I don't want to intruduce those ideas or themes into my 4 year old's head.