OT- Just Overwhelmed

[DisneyDreams4P&B]

Today was a bad day. I know that there are families out there that deal with so much more but I am just feeling so overwhelmed that it is almost unbearable. My husband is a police officer and is working second shift now (2-10pm but usually gets home later cause there are ALWAYS late calls he has to take). We have an autistic 6 year old and a Sensory Intergration Disordered 3 year old. He usually sleeps past when the boys get up and go to school (the 3 yr old gets out at 10:30, the older at 2:30) so I am at the school 3 times a day, mixed in with OT, PT, and speech therapy 2 times each a week for both. Now I don't even have the help in the evenings or morning like I used to. We just moved here 4 months ago so we have no family and the friends that we have made have kids too, so there isn't really anyone to help. The boys miss their Dad so much (and so do I) and it is really affecting their behavior. I look around the house and don't know where to begin. Everything is getting so far behind and then I feel even more like a failure and bad mother. I am really not trying to be all woe is me and pity me. I just don't know how to get a leg up on things.

Maybe I just needed to vent. Thanks

 

[triplefigs]

Today was a bad day. I know that there are families out there that deal with so much more but I am just feeling so overwhelmed that it is almost unbearable. My husband is a police officer and is working second shift now (2-10pm but usually gets home later cause there are ALWAYS late calls he has to take). We have an autistic 6 year old and a Sensory Intergration Disordered 3 year old. He usually sleeps past when the boys get up and go to school (the 3 yr old gets out at 10:30, the older at 2:30) so I am at the school 3 times a day, mixed in with OT, PT, and speech therapy 2 times each a week for both. Now I don't even have the help in the evenings or morning like I used to. We just moved here 4 months ago so we have no family and the friends that we have made have kids too, so there isn't really anyone to help. The boys miss their Dad so much (and so do I) and it is really affecting their behavior. I look around the house and don't know where to begin. Everything is getting so far behind and then I feel even more like a failure and bad mother. I am really not trying to be all woe is me and pity me. I just don't know how to get a leg up on things.

Maybe I just needed to vent. Thanks

Sending you hugs. It must be hard. BTW, I'm the Atlanta area too!

 

[Luvamouse]

Hi Dreams,

You aren't a failure or a bad mom. I have 2 DD's without any extra issues other than being 5 and 11, and I know how hard it is to have a DH working 2nd shift. There are days I feel overwhelmed just trying to get the basic household things done and make all the bus/school runs. Adding in all the extra appointments and school visits adds another whole dimension I'm sure. My brother has Cerebral Palsy and when we were kids our parents took us to Disney World several times, always using a wheelchair. Looking back now as a parent, I don't know how they managed. It is often not easy, but the fact that you are so busy doing these things to help your boys shows just how good a mom you are!

I'm sorry the friends with kids aren't there yet, but it will come in time. That's what boards like this are for. Sometimes it's just nice to get it out where you feel comfortable.

Heidi

 

[dj2]

Maybe I just needed to vent. Thanks

venting's usually a good start. it can help clear your mind, putting feelings into words. plus, as my dad always says (forgive the analogy) "the squeaky wheel gets the grease." By that i mean that by starting to talk about these issues with others, maybe it will help generate some ideas, some of which might help to alleviate your problems. if nothing else, i'm sure others will share similar stories so you'll know you're not alone.

lots of

-dj

 

[Ambassador]

You might be surprised to discover the resources available to you. Begin asking about support groups. Seek out organizations like Newcomers Club, your local church, YWCA, Hospital extensions and police associations to name a few. Maybe someone can come in for a few hours a day to give you a break and get a few things done.

 

[3kidsmommy]

I feel your pain. I, too, am worn out, tired, and just plain feel like screaming! I have a ds with autism, a dd who we just found out will be needing months of vision therapy, and a dh with MS. I am left to do it all. My dh can't drive anymore, so literally--I do it ALL! I am about ready to blow at times. Honestly, the only thing keeping me sane is my weekly "sessions" with the social worker at my son's place he gets therapy. She and I bonded because she is taking care of her mother who has cancer...we chat for 2 hours every Wednesday. I don't know how the support groups are down there, but hte ones here are very inconvienent in when they meet. Still, try to seek someone out. It sounds like3 you could use a huge hug!!!

 

[tw1nsmom]

I did a quick search of websites that have to do with autism/atlanta. You might want to look at http://www.aspergeratlanta.com/ . It's about support groups/information in the Atlanta area for families dealing with autism.

 

[minkydog]

Just wanted to say you're among friends here. A lot of us are dealing with kids with autism or other disabilities and we totally understand your frustration. Being a sort of "single parent" isn't easy at any time, but when you have two children with special needs it is overwhelming. I hope you have shared your grief with your DH because he needs to know how his absence is affecting you & the kids. Perhaps he can be transferred to a different shift, one that will allow him to be home more when the kids are there. They need him, and you need him.

My DH has been partially disabled with lung/heart disease for the last 3yrs and more & more of the parenting falls to me. With a 10yo w/ autism & severe mental disability(and no self-help skills) and a 19yo who suffers bipolar depression i sometimes feel like I'm losing my mind. Respite has helped me a lot, as has a support group for parents who have severely impaired children. Even so, it's not the same as having a spouse that is up to speed and able to help out--it really does take a village to raise these kids;finding your villagers is the key. I live in Cobb County. Send me a PM if you want to talk

Cathy--mom to John , Eleni , and Christian

 

[SueM in MN]

You got a lot of good advice and support already.
One of the biggest things to remember is that even people who don't have the challenges you are dealing with sometimes feel totally overwhelmed. It's part of life and, as was already mentioned, right now you are functioning as a single parent.
Looking at your schedule; school several times a day, therapy, etc. I think even the besst organizer/planner would have a difficult time. Much of your time is already spoken for each day. No wonder you feel overwhelmed!

For some people, making a list of things that need to be done helps. Then you can break it down into small enough piece to actually deal with. Instead of having one big, totally overwhelming bunch of things you don't know where to start with, you can have some small bits that can be accomplished and crossed off the list. You can also prioritize things - maybe you do some of the things that are easy to do to get them out of the way. There is no way you can keep on top of everything, so maybe you need to figure out what is essential and only try to do those things.
Ten years from now, your boys are not going to remember that the housework was always falling behind. But, they are going to remember that you were there for them and tried your best.

I also noticed that you have 2 different sets of OT, PT and Speech. Depending on your children's needs and whether they see the same therapists, it might be possible to combine some and do joint therapy with both kids for some of the sessions (I know some situations where it worked out well because the children were able to do more cooperative things that were therapeutic for both of them at the same time. It had a good "sidde effect" of teaching the children how to play with each other). It may not be possible in your situation, but it's worth discussing with the therapists because it would take some of the "time crunch" off of you. If nothing else, they may be able to give you home work that you can do with your children together (I'm assuming they probably are giving you things to do that are increasing your stress).

 

[LMC]

Isn't your oldest getting therapy services thru the school system? If not, he should be. My DS is getting PT, OT and speech at his school (just placed him in school 6 weeks ago). If you are having to take the 3yo to therapies, Georgia should have an early intervention program. Those therapists will go to his pre school or your home to do the therapy. Not sure about speech, you'll probably still have to go to that one but he should be able to get it thru the local school system so schedule it just before you pick up your other DS and roll that into one trip.

Contact the website that was posted here and see if a parent there can offer you some help by way of suggestions. We all know that us parents can be a wealth of information!

 

[MommytoMJM]

Big hugs, I sooooo know how you feel, we are in the same situation (tho we have friends, they work a lot so aren't around all the time) Lately my husband has been working 9am till after 10:30 pm... if you ever need to vent, feel free to IM or PM me.....

 

[DisneyDreams4P&B]

Isn't your oldest getting therapy services thru the school system? If not, he should be. My DS is getting PT, OT and speech at his school (just placed him in school 6 weeks ago). If you are having to take the 3yo to therapies, Georgia should have an early intervention program. Those therapists will go to his pre school or your home to do the therapy. Not sure about speech, you'll probably still have to go to that one but he should be able to get it thru the local school system so schedule it just before you pick up your other DS and roll that into one trip.

Contact the website that was posted here and see if a parent there can offer you some help by way of suggestions. We all know that us parents can be a wealth of information!

They do get therapy in school put we get outside therapy as well, they have been responding so well to both so we do in school and outside of school because each therapy deals with something different. The school therapist deal with fine motor and parts of speech while outside deals with gross motor and the style of speech.

 

[DisneyDreams4P&B]

Thank you so much all of you for helping. Your suggestions, thoughts and well wishes really meant so much to me. I love these boards so much because it is not only our love for Disney that brings us together but our life experiences. There have been a couple of really rough days for us and I am sure that there will be many more but it is comforting to know that we are not alone.

To those of you near me in Atlanta that offered a sympethic ear, I will be taking you up on that. Thank you so much.


Here is to happy days ahead,

Jenna and family.

 

[dj2]

it's so wonderful to "see" that you feel a little better from your first post yesterday to you last post today. keep reaching out to others--i know you'll find the help you need
-dj