OT-Is this a big deal?

[Kim1964]

Hi. I'm posting this here because I've met some of you IRL and I would like your opinions.

DD#1 has been invited to a sleepover party at the home of a kid she just started hanging with this year (7th grade). I've been asking her for a week to get the mom's phone number (they don't have a house phone, each member of the family has a cell phone instead). DD#1 is really resisting and she told me last night that the kid involved is getting "annoyed" that I want it...hello, really? I have never let DD go to a sleepover without either already knowing the parents pretty well or speaking with the mom before the day of the party.

I admit I have some issues with this new friend, but I would be asking for the phone number even if I didn't. I just can't imagine letting her go to a sleepover without confirming with an adult that they are going to be home.

Am I wrong?

 

[rlovew]

I don't have a child but i can't imagine not having the number for a parent if my child or someone under my responsibility was going over for an afternoon let alone for the night. I don't think you are being unreasonable. I hope everything else is going well.

Rebecca

 

[morgansmom2000]

You are not wrong! Does she really think you'd just drop her off somewhere without knowing how to get in touch with an adult?!

Oh, I'm so not looking forward to the teen years!

 

[PrincessNancy96]

Kim,

As far as the child getting annoyed because you have requested the number... tough!
Personally, we have a family rule.. if we don't know the parents (due to sports/school activities) than the kids can't stay the night... the next rule is...we have to have a contact number of parents you are staying with. My kids all have cell phones (except the 8 yo) and while I can get a hold of them... I need to be able to contact the parents...
If it were me, and believe me I've been told many a time how mean I am... I would tell DD and feel free to tell the annoyed "friend" if I don't get a phone number; than you are not going for the sleepover.

I know we want them to grow up; but we also want to know they are in a safe environment.... and if you have some reservations with the other child.. I'd probably follow my gut and not let DD go... (but that is the mean mommy in me ~ safety first!)

 

[lewdyan1]

I totally second Nancy! I guess that's why I am sometimes the mean mommy...A title I can be proud of!

 

[MazdaUK]

Me three! My eldest is the only teenager in the world not glued to his mobile, but even so I badger him to get phone numbers for his friends for if they've made arrangements and something goes wrong (like missing busses etc.). And no way would I let him stay anywhere without a phone number for the parent. (My DSis has 4 kids and agrees).

If DD still resisits, explain that if something terrible happened (heaven forebid!) you might need to speak to a parent to explain rahter than speak straight to her on her mobile. Nothing like fear for bringing them round

 

[aroyer]

I'm with Nan!!! My kids know that MOM stands for Mean Ol' Mom.

 

[JESW]

That sleepover wouldn't be happening in MY house..so, no, I don't think you are a mean Mom..

Jill

 

[ZeroToHero]

I would be a little worried that she isn't giving you a way to contact her, just because I'm a "kid" too, and know that sometimes we're not where we say we are.

That is, of course, an extreme circumstance, and it's most likely not your daughter's fault at all, perhaps it's the other girl. Is that parent not going to be home for this sleepover? If so, is that okay with you?

I for one know that I would NEVER let my siblings (since I don't have kids) go to a sleepover without knowing the parents, knowing they were going to be there, and having at least 2 ways to get in contact with her. (cell phone, house phone, or even driving over if it came to it).

Just call me paranoid and pessimistic though. It's entirely possible that the girl doesn't have ulterior motives for not giving you the number. But keep pushing, and then call before the party, just to make sure that everything's on the up-and-up.

 

[morgansmom2000]

I have to agree with Z2H, I wondered if she was trying to hide something. I'm so not at that stage yet, but I've already been called a Mean Mom

 

[MazdaUK]

"If her mom's away, no way you play!"

I'm still recovering form the clearing up we had to do after DH's 21st (Yes, more than 20 years ago )

 

[ddavis860]

Yeah, I have worn the title of Mean Mom proudly many times over the years. I called the parents I didn't know well before any sleepovers...if there is a problem with that, then no sleep over. It was the rule, and no exceptions...

And IF the girl has a problem call the girl on her phone at dinnertime, and ask to speak to her mother. Up to you if you want to mention all the difficulty you have had getting to her...

 

[Kim1964]

Thank you all for your support. I arranged my day to be in the right place at the right time to catch the mom at her job (I didn't interrupt anything). I told her that I always verify that parents will be home and I got her and her husband's cell #s. It was totally not a big deal to her. Later in the day the child finally got the numbers to my child, so we're all set.

DD and I also had a long talk and I told her that this is how it's going to be until she's 18...if she's away from me, I will be confirming that adults will be there, period. When I ask for contact info, I expect to get it and if I don't she's not going.

I'm not naive enough to think that we'll never have the fight again, but I hope that next time it might be a little easier.

 

[AlexWyattMommy]

I would have a huge problem with the child who is not giving you the parent's number. There is no way my child would be staying at that child's house - overnight or otherwise. I would have to meet the parents before I let my child stay anywhere. In person. Not just a phone call. I totally believe in gut instincts and would want to get a "feel" of the home environment first. Because I am completely paranoid now that I'm a mom. I used to trust everyone, not so much anymore.
Keep to your guns Kim. Don't give in. Where your Mean O'Mom badge proudly sheriff.

Posted after you - Good for you!!

 

[Lisa]

I would be a little worried that she isn't giving you a way to contact her, just because I'm a "kid" too, and know that sometimes we're not where we say we are.

Does your mother know this, young lady?!

I agree, no sleep over if you don't know the parents and have a contact number. Mean old Mom job rules!

 

[morgansmom2000]

Does your mother know this, young lady?!

LOL!

Kim, I'm glad to hear it got resolved to your satisfaction!

 

[party of 3]

Kim,
i so glad you got this straightened out! i know that i will wear my mean mom badge proudly. if it keeps my little man safe!

 

[ZeroToHero]

Does your mother know this, young lady?!

I agree, no sleep over if you don't know the parents and have a contact number. Mean old Mom job rules!

Yes'm. And it set me straight - at the age of 10. Considering she called the cops on me, and had everyone in the city who had a car looking for me.... I was literally 20 feet away from where I said I was going to be, but that's okay. I learned my lesson!

 

[Lisa]

Yes'm. And it set me straight - at the age of 10. Considering she called the cops on me, and had everyone in the city who had a car looking for me.... I was literally 20 feet away from where I said I was going to be, but that's okay. I learned my lesson!

Moms have a way of doing that. My mother can still stop my in my tracks with "the look". To this day, I can not lie, I know my mother will find out!