OT- I need your help with a 2yo biter!

[Disneyland_Mama]

Please help! I need some advice!! I really don't know what to do. My 2 1/2 yo DS is a biter. Well, he only bites his sister, DD5.

Today was really bad....he bit her today in the belly and actually broke the skin! I've tried timeouts, I've tried to show him what he did and make him apologize and promise not to bite. I'm so torn, I don't know what to do.

Any advise is greatly appreciated!

 

[HappyDznyCamper]

Please help! I need some advice!! I really don't know what to do. My 2 1/2 yo DS is a biter. Well, he only bites his sister, DD5.

Today was really bad....he bit her today in the belly and actually broke the skin! I've tried timeouts, I've tried to show him what he did and make him apologize and promise not to bite. I'm so torn, I don't know what to do.

Any advise is greatly appreciated!

Unfortunalty biting is something 2 year olds do. I just had this conversation with a parent today(I teach 2y/o at a prechool, been there since 1999).
Most kids that age don't have the vocabulary and self control to express their feelings, so a quick and efficient way to get what they want(think they need) is to bite. Another option for changing this behavior(beyond what you are already trying) is to ALMOST ignore the biter and pay lots of attention to the bitee. I have not tried this(today was the first bite of the year) but it was suggested at an inservice class I was at last month and other teachers in the class said it has worked for them.


This is only a phase and it to will pass(though it may seem like it won't)

 

[macmahony]

my oldest was a biter (and has even on VERY rare occasions up to around 4). She had an articulation issue, and seemed to bite when she could not get the words out. It was worst when she was teething. 99% of the time it was just on her sister, when they got in her face and she could not get them to back off. She would go to timeout, but I never thought that was what made it go away. I think with her, it was maturity, and being able to make people understand her. I would just keep telling him no, and remove him from the situation, but I think sometimes they just have to grow out of it on there own.
Good luck, I found it to be one of the most frustrating things we have had to deal with so far!
heidi

 

[Minnie_me]

I agree with the above. With VERY FEW words, put the biter in timeout ("We don't bite. You're in timeout."). Then give ALL of the attention to the one who was bitten. IGNORE the biter.

When timeout is over, say to the biter, "It's not okay to bite. Biting hurts. If you bite, you sit." Keep it VERY simple. Somebody I once read called it CAVEMAN language - LOL!

Try to be PROACTIVE. Head off situations that lead to biting. Watch for signs of frustration and teach the biter how to use his WORDS. It stinks, because it eats up a lot of your time, to have to watch them play (and fight - LOL!). But it will work. Your DD also needs to learn to watch for the signs, so she can stay safe! PRAISE your DS whenever he uses his words: "You did a good job using your words instead of biting!" Tell him what a BIG BOY he is when he uses his words.

GOOD LUCK! (and please don't listen to anyone who recommends that you bite your DS. I don't care how well they tell you it works!!)

 

[Disneyland_Mama]

Unfortunalty biting is something 2 year olds do. I just had this conversation with a parent today(I teach 2y/o at a prechool, been there since 1999).

You know, the odd thing is that he just started biting maybe 1-2 months ago.

This is only a phase and it to will pass(though it may seem like it won't)

Thanks so much for your input! My DD is very articulate and I do believe DS bites out of frustration and to get her attention.

It was worst when she was teething. 99% of the time it was just on her sister, when they got in her face and she could not get them to back off. She would go to timeout, but I never thought that was what made it go away. I think with her, it was maturity, and being able to make people understand her. I would just keep telling him no, and remove him from the situation, but I think sometimes they just have to grow out of it on there own.
Good luck, I found it to be one of the most frustrating things we have had to deal with so far!
heidi

It is very frustrating!! I notice he bites when they start getting loud and/or he's playing he is a dinosaur/lion/monster.

I agree with the above. With VERY FEW words, put the biter in timeout ("We don't bite. You're in timeout."). Then give ALL of the attention to the one who was bitten. IGNORE the biter.

When timeout is over, say to the biter, "It's not okay to bite. Biting hurts. If you bite, you sit." Keep it VERY simple. Somebody I once read called it CAVEMAN language - LOL!

Oh, CAVEMAN language, I can do that!

GOOD LUCK! (and please don't listen to anyone who recommends that you bite your DS. I don't care how well they tell you it works!!)

Oh No! I'd never do that. My mom told me to put some hot sauce on his tongue and I almost flipped out! I refuse to do that!

Thanks so much everyone for your advice!! You don't know how much I appreciate your helpful words and encouragement!

 

[Hannathy]

well I do disagree with the above poster. I never bit my son but we made it very clear to him that if he did bite his sister she could bite him back! We also made it clear to her that she did not have to let him bite her, if she thought he was going to bite to push his head away and to yell for us. I think she only sorta bit him once when he discovered a. it hurts and b. he didn't get away with it and she wasn't putting up with it.

Biting needs to stop! A human bite especially if it breaks the skin is the worst kind of wound for an infection. Clean your Daughters stomach well and keep an eye on it. The human mouth has more germs in it than a dogs.

 

[Minnie_me]

well I do disagree with the above poster. I never bit my son but we made it very clear to him that if he did bite his sister she could bite him back! We also made it clear to her that she did not have to let him bite her, if she thought he was going to bite to push his head away and to yell for us. I think she only sorta bit him once when he discovered a. it hurts and b. he didn't get away with it and she wasn't putting up with it.

Biting needs to stop! A human bite especially if it breaks the skin is the worst kind of wound for an infection. Clean your Daughters stomach well and keep an eye on it. The human mouth has more germs in it than a dogs.

I never said that the DD couldn't defend herself! In fact, I totally wrote that the DD needed to be on the lookout for the frustration leading to biting so she could prevent herself from being bitten.

Sorry you misunderstood.

However, I do NOT want my children biting eachother, so that strategy wouldn't fly in my house. We do not fight fire with fire.

 

[Disneyland_Mama]

well I do disagree with the above poster. I never bit my son but we made it very clear to him that if he did bite his sister she could bite him back! We also made it clear to her that she did not have to let him bite her, if she thought he was going to bite to push his head away and to yell for us. I think she only sorta bit him once when he discovered a. it hurts and b. he didn't get away with it and she wasn't putting up with it.

Biting needs to stop! A human bite especially if it breaks the skin is the worst kind of wound for an infection. Clean your Daughters stomach well and keep an eye on it. The human mouth has more germs in it than a dogs.

I agree with you that the biting does need to stop. But I don't want my DD biting him back. I think if I allowed that, he would think that biting was ok in self defense and I'm trying to prevent that.

You don't really think a dogs mouth is cleaner than a humans, do you? I mean, humans don't eat feces and we don't lick our behinds.

 

[Merriwind]

My Dsister was a biter--a bad biter. One day, she bit my back hard enough to break the skin. (I think I was 4 and she was 3.) My Dmom told her that the next time she bit me, she would then have to bite a bar of soap. The next day, she bit me and got a bite of Ivory soap for her trouble. She never bit me again.

Say what you will about my mom's methods, but biting is dangerous behavior. It needs to be stopped--quickly. It's really not fair to the "bitee" to wait for the biter to outgrow the phase.

Good luck to you!

 

[bookgirl]

I agree with you that the biting does need to stop. But I don't want my DD biting him back. I think if I allowed that, he would think that biting was ok in self defense and I'm trying to prevent that.

You don't really think a dogs mouth is cleaner than a humans, do you? I mean, humans don't eat feces and we don't lick our behinds.

This is true. Dogs eat their food quickly and no digestion occurs until it reaches their stomaches.

However human have enzymes in thier saliva to start the break down of food. This means we have more chances for food borne bacteria in our mouths. Breaking the skin can put this broken down food bacteria in the wounds.
Humans also carry disease in our body fluids. Some are worse than others but there are hundreds of microbes in our mouths unlike dogs or most other animals.

Human bites are absolutly the worse types of wounds. When I taught special ed we had to report all bites and have them cleaned. We also had to
have tetnus and hepititus shots if we were bitten.

Take any human bite that breaks skin very very seriously.

 

[momsully]

Younger DS was a biter and although many don't agree I also used the soap method. Both boys liked to put things in their mouth so we were constantly telling them that things were dirty and could make them sick. We used the same explanation with biting. We explained that biting caused germs and he needed to wash the germs off his teeth. We used a little drop of soap and it worked great. He never bit again and when a boy at preschool bit him he told him he had germs. We never raised our voice or got angry, we were very matter of fact about the whole situation.

 

[reginaastralis]

Julie used to bite out of frustration, now she does it out of fun. It's much more a PITA now.

Before, when she would bite me, I would get on her level and look her in the eye. "Julie, no biting. Bite hurts. Momma cries." When I had her attention, I would explain a bit long "We use our words, not biting. We need to say sorry and give a hug and a kiss." She would go to "sadface"(timeout) and when she was done, she would come out and give me a hug and a kiss and say sorry. She only bit about three weeks, but there was a BITER in her school. This little girl bit every single day, multiple times. It was a horrid situation, and something my daughter's school would work on. I got a couple of notes home where Julie had been bit, so I knew where it was coming from.

Now, she bites to be funny. OMG, I want to scream. See, I'm really ticklish. If you tickle my feet, I will kick you in the face. Julie has learned this, so now she takes my foot and says "I'm gonna bite you, aaaarrrggghh" I'm pretty sure this is from school as well, however we all know how hard it is to get them to quit something after you laugh at it once.

But seriously, be stern, stick to your guns and make sure he knows you mean business. It sucks to have to do it sometimes, the waterworks, the "I'sorry" the "I won't do it none mama" Believe me, we've been there. Good luck!

 

[beccalines]

3 of my 4 have been biters. But hey, the 4th is only 9 months old so I'm sure she'll live up to her siblings.

Anyway, My main advice is time. I tried everything and it just seemed to take time.

We did try to pay more attention to the victim. That might have worked. We had many conversations going into Mickey D's where my kids would say, "I no bite momma."

It will stop. They were all done bitting by the time they turned three.

Hang in there, if a parent hasn't had a biter, they don't know what it is like to try and break the habbit.

 

[MSSANDRA]

preschool director here that has seen lots of bitter in the last 20 years!!

A couple of things. Bites can be dangerous but thankfuly most are not and small children do not have the jaw power to do as much damage as a dog might. The infection is a big issue and any bite that breaks the skin must be treated by washing with soap and water and perhaps an antibacteria ointment.
For that reason, if for no other, bitting a bitter back or allowing a chid to bite back is a really bad idea. Put the bitter at risk for an infection to teach a lesson is not smart parenting.

Another point is while bitting is more dangerous than some other forms of aggression, the child that bites is not any more aggressive than the child that hits or pulls hair or whatever. I had a hair puller!!

I also think that toddlers bite for a couple differnt reasons. One is that they use bitting just like another child may hit or pull hair.
Another reason that a child bites may be the huge ammount of attention they receive for it. EVERYONE gets all up in the air. Attention for them might be negatvie but wow, look what I can cause!!
Another, but less freguent bitter is teething and still has a lot of oral needs.

Some good advice you have gotten is to focus the attention on the bitten child, and ignore as best you can the bitter. Be sure that both children are getting enough of your individual attention during the day. Be a hawk and watch play carefully for a while so you can intervene if you need to.

Biggest advice is not to overreact. That often reinforcese the behavior. Remember that this too will pass!!!!!!!

 

[stczt]

When my oldest was little he went through a biting thing. I dont think he understood that it hurt the other person. We talked to him, tried timeouts finally I bit him back. not real hard but it let him know Ouch that really hurt. He never bit agian. I know I couldnt do it ever agian, but that one time it worked. I got the idea from my sil. I guess she did it to her kids???

 

[drivencrazy]

My daughter (12-21-04) bites off and on, it really seems to happen more when she is teething. But we have tried all the things listed... put her in time out while making a big deal over who she bite (that didn't work at all)... we would show her what she did and make her say sorry, but somethimes there was no real mark to show her. She would bite out of fun while playing and when she wasn't being listened to... so there was no real stopping it before it happened because you just never really knew when it would happen. So the last time she bite........ it was bad, my sons leg turned purple right away and there was a scrape from her tooth on it and this was through his pants!!! So I got him settled down with ice on it and then turned to her (I had put her on the step -time out kind of thing) and she was upset but not sorry... so I told her that her mouth was NASTY and since it hasn't stopped biting that we had to clean it out. So I was a mean mom and put a little soap in her mouth. Not a lot, just enough for her to taste it..... so far she hasn't bitten again! I hope that helped, did I want to put soap in her mouth? No, but did I want her to keep biting? No. Did it hurt her? No... did it solve our problem? Only time will tell........ it's been just over a week and no biting.

 

[snowy76]

Did anyone's child bite when they were younger than 2? My DS just turned 1, he only has one tooth (he was a preemie) but he's been biting quite a bit, and it's hard to get him to understand the deal. His second tooth IS coming in, so I wonder if it's a teething thing?

 

[Minnie_me]

It all comes down to RESPECT. I respect my children as human beings, and I want them to respect me. I don't do anything to them, verbally or physically, that I wouldn't want done to me. When I'm very angry, I benefit from a time out too! But if I slip and say something I shouldn't say, I sure as heck don't want soap in MY MOUTH. So I don't do it to my children. I don't want my children to fear me, or to behave only out of fear. Our relationship with our children is based on MUTUAL RESPECT.

My girls are 6 and 9, and I've been a Kindergarten teacher for 20 years. I use the same philosophy in my classroom, and have very few discipline problems after the first couple of weeks.

 

[Disneyland_Mama]

Did anyone's child bite when they were younger than 2? My DS just turned 1, he only has one tooth (he was a preemie) but he's been biting quite a bit, and it's hard to get him to understand the deal. His second tooth IS coming in, so I wonder if it's a teething thing?

Hmmm... sounds like it's just a teething thing, to me.


UPDATE:
Last night DS & DD were playing upstairs and DS came down whimpering a bit. He wouldn't tell me what was wrong. I noticed his cheek was a little pink, so I called DD down to explain to me what happened. She told me DS tried to bite her, so she said and I quote, " I teached him a lesson!"
Although I don't condone this kind of behavior, I highly doubt DS will be biting his sister any time soon. Now I had to reprimand my DD for biting him and I told her it was not her job to "teach" anyone a lesson. I understand totally how she felt and how unfair it was for her to get bitten, but I also made her understand, biting was not the way to "get back" at him.

 

[katerkat]

You don't really think a dogs mouth is cleaner than a humans, do you? I mean, humans don't eat feces and we don't lick our behinds.

Oh yes - they proved it on Mythbusters, a dog's mouth is definitely cleaner. (I don't recommend the episode that they were testing food that fell on the floor, etc. )

Did anyone's child bite when they were younger than 2? My DS just turned 1, he only has one tooth (he was a preemie) but he's been biting quite a bit, and it's hard to get him to understand the deal. His second tooth IS coming in, so I wonder if it's a teething thing?

Probably a teething thing. My son bit me hard in a place I did not need to be bit, when he was about 10 months old. He was nursing at the time, and was getting four top teeth all at once. Thank God he never did that again.

My problem is a bit opposite - my son bites HARD, but only when provoked. IE, someone has to put their fingers in his mouth. He's bitten me and my mother when we were trying to fish objects out (rocks are not edible), and he bit a friend when the friend cornered him and stuck his fingers in my son's mouth. I really don't know how to teach him not to bite like that, because it's not like he's actively searching for people to gnaw on.