OT: I am shocked about teacher gift request!!!!!

[aprilfoolwed]

A few weeks ago (right around Halloween) there was a note in my daughter's homework folder (in a sealed envelope addressed to me) from the class mom - she wrote a letter about how she wanted to organize a class gift for the teacher - some sort of gift card.

That's fine. Love the idea and I have done this many times before. But I did not love the tone of of the letter - she actaully came out and asked for each student to contribute $20 towards this, but said she'd of course take any donations. I thought that was a little rude (telling us how much she wants us to give), but wrote out the check (since we would have spent that on a teacher' gift on our own).

So just a few minutes ago I get an email from the mom asking if I was planning on participating in the class gift. now, the letter she sent home requested that we send our money to her before a certain date in December - I didn't sent it in yet, but had every intention of sending it before her "due date."

now she emails me asking if I plan to contribute. I said that I did, but I just didn't send the check in at this point. And she write back "it's not due yet, but I wanted to know who was participating."

Would this make anyone else mad. I think it's totally in poor taste - even if I think the general idea is a nice one!

 

[8disneyfans]

Hey, I think I was writing to you on another topic.
I do think that is rude! I can understand that she wants to make sure the teacher gets it and I assume to make sure she knows what parents are giving and how much so it doesn't come out of her pocket.
Yikes I think $20 is a bit much, maybe I am just cheap! I homeschool so I don't have to deal with that, but I would be giving $100 in teachers gifts if my kids were all in school, not to mention girls scouts, awanas,Sunday school teacherrs and others. And when my kids were in school I set a limit of $10 on teacher's gifts. With so much to buy it can get overwhelming!
Good luck!

 

[Worfiedoodles]

Wow, how many kids are in the class? I suspect she isn't getting any response and it's making her nervous -- so she's sending e-mails and trying to gauge the response.

I don't think it's rude to say how much -- it's a good way to let people know she's really hoping for more than $2, but for a class gift like that, I'm really surprised it's $20. I would have said something like, "If each family contributes $10, we will be able to get a **** gift card and flowers, and the entire class will make a group card" -- i.e. your child will be included whether you contribute or not.

Very few people are going to remember to do the Christmas gift in Oct. -- it sounds like she started too early, she asked for too much, and now she's reaping what she sowed...

I understand why you are annoyed. Perhaps it's her first time as class mom, and she's finding her way. I know it is frustrating, but remember she is volunteering her time...

Maybe you can gently find a way to redirect her so she doesn't alienate all the other parents? You can't be the only one she's irritated....

 

[koolaidmoms]

I think it is rude.

Whenever I have been class "mom" it has been - we are planning on giving a gift from the entire class. If you would like to contribute please send in your money by x date. Some parents asked what others are contributing but I always said, "Whatever you feel is appropriate. There is no set amount."

We also always signed the card from - Your xth grade class parents. I never would have signed individual names either.

We generally spend $15-$20 per teacher. DS has 4 plus a speech teacher and DD has 2. Tis the season of giving.

 

[aprilfoolwed]

Yes! we were talking on another thread!

Having been the class mom several times myself, I can certainly understand her worry about people forgetting, not getting enough money etc. But I never asked for a specific amount, nor did I hound people about it.

i agree that $20 is a little steep. And part of the reason why class gifts are nice is that the teacher gets something nice but no one should have to spend a fortune! There are, I think, 24 kids in the class - that;s a heck of a gift if everyone gives $20!!!!!

That said, we are happily in a much better financial position than we have been in for years. That's not to say we're rich, but after years of having to come up with gifts that cost next to nothing, I was happy to write the check this year.

Sometimes I am VERY envious of homeschooling families! I don't think it would work well for our family, but sometimes the absence of these sorts of things seems really nice!

 

[mjkacmom]

Every class mom, in every class, asks for $5, and most do contribute, as well as gift a family gift. If the deadline has passed, as class mom, I have contacted the few who I haven't heard from - so far, every single one had either forgetten, or never gotten the letter (I used to be a forgetful one myself, and sometimes needed the reminder). Pretty high COL here, and $20 seems like a lot! And if she needed to know who planned on contributing earlier, she should've put an earlier deadline.

 

[kcromley]

well, class mom is a thankless job which is subject to a lot of second-guessing, so I for one am grateful for anything she does and don't criticize unless I want to volunteer for the position myself.

 

[aprilfoolwed]

LOL - I did volunteer to do the job - she just volunteered first.

I am sure many parents in the class won't bat an eye - we llive in a pretty affluent area and most will just send in the money and not care. I always seem to be one of the only ones on a budget.

Last year, there is NO WAY I could have done a $20 gift for a teacher. It just wouldn't have happened!

 

[Worfiedoodles]

Holy Crow, Batman! 24 kids @ $20 each is a very nice gift! I'm sure she's a great teacher, but I think that would make anyone uncomfortable, to receive a gift card for that much!

Maybe she was afraid only half would participate -- which is still quite a substantial teacher gift. I wonder where she came up with that amount? You say you have been the class mom before -- is that normal for your area? I guess we're just parsimonious up in New England!

 

[aprilfoolwed]

I was class mom for our preschool class several times - with 2-3 teachers in each class. The teachers request no gifts to go to individual teachers - if parents want to do a gift, the class mom is responsible to organize the gifts to go to the school.

I always left it up to the parents to decide if the would contribute. Nearly 100% would particiapte - with the vast majority giving $10. Some gave $20 and others $5.

We always had at least $100 which was given to the school and they purchased lots of nice toys and items for the classroom.

 

[MiniGirl]

Personally, I have no problem being asked to contribute a certain amount. When I was in a similiar position, we asked for donations and about half of the almost 100 parents asked how much they should give. People want to know what others are giving, so they know they aren't giving too little or too much.

However, I do have big problems with her wanting to know so far ahead who is participating. By keeping so close track of things, it sounds as if this room mom will sign the card using individual names as opposed to a generic "From your 2nd graders." Also, $20 for 1 gift is just too much. Our room mom asked for $25 (the suggested donation amount) at the beginning of the year. This was going to cover all the class parties and 3 teacher gifts during the year (birthday, holiday, and end of the year). I was more than happy to send in our $25 and be done with it. Of course, my dd will bring her teacher a little something just from her as well.

 

[K and K's Mommy]

At our preschool and kindergarten building, there is a rule that we are not allowed to state an amount. I've done the buying of the gift many times, and there are always people who ask. I just say "whatever you feel comfortable giving." If they persist, I will say most people give between 10-20. This is true, but I have gotten as little as three and as much as 30.

There has also never been a year where someone has not tried to give me money at the party! I have always said to go buy a gift card at a bookstore.

 

[poohfriend77]

I agree that maybe the room mom may have chosen her words poorly, and $20 is a lot. But... I definitely prefer going in on class gifts. My DDs room mom in preschool last year did not want to do that, and I had a hard time deciding what to get for two teachers in the $10-15 range.

DD is in kindergarten this year, and the Parent Club asks parents for $15 for class gifts at "fee day," when you pay parent club dues, buy milk tickets, sign up for lunch duty, etc. It ends up being an expensive day, so an extra $15 doesn't seem like much at that point. I'm the room mom, and the club just wrote me a check for the total (I know one kid did not donate, but I don't know who... I like it that way). I can use the total ($240) to buy gifts or do special things for the teacher all year long, not just at Christmas. The parent club encourages us to buy gifts/gift cards for Thanksgiving, Christmas, teacher appreciation day, their birthday, and end of the year. It's a nice way to show our appreciation all year long, without constantly asking parents for $5-10 for each occasion.

 

[#1 Pocahontas]

I'm on the fence. I don't think asking for a set amount is bad but writing you before the deadline is a bit much. $20 does seem like a lot but that's JMO. I have been room mom for the past two years and I ask for $15 but that is for the entire year and goes towards; all the classroom parties, a birthday gift and lunch for the teacher, grandparents day, and for Teacher Appreciation week. I never ask for anything else and let everyone do what they want for Christmas.

 

[aprilfoolwed]

Just wanted to add that this $20 was ONLY for the xmas gift. The room mom has emailed parents for donations for holiday parties - I sent in plates for Halloween and will send in whatever they need for xmas too.

The $20 is JUST for the teacher's gift.

 

[mom2princessj]

I think that's too much to ask anyone to give. You should just be able to give what you feel is appropriate or will fit your budget without feeling like a set amount is expected especially if donations for the party are expected or needed as well. And then for her to email you to ask about your participation at this point when the due date hasn't even passed yet...WOW

This year I have 4 teachers to buy for so I think I'll be doing $10 cards for each along with a piece of fannie mae candy. Last year I think I did $20 for two teachers. As times get tougher in this economy people just don't have that extra $20 to spend and for her to give a set amount people that can only afford 3 or 5 bucks right now may feel bad or ashamed that they can't give more. I would think a simple request for $$ with no amount specified is a more tactful way to approach the situation especially with so many kids in the class. I think just listing it from 'your x grade class' is much better than listing names too.

 

[melancholywings]

If it was me I'd have called the principle to complain. $20 per student is to much - not all families can afford it and honestly it's horrible that she just assumed they'd be able to give that much. Living in a well to do area doesn't always mean that everyone in that neighborhood is financially well off. And her hounding families is potentially damaging to the classroom, as well as embaressing to the students. Every family should be able to decide what and if they want to contribute.

 

[mom2aredhead]

well, class mom is a thankless job which is subject to a lot of second-guessing, so I for one am grateful for anything she does and don't criticize unless I want to volunteer for the position myself.

Thank you, from a class mom.

We are "officially" not allowed to ask for more than $5.00. I never put anything like that in writing. I call everyone and let them know that I am not allowed to request more than $5.00 but that it is entirely up to them how much they would like to contribute. Some give $10, some give $5, some give nothing. That's life. She should not have hounded you before the "due date" though - I always make my due dates a week before I really need them to avoid as many problems as possible. $20 is a lot, unless there are other teachers (art, gym, music, etc) that are being included, and if that's the case, she should have explained that from the beginning.

Yes, it's a pain in the neck to have someone call you to remind you, but I can tell you from experience, it's more of a pain in the neck to have someone that committed to bringing something in forget, so you have to run out and cover them, but then they ask "why didn't you remind me."

And one last rant - PLEASE...if you are the person that always calls as soon as you get the note at home to say "I'll bring napkins", and you have brought napkins for the Halloween party, Thanksgiving celebration, the holiday party, and the spring jubilee...would it KILL YOU to go to the bakery or food store JUST ONCE and get some sort of food item? Please?

 

[Juliet25]

I don't think it's rude at all. It's such a PITA to be the person in charge of that sort of thing. If she didn't get a good response, she may just nix the idea and proceed with just getting a present from her own daugher.

 

[kcromley]

I believe the request was for 20$ or whatever amount the parent wished to send. If you wish to send less, by all means, do so. For a gift for someone who cares for and educates my child 35 hrs/week, it is for me a reasonable request. I would spend more taking my family to McDonald's for lunch, and so we will skip that one time and apply it to a well-deserved gift instead. Do whatever you think is right, but please refrain from criticizing the well-intentioned efforts of other parent volunteers to "do the right thing". It may not have been the manner or timing of how you might phrase the request, but nevertheless, the room mom made the effort to organize it.