OT-How soon did you have Baby #2?

[HelenePA]

I just wanted to add something...I wouldn't have another child and expect them to be close because of whatever age difference. Being close in age doesn't seem to necessarily mean that they will be close. I think that there are different factors, one being if these are two girls.

My sister and I aren't close, and we are 2 to 3 years apart. I don't remember being close as kids. I remember having to do the same activities and feeling awkward because, for some activities, I was the oldest in the group. I do believe that some of this was caused by my parents.

I met two teenaged girls a few years ago who were less than a year apart. They were 12 and 13 at the time. They had the same activities and were highly competitive with each other and did not get along, partially because they were in the same activities (they might have been in the same grade). And they were close in age (again, this could be different with boys).

I have a friend (woman) with a sister 6 years younger, and they are very close.

So, you just never know. There are a number of factors that cause siblings to be close or not close growing up and as adults, and age difference is just one of those factors.

Just something to think about...

My dad was one of 4. His youngest sister is about 13 years younger than he was... to be honest she is the outcast of the group. She was babied so much she use to say to the other 3 siblings "I wish I was an only child". They all can't stand her. My dad died last month and NO one wanted to call and tell her he died. My dad's brother finally did. At his funeral dinner (which she did not come too ) I asked him how much the other's paid him to call her. I am SO nervous that this one (#4 due in Oct) will be the "outcast" because of how she is... So far I've lucked out with the 3 I already have they tell everyone they are all best friends

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Our kids are all approx 20-22 months apart. Right around age 1 (either right before or right after) we tried for the next child. We were very lucky and are extremely blessed. I love that they are all close in age. They are very sweet to each other and I only hope they will always be that way.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Let's see the first and second one were born the same minute then the third and fourth were born 2 minutes later, in less than a minute. Nope. No help here!

Overachiever!

 

[tweedlemom]

16 months apart. We intended for it to be a 17 1/2 month difference, but #2 was a preemie. Both boys are best friends. We'd have them that close again in a heartbeat!

 

[phillmolly]

I am five months pregnant today with my first. It took us almost 14 years to get here and my DH and I have already decided to try for #2 right away. A lot of it has to do with our age, I will be 35 when I deliver and my DH is 38. We would like to have #2 before he is 40. Now whether it works out that way or not is still to be seen, but I am just happy to be having this little guy!!! If he ends up being our only one that will be okay, but I would really like for him to have a sibling.

As far as age and closeness goes, I have 5 younger brothers and sisters, I am closest to my oldest brother who is 16 months younger than me and my youngest brother who is 17 years younger than me. The two who I am least closest to are my sister who is 8 years younger than me and my brother who is 12 years younger than me. I think the reason I am close to my two brothers is a: the oldest one has always been there and we have a lot in common, b: the youngest was always my baby, I loved to take care of him when he was small and even though he just graduated from high school I still think of him as my baby. Now, the reason why I am not close to middle ones is because of the age difference. We have never been at the same point in our lives. My second sister is also 17 years younger than me, my step-mom and mom were both pregnant at the same time, I am closer to her than my other sister but since we never lived together it's not quite the same as it was with my baby brother.

Truthfully, I think it dosn't matter how far apart your children are, all familes are different and what works for one may not work for another. I say whatever you decided to do will end up being the right choice for your family.

Good luck to you!!!

 

[mericletwins]

No, it's nothing like twins. . I have twins, and then another one 17 months younger than the twins. The twins were way, way harder, in my experience.

Hee hee. I have twins 28 minutes apart. I thought that was a nice space between one and two. It gave me time to breathe and collect my thoughts before # 2 came along.

Ok...I guess that isn't what you mean. I have twins and 14 months later I had my third. If you and Dh are ready, go for it. Having them so close is fantastic. I don't buy into it pushes the older one out of the baby spot or any other theory like that. If you and DH are ready, that is all you need.

 

[SplashMountainMama]

We have six and had them the "old-fashioned" way (1 at a time). Here is our age differences:

#1 & #2 - 15 months
#2 & #3 - 18 months
#3 & #4 - 21 months
#4 & #5 - 3 years
#5 & #6 - 3 years

At our busiest we had 4 under 4 1/2 with 3 in diapers/pull-ups. It was crazy busy and exhausting, but I wouldn't change it now. When we had #5 it was like a whole different world. The other kids weren't quite as needy anymore and I could actually take time to enjoy holding the baby rather than perch him in a carseat/bouncy chair because I was so busy with the other ones. It was like heaven and I enjoyed every minute of it because he was the last one...until #6 and I'm enjoying this one even more because now I have an 11 yr old, a 10 yr old ,an 8 yr old and a 6 1/2 yr old with very helpful hands and a 3 yr old who can still get the attention he needs. The thing is, IMO, whatever you have will be hard at first (whether or not it seems hard to someone else) because it will be new and different, but in the end it will be exactly how it's supposed to be.

 

[Elmo888]

My dad was one of 4. His youngest sister is about 13 years younger than he was... to be honest she is the outcast of the group. She was babied so much she use to say to the other 3 siblings "I wish I was an only child". They all can't stand her. My dad died last month and NO one wanted to call and tell her he died. My dad's brother finally did. At his funeral dinner (which she did not come too ) I asked him how much the other's paid him to call her. I am SO nervous that this one (#4 due in Oct) will be the "outcast" because of how she is... So far I've lucked out with the 3 I already have they tell everyone they are all best friends

And here is where the parents come in...I think that how the parents treat the children is a big factor in sibling closeness. You stated that your dad's youngest sibling was babied, which certainly didn't help the closeness. I mean, you can't make your kids be close, but I think that parents can set the stage, at least, and make things a bit easier.

I think that just that fact that you are worried about it is very helpful in encouraging your kids' closeness.

 

[crisi]

Mine arrived six months apart. There is such a thing as too soon.

Love them, and its great to have two kids who go to the same movies, both were Fantasyland age at the same time, shared toys, etc. But a few years were a blur.

 

[HelenePA]

Mine arrived six months apart. There is such a thing as too soon.

Love them, and its great to have two kids who go to the same movies, both were Fantasyland age at the same time, shared toys, etc. But a few years were a blur.

Okay maybe I'm just tired.. but 6 months? How?

 

[amyj1024]

Mine are 4 years apart--I have to say I think it is a good gap. She understands about the attention the baby needs, there is practically no jealousy--
Plus not to sound like a pessimist, but I am also a special ed preschool teacher, many times there are children that need additional help, therapy, parenting, etc. Having another baby before your first one is even 2, can be very stressful if your first--or second--ends up requiring some extra help...
Many times some of these issues don't come up until they are almost 3 years old...then you are struggling to juggle 2 or maybe 3 children---

 

[Karlzmom]

Looking for some different perspectives: I had my sweet baby girl in January. Life with her is a pleasure and I am starting to feel pangs of wanting another baby. Hubby feels the same. I've always loved kids and LOVE being a Mom. I'm a SAHM and hubby works. When we have Baby #2, we're going to get part time help and I will continue to stay home.
I just don't know how soon is too soon to have another? Or if their is such a thing as too soon.
How soon after baby #1 did you have #2? Do you wish you waited longer?

13 and half years between baby #1 and baby #2! People ask me regularly if #2 was an oops.... The look on the face when I say he was an "on-purpose" is priceless.

Seriously, you need to listen to your body, and at the end of the day its about what will work for you and DH.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

And here is where the parents come in...I think that how the parents treat the children is a big factor in sibling closeness. You stated that your dad's youngest sibling was babied, which certainly didn't help the closeness. I mean, you can't make your kids be close, but I think that parents can set the stage, at least, and make things a bit easier.

I think that just that fact that you are worried about it is very helpful in encouraging your kids' closeness.

I completely agree with this.

 

[surfergirl602]

I really have enjoyed reading about families who have their children spaced further apart (5+ years). We have DD6 and for a while we wondered if we were done. I'm definitely not ready to have another one right now - lots of weight to lose, and am trying to start a home-based biz so I can be home....it's kind of a step towards having a 2nd because I know I can't work and have 2 in daycare/school (before/after school care is expensive!!!).

I went through a lot of guilt when she was 3-4 because that's the "prime" time that everyone always told me. But I'm fine with it, because I hear about more and more siblings who are VERY close with so many years apart.

DH & I both are only children, so this is a very hot topic for us!

My oldest girls is almost 8. She simply adores her 16 month old sister. Does everything for her. They are so close already. Our 5 year old is close with both of them. They are all best friends, do everything together, sleep together, play together, have the same friends... I wonder if having no. 4 will be like that too, or will be an outcast. ha ha

 

[Along4theRide]

We started trying for #2 when our 1st was a little over a yr old. It took us a few months to get pregnant so our kids are 2yrs and 3 months apart. It think it's ideal for our kids, but every kid is different! My sis-in-law waited (for various circumstances) 5yrs between kids and she wishes she wouldn't have. They are just too far apart to really enjoy anything together. On the other hand we have friends with kids 19 mos apart and she says they are very close relationship wise, but can be tough with two under the age of 3! What ever you choose to do, I'm sure will work out fine! Good luck!

 

[crisi]

Okay maybe I'm just tired.. but 6 months? How?

My first was adopted. He arrived home and we discovered that after spending five years trying to conceive, surprise! (And no, it doesn't always happen that way - I know hundreds of adoptive families - and only one other with a story like mine. Nor was it 'less stress' - there is no stress like having a child that is YOURS, with a picture of him and some basic information - and then NO information or contact for three months until the call comes to say "48 hours" - that was when we conceived). My daughter was suppose to be born in October, but showed up early - I went into labor six months to the day after he arrived - she was born the next day. Less than thirteen months apart in age, six months apart in arrival.

 

[Ariel8676]

My first two are 14 months apart and then there are 3 years between #2 and #3. I would have liked my youngest to be closer in age to my others, but it is working out great. Now we have been trying for some time for #4(my youngest is 2)..so we will see

 

[perkinsrose]

And here is where the parents come in...I think that how the parents treat the children is a big factor in sibling closeness. You stated that your dad's youngest sibling was babied, which certainly didn't help the closeness. I mean, you can't make your kids be close, but I think that parents can set the stage, at least, and make things a bit easier.

I think that just that fact that you are worried about it is very helpful in encouraging your kids' closeness.

Absolutely. I think parents also have a big part in teaching children cooperation, generosity, and praising positive interaction instead of just punishing/reprimanding fighting and other behavior. It takes alot more work and focus to point out and the good stuff.

It makes so much more sense to emphasis the positive but it is an effort to get into the habit. like--"it makes me so happy to see you playing together" "you shared that toy, that's so generous of you".

I have my "you're driving me crazy!" moments but always trying to do better with the positive reinforcement.

Mine are 2 yrs apart to the day--different genders. They go through stages of similar interests but all in all 2 yrs apart--i couldnt imagine it any other way.

 

[justhat]

Mine are almost 2.5 years apart and if I could add another 6 months between them, I would. My daughter was pretty self sufficient when my son was born (had been potty trained for 4 months, able to get herself snacks/drinks that I kept on a low shelf, in preschool, etc.), but she was just so young and I really feel like she was cheated out of being a baby/toddler. So many things we were able to do with just her had to stop or be postponed when my son came along. I didn't find life with 2 kids any harder than life with 1, but the simple fact was that there were times she had to miss out on stuff or wait her turn. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but if I could change it, I would have waited till she was older so that she'd understand more.

For example, we'd go to the zoo several times a week after preschool. My son was about 1-3 months old at the time. He hated the stroller so he had to be work in a sling/Bjorn (whatever worked at the moment). So then it was hard to keep lifting my daughter to see various animals. And then I had to stop every 1.5 hours to feed him so she had to sit and wait. Or at the playground I couldn't climb around with her cause I was holding the baby.

They get along well for the most part now, but I will always remember when we went to WDW 3 months after our son was born and she told us she wanted to leave him home and have it be just her, Mommy, and Daddy. Really made me feel so badly for her cause she never complained about him to that point, but I could see how she felt displaced.

We know we definitely want a 3rd child but I am not starting on that till next summer, right before my son turns 3yo. I want at least a 3.5 year gap this time around.

 

[tttessa]

Hi,
mine were 2 girls 17 months apart, and it was great - first 6 months a bit tricky as eldest didn't walk till her sister was born!!!! Bought a double buggy and off we went... they are the best of friends now at 7 and 6, so don't think we went far wrong....

My sister had 2 girls also - LESS THAN 9 months apart - we joke she had a VERY private delivery room.... ouch..... her girls are great friends and great with each other too.. maybe it's genetic...

Tessa