OT How do you handle your nearly 3 year old when he/ she doesn't listen?

[Tiggerlovinggrandma]

I am a Mema (aka grandma) to a wonderful 2 1/2 year old little boy. My first and so far only grandchild. He will be 3 in late March. He has always been a well behaved little man. He would do what he was told nearly all the time. No terrible twos to speak of. However this past two weeks he has decided to exercise the word NO a lot as well as just not listen in general. We are not sure why the sudden change in pattern? We think he is beginning to finally test his limits. We (my DH (his Pepa), his Mommy and me) are having to repeat ourselves more often than not when we ask him to do anything such as pick up his toys, eat dinner, get dressed, do or don't do this or that, etc.

We do not use spanking as a form of discipline. With our daughter we used only time outs which worked well with her. Neither DD, DH nor I have implemented time outs with the little peanut as yet as there has not been any reason to up until now. For the last two weeks we give him to the count of 3 to follow our command or else we give him a consequence.For example: Hop into bed by the count of 3 or we put you in bed; begin picking up your toys by the count of 3 or you lose the use of them, start to get dressed by the count of 3 or we will dress you, etc He likes to be independant and do things for himself so this has worked but not always. We try to remember that whatever we do, we must remain consistant.

I was wondering what other parents or grandparents are doing these days when their child or grandchild just refuses to go with the flow? What forms of discipline do you use for particular situations?

Some background: Our daughter and grandson have moved in with my DH and I recently until things settle down a bit for the two of them. DD is going through a divorce. She filed this week after being separated for the past year. She has her son with her 3 days one week and 4 days the next, alternating with her ex on a 50/50 visitaion plan.

 

[Stephandy03]

wow if you figure it out please let me know.

my son is nearly 4 and we have been going through the same thing for at least 1 year. we have tried time outs, counting, reasoning (that does NOT work). The time outs work for short periods but the next day or even next hour he can be doing the same thing that got him into trouble before.

His favorite phrase now is "I want it NOW"

I would love to hear what others are doing too.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

It's totally normal at that age. Just keep doing what you are doing. Use the timeouts, take things away etc. It can be frustrating but I think they are just sowing their oats a bit.

 

[growinupdisney]

I have dd2 will be 3 in April always well behaved yes mam no mam, thank you, your welcome, etc and the last few days I will ask her to do something and she just looks at me or runs away! I tried counting but she counted along with me or finished for me! There is nothing worse than saying 1..2....3...and then she says 4 5 6 7 8 9 10!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I have dd2 will be 3 in April always well behaved yes mam no mam, thank you, your welcome, etc and the last few days I will ask her to do something and she just looks at me or runs away! I tried counting but she counted along with me or finished for me! There is nothing worse than saying 1..2....3...and then she says 4 5 6 7 8 9 10!

I hate to say it but that always makes me laugh when they do that.

 

[Tiggerlovinggrandma]

Stephandy03 Yes I am sure there are also others besides you and me who would like to get some tips, suggestions on this topic too. Our DGS favorite saying recently is simply "I don't want to " .

Mouse House Mama We think it is appropiate for his age as well. I guess we were a bit lulled into that he was so well behaved and accomdating til now than BAM "I don't want to". He sort of smacked us back to reality LOL

grownupdisney Yep our grandson sometimes does that too when we count. It can so cute but frustrating at the same time.

 

[growinupdisney]

As I did with my other two children who were also very well behaved for the most part...I would say keep up what your doing....be consitent, atleast that is what i'm trying to do we all slip up once in a while. I have had to make sure my dh and I both correct her for the same thing not one of us being the only one to say something. As well as my two older children have been trying to correct her when she does something we ask her not to do. ex. is she hits at her older brother he will tell, that not nice we don't hit..just like we do.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Well, at that age I spanked. I was told "No!" by each of my boys - maybe more than once, but not much more. My wife uses time-outs and the like. Let's just say that they still tell her "no" and leave it alone. I haven't even had to raise my voice to our children in years, and my wife is threatening to start spanking.

Children do not understand most consequences. Good luck...

 

[KristiMc]

I swear that there is no "Terrible 2's", it's all about the 3's. Both of my boys were like this when they were 3. Age 4 was much better.

 

[QVCshopper]

I have to say that my DS made me very frustrated from 2.5 to 3.5. Then, he turned a corner and has been as wonderful as before... so, I think it's just what boys that age do. Stay calm and strict and loving, but he will outgrow it.

 

[meg8017]

I have to say I could have written your post about my ds. He'll be 3 in April and all of a sudden these past few weeks boy have we seen some defiant behavior! He has always been pretty good natured so when he started with the "NO!"'s all the time we were like what?!?! We do time outs which work some of the time and do occsionally spank for very inappropriate behavior. It's just hard when he throws a random tantrum and we didn't see it coming. My friends with older kids all say 3 is way worse than 2.... We leave for Disney on Sunday, hoping that he can make it a week without tantrums!

 

[candielips]

My DD is 2 1/2 and has also been at this point for a few months now.
her pediatrician recommended a book called "1 2 3 Magic". I purchased it and found so much of it very informative.
Check it out. It is about so much more than counting. Very simple to follow and half the time I count my DD I rarely make it to 2.

 

[deerhart]

I count backwards from 5

With our boys since they could walk (they never walked they went straight to run) it was all about choices, consequences, follow through and sometimes ignoring.

Our kids KNOW if we say its going to happen it will happen. Ask my 7yo who for 2.5 months had NOTHING in his room but a bed, his dresser, clothes, lamp, and an empty bookcase.

I am the type of parent that if I ask the child to come and they continue doing what they are doing I will walk away (and hide around the corner) so they learn the consequence of what happens in an environment we control (instead of it happening when he gets lost instead and something bad happens)

 

[BuzzandAriel'smom]

I always tell people that my ds spent his second year on our bottom step. That's the way it seemed atleast. He was really testing the limits of what I would accept. It took a while but with consistent consequences he learned that being naughty doesn't work. I would say things to him like " you need to be nice to mommy.". To which he would reply"you need to be nice to Marshall!!". Sure it was funny but that was his way of trying to be in charge and in our house kids are not in charge in any way shape or form.

We had great success with the 2 minutes time outs on the stairs. Marshall is a very well behaved 5 almost 6 year old that is very resectful of adults.

Whatever you choose just make sure that everyone in the home is on board and will follow through in your absence. The main thing that your dgs will take away from this is that those behaviors don't lead to anything fun. As long as you are calm and consistent he will get it eventually, better now that when he is 8 and strong! Good luck, this too shall pass!

 

[DawnM]

Get his attention and get down to his level so you are eye to eye.....then firmly state what you expect from him and ask him to repeat what you have said. State consequences that will occur if he does X again. (time outs, taking toy away, etc....) and follow through.

This was advice I received with my kids and it has worked well.

Dawn

 

[Sam'sMom0126]

I hope it's just the age. My DS just turned 3 on Tuesday and he is pushing his limits BIG TIME! The 2's were a cakewalk in comparison to what we go through every day. Time outs in a corner don't work for us as he won't stay there.....I put him in his room and so far he hasn't figured out he can just open the door and leave.

 

[MSSANDRA]

ok, your situation is differnt than most parents and so your response may need to be differnt. Our situation is a little like your situation.. mom has full custody of DGS (3) but in reality he spends most of the time with me or my MIL. More with me. He is with mom about 1 night every 7-10 days. He sees his dad however only a few hours a month and always with me present.

Rules are different everywhere he is and he has so learned to play one aginst the other VERY well. MIL or mom do not make him nap so now he is giving me a fit as well.

We are not going to all be on the same page so I have just accepted that and moved on. I so pick my battles with him . He is the most headstrong child I have ever seen.

I have accepted that I can not control his behavior or actions with anyone else but me. I am much more forgiving than I was with my kids because it is so hard on him having three sets of rules. I remind him of MY expectations and redirect most things he does. He is a VERY bright child and many times can verbalize what is bothering him that is causing him to misbehave.

Be firm, but understanding and he will come around.
It is hard to be the bad guys when you know he can go to mom or mamaw and get whatever he wants.