OT...how do you all feel about kids just showing up?

[TnTWalter]

We have a 7 year old neighbor that shows up all the time. I've never met the parents and he sometimes just walks in the house if I have the glass door only. Today I asked him maybe if he could call to make sure we're home. When I was ready for him to leave he said he had to call his mom because he didn't have his bike [he lives a bit away]. So he did but then instead of asking her to get him he said 'do I have to come home or when do I have to come home' to which the mom must have told him obviously not now. I picked up the phone and said 'can you pick up your son? and she was like 'oh...he could just walk home...' so I sent him home telling him to be careful.

Maybe I'm overprotective and too polite...I would never just throw my kid out the door and not have a clue where he was. What if we weren't home? Plus I think it's polite to call and say 'can bob or joe play today?'

I should have walked him home and I am kind of mad at myself...but I'm cooking dinner and felt put out frankly since I didn't invite him here....and I'm mad and didn't want to be rude to the mom whom I've never met.

I know when I was a kid we always ran to friends houses, etc....but we usually called to say we were there and such....

What do you do? Am I being a tad anal?


I don't have this issue with friends of my daughters who are 9 and 11. They always call first...we do have 1 neighbor that lives close and we're friends with the whole family; she pops by on occasion but since we have known them for years and it's not DAILY it doesn't bother me...

we have other neighors who do pop by uninvited often and I'm used to it...my kids will play with them for a little bit and then I send them home...so maybe it's just that this kid is 7...I don't know. He lives around the block and not just around the corner like the other kids....maybe he just rubs me wrong...oy. I am a bad person.

Help.


TRISH

 

[mhsjax]

We have kids in our neighborhood that just show up, but we are a small neighborhood. I personally like it, I hate the way everything is set up by parents. When I was growing up we went outside and knocked on doors or just went around the neighborhood until we found someone to play with.


The older kids will come get a kid and then they go around together to get the other kids and get a game of football going.

Now if it was a little one and in a different neighborhood, then I would worry about the child and wonder what his mother was doing letting him go into other areas.

And yes, IMHO a tad anal.

 

[mommyoftwinfants]

I have one of those and it scares me to death every time he comes over, because he usually shows up when the boys are target practicing, or riding their 4 wheelers, or jumping on the trampoline ........ when I ask him if he has permission to come over he always says no, then I send him home to ask and he always says nobody is home and he is only 8 too...

The boys get upset with me because I do not let him 'play with them' when they are doing those things but I do not feel comfortable letting him do those activities, if they are just drawing with chalk or painting or playing ball I have no problem.

 

[It's A Small World]

Ugh...not a pretty situation. Frankly, I don't understand in this day and age how people can be complacent about where their kids are during the day. Pretty scary. I think it's a matter of common courtesy to make sure my kids are not imposing. I always make sure to double check with the other parents before my kids go over. I also believe in reciprocating the favor.

 

[mhsjax]

See, if a kid shows up at my door they always ask very politely if my kids can play. If they can yes, if not then I simply tell them no and they go about their way. I personally just don't understand the calling and arranging anything. All you have to say is no, they can't play. Now like I said, we have a small neighborhood and the only kids I have at my door are the neighborhood ones.

I like having an open door policy, As Dr Phil said, keep you kids close and your kids friends even closer. If they feel comfortable at your house, then you will always know what is going on.

My neighbor's kids are older and she has an open door policy, her house is the neighborhood hang out, they all like her and respect her and you better believe that those kids tell her tons of stuff, she knows what is gong on with all of them.

 

[cassandrap83]

Ugh...not a pretty situation. Frankly, I don't understand in this day and age how people can be complacent about where their kids are during the day. Pretty scary. I think it's a matter of common courtesy to make sure my kids are not imposing. I always make sure to double check with the other parents before my kids go over. I also believe in reciprocating the favor.

In this day & age? You do realize that crime levels are waaaay down, and in fact they are about the same as they were in the 70's?

 

[annsteere]

I don't mind the informality of kids dropping by. Phoning ahead feels unnecessarily formal.

But, any kid that walked right into my house just because there was only a glass door in use would get an earful. You do NOT just waltz into my home without knocking.

 

[MidgeD79]

In my neighborhood, kids show up and ask to play. My kids ask ift hey can go to "Joe's house". I tell them yes, but if Joe isn't home, come back and tell me where you want to go to next.

 

[leight]

I also find it ok if kids show up to ask to play if they are in the same neighborhood. We live in a planned community of nearly 10k homes. Our neighborhood is much smaller -we're in the cul de sac in the middle of two large ovals of homes. So kids from around the corner do come over without calling. My kids can either play or not. I make sure the kids from around the block call their parents to let them know they are staying at our home and find out what time they have to be home. My 10 yr old constantly goes from door to door to see who can play and vice versa. As long as I know where she intends to go and calls and lets me know where she will be, I am ok with it. Only thing that bothers me is when you say they can't play and the kid camps out and rings the bell constantly. One girl who did that moved away but another girl who is obviously 'special' (I think autistic) still does that- but in her case I don't mind- I'm just glad my daughter isn't ignoring or teasing her.

 

[anabelle]

You are not out of line. Years ago, we had a kid that would just come over with no notice, no permission. The mom had no clue where he was half the time. He would just walk into our house and sit and watch TV. My mom would have to kick him out every night. One time we forgot to lock the basement door. He came over and didn't find anyone. He started playing with matches in the laundry room. When we came home the house smelled weird. Apparently, he had been lighting matches then throwing them into an empty plastic garbage can. It caught on fire. He threw wet clothes on the fire to try to put it out. Then grabbed the laundry tub hose to put it out. He burned half our clothes. I don't know how, but it did not burn down our house.

We never saw the kid again.

 

[crisi]

We have kids dropping by all the time.

The walking in without knocking is a problem and I'd start locking my doors.

Their parents not knowing where they are is their parents issue. If their parents have a problem with it, they'll correct it. Don't walk the kid home, that's telling your neighbors you think they are bad parents - and they'll appreciate that just as much as you would if they told you you were overprotective.

Parenting is highly variable. Some will drive their kids five houses. Some will make their kids call the moment they arrive and call before they leave. Some apparently let their children run completely feral. We have one neighbor who was not allowed in our front yard until he was eleven or twelve - his mother could see him if he was in our back yard, but not our front yard - he has also never been in our house, nor have our kids ever been in his.

If you think its actually unsafe and actionable (the eight year old where no one is ever home) call CPS.

 

[roadtrippin2wdw]

We have boys who are a little older and ask if my kids can play all the time. They just knock (a must!) and ask. We have a neighbor girl who I have had to lock the stormdoor on literally as she's trying to open the door to come inside while asking me some question!?! We don't do formal "playdates" for my kids with the neighborhood kids, though.

 

[hsmamato2]

we had this issue, I told the kid who kept opening my front door to ask for my kids to NOT DO THAT AGAIN please..... she hasn't done it since. I find if I speak clearly to the kid,they listen.

 

[Taja]

I think you need to have a little chat with the child and set some ground rules. It's okay to knock on the front door, then ask if your children can play, but you can't come in until invited by an adult. And you need to be sure your mother/parents know where you are.

We lived in a very closely knit neighborhood when I was a young child--in the 1950s! One family dropped their children off at our house every day for about two weeks one summer. My mother had no idea who they were--and neither did I! She finally made it a point to be out front one morning and told the parents that wasn't going to continue--as of that moment! They did try it again several times, but she told the children they could not come in or play in our yard and kept me in the back yard. She felt bad about it, but the parents finally got the message.

It's your home, you make the rules.

 

[*Seanaci*]

I don't think you're anal or out of line. Is the kid coming over and playing with your kids or hanging around you? If it's the latter, I'd be totally annoyed as well. If he's coming to play with your kids, but not asking you if it's ok, a little lesson in manners from you is in order. When he comes over and just walks in, asking that he knock and wait for you to answer is much more polite. (Call my crazy, but what if there's some creep out there watching this kid just walk into your house through an open door...then thinks to himeslef "Hmmm...next time that doors open..." KWIM? You can NEVER be too safe IMHO.) Also, I don't think it's such a bad thing that you ask him to call before he comes over...especially if he is there to play with the kids.

Last but not least...a talk with his mother might be in order as well. I would be embarrassed to hear that my child is just walking into someones house without asking first.

But that's just me!

Good luck!

 

[bumbershoot]

We lived in a very closely knit neighborhood when I was a young child--in the 1950s! One family dropped their children off at our house every day for about two weeks one summer. My mother had no idea who they were--and neither did I! She finally made it a point to be out front one morning and told the parents that wasn't going to continue--as of that moment! They did try it again several times, but she told the children they could not come in or play in our yard and kept me in the back yard. She felt bad about it, but the parents finally got the message.

OMG that's just crazy of them! HOw did they pick you guys in the first place? Weird.


We didn't live in any walkable distance to other houses (with kids in them) when we were younger, so we were either dropped off by the schoolbus or driven to friend's houses after school. Even back in the 70s and 80s, we were to call our mom as soon as we got to the friend's house. It's just prudent!

So if we ever live in a neighborhood where kids are stopping by, I would have that rule, too. Here's my phone, call your parent, make sure they know where you are and that you are here safe.

I'm not big on drop-in visits from anyone, no matter what the age, however, and that would have to stop.

 

[luvdisney00]

In my neighborhood there aren't any little kids for DD7 to play with so I think I'd welcome some just dropping by. I always have to go through calling parents etc.. and setting up playdates if i want her to have someone over to play or go to a friends house and I'd love it if we had kids in the neighborhood who could just play. BUT OP there seems to be something very strange about the Mother of your little visitor. I'd never let my 7 yo DD roam the neighborhood loking for someone to play with and end up at the house of someone i don't really know. I think it's nice for kids to just come out and play, but there have to be rules and they have to be respectful about it.

 

[disneycruising]

I think there is nothing wrong with asking a child of any age to knock when they come over.

Do you like this kid? Do you children enjoy have him over? Does he behave when he is there?

If it was me I would call the other mother and invite her & her son over for a "playdate"...I think it is time for you to get to know her. You could even invite some of the other mom's from the neighborhood.

**In our last house, that was on a court, had alot of kid on it. There was a rule: if the garage door was open...it was a sign that your children could play.

 

[MandM-Mom]

No organized neighborhood play here kids just knock and ask if so and so can come out, one rule for us is you may not enter the other childs house to play, outside play is what is expected. If a child is coming over for a playdate that is completely different then that is set up or they call their parents and ask but my dd's may not ask in front of the other child if they can come for a play date, that angers me! I do allow the girls to bring out snacks and drinks but would rather they not bring in 10 neighborhood kids to run wild in my house.

 

[mistysue]

We have one kid in our neighborhood who just shows up. I love it. It gives us some variety. He is home alone a lot, so it makes me feel good to see he is doing ok.

My sister has a neighborhood full of kids who invite themselves in all the time. None of the parents call around. Some of them she knows, some she doesn't. There is a boy with a little sister who kept coming over. After a few visits she started talking to them and figured out that they visit because she has snacks and their mom doesn't have any money so they come to her house to eat. By not actively seeking her out she eventually run into the mom one day and without asking found out that she is an unemployed single mother who has trouble collecting child support... so she didn't make a big deal of it but they really are coming over to eat and get away from the depressing atmosphere.

It can't hurt just to talk to the kid and ask him how he likes coming over, if he likes the bike ride or whatever. Sometimes kids just need a place to go hang out away from home. It doesn't help anybody to be mean about it. He might just be coming to play, but you never know why a kid is just out wandering the neighborhood.