OT - home phone rules for your tween?

[kacaju]

No calls on religious holidays.

That is a great one if your children have friends of different faiths!!
My dd has a Jewish friend that ALWAYS called us Christmas morning. I know she was excited to see what my dd got, but it was very annoying and I had to put a stop to it.

 

[PrincessTiffany]

I am so completely dumbfounded at the number of posts on this thread that state that young children need cell phones and not just cell phones, but phones with texting capabilities. Most 9 and 10 year old children do not need phones. My kids are 13, 10, 8 and 7. Between the four of them, they are involved in band, dance, acting classes, gymnastics, cheerleading, baseball and competition shooting. None of them have a phone. I would not leave my children at any location or activity that didn't have a responsible adult in charge that had a phone. Why would my child need a phone? If there's a problem or a time change, it is the adult in charge's responsibility to call me, not my young child. Of course, my 13 year old is dying for a phone, but that's just not going to happen yet. I am the PTO president of the school she attends, so I am there a lot and I see all of the other kids that have phones. I'm sorry, but it's nothing but a lot of trouble. Teachers are constantly having to get on to them for texting and having the phones out. The teachers try to confiscate them, but of course, then they have to hear all of the complaints from the parents, because their precious darlings NEED their phones. We have already had friends who have had to deal with their kids sexting. Yes, sexting, in middle school. It's sickening.

 

[robinb]

I am so completely dumbfounded at the number of posts on this thread that state that young children need cell phones and not just cell phones, but phones with texting capabilities. Most 9 and 10 year old children do not need phones. My kids are 13, 10, 8 and 7. Between the four of them, they are involved in band, dance, acting classes, gymnastics, cheerleading, baseball and competition shooting. None of them have a phone. I would not leave my children at any location or activity that didn't have a responsible adult in charge that had a phone. Why would my child need a phone? If there's a problem or a time change, it is the adult in charge's responsibility to call me, not my young child. Of course, my 13 year old is dying for a phone, but that's just not going to happen yet. I am the PTO president of the school she attends, so I am there a lot and I see all of the other kids that have phones. I'm sorry, but it's nothing but a lot of trouble. Teachers are constantly having to get on to them for texting and having the phones out. The teachers try to confiscate them, but of course, then they have to hear all of the complaints from the parents, because their precious darlings NEED their phones. We have already had friends who have had to deal with their kids sexting. Yes, sexting, in middle school. It's sickening.

You are welcome to make whatever choice you wish for your children but please don't demonize the rest of us for allowing our kids to have cell phone.

And if don't believe that a LOT MORE than sexting goes on in middle school you have been living in a cave. That doesn't make the sexting right by any means, but the sexting is part and parcel with the early sexulization of kids in our society. I remember colored handkerchiefs back in the day and more recently those rubber Lifestrong-type bracelets meant different sexual things depending on the color and the hand it was worn on. Sexting is just the new thing in a long line of inappropriate behaviors that happened way before every kid had a cell phone.

 

[princessmom29]

I am so completely dumbfounded at the number of posts on this thread that state that young children need cell phones and not just cell phones, but phones with texting capabilities. Most 9 and 10 year old children do not need phones. My kids are 13, 10, 8 and 7. Between the four of them, they are involved in band, dance, acting classes, gymnastics, cheerleading, baseball and competition shooting. None of them have a phone. I would not leave my children at any location or activity that didn't have a responsible adult in charge that had a phone. Why would my child need a phone? If there's a problem or a time change, it is the adult in charge's responsibility to call me, not my young child. Of course, my 13 year old is dying for a phone, but that's just not going to happen yet. I am the PTO president of the school she attends, so I am there a lot and I see all of the other kids that have phones. I'm sorry, but it's nothing but a lot of trouble. Teachers are constantly having to get on to them for texting and having the phones out. The teachers try to confiscate them, but of course, then they have to hear all of the complaints from the parents, because their precious darlings NEED their phones. We have already had friends who have had to deal with their kids sexting. Yes, sexting, in middle school. It's sickening.

Sorry, but as a high school teacher I just do not see this argument. It is not about the phone, but the amturity of the child holding it. It they are not mature enough not to let the phone cause a problem at school, they should not have it at school. That however does not mean thjat they shouldn't be allowed to carry it to a practice or outing where they may need to contact a parent. Yes, the adult in charge should have a phone, but adults are not infalliable and sometimes do forget, or have a phone that dies ect. It just makes sense to me that if I am not going to be there it would be wise to give my child a phone "just in case". That does not mean they should be given free reign with it or be allowed to take it to school. Only when needed until they show they are responsible enough to handle it properly other times it where we will be starting with DD. She will get it when we leave the house, and i will take it when we get home. I will be monitoring who she calls or texts, when, and for how long. As well as checking content of texts. Deleted texts mean losing the phone for a while.

 

[PrincessTiffany]

You are welcome to make whatever choice you wish for your children but please don't demonize the rest of us for allowing our kids to have cell phone.

And if don't believe that a LOT MORE than sexting goes on in middle school you have been living in a cave. That doesn't make the sexting right by any means, but the sexting is part and parcel with the early sexulization of kids in our society. I remember colored handkerchiefs back in the day and more recently those rubber Lifestrong-type bracelets meant different sexual things depending on the color and the hand it was worn on. Sexting is just the new thing in a long line of inappropriate behaviors that happened way before every kid had a cell phone.

Why so defensive? I wasn't "demonizing" anyone. If you feel justified in your child needing a phone, more power to you.

But I believe, that giving young children cell phones with texting and internet capabilities is playing a big part in the early sexualization of our children and I won't be any part of it. And I'm certainly not living in a cave. I'm perfectly aware of the immoral things going on middle schools today and sexting is just one of them. But, I personally, don't think the minor convenience of my children having a cell phone is worth the "trouble" it invites into their lives.

 

[PrincessTiffany]

Sorry, but as a high school teacher I just do not see this argument. It is not about the phone, but the amturity of the child holding it. It they are not mature enough not to let the phone cause a problem at school, they should not have it at school. That however does not mean thjat they shouldn't be allowed to carry it to a practice or outing where they may need to contact a parent. Yes, the adult in charge should have a phone, but adults are not infalliable and sometimes do forget, or have a phone that dies ect. It just makes sense to me that if I am not going to be there it would be wise to give my child a phone "just in case". That does not mean they should be given free reign with it or be allowed to take it to school. Only when needed until they show they are responsible enough to handle it properly other times it where we will be starting with DD. She will get it when we leave the house, and i will take it when we get home. I will be monitoring who she calls or texts, when, and for how long. As well as checking content of texts. Deleted texts mean losing the phone for a while.

I agree with you and maturity does play a huge part. That's probably why I have such an issue with it. From my observation, most of my 13 year old's classmates are not responsible or mature enough to have cell phones. And I think there is a big difference in giving a child a phone to use on occassion for afterschool activities and giving them free reign with a Blackberry with internet capabilities. If these phones were only being used for the purposes of calling Mom or Dad, I wouldn't have a problem with it at all, but, I have seen personally, in my community, what it can lead to. I know I can't protect them from everything, but this is one issue I do have some control over.

 

[mjkacmom]

I am so completely dumbfounded at the number of posts on this thread that state that young children need cell phones and not just cell phones, but phones with texting capabilities. Most 9 and 10 year old children do not need phones. My kids are 13, 10, 8 and 7. Between the four of them, they are involved in band, dance, acting classes, gymnastics, cheerleading, baseball and competition shooting. None of them have a phone. I would not leave my children at any location or activity that didn't have a responsible adult in charge that had a phone. Why would my child need a phone? If there's a problem or a time change, it is the adult in charge's responsibility to call me, not my young child. Of course, my 13 year old is dying for a phone, but that's just not going to happen yet. I am the PTO president of the school she attends, so I am there a lot and I see all of the other kids that have phones. I'm sorry, but it's nothing but a lot of trouble. Teachers are constantly having to get on to them for texting and having the phones out. The teachers try to confiscate them, but of course, then they have to hear all of the complaints from the parents, because their precious darlings NEED their phones. We have already had friends who have had to deal with their kids sexting. Yes, sexting, in middle school. It's sickening.

My children have more freedom than yours. Dd13 walks to and from school, as does ds11, and have for many years. After school, dd and her friends decide where they are going - starbucks, library, someone's house - and she calls me. They enjoy going shopping, eating out - I like to be able to keep in contact. Ds11 and his friends will go to the park, ride bikes - again, I like to be able to keep in contact. Honestly, I don't know of a single 13 year old here who doesn't have a phone, and I also don't know of a single 13 year old who is always in the company of an adult supervisor.

We've discussed sexting (many, many times), and other inappropriate uses for cellphones, and the consequences. We discuss internet dangers, and the fact that anything and everything you put out there is out there forever, to be seen by everybody. Don't put up any pictures you don't want your grandfather seeing! It's the same with words - don't write anything you don't want grandma reading.

 

[robinb]

Why so defensive? I wasn't "demonizing" anyone.

Maybe I was reading too much into it when you use terms like "dumbfounded" when speaking of parents who give their kids phones and "precious darlings" to refer to those kids. If you didn't mean to slam us for providing phones for our kids, then I will stand corrected.

But I believe, that giving young children cell phones with texting and internet capabilities is playing a big part in the early sexualization of our children and I won't be any part of it. And I'm certainly not living in a cave. I'm perfectly aware of the immoral things going on middle schools today and sexting is just one of them. But, I personally, don't think the minor convenience of my children having a cell phone is worth the "trouble" it invites into their lives.

What I am saying is that behavior has been around long before internet capable phones and texting. Look up "Handkerchief Code" for a blast from the past in the pre-internet days or "jelly bracelet code" for post-internet pre-texting days. I remember when people here on the DIS were just as up in arms over the jelly bracelets as they are now over sexting. One solution to keeping our kids safe from sexting would be to not allow them a phone. Another solution is to allow the phone and texting, but talk to your kids and set expectations and limits. Just like setting expectations and limits on illegal drug use, unprotected/premarital sex, underage drinking and a variety of other issues in raising kids.

 

[PrincessTiffany]

Maybe I was reading too much into it when you use terms like "dumbfounded" when speaking of parents who give their kids phones and "precious darlings" to refer to those kids. If you didn't mean to slam us for providing phones for our kids, then I will stand corrected.


What I am saying is that behavior has been around long before internet capable phones and texting. Look up "Handkerchief Code" for a blast from the past in the pre-internet days or "jelly bracelet code" for post-internet pre-texting days. I remember when people here on the DIS were just as up in arms over the jelly bracelets as they are now over sexting. One solution to keeping our kids safe from sexting would be to not allow them a phone. Another solution is to allow the phone and texting, but talk to your kids and set expectations and limits. Just like setting expectations and limits on illegal drug use, unprotected/premarital sex, underage drinking and a variety of other issues in raising kids.

Well, I'm sorry dumbfounded seemed harsh to you, but I was greatly surprised at the number of people who posted that their young children had phones, I simply thought the numbers would have been more even as to those who did and did not allow cell phones. I'm apparently far more on the outside than I thought and it shocked me. And in referring to the "precious darlings" that was in reference to the actual parents and spoiled childen I know who go to school with my child - not referring to your child or anyone else's on this thread.

And I agree that we should all talk to our kids about sexting, illegal drugs, premarital/unprotected sex and underage drinking. It's hard, but I do broach these subjects. But, how many other parents are? It's great that you and I and a few others are talking to our children, buy a huge majority are not talking to their children and have not idea what's going on in their lives or in their schools.

 

[mjkacmom]

And I agree that we should all talk to our kids about sexting, illegal drugs, premarital/unprotected sex and underage drinking. It's hard, but I do broach these subjects. But, how many other parents are? It's great that you and I and a few others are talking to our children, buy a huge majority are not talking to their children and have not idea what's going on in their lives or in their schools.

It might be regional - I don't know of any 6th grader in ds's class without a cellphone. Why don't you think parents don't talk to their children? All of the parents I know do, and have been for a while (including oral sex parties in the middle school). I don't find it difficult at all, since we've been having these discussions for years, and I bring up the subject matter frequently (I'm guessing dd13 would say too frequently ). Starting with stranger danger in preschool, we move on to sexual predators, in real life and online, tricks they use to trick you, lies boys will tell you, never believe a woman if she tells you she's on birth control, because you could be supporting a child for the rest of it's life (not that ds11 has any interest in girls yet!). Information, information, information.

 

[PrincessTiffany]

It might be regional - I don't know of any 6th grader in ds's class without a cellphone. Why don't you think parents don't talk to their children? All of the parents I know do, and have been for a while (including oral sex parties in the middle school). I don't find it difficult at all, since we've been having these discussions for years, and I bring up the subject matter frequently (I'm guessing dd13 would say too frequently ). Starting with stranger danger in preschool, we move on to sexual predators, in real life and online, tricks they use to trick you, lies boys will tell you, never believe a woman if she tells you she's on birth control, because you could be supporting a child for the rest of it's life (not that ds11 has any interest in girls yet!). Information, information, information.

It may be regional. The majority of sixth graders around here, we live in the deep south, do not have cell phones, but a lot of kids do. I think you would probably be in the minority of parents who think it's easy or comfortable to talk to your kids about sex parties, stds or illegal drugs. I try to be as honest and open with my teen as possible, but I don't find it easy or comfortable. The fact that there are children going to middle school sex parties tells me there are some very disconnected parents out there! Let alone the teenage pregnancy rate and huge number of teens walking around with stds in this country.

 

[princessmom29]

It may be regional. The majority of sixth graders around here, we live in the deep south, do not have cell phones, but a lot of kids do. I think you would probably be in the minority of parents who think it's easy or comfortable to talk to your kids about sex parties, stds or illegal drugs. I try to be as honest and open with my teen as possible, but I don't find it easy or comfortable. The fact that there are children going to middle school sex parties tells me there are some very disconnected parents out there! Let alone the teenage pregnancy rate and huge number of teens walking around with stds in this country.

I am in Mobile, and teach a high school with a middle school across the street. Judging by the number of kids I see on the phone versus not when they leave school, I would say about 75%- 80% of the kids at the middle school and more like 90-95% of the high school kids have phones that they bring to school daily. DD goes to a small private school, and judiging from what I see at carpoll, the numbers with a phone in the 11-15 range are even higher there. Is seems like every girl I see wearing a skirt (they go from jumper to skirt at 4th grade) has a phone, with the exception of some of the really young ones.

 

[CrAzY4DL]

My DD10.5 rarely talks on the house line. Her and her friends are really big on talking on Facebook WHILE talking on the phone (whaaa?!) but they only do that about once a month.

New Years Eve we finally bought a TracFone because both DD's were going to be at a 12 hour movie pajama rama and I wanted DD10.5 to be able to call or text that she wanted to go home (is kind of shy with kids she doesn't know and kinda freaked when found out DD6 would be in a separate group) without having a counselor trying to talk her out of it. The TracFone was $9.99 at Target and came with 10 minutes already on. 3 texts count as 1 minute, niiiiiice!! Also bought a 60 minute airtime card for $19.99 (also at Target).

This works for us, it is something we have talked about for awhile, for when either girl is out and about with friends or whatnot. DD10.5 is working on trust and responsibility and hoping to get her own phone on our T-Mobile account for her 11th birthday in August. Sidekicks (what I have) are only $49.99 now and would be nice for her to have a phone that I know how to use, mwa hahahaha!!! If she earns the cell phone we would keep the TracFone for DD6. Nice backup. Also, DD10.5 starts at a new school 20 minutes away from home next year, so I like the idea of her having a phone then. IF she earns it...

Hope that helps!!!

 

[PrincessTiffany]

My DD10.5 rarely talks on the house line. Her and her friends are really big on talking on Facebook WHILE talking on the phone (whaaa?!) but they only do that about once a month.

New Years Eve we finally bought a TracFone because both DD's were going to be at a 12 hour movie pajama rama and I wanted DD10.5 to be able to call or text that she wanted to go home (is kind of shy with kids she doesn't know and kinda freaked when found out DD6 would be in a separate group) without having a counselor trying to talk her out of it. The TracFone was $9.99 at Target and came with 10 minutes already on. 3 texts count as 1 minute, niiiiiice!! Also bought a 60 minute airtime card for $19.99 (also at Target).

This works for us, it is something we have talked about for awhile, for when either girl is out and about with friends or whatnot. DD10.5 is working on trust and responsibility and hoping to get her own phone on our T-Mobile account for her 11th birthday in August. Sidekicks (what I have) are only $49.99 now and would be nice for her to have a phone that I know how to use, mwa hahahaha!!! If she earns the cell phone we would keep the TracFone for DD6. Nice backup. Also, DD10.5 starts at a new school 20 minutes away from home next year, so I like the idea of her having a phone then. IF she earns it...

Hope that helps!!!

Your 10 year old is on Facebook? Don't Facebook's terms and conditions state that you must be at least 13 years old?

 

[Goofy'slady]

Well our oldest is a tween and at the ripe 'ol age of 11 she just got her first cell phone for the holidays. She swore up and down she was the absolute last person in her class that didn't have a cell phone.

We caved not because she begged but now that she's in middle school and there is sometimes a 10-15 minute lull between when she gets out of school and when my husband is there to pick her up and there is no reason for her to be standing out in the cold so we bought her one. For other emergencies reasons as well. It's pre-paid. We programmed the phone numbers in which she would need like, my and hubby's work numbers, grandma's number, my older sister her aunt and that's it. She's not allowed to give her phone number out to friends at school. If she wants them to call she's perfectly welcome to give them our home phone.

She's been talking on the house phone now since she was about 91/2 10. She only did it a couple times a week - nothing to involved and each conversation would last any way between 20-30 mins. She's pretty much kept up that same schedule now that she's in middle school. She knows that she's not allowed to talk on the phone until all of her homework is done and never during dinner time - other than that sure talk about school, the new cool thing you saw on Nickeloden, the new Jonas Bros song or whatever. She's like her mum tho - not a big talker so I think having the cell phone for her was a status thing really and not so much a talking thing.

T.

 

[CrAzY4DL]

Your 10 year old is on Facebook? Don't Facebook's terms and conditions state that you must be at least 13 years old?

Yep, my 10 year old is on Facebook, as are 16 other 10 year olds from her class and 12 from the other 5th grade class at her school. And yes, she goes on it once or twice a week for about 30 minutes where I can sit right next to her while she is on it. She really likes Farmville and her friends mom showed her how to play it so I don't see the harm in letting her play it with her friends for the limited amount of time each week.

And if Facebook truly cared about their No Under 13's policy, which is only to cover their hineys, they would require some type of verification before they will activate an account. If I don't have a problem with it, why should anyone else?
:-D

 

[sk!mom]

I think you would probably be in the minority of parents who think it's easy or comfortable to talk to your kids about sex parties, stds or illegal drugs.

Seriously, in the 21st century you don't think most parents talk openly with there teens? I guess count me in the minority then. I find talking to my DD13 to be very easy. We are open and discuss all topics constantly. I want to be sure that she's fully informed. Her school Sex Ed is abstinence only- not good enough for me- so we talk, talk, and talk some more.

I guess I'm glad that I can't imagine a topic that would be "hard" for me to discuss with my DD.

Oh and I live in Texas...If region seems to make a difference.

 

[powellrj]

Seriously, in the 21st century you don't think most parents talk openly with there teens? I guess count me in the minority then. I find talking to my DD13 to be very easy. We are open and discuss all topics constantly. I want to be sure that she's fully informed. Her school Sex Ed is abstinence only- not good enough for me- so we talk, talk, and talk some more.

I guess I'm glad that I can't imagine a topic that would be "hard" for me to discuss with my DD.

Oh and I live in Texas...If region seems to make a difference.

We are also in the minority because my DD and I talk about sex, drugs, drinking, driving, and just good and bad choices period. I will admit our situation is different because while she is only in middle school she has a brother who is married with a DSIL who has made a boatload of poor choices and another brother who is in college and in a fraternity so she hears all the lectures we give him about choices!


I have noticed more and more families have done away with landlines, so it's not unusual for kids to have cell phones because they have no home phone. Most of DDs good friends only have cell phones and no landlines in their homes, so I like her to have her own phone when she goes over to their homes. Also most of the places she goes no longer have phones available. Her school did away with public phones, so when she is attending an after school activity the office is always locked, so the kids need their own phones to tell us when to pick them up. Some things have a designated pick-up time, but many things like drama and choir and student council, they stay till they are done.

DD has a prepaid cell with a text package because I can't add anyone to my plan without signing up for a new plan which I don't want to do so both of the kids just use go-phones with the text packages. It works for us and thats what counts!

While talking to your kids is very important and keeping the line of communication is priceless, don't get too comfortable. Even good kids from good homes can make really stupid choices once they become teenagers. We are strong believers in no smoking and preached about how bad it is. We were also the primary care givers to my DFIL when he was dying of lung cancer and I still had a DS who took up smoking after watching his grandfather die. The same kid also saw what war has done to his older brother still wants to join. He came home a disabled vet and will live the rest of his life with the wounds both mentally and physically he received, but guess who wants to join the military when he graduates from college. Yep, same honor student who we never dreamed would smoke now wants to join the military to pay for law school.


We have also seen good kids from good families go to jail or be killed in tragic accidents in a moment of stupid.

We live in Indiana. If you are watching teen moms with your DDs, we live in the same town as Amber and Gary. Its like bad choice 101! They talk in school about how wrong the whole situation is because one of her teachers had Amber as a student, so its a hot topic!

 

[weewuvvdisney]

Our 14 yr old DD uses are cell phone during the school week. She takes the city bus (2) and sometimes even takes the subway. She started using it when she started travelling for high school.

We have removed the texting. It is on when she is on the bus or out with friends. It is off when she is home. Her friends can call her on our landline as long as it's before 9:30. We have never restricted her "talktime". She does have a phone in her room which she hardly ever uses. She is usually on the main floor when her friends call.

We also do not allow a computer or tv in the bedroom.

We do allow her to go places with friends. They go to movies, the Mall or out for a bite to eat. If it's dark when they get home, we will meet them the bus stop where they separate to go their own ways. DD's friends Mom usually meets her dd when she gets off the bus.

The girls feel that they have independence but also know that they are safe.




Jan

 

[robinb]

DD has a prepaid cell with a text package because I can't add anyone to my plan without signing up for a new plan which I don't want to do so both of the kids just use go-phones with the text packages. It works for us and thats what counts

Same with us. I think that AT&T really shot themselves in the foot because I would have been happy to pay for the extra line for the convenience of paying one bill. But ... NO! They had to get greedy. Fine. She is with Page Plus Cellular which only requires you to reload minutes every 120 days instead of most plans which are more frequent. AND I was able to buy a Verizon pre-paid phone from Wal*Mart (even though I very rarely shop there) for only $25 and activate it with Page Plus. At less than 10-cents per minute it's a real win-win for me and less than AT&T would have been if they had been cooperative.