OT - home phone rules for your tween?

[StephMK]

DD15 got her first phone when she was 12 and only because we were in the middle of a move & DH was already several states away.

DD9 has asked for one but honestly, she barely talks to her friends on the phone now & none of them have cells either! I can see her getting one in middle school since she may stay after sometimes, will ride the bus home alone & I'll be working FT by then. There are girls in her grade with them - everyone so she says but I know her good buddies don't so what's the point.

 

[barnaby1]

I think that the ARE absolutely situations where kids need a phone. When they are dropped off for practice ect and are not certian of pickup times. They NEED to be able to get into contact with mom and dad. I fully anticipate that DD will NEED to have a phone by 9-10 to be able to stay in contact with me. It is not so much about being able to talk to her friends as it is me feeling secure that she can reach me when she needs to, as she spends a fair amount of time at the studio and the cheer gym now and will be doing more as she gets older. I just cannot be there every minute she has class/ practice. It will make me feel better if she always has a way to contact me.

I don't really mean to be controversial and no flamming please but just a little reality check.
May I remind everyone who is replying to this that I suspect we all grew up as children without mobile phones and survived just fine!!!! Children do not need phones, but we as parents have become use to the convenience of having them and the safety which we feel they provide (not to mention that most of the children seem to have them and therefore we accept it as "normal" - not me personally, my dinosaur way of thinking still doesn't understand why a 10 year old needs a phone).

It has just hit midnight here so Happy New Year to all.

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

if her friends have cell phones chances are they will not want to be talking to your dd on the phone. I am not trying to be mean, but around here the kids only talk by texting.

My 11yo DS has a cell phone, but it's a prepaid for him to use when he's not home. When we're home his friends (mostly girls) call the home phone. He uses his cell phone for when he NEEDS to call someone while he's out or if I need to reach him. He's on the phone all the time when we're home so not having a cell they can text him on doesn't seem to be hurting his social life

To the OP, the main rules I have is that they must answer the call waiting and they can only talk after homework is done. I don't make him talk with the door open, I don't feel I need to hear his conversations with his friends. I don't limit his talk time, I just tell him to get off the phone when it's time for dinner, shower, bed, etc.

 

[NHdisneylover]

My kids are 11 and 13. They have had cell phones for years because we had no land line in Michigan or New Hamoshire (so since they were preschoolers). Other than cell to cell calls with their grandparents I don't think either kid has ever had more than a half hour of calls in a month. They are not big talker, and oddly do not like texting either. So, we have never really had to have much in the way of rules.
We cover basic etiquete like: you should not be callign people before 9 or after 8 (9 for adults but I figure other kids may have early bedtimes) and ringers must be off in theatres, etc. These are not so much rules really as reminders of common cuortesy. We have never had an issue. Maybe your DD will handle things well herself. The hardest thing for DS was getting into the habit of keeping his phone charged so he would have it when he needs it (like the day he fell asleep on the train goig to school and missed his stop and did not know where he was--and his cell battery was dead)

I don't really mean to be controversial and no flamming please but just a little reality check.
May I remind everyone who is replying to this that I suspect we all grew up as children without mobile phones and survived just fine!!!! Children do not need phones, but we as parents have become use to the convenience of having them and the safety which we feel they provide (not to mention that most of the children seem to have them and therefore we accept it as "normal" - not me personally, my dinosaur way of thinking still doesn't understand why a 10 year old needs a phone).

It has just hit midnight here so Happy New Year to all.

Key difference is that when we were all growing up pay phones were fairly common. Now, in may areas, they are virtually non existant.

 

[princessmom29]

I don't really mean to be controversial and no flamming please but just a little reality check.
May I remind everyone who is replying to this that I suspect we all grew up as children without mobile phones and survived just fine!!!! Children do not need phones, but we as parents have become use to the convenience of having them and the safety which we feel they provide (not to mention that most of the children seem to have them and therefore we accept it as "normal" - not me personally, my dinosaur way of thinking still doesn't understand why a 10 year old needs a phone).

It has just hit midnight here so Happy New Year to all.

yes, but we lived in a different world in so many other ways as well. No one worried about letting us run the neighborhood without constantly checking on us. I lived in the country and there were days mom turned us out with a packed lunch in the morning and siad be back at dark. I would never dream of doing that now. Times have changed. In general more kids are involved in structured activities like dance, sports ect and aren't just turned loose on the neighborhood. I don't know about your area, but it is rare to see a pay phone here anywhere but a gas station, and I wouldn't want my child standing there waitin for me. I don't think advances in technology that help us keep our children safer are a bad thing. I don't think that a phone is inherently a bad thing for a child to have, but I do think that it is important for parents to police their use.

 

[barnaby1]

yes, but we lived in a different world in so many other ways as well. No one worried about letting us run the neighborhood without constantly checking on us. I lived in the country and there were days mom turned us out with a packed lunch in the morning and siad be back at dark. I would never dream of doing that now. Times have changed. In general more kids are involved in structured activities like dance, sports ect and aren't just turned loose on the neighborhood. I don't know about your area, but it is rare to see a pay phone here anywhere but a gas station, and I wouldn't want my child standing there waitin for me. I don't think advances in technology that help us keep our children safer are a bad thing. I don't think that a phone is inherently a bad thing for a child to have, but I do think that it is important for parents to police their use.

I actually grew up in a bad neighbourhood with somewhat over protective parents (however as an adult I realise that wasn't a bad thing) and we would never be let out to do what ever we liked. I attended things such as choir practice, church youth group and visited friends. I don't remember if there were more payphones (there probably were) but I never used one as a child.
I know things have changed, heck my dd3 knows how to use a computer, not a skill I aquired until I was about 26 but I susppose my post was just trying to support some of the others who had given their views that children didn't need phones but who were met with people somewhat adamently (capitalised, double underlined and floodlit at night etc) insisting that children did NEED phones.
I suppose it is just a personal interpretation of the use of the word need.
No offence intended of course.

 

[mjkacmom]

I actually grew up in a bad neighbourhood with somewhat over protective parents (however as an adult I realise that wasn't a bad thing) and we would never be let out to do what ever we liked. I attended things such as choir practice, church youth group and visited friends. I don't remember if there were more payphones (there probably were) but I never used one as a child.
I know things have changed, heck my dd3 knows how to use a computer, not a skill I aquired until I was about 26 but I susppose my post was just trying to support some of the others who had given their views that children didn't need phones but who were met with people somewhat adamently (capitalised, double underlined and floodlit at night etc) insisting that children did NEED phones.
I suppose it is just a personal interpretation of the use of the word need.
No offence intended of course.

I think there is more of a need today, just because teens are expected to have cellphones. Dd13's choir director calls emergency after school practices almost every week - she walks home, and I'd be nervous if she didn't get home her usual time (and there are over 150 students in the choir - not likely to be using office phones). Ds11's practices have no set end time - he's expected to call us when he's done. It's kind of like email - do we really need email? Not necessarily, but it does make life easier (all schedules for my kids are done via email or texting - no one is making phone calls). There was no email when I was a kid, which is unfortunate.

 

[mommyof2princesses]

I don't really mean to be controversial and no flamming please but just a little reality check.
May I remind everyone who is replying to this that I suspect we all grew up as children without mobile phones and survived just fine!!!! Children do not need phones, but we as parents have become use to the convenience of having them and the safety which we feel they provide (not to mention that most of the children seem to have them and therefore we accept it as "normal" - not me personally, my dinosaur way of thinking still doesn't understand why a 10 year old needs a phone).

It has just hit midnight here so Happy New Year to all.

I agree. My dd is 14, almost 15, and she does not have one. We do have an extra prepaid we let her borrow if she is going to be away from us and we feel we may need to get in touch. She has used it twice...once at Disney and once at the mall.

I have a prepaid one myself and my dh does not have one (he will use the extra prepaid one if he thinks he will need it).

As for phone rules: There are no incomming calls from friends after 9. You must be off the phone by 10:00. She can talk in her room with the door closed, but we have the right to enter at any given time. Some of her friends have cell phones, but they mostly communicate via home phones or facebook.

 

[Rylee]

Sorry - my question wasn't clear. I am not going to get her a cell phone.

The question should have been .... do you have limits for the length of conversations (ie 20 min max talk time at a time), can they talk anywhere (in bedroom with door open/door shut), only after homework is done, etc?

Sorry your thread has gone

DS11 is usually on and off the phone quickly, (makes his plans and hangs up.) He does have one friend that wants to have long chats. When this child calls, I give him a time limit of 15 - 20 minutes.

You know your own daughter... see how she does. If she is making plans or calling with a homework question, I'd let her use the phone whenever needed. If she and her friends are having long visits, I'd limit the length of time and time of day... no calls during dinner, not until homework is done, etc.

(Our older daughters all have their own cells, but the phones, land and cells, have never been a problem. The boys will get them when they start 7Th grade, which is when modified sports opens up to them, and they will be riding a bus to and from games.)

 

[StitchFanZ]

Tweens and teens around here don't talk on the phone! It not an issue. I would give more serious thought to rules on texting, email, and instant messaging on the computer then phone time. For us, any texting, IM, or email is not private. They need to know up front that it will be reviewed periodically.
The best rule I came up with is if a friend is at our house, there will be no texting, IM, or computer/internet time. If they are physically in the same room, they should actually talk. I have seen teens unable to carry on a real conversation because they are always looking at their texting.

 

[palpluto]

I have seen teens unable to carry on a real conversation because they are always looking at their texting.[/QUOTE]


This is so true. Many kids don't know how to talk to an adult on the phone or in person and are very rude with the phone/text stuff. My DS14 got his phone last yr and uses it when he is out and he does not have texting. I actually like it when his friends call the land line- I like to know who he is talking to. He is very social and has many friends without spending hours texting or on the computer. DD got hers when she started driving.
Rules for landline fall in the common courtesy that a PP stated- not too late or early. If its an extended conversation, I like homework done first. So, not too many rules, but you will have to see how your situation is. My daughter would spend hours on the phone so needed more limits sometimes. Atleast without the cell phone you know.

 

[badblackpug]

I have a 12 year old. No calls before 9am (in or out) no calls after 9 pm (in or out) on school nights. (11 pm on non school nights) No calls during dinner. No phone use until homework and chores are done.

Our schools do not allow children to have cell phones in class. If you bring a phone to school it must stay in your locker during school hours. The 1st time you are caught with it you get detention, the second time a suspension.

 

[brymolmom]

Mine are 7 and 6...so they do not have cell phones yet - and likely won't til at least 10.

That said I already know one HUGE rule. I can't stand when people are rude and sit there who text away not even acknowledging you while you're supposedly having a conversation. I will be teaching my kids that this is, in fact, very rude and will not be done with their cell phones. If they want to text back their friends they can finish the current conversation, excuse themselves, and then have at it. But NOT try to do both at once. I know so many ADULTS who do this and I can't believe no one every taught them the proper way to have a conversation.

Anyway...Other than that - no phones at school (unless in backpack and off in case need it after school) and none at the dinner table and off at bedtime would be my rules.

I would be more lenient if they aren't abusing it (like if a friend wanted to call late one night or something) - but if they're always on it and abusing it the rules will be rigid.

The good thing about getting them a cell phone is the EASY punishment factor. Once they're used to it - all I'll have to do (I'm sure) is threaten to take it away for a week and they'll come around to my way of thinking. And, if not - taking it away will be an easy way to punish.

 

[drinkme]

We haven't had a landline phone for over 2 years. My dd11 got her first cell at 9, and my ds9 lost his phone last year, so he hasn't had one in awhile. I'll probably get him his new phone this weekend. But it seems the boys don't talk/text at that age as much as the girls do.

I notice that my dd11 only talks on her cell phone to adults (like me, grandma, etc.). Her friends only text. I find that very odd...lol.

My kids can talk on their phones in their rooms with their doors shut. Or pretty much anywhere they want to.

They can bring their cells to school, but they have to be put on silence. Not sure what the high school's rules are now , since my kids are in 3rd & 5th grades.

 

[PHXscuba]

Whether it's a cell phone or landline, I think the biggest challenge is the rules and the etiquette for phones and usage. You will still be the "mean overprotective mom" if your child isn't allowed to talk/text anywhere, anytime with no rules.

Set your rules about the home phone. Tell your child that it's a "trial run" for a couple months to see how they do with following the rules and showing proper behavior (answering the call waiting, telling friends they can't talk after a certain time, waiting to call until after homwork/chores are done, etc.) You may find that is enough, or you may need to loosen/tighten the rules.

My DS13 isn't super social and will be getting a cell phone later this spring because he is doing more without us. DD10 has asked for a cellphone but only because a couple friends have one.

I am not anti-cellphone, but each family's situation is different and someone will always have more or less rules or freedom -- just like when we were growing up, with different gadgets. Currently, my kids aren't very many places alone, unscheduled, or without someone who has a cellphone or landline next to them.

I agree that some teens forget all social graces when they have a phone in their hand.

PHXscuba

 

[sk!mom]

DD13 doesn't have many phone rules. I don't allow texting during meals and make her turn it off at 10:00 on school nights. I don't really have to enforce the 10:00 pm rule though. She's a busy girl who's tired by then and doesn't want to be disturbed by random texts at midnight so she turns it off on her own. Actually, come to think of it, my number 1 rule is...answer when your mom calls if you're away from home!

Those rules apply to her cell phone. There are no housephone rules as she doesn't use it.

 

[sk!mom]

Don't worry - teens don't call landlines, ever. Most of the time they only text, not talk. My dd was making plans, and one of her friends wasn't answering her cellphone or texts. She was clueless - she never even though to call her home phone!

I have to agree...The only way besides texting that my DD13 ever communicates or makes plans with friends is Facebook.

 

[Momof3Gr8kids]

One of the first home phone rules we had for my son started when he was around 10 years old and it was no calls from girls. As, he is now 13 and has established some healthy friendships I have let up on this.

I have two daughters ages 9 & 7 and their rules (when they start wanting to call people) will be no calling boys. Again as with my son this rule can be changed if I see "healthy friendships" established.

 

[robinb]

My 10-year old has a cell phone but it is currently only to be used to call or text us (her parents). She is allowed to call her friends on our home phone whenever she wants to, but doesn't do it very often. She is currently only on a pre-paid plan. I suspect when she is older she will be put on my plan with me but her usage isn't enough to warrant that yet.

 

[Kat77]

Our tweens are landline only. Rules depend on the child in question.
Mainly it is: No calls before 9AM or after 830PM. No calls on religious holidays.
Notify us if there are incoming calls-no ignoring call waiting! No calling boys or pranking friends (big no-no w/my girls). Ask before calling anyone new.