OT: Helping my dd start preschool

[SalandJeff]

Sorry - off topic and kind of long, but I need advice. My dd started daycare full time when she was 2. We had some days with rocky starts and lots of clinging. She is now 3.10 (will be 4 in October), and loves daycare (we call it school).

Over the past school year, I did take her to the public school once a week for a session with the speech therapist. But it was only a 1/2 hours session and I waited for her in the lobby.

Beginning 9/5, she will be going to a different public school for preschool 3 mornings per week. They will then take her by bus and drop her off at daycare around noon. I don't know how to get her prepared and comfortable with this. I will drop her off in the mornings. I know she is going to be very scared to be left at a strange school, with kids and a teacher she does not know. And the bus....last fall they went on a field trip with daycare and she was so scared on the bus that she had to sit on the teachers lap both there and back.

DD is usually not a fearful child...no fear of trying or doing anything physical or of getting hurt, no fear of any animals, no fear of people when she is with us or family. I think it is a separation thing, and I am not sure but I think she is afraid that the bus will take her away from us somewhere.

It breaks my heart to think of her being frightened and feeling abandoned. My sister cried every day at kindergarten for a year and they never told my mother...she didn't find out until years later.

I would appreciate any suggestions or advice. I am wondering if they would let me go on the bus with her the first day.

 

[Erin1700]

If you act like it is no big deal and that it is exciting, she will know that it is safe.

Perhaps drawing a "timeline" picture of what will happen may help.

Do NOT go on the bus with her (ours here dont let you anyway). It may seem like it would help, but could cause more problems.

Good luck, she will be fine!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Try building it up to be a big adventure. Tell her how lucky she is to get to go and that she is going to have so much fun. Tell her about all the new friends she will meet etc. YOU have to make it sound like a trip to WDW. I know it's hard but she'll be okay. The most important thing is how you react. It's not easy being a Mom sometimes.

 

[RumpleMom]

Your reaction to the situation will determine her reaction. Never let her hear you express any doubt about how it will go, especially when you are on the phone thinking she isn't listening, trust me she is listening.

I used to call Grandma on the phone and start talking about something in a postive way while DD was in another room. Dear Grandma would let me ramble on about the littlest things like DGD trying a new vegetable, playing and sharing toys during a play date, etc. You get the picture... those little ears are listening all of the time.

Do you know or can you meet another little girl before the big day? It can be helpful to know another child who will be there. Ok, it will be mostly to reassure you, but you get the picture

 

[poohfriend77]

I agree with the other post about an "overheard" phone conversation. Let her hear you tell everyone that she's so smart she gets to go to a new school this year. Be sure to mention that usually kids don't get to ride the school bus until they're 5, so DD is extra lucky to ride while she's still 3!

My DD4 is pretty shy and quiet (except at home! ) She went to preschool last fall and did great! She does better when we talk about new situations. We read a lot of books about going to school, the doctor, etc. when she's preparing to do the same. Just be sure to keep a smile on your face! I know, it's not always easy, but she'll be fine.

 

[squirrlygirl]

Give her something "valuable" to keep in her pocket or backpack, so she knows she won't be abandoned. After all, mommy needs her hairbrush? comb? watch? back.

And I agree with PP's--your reaction will have a big impact on hers. If you go on the bus with her, you'll reinforce that there must be something to be scared of (and they might not let you, anyway!) And if the bus is taking her to her familiar daycare, she may view it as a great thing!

Oh, and maybe learn the words to the "mommy comes back" song on the Baby Songs tape so she can sing them whenever she gets worried!

And I'll take my own advice....child#3 starts kindergarten soon, and I'm a bit concerned -she's my timid one!

 

[RumpleMom]

Me again. I remember doing all of the right things when sending DD to K and she was still crying getting on the bus. Grandma had recently passed on too.

After awhile I thought up telling her that I put her barrette in her hair every morning along with my love. If she was missing me all she had to do was touch her barrette and remember she carried all of my love along with her everyday. This really helped settle her down.

DD is 25 now and when we recently looked at pictures she remembered touching her barette.

 

[SalandJeff]

Thank you all for these great tips and different perspectives. I never thought about going on the bus with her as reinforcing her fear, but I can see how that might happen.

I have been really talking positively about school, buses, etc. but never thought to do it on the phone so she could overhear. These are all great suggestions. Now if mom can just tough it out!

 

[lovinpoohbear]

What I did with my son was read books about going to a new school/riding a school bus etc. each night before he went to bed.
Several weeks before he began the new school, I would bring him to the playground at the new school and let him play.......
I think it really helped him transition, the new school/playground gradually became familiar to him.
He did great, it was me that look longer to get used to the new school

 

[Mkrop]

I really like the idea of drawing or pasting pictures on a timeline. Kind of like a Blue's Clues episode with the map of the town. Put home, school, daycare etc, all with of course! Show a picture of mommy's car driving then the bus.

Maybe take her for a ride in you car and say this is how the mommy's car will take you to school and then the silly school bus will take you to daycare. Show her the route if you know it so it wont be unfamiliar.

I like the special barette or maybe a necklace idea too.

Good luck.