OT-Help I think I ticked off my sons teacher...

[torinsmom]

To be honest I'm not really sure how this works, and I will definitly find out though. All I can say is that at his last IEP meeting he tested high enough that he no longer qualified for services. They did have an "area of concern" where he tested "High Average" for Perceptual Reasoning and "Low average" for Processing speed. There was more than a 15 point difference between the two scores which raises a yellow flag as far as something to watch. He also was unable to draw a triangle shape which apparently told the psychologist that his brain had just not developed enough yet and that he would find things like coloring, cutting, writing, etc very difficult and frustrating (which he does hate to do). Apparently his brain sees how it should be, but he can't make his hands write it that way or good enough to match what he sees in his head. Anyway, then she point blankley told his teacher that he simply would not be able to do his work as quickly as his peers and to not expect him to. It would just frustrate him and make things so hard that he simply would not want to do them anymore.

So, do I think his teacher should push him to do his best and encourage him to do as much as he can...Yes. Do I think she should require him to more work than he can handle and therefore miss out on the fun activities...Absolutely not!!!

If his problem is mainly with the written output, then you may need to get an occupational therapist evaluation. Did he have one of these for his IEP before? In NC(other states may be different), occupational therapy is a related service, which basically means that a child must be diagnosed with another learning disability to receive OT from the school. You could get it privately; your insurance may even cover it.

Having a 15 point difference between one skill and another totally different skill will not qualify a child for special services. The difference needs to be between the child's performance and ability WITHIN one skill. And low average is still average.

If your child is having this much trouble keeping up in K, I would definitely start considering having him retained. First grade will only get harder and more frustrating for both him and you if he doesn't qualify for an IEP. And if you plan not to retain him, the teacher needs to keep pushing the work, so that he is prepared. It is sad, but the state requires children to know certain things when they move up each year.

My advice if you can't get a reevaluation(probably too soon) and/or he doesn't qualify for special services, is to have a private evaluation. Maybe they will find something that will enable you to get him on a 504 plan, which would entitle him to services. Another alternative is a school that offers more individualized instruction, such as a Montessori school.

Marsha

 

[Piper]

In my district, a child must have an IEP (or 504) in place to make adaptations in the work or expectations. The only exception is if a child is identified as ESL. Under the No Child Left Behind -- children are to be held to the same expectations. I have been told that it must be documented that the child cannot succeed in a "regular" classroom under "regular" conditions. Only then can accommodations be put in place. It is very frustrating for me as a teacher---especially when I know the child needs help and it is taking months and months to go through documentation and "appropriate procedures!" It is often not fair to the child--but it is what the law requires.

I teach Pre-K and many times it is First Grade before a child I have tried to get identified as having difficulties actually gets the help he or she needs! The excuse is usually that the child is "too young" to identify and the problem may be immaturity!

 

[Drewsmommybear]

I guess I teach at a different kind of school then because we reduce workloads all the time before there is an IEP. I've seen so many kids that don't qualify for IEP's or 504 Plans but still need help. That's why so many reading series have intervention books and so many school are using the Response to Intervention format.

Tinkr-bell, maybe the best thing to do is to set up a conference with this teacher. It seems as both of you are becoming lost in the email shuffle. I have found that when parents come to me and discuss their children's needs openly, I am able to find a middle ground with them.

I guess as a teacher who only works with struggling readers, I come from a different place than most people.

 

[jodifla]

Frankly, I don't see an offensive parent story here. I see an offensive teacher story here.

The teacher should be working for the best interest of the child, and if a teacher is going to take offense at any little thing a parent says and let it get in the way of teaching said child, then the teacher is in the wrong field.

Truly devoted teachers should put their egos aside and focus on what's best for the child (parents should do this as well.)

I'll share an offensive parent story with you. When I was in my second year of teaching, my dad happened to see my class list one day. He recognized the last name of the first kid on it. He worked with her father. He mentioned that to the guy because he thought it was funny that his daughter was teaching the man's daughter. A couple of months later, the little girl brought home what her parents thought was too much homework (long story short, this girl wanted every letter to be perfect and would erase perfectly fine sentences and write them over). I got a nasty note from the mom (who let the kid work for hours when it should have been thirty minutes and didn't seem to notice the OCD). I wrote her back nicely and explained. That evening, my dad called me up to say that the father had come into his office to complain about me!!! He told my dad that I must be too new to understand what I was doing!!! Talk about offensive. My dad pointed out that I have a Masters Degree and that it wasn't my first teaching job. He also said that I was an adult and there was nothing he would/could do about the man's complaints. That jerk actually called me at home to warn me that he'd told on me to my father!!!!!!!!

Anyway, you have valid concerns about your son. I hope you plan on putting him in Transitional First or have him repeat K next year, for his sake. It was great of you to ask his teacher for advice and ideas. It was awful of you to tell her to ask more experienced teachers. Imagine if someone told you to consult other moms with older kids to determine the best way to raise your son? Believe me, teachers talk to each other about ways to work more effectively; you don't have to suggest it. In a lot of ways, new teachers have an edge over more experienced ones because they are full of fresh ideas and are up on the newest research. That's not to say that experience doesn't count, but it's not everything.

 

[Metsoskil]

Second - Regarding calling the teacher by her first name - I wouldn't even give it a second thought - perhaps she just addressed her email to you Mrs. Tinkberell out of habit, but I would most certainly call my child's teacher by their first name in "private" correspondence (i.e. emails, phone calls, meetings w/out the child) - in front of the child, Miss X - but privately, you are both adults - I see no problem with it. (Of course, next time I spoke, and she referrred to me as Mrs, I'd say "please call me ____".) When I worked it was in a corporate environment and there was just NO "Mr." or "Mrs." anymore. My job put my in the position to talk regularly with people at all levels of a company/organization and even though we were the service providers (auditors) and "they" were the client, everyone was on a "first name basis" - be it the CEO, CFO, board members or elected officials that we dealt with. I would have **never** expected anyone to call me Mrs. and would have immediately corrected them if they did. And the teacher - as the service provider for you (the parent) shouldn't expect to be addressed by "Miss" outside the company of her students. (And my guess is that really, she doesn't feel that way -this was just blown out of proportion on this board.)

Addressing a teacher by their first name if they have not told you that you could do so is disrespectful. You wouldn't call your doctor "Bob" or your lawyer "Susie" unless they told you it was acceptable. If you work in an office where the norm is to address others by their first name, then congrats on working in a casual environment, but this in no way makes it acceptable to do so with a teacher. I wouldn't complain or make a big deal about it if a parent addressed me by my first name, but I would certainly feel disrespected as a professional.

 

[labst60]

I have two words for anyone who feels "disrespected" by another adult addressing them by their first name - power trip.

 

[tnkr_bell]

You might want to read this line again. The teacher is the one that called the parent Mrs. Why is it offensive that the teacher did that? She didn't say, "Call me Ms. XXX, not XXX" I always call parents Mrs./Ms/Mr and always will. I don't have personal relationships with them and it is a respect thing. It doesn't mean that I demand respect. It means that I am being respectful to a parent. I can't believe that that is where the issue is when that does nothing to help the child. If anything, I think the teacher was annoyed by the fact that her ability was questioned.

I don't think it was offensive that she addressed me by Mrs., I guess I used her first name hoping to sound friendly and personable, and when she came back with Mrs. to me it just sounded impersonable and so formal. I do realize now that she probably address all of her parents that way and nothing was meant by it, but to me it just kind of set the tone for the whole email.

I also have to totally agree that emails are very dangerous and a lot can get lost in translation. I'm learning my lesson.

 

[Mkrop]

I don't think it was offensive that she addressed me by Mrs., I guess I used her first name hoping to sound friendly and personable, and when she came back with Mrs. to me it just sounded impersonable and so formal. I do realize now that she probably address all of her parents that way and nothing was meant by it, but to me it just kind of set the tone for the whole email.

I also have to totally agree that emails are very dangerous and a lot can get lost in translation. I'm learning my lesson.

Isnt that what the first kid is for? The trial and error kid

 

[torinsmom]

I have two words for anyone who feels "disrespected" by another adult addressing them by their first name - power trip.

It really depends on how it's used. I believe in respecting people in a professional position, so if you are using the person's first name and speaking to them respectful that's one thing, but if you're being patronizing and calling them by their first name, that would be offensive to me. My sister wants her kids to say Yes Ma'am and No Ma'am to me and that bothers me. I think it's too formal and as long as they are respectful, they can say Yes or no to me, LOL.

I had a parent once who was a doctor. I called her Mrs. Jones instead of Dr. Jones and she corrected me! I thought that was a little much, because she wasn't MY doctor and we were at school.

Marsha

 

[tnkr_bell]

Isnt that what the first kid is for? The trial and error kid

And lordy he's teaching me some lessons. LOL Luckily I'm learning from them.