OT-Help I think I ticked off my sons teacher...

[tnkr_bell]

My ds is in Kindergarten and is having troubles as far a getting his work done. He often misses out of the fun activities because he has not finished his work and this is really starting to upset him. He had been receiving Speech/Language therapy through the school district until this past Oct. At his IEP they said he didn't qualify for any special services any more, but according to the IQ test they gave him his comprehesion speed was on the slow side and the therapist did say he would have a hard time completing his work in the same time as the other kids because not all the little neurons in his brain were connected yet and he just wasn't capable. So thinks like writing, coloring, cutting were going to be very hard for him.

Anyway, I sent his teacher an email this morning because I'm concerned about his lack of progress. She has also expressed concern on how he's doing. So I asked for ideas and suggestions from her on things I can do with him at home and I also suggested that maybe she could ask some of the more experienced teachers (this is her first year) if they had any suggestions.

So I get an email back from her addressed to Mrs. tnkr_bell (I addressed her by her first name), with some suggestions. Then she goes on to say how she's very capable and very educated in what she's doing and this is actually her second year in the building...blah blah blah. I'm sorry, I guess I just think there's a lot to say for experience. I know when I was in my mid 20's I had the I know it all attitude and the older I get I realize how little I really did and do know.

I just don't know what to do at this point. Any thoughts?

 

[mnasmom3]

I would request another speech, OT, PT eval on him...whatever it is you think he needs. You might even want to do that on your own. Your insurance might cover it. And I'd be heading in for another IEP. If you request, they must oblige...at least that's the way it is here. It does sound like the teacher was offended, so I'd try to get on her good side again. She's your best source to relay info on how he's doing in class. He word can do a good things. If all else fails.....get an advocate to help you. We've never needed an advocate, but I know people who have and they can help tremendously. Oh....just to add...I never sign IEP papers until I'm satisfied with the services my child will be getting. Luckily, we have great staff here and I rarely have to "fight" them.

 

[8 Ears]

Oh boy do I know where you are coming from......

speak with the principle, special ed teacher, special ed director, the super (that will get their attention!!), the board
Another thing that will get their attention is an advocate.

Start right now!, 3 ring binder, buy a mini tape recorder now! take and use it at EVERY meeting, discussion, chat, phone call........ just let them you are using it

Document EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what, where, when, how, time, date, what room, what building, save papers, photocopy, photocopy, photcopy!!

No, I am not over reacting. Been there, done that from BOTH sides of the desk. We have 2 boys in Special Ed, they are now 16 and 13.

From a parent and one that resigned from an Ed. Tech position due to "lack of admin. support", best of luck.
Please, please do not let this go on! Some will disagree with me but request to pull him from that teacher. At the worst of it for our youngest one I pulled him from one district and started the paperwork for him to go to the district I was working in. Amazingly the super had time for a face to face meeting

OK, stepping off the soap box, best of luck!

 

[_queenie_]

Start right now!, 3 ring binder, buy a mini tape recorder now! take and use it at EVERY meeting, discussion, chat, phone call........ just let them you are using it

Document EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what, where, when, how, time, date, what room, what building, save papers, photocopy, photocopy, photcopy!!

Totally agree with that, I've a few of problems with my kids' teachers in the past. When my DS was in 6th grade they were (FINALLY) diagnosing and paying attention to the fact that he has bad ADD. I set up a 504 plan (which is a good consideration for you) and the teacher refused to follow it and I believe treated him worse than the other kids because I made a "fuss" of getting this done. It's very tough because you don't want to sound like a big pain, but you want the teacher to understand what your child needs in a good learning enviornment.

Again, if your problems get worse, bring it right up with the school board!

 

[GoinToDisney]

As a mom, I understand completely where you are coming from, as a teacher, I have to say I would have been insulted. The thing is that some of the new teachers were more prepared to deal with these situations than some of the teachers who had been teaching many years. I would have left it to her to ask around for ideas. If you weren't satisfied with what she came up with, ask for more. Teachers who have been teaching a while and teachers who are new all need to ask around (it's just what we do... collaboration is key), but to suggest it like you are talking to some kid, is really disrespectful. I know that you were not trying to insult her. The fact that you addressed her by her first name (unless she told you to do so) also shows a lack of respect. The problem is that you are fighting the system. It is though for teachers to even get the help for students when many districts don't want to pay for the services kids need. You do have to push, but the teacher is not necessarily the one to push. You don't want to alienate her because you need to work with her as a team to get your son what he needs. I have been yelled at by the guidance counselor for asking that a student be evaluated and implying that he should have been tested long before he reached my classroom. It didn't stop me from fighting for that child, but it was pretty ugly. Not every teacher is going to go the extra mile when the parent treats her like a dumb kid. The problem is that many parents look at age and make assumptions. Was I a better teacher after I had been there a while, maybe in some ways. I had more energy in my first 2 years... making my classroom in to a Rain forest or an underwater adventure. However, if I didn't know something, you better believe I had the energy to research and collaborate with other teachers. I have to admit that I had more energy in my first year than I did in my 5th or more. Can't believe I used to stay 4 + hours after teh kids left and do things like turn my classroom in to a rainforest before I was a mom.

If I were you, I would write to her explaining that you are sorry that she was offended, and that you feel that all teachers should discuss strategies with their colleagues, no matter how long they have been teaching. Then hopefully, the two of you can work together to make sure your son is getting a good education. If he does not qualify for further help outside of the classroom, then it is her job to work with you to help him within the classroom setting. I think special arrangements need to be made for him to complete his work and still have play time. You are going to have to fight for him, but be careful how you do it.

 

[Tam1067]

I teach college--totally different than kindergarten but same profession.

First, you want to always refer to a teacher as Ms. Whatever, not by first name unless that teacher requests you to do something else. Age should not be a factor in how you refer to her. You showed her a lack of respect in how you addressed her.

Also, as GoingtoDisney pointed out, new teachers are often more aware of various issues than more experienced teachers are. I personally do get offended when someone assumes I know less because of my age...though I'm a bit beyond that point now

Yes, you know your child best, and you want to help him as much as you can, but assuming the teacher needs help from someone else and assuming it's appropriate to call her by her first name are errors on your part which you should apologize to her for.

Please do not take offense at this, but I do think you offended her by not respecting her authority and position, and your son will have better second half of the year if you can clear this matter up with her first.

 

[Schmeck]

Oh boy do I know where you are coming from......

speak with the principle, special ed teacher, special ed director, the super (that will get their attention!!), the board
Another thing that will get their attention is an advocate.

Some will disagree with me but request to pull him from that teacher. At the worst of it for our youngest one I pulled him from one district and started the paperwork for him to go to the district I was working in. Amazingly the super had time for a face to face meeting

If you start pulling in the superintendent at this level, you will be labeled as one of 'those' parents from the get-go. It could affect the way the school system looks at your child for his entire 13 years in school. If you go to the school board, realize that that is a public board, and your concerns will be plastered across your town in no time.

Definitely talk to the teacher some more, with an apology, request a meeting with the head of special education at your child's level, and ask if a new IEP evaluation might be possible.

If you request to pull your child from a class, expect that baggage to travel with him as well. Instead, do as you started out, ask the teacher for ideas on how to help him at school and at home, and work with her as a team member, not as the enemy.

And sorry to say, I've seen the above negative labels happen to quite a few students in our school district, and those tags stay with a kid - all because the parent went in with an axe to grind, so to speak. The best approach is to always treat the school system as part of your child's team, and even if it is difficult getting what you want, don't step on so many toes that they start wearing steel toed boots and kick you with them on your way out!

 

[GoinToDisney]

If you start pulling in the superintendent at this level, you will be labeled as one of 'those' parents from the get-go. It could affect the way the school system looks at your child for his entire 13 years in school. If you go to the school board, realize that that is a public board, and your concerns will be plastered across your town in no time.

Definitely talk to the teacher some more, with an apology, request a meeting with the head of special education at your child's level, and ask if a new IEP evaluation might be possible.

If you request to pull your child from a class, expect that baggage to travel with him as well. Instead, do as you started out, ask the teacher for ideas on how to help him at school and at home, and work with her as a team member, not as the enemy.

And sorry to say, I've seen the above negative labels happen to quite a few students in our school district, and those tags stay with a kid - all because the parent went in with an axe to grind, so to speak. The best approach is to always treat the school system as part of your child's team, and even if it is difficult getting what you want, don't step on so many toes that they start wearing steel toed boots and kick you with them on your way out!

Exactly. I fear that if you don't make nice now, you could get a bad rep and no one will take you seriously. It makes the whole process smoother if you work with the teacher and fight the system in the appropriate way. You are more likely to get what you want. It really stinks that they won't provide kids with the help they need without a fight sometimes, but I have seen parents get nowhere fast by going about this wrong. I have also seen parents respectfully push and do much better without that the bad rep attached to the child/family. There are families in our school that no teacher wants one of their kids, no matter how great the kid is because the parents are difficult. Some teachers are actually unprofessional enough to take that stuff out on the kid in addition to discussing the "horrible" parents in the teacher's room.

 

[Elmo888]

I'm sorry for your frustration.

I would be frustrated with her attitude, too. My first thought after reading her response to you was that even the best doctors consult other doctors on cases, and they have a lot more education and training than teachers!

 

[Aliceacc]

Honestly, as far as I can see, the teacher has done nothing wrong, other than being new in the building. She has already expressed concern, a concern you both share. It seems to me that she HAS been on top of the situation.

The decision that he no longer "requires" special services wasn't made by the teacher. In our district, at least, it's made by the director of special education.

If a parent who didn't know me outside of school referred to me by my first name, and suggested that I ask other professionals how to procede, I would be insulted too. Would you make the same errors with your doctor, your lawyer, your accountant...??

I think you owe her an apology.

 

[MM27]

So I asked for ideas and suggestions from her on things I can do with him at home and I also suggested that maybe she could ask some of the more experienced teachers (this is her first year) if they had any suggestions.

While I understand that you want the best for your child, I think you both did something wrong. Believe me, new teachers ask around for everything. That is part of the learning process with teachers. Many of the issues that arise in your first year of teaching are not taught in college. Asking her to get suggestions from older teachers probably did offend her.

So I get an email back from her addressed to Mrs. tnkr_bell (I addressed her by her first name), with some suggestions.
I always address parents by Mrs./Ms/Mr even if they sign their first name. It's about respect.


Then she goes on to say how she's very capable and very educated in what she's doing and this is actually her second year in the building...blah blah blah.
This is where she was wrong. There have been plenty of times that I've had to just bite my tongue and end it there. She didn't need to "win" by telling you how capable she was.

Please don't run or threaten to run to the Superintendent over something like this. There are other people in the school that can help you. If you child has an IEP, there are Child Study team members that could help as well as reaching out again to the teacher. I have a student in my class this year whose mother calls the Superintendent for everything. Nobody takes her issues seriously because she does it so often.

 

[creativeamanda]

Okay, I'm a special education teacher of 11 years here. So, I'll give you my 0.02 cents. First of all, a director of special services never makes the decision as to what a special ed student needs or does not need. (One poster mentioned this). It is the IEP team's decision in regards to what is best for the child. This is all the law. If it were my child (I have 3 kids--all in special ed), I would ask that the Student Intervention Team be brought in. The SIT would determine best actions for you child and give both you and the teacher ideas to work with him. Then after a period of time where your child makes no progress, the team will refer your child to the IEP team for full evaluations. In the meantime, you can discuss the possiblity that your child may need a referral to a psychologist, speech therapist, occupational therapist, or physical therapist with you pediatrician.

As a parent, I am one of "those parents". I know the special education law, and I am not afraid to tell the schools what I need. The best way to handle any situation where you feel you have problems is this and you wait for an answer from one before you go to the next: 1. talk to teacher, 2. talk to principal, 3. talk to director of special services, 4. talk to superintendent, 5. contact your local dept of education for the name of the parent advocates. At this point, your contact needs to remain with the teacher. Give her a couple of weeks and then move up to the next person.

Finally, as a teacher, I'll have to say our newer teachers are the ones more likely to work with children with possible special needs. I'd much rather my students be paired with a newer teacher than not. Many of our experienced teachers are also stuck in their ways. While I do not condone the way this teacher answered you, I will say that she was rightfully so offended. I would have been.

 

[tnkr_bell]

OK, let me try and clear up a few things...first of all I do intend to appologize to her, because I certainly didn't mean any disrespect.

As far as the name thing...this is my first experience in dealing with the regular school district. This is my first child to be in Kindergarten and so I do have to plead a bit of ignorance, I was never really sure of how to address the teacher. I have however chatted via email with her a few times and have met her in person a few times. Does this make us fast friends...no, but I guess I at least figured she could put a face with a name. Secondly, it's really hard to tell the boundries when there's talk of Birthday presents for the teacher and she's getting married so a Wedding present also. To me those are personal gifts which I guess made me feel the relationship was a bit more personal.

As far as asking other teachers for ideas. I don't think I phrased it like, Oh you should go ask an adult for help, but I was hoping it came across more like maybe you could ask some of the other teacher if they have any suggestions on how to help ds get his work done quicker. Maybe some ideas on things I can look into getting him tested for. As far as I see it, you're never to old or young to ask for advice from collegues. You may be the smartest most educated person in the world, but you never know who might have a creative suggestion for a problem that you didn't think of.

Anyway, I'm not about to call the principal or Superintendent yet. Trust me I'm not a rock the boat type of person. His teacher did say she would ask the special Ed teacher for some ideas, which I think is awesome. And I have an appt with his Ped next week. I don't really want him to be stuck with a label the rest of his life, but if there is something going on I do want him to be able to get the kind of help that he needs so that he can live a normal productive life.

 

[disneynewbee]

As far as the educational part I would insist on another evaluation. My dd is recieving special services right now and the way it was explained to me is that if she is released from services but then I start to notice problems again I can request another evaluation and they have to do it. He really should not be missing out on the fun activities in school since that can cause him to dislike school which will make your problem alot worse. As far as the teacher I would try to get back on her good side although I'm not quite sure the best way to do that.

 

[torinsmom]

I teach PreK-K and I can imagine that your suggesting the teacher ask for input from more experienced teachers put her on the defensive side. If she is like me, she busts her behind to do what's best for each child and that was kind of like a slap in the face. I understand you didn't mean it that way, but with email, it is hard to tell how someone means something. I'd just clarify with her that you were just grasping for ways to help your son. And is THE TEACHER asking for birthday and wedding gifts? If she is, that is a problem. I imagine it's a parent trying to coordinate that, and if so, that isn't the teacher's fault.

I would suggest some modification of the work for your son, especially seeing as he is transitioning from having special services to not having that. It may be beneficial for him to complete one work and then get a chance to do one play work before completing another work. As he gets used to the work more, this can be increased to two works, etc. We have work plans for our K's and for some kids, we use small stickers. When they complete a work, they get a sticker on their work plan. Another suggestion is to give him a special work area where he can concentrate better. One of my kids chooses to sit at my desk and do his work. Not my favorite move, but hey, it works!

If your son has some discrepancies on his IQ test, you may be able to get a 504 plan for him to get some help. I would not be concerned about having your child "labeled", since it is much better to have him get appropriate help than to not be labeled and be struggling. Besides, it is not a big stigma anymore. My son has dysgraphia and a few other quirky little LD things. I am glad he's "labeled", because it means he gets modifications to his work that have made him feel much more successful and confident. If your DS doesn't qualify now, stay on top of things. Because the norms are so wide in K-1st grade, LD's don't always show up. My son didn't qualify at all when he was in 1st grade, but by 5th, he qualified in FOUR areas.

Marsha

 

[2Kds2K9]

Stop the presses! An IEP is a legal document that cannot be "taken away" without your consent and signature. At least in my state.

Services for the IEP and how the child qualifies can always be changed. But, as long as you have that document, you child is legally entitled to any and all services that he requires.

I look at the IEP as a safety net. A safety net that my son can carry with him through college, if need be. He's currently in 7th grade and we've made adjustments to the level and types of services that he's needed.

Every three years they request that they re-test my son to see his progress and what services he requires. The first year this came up, I was told that he could "test out" of his IEP and not to do it. So I did not consent to his being re-tested. When it came up again, I was told that even if he "tested out", I would have final say if the IEP was to be released. I told them that they could test him and I would sign the document right then and there that I would not allow for the IEP to be released.

Also, once you release an IEP, it is almost impossible to get it back. A child needs to be at least 6 months to a year behind to be considered for testing.

So, if you child is in Kindergarten and just starting out, get and keep the IEP.

Also, apologize to the teacher. You have a very long road ahead of you and you want as many teachers on your team as possible. Sometimes we all have to put on the big girl panties and eat a little crow. But that makes us better in the end.

Good luck!

Leigh

 

[nascar-j]

I do think you offended her by not respecting her authority and position, and your son will have better second half of the year if you can clear this matter up with her first.

This is truely sad that referring to someone by their first name would lead them to treat my son poorly. I work at the #7 hospital in the nation and collaborate with physicians that are literally the best in the country. I always refer to them by their first name and I often hear them correcting people if they call them "Dr."

Respect is earned. If someone would be so petty that calling them by their first name would cause them to treat a child badly, this doesn't say much for a profession. With this attitude, I assume it would be equally acceptable for me to with hold appropriate medical care to you because you didn't address me as I wanted or you had the nerve to ask for a second opinion.

I have tremendous admiration for school teachers, but if their need to be called Mr/Mrs/Miss is such an issue, they need to get some self esteem and work on creating appropriate professional relationships with parents to earn respect.

Sorry for the rant, but the Mr./Mrs,/Miss thing is incredibly petty but clearly seems to be a huge deal for the teachers on here.

j

 

[DreaGirl]

I agree with the previous poster about the 504 plan. It isn't an IEP, but accomodations are made to help the child.

*Previous Kinder. teacher here*

 

[mommy-on-the-move]

I agree with Torinsmom about not worrying about labelling, our 2nd child (eldest son) is dyspraxic with a few other little oddities/quirks they're still fishing for a title for (he's heading onto 5 and we're in a process of referals) and my husband worried alot about him being labelled so fought it for a long time (I knew when he was 2 going on 3 there was "something" about him but my mother and husband consistantly told me it was me having a bad day, me dealing with 2 kids etc- well, I have 4 kids now and I can safely say he's more work on a good day on his own than the other 3 put together on their worst day!) then he entered into reception class (age 4-5, i'm in the UK- does that work out to your kindergarten?) and the first parent-teacher meeting she bought up the fact she was near certain it was dyspraxia and possibly other related issues which started the ball rolling for the SN evaluations, she told us not to look at these things as labels but as signposts to get DS the help he needs to deal with being DS in a normal world rather than expecting the world to change for him.

With DS i have found things have changed drastically at the age he is in terms of help and also expectations- in his nursery year we kept checking his issues weren't a problem and were constantly reassured they weren't but now we're told they're special needs, we pointed out we suspected he was red-green colour deficient and were told he was fine with colours- move on to the next class and the push for SN evaluations began as did the opthamologist and the confirmation that he is actually total colour blind... not that his teachers last year weren't good enough and failed him in anyway, just purely because his needs and apparent issues became more obvious as more was expected of him in the classroom situation.

Either way, I hope you can sort it- DS is my second child into school and SN education has been a minefield even when you already know school-ettiquette, it's been a whole new game for us!

 

[tnkr_bell]

Warning...Vent ahead!!!

OK, here's my problem with this whole situation. Here it is almost Feb. and ds has had this problem with finishing his work since the beginning of the school year. We were told at his IEP meeting that this would be a problem for him and to not expect him to be able to finish everything because it's just not within his ability.

As far as I know his teacher hasn't done anything to make it easier for him to do his work as far as giving him a quite area away from everything or letting him do part at school and bring the rest home to do or anything else I can't think of because I'm not a teacher. And as far as I can tell she's giving him the same amount of work each day that the other kids are doing. So when he's not getting it done he has to sit at his table and keep working while the other kids get to go do fun activities. Which resulted in him hiding his work in his cubbing then lying to his teacher about so that he could go have fun with the other kids.

The only thing I've gotten from her so far is that she's concerned that he's not getting his work done it class. I'm concerned that he's not learning his site words, I'm concerned that we go over a word one minute and the very next page he doesn't know it again, I'm also concerned that he doen't want to go to school any more because the work is to hard.

So the only assumption I can come to since as far as I know she hasn't made any suggestion on things to do to help ds at school get his work done is that she doesn't have any ideas. So yes I suggested that she ask some of the teacher who have maybe dealt with this kind of situation before if they had any ideas that might help, because all I know is that things can't stay the way they are now.

OK, vent over...sorry just had to get that off my chest.