OT: Having another child...

[FSUGrad97]

My DH and I are thinking of having another baby. We have a 2 year old DD, and I am wondering what it's like to have two children. I think we do pretty well with her, but how much harder is it to have 2?

Also, do you have any adjustment tips for my DD? If I get pregnant soon, she will be almost three when the baby will be born. I guess I am afraid that it might be a problem for her since she is an only child now.

PLEASE give me your imput.

Thanks in advance!

 

[mrsminniemouse]

I am interested to hear replies on this too. I amm 11 weeks pregnant and I am expecting my second baby in Juy. DD will be 3 in May. We always planned for a 3 year age gap as so many people said it was a good gap.

Still I am nervous about dealing with a newborn and a busy 3 year old. In September DD will start nursery school/ kindergarten 5 mornings a week so that might help.

People assure me I will love no 2 just as much as my daughter, but that seems so strange.

Any advice or experience to share?

Mandy

 

[PatricenPete]

Good thread - I am also pregnant, just about 10 weeks. DS will be 20 months or so when this new baby is born.....

 

[staci]

Well Im in the same boat.

Only advice that I have gotten that was worthy of repeating so far (and I think I got it from Dr. Phil ) was to treat this as something you are doing FOR your child, not TO them. We are trying to be very clear that this will be ds's baby, his little sibling, someone to grow old with, to play with, to laugh with. We are approaching it this way between my husband and I, and as he gets more and more involved with the pregnancy, we are trying to include him in all aspects. We encourage him to kiss his baby (my belly), and we took him with to hear the heartbeat. I know he is a little young to understand everything, but we are hoping that slowly he will 'get it' and will be ready to greet his new little sibling when they get here.

I am honestly most scared about being in the hospital for 2-3 days and away from ds. He is very much a momma's boy, and I worry so much about him. I think he would do okay with my husband, but he will need to be with my parents when dh is with me. I just hate leaving him.

 

[Tiffann4k]

To me 2nd & 3rd was just the same as having one....#4 is what did it for me, but then again I had all 4 children in about 3 years. The biggest age gap is 16 months & the smallest age gap is 10 months My oldest DD was 3 when #4 was born

Sorry no adjustment tips, my children got to a point where they almost expected a new baby every year

 

[FSUGrad97]

Since there are three of us needing info, I am shamelessly going to bump this up

How are your pregnancies going? Are they different than your first?

 

[PlaneJoy1]

My DD was 5 when I had my second. For us, she was self sufficient in a lot of area's (getting dressed, brushing her teeth, etc.) which made it easier with a baby. I will say that it was a lot harder than I imagined (getting 2 ready to go out instead of just one) but in a lot of ways easier (I kind of new when I needed to go to the doctor and when I didn't, what things were important to stress over and what not to). We are now trying to decide whether to go for #3 or not. We're probably at least a year away from trying which would put DD #2 around 5 when #3 was born.

Best wishes on your parenthood journey... they are all truely precious.

 

[Tiffann4k]

We are trying to be very clear that this will be ds's baby........... We encourage him to kiss his baby (my belly)

Just becareful treating it as "his" baby. I have a friend that did this as well with her son who was told the baby was "his" baby to help with etc well one day she was in the bathroom and the baby started crying, her son went in and tried getting "his baby" out of the bassinette to "make his baby stop crying" and the baby was dropped on the floor and had some serious injuries.

There needs to be a line drawn ( in my opinion) that a new baby is not the other childs baby but its their brother/sister.

 

[Lulu's Mom]

We are also planning on having another baby soon... might actually be pregnant now, I will find out in a week... what I am mostly worried about is going from two incomes were we are just making it to going to one income. There is just no way we could afford daycare for two kids. I keep trying to tell myself to relax until you know for sure but sometimes it is so hard. This also means that Disney might have to get pushed back a year or so, I know a new baby is much better than DW.

 

[julia & nicks mom]

As the mom of two - I will try to calm all of your fears!!

I was so sure I could never love #2 like I love #1 - I was worried that he would take away my attention from her - that she would feel neglected - that I could not give him the attention I had given her etc. etc. etc.

He is just another member of her large fan club - he ADORES her and she ADORES him -

it is true that you can not give two what you would give to one - but I feel that in exchange - they give each other so much more than I could give them

I am married to an only child and I know he is glad we have two - he thinks he really missed out on sibling interaction

Sure - I can't really take both of them to the store at 2 and 4 but then again I can't take the 2 year old at all!!! I think 3 years is a great age difference b/c you will get some alone time with #2 while #1 is at school -

the biggest thing you will learn is that after having a 2 year old - babies are EASY!!! You will have time to work up to having two running around your house - in the beginning all they do is eat and sleep - although this seemed overwhelming with #1 - you will laugh at how hard you thought #1 was when you have #2

Oh - and I do love #2 the same as I love #1?

ABSOLUTELY NOT!! I love him for totally different reasons in a totally different way - but just as much!!! They have such different personalities and I get so many different things from each of them - I didn't fully understand this before he was born - but I do now!!

I KNOW you will not regret having #2!! #2 will be just as scary as having #1 - it's just a whole new set of concerns!! Weren't you a little worried when you had #1? and you wouldn't trade them for the world!!

 

[Camping Griswalds]

Okay I am a mom of 3 and do have some advice, ...

first off medically the "3 " year gap is supposedly the best for both mommy and baby. It gives mommys body 2 full years without being pregnant and the older sibling 3 years (by time baby is born) of "babyhood' Well mine are 4 years between the first 2 and then 8 years between 2 and 3 so I didn't follow that advice


I too was VERY worried between one and two .. I mean no way could you love #2 as much right...Well i was pleasantly surprised to find out I was wrong....even liked the new baby better some days as he did not back talk, run away, throw things, have tantrums ask "why?" etc. Well then comes #3 ( a lovely girl surprise) and low and behold I have apparantly an untapped amount of love! I now know withut out a doubt that I could love 10 kids! Sure some have easier personalities, some have better days, but you love them all.

And most importantly, my kids love each other! Really we were so worried when #3 came and how she would dissrupt the 12 and 8 yo life, but instead I have gotten to see what caring, loving, helpful individuals we have raised. Of course no one has volunteered to change any poopies or anything, but believe me, my boys really enjoy being big brothers. And my daughter just seems so much happier when the 5 of us are all together! It is almost a tangible thing to see her relax and smiling when we are all together!

We do think about having #4, which really would be "her baby" as the only reason we feel we need another one is that the boys are so much older than her, so we don't want her to feel like an only child. But aren't sure still what we are going to do about that. She is almost 17 months now, and I will be 37 next month, so time is an issue...who knows.

So all of you who are preggers with #2, or are thinking about #2, it is wonderful, just think how much better your life is now with one, and then double it!!!!

 

[susykt4]

My kids (DD5, DS3) are 28 months apart. We found having a 2nd child a harder transition than having a first. DD was a very good, happy, easy baby. At the time she was the only child, only grandchild, only great-grandchild. She was the center of the universe. DS was a demanding baby who wanted to nurse constantly. His newborn sleep issues (days and nights mixed up) lasted over 2 months. DD pretty much freaked out with jealousy and turned from happygirl to hellchild. I think she cried more than the baby. It was a rough transition that slowly got better over about 6 months.

While we were crazy about DS, we wondered if we had made a terrible mistake. By about 6-7 months DS was crawling and playing with DD. She got over her jealousy and started liking her brother. He started sleeping through the night so I wasn't sleep deprived. Since then, everything has been good. While the kids certainly fight sometimes, they usually get along and play well together. They entertain each other for hours at a time. I certainly have no regrets now!

I'm sure a lot of the firstborn's adjustment has to do with their personality, but it seems like most of my friends whose children are ~3+ years apart had a much easier time adjusting to a new sibling than those who were 2 1/2 years or less. I also imagine it would be an easier adjustment for you if you went from a difficult baby to an easy one. At least you already know how to change diapers, nurse, bathe, etc.!

 

[julia & nicks mom]

Well Im in the same boat.

I am honestly most scared about being in the hospital for 2-3 days and away from ds. He is very much a momma's boy, and I worry so much about him. I think he would do okay with my husband, but he will need to be with my parents when dh is with me. I just hate leaving him.

I was a little worried about this - but it actually was a good thing for everyone involved - DD learned to rely on Daddy a little more and my DS got my undivided attention for 4 days (c-section) the only time that has ever happened in his life!!!

Cherish that alone time with #2 - let #1 come spend time at the hospital with you and at night - send your baby to the nursery to sleep!!!!!!!! You need that time in the hospital to recover - don't be afraid to let the nurses help you!!!

 

[cruiserkaren]

As the mom of two - I will try to calm all of your fears!!

I was so sure I could never love #2 like I love #1 - I was worried that he would take away my attention from her - that she would feel neglected - that I could not give him the attention I had given her etc. etc. etc.

He is just another member of her large fan club - he ADORES her and she ADORES him -

it is true that you can not give two what you would give to one - but I feel that in exchange - they give each other so much more than I could give them

I am married to an only child and I know he is glad we have two - he thinks he really missed out on sibling interaction

Sure - I can't really take both of them to the store at 2 and 4 but then again I can't take the 2 year old at all!!! I think 3 years is a great age difference b/c you will get some alone time with #2 while #1 is at school -

the biggest thing you will learn is that after having a 2 year old - babies are EASY!!! You will have time to work up to having two running around your house - in the beginning all they do is eat and sleep - although this seemed overwhelming with #1 - you will laugh at how hard you thought #1 was when you have #2

Oh - and I do love #2 the same as I love #1?

ABSOLUTELY NOT!! I love him for totally different reasons in a totally different way - but just as much!!! They have such different personalities and I get so many different things from each of them - I didn't fully understand this before he was born - but I do now!!

I KNOW you will not regret having #2!! #2 will be just as scary as having #1 - it's just a whole new set of concerns!! Weren't you a little worried when you had #1? and you wouldn't trade them for the world!!

This is funny and reassuring at the same time! DH and I have been discussing #2 and I went off BC in November. Some days I'm terrified of having 2 kids, other days I'm like....I'm so ready for this! BTW, DD is 27 months now. I'm an only child and so I want DD to have a sibling to share life with. I would love to have a sibling now at my age. I don't remember thinking that when I was younger, but now I'd love to have someone close to talk with, laugh with, worry with....etc...

We've heard both things....that it's going from none to 1 that's the hardest and that one is easy, two is a major, major adjustment. Also I enjoy my sleep, it's hard to think about getting up multiple times at night again!

I love what was said about laughing at how hard you THOUGHT the first one was when they were a baby! My DH and I were so overwhlemed. I even remember one night us talking about how much easier it'll be when she's old enough to talk, walk, etc...Boy, were we clueless! We had no idea her favorite word would be NO!!!!!

Keep the experiences coming. I love reading them. Isn't it funny how you can be so excited and terrified by something at the same time?

 

[wrldpossibility]

Well, I think you'll do fine! My older two sons are 2 years apart, and it was tough when they were smaller. Almost like having two babies, because my oldest was only 25 months and really couldn't understand much in way of preparation for the baby. He also couldn't share well yet and got upset as the baby became mobile and would wreck his cars, blocks, etc. But, now they're best of friends. My youngest is a little over 3 years younger than my middle, and I have to say, that gap is MUCH easier. So if you have it planned for a three year gap, you'll be fine, I think. My 3-year-old could understand the baby was coming, shares well, and has more maturity about the whole baby-destroying-your-toy-setup thing. He's close to his baby brother.

I have found from experience with my friends with daughters that girls seem to USUALLY (not always) have the jealousy of a new baby problem more than boys. I think it's because girls are more socially aware at that age. To prepare her, check if your hospital has a big sister class. Ours was great! The kids also got to tour the birth center. We also read lots of books and I let them help me pick out baby things. Also, if you're going to be using DD's same equipment that she might still be attached to (like a crib, stroller, etc), move her to the new stuff as soon as possible, and she won't associate it with the baby "taking" her stuff. I also set up the nursery really early so the older kids got used to seeing it all ready. Good luck!

 

[wrldpossibility]

Forgot to add:

One of the greatest joys of having a second baby (IMO) is that you can experience it all again as an experienced parent. You KNOW now that not everything is a huge deal, and you have great perspective, because your older child always reminds you that babyhood is not the only phase. Every baby is different, so it's still fresh and exciting, and you find that some of the things that worked great with #1 don't work at all with #2, but in general, you're more relaxed, and you enjoy the baby more.

Now, with #3, you may be too relaxed! I find I don't worry quite enough about him, but he'll probably turn out to be the best adjusted of all!

 

[4theloveofdisney]

We have three children and from my point of view, two was much easier than three! Our first two children were a little less than two years apart so at three years apart, it will be a little bit easier on you. Your DD will benefit from having another sib and playmate, IMO, as well. I was an only child and was always happy but a little lonely and I always wanted a brother or sister. Your daughter might be a little jealous at first but just include her in everything and talk about how she will be the "big" sister. Hold her and read to her and make sure to spend special time with only her. Let her "help" you with the baby and so on.

Also, when I went to the hospital I had a present from the baby to my other children. When it was just my son, he pretty much ignored his sister until after he got his present. Then all of a sudden he wanted to see her and hold her - it was precious.

Good luck with your decision!!

 

[jzmom]

I have a DD 5 and DS who is 18 months. My DD was 3 1/2 when Ds was born.
I must say she is a much better big sisiter than I was. She got to hold him before I did because I had a c-section with him.

I was worried about not loving him as much as her, but I do. They are both different . She has a firey personality and he is laughy (is that a word) and mellow. He slept much better and I could actually put him down to do things.We were also more relaxed with our second, which made it more enjoyable in a different way.

We prepared her for the birth by reading stories and talking about it when she wanted to. We let her pick out clothes for him ( we didn't know the sex so she got blue and pink stuff). I went to labor about three in the morning and when we woke her up to take her to my mom's she started jumping up and down excited about the baby's arrival.

She also has been a big help. She can pick out outfits for him to wear and helps get diapers. I explained ahead of time that if I was nursing I couldn't get things for her. I put snacks in the fridge that she could get out herself iif she needed something right that moment. I think another key factor is that my husband is very involved with the kids. As soon as he got home from work he would have special time with her. I would also try at least once a week to have private time just her and I.
I hope this helps

 

[belle&beast]

My DD and DS are exactly 2.5 years apart and there have been pros and cons to their age difference. We tried to have them closer to hopefully avoid some issues, but that didn't happen. If I would have been able to choose, I think I would have gone with 3 or 3.5 years to ensure my DD's ability to understand the changes.

My DD had a hard time adjusting to my DS, not at first, but at about 6 months when he was showing a little personality and mobility! We had potty training regression and a lot of tantrums that we hadn't seen before then. My DS has had a lot of health issues that my DD never had, so we did give him lots of extra TLC. And no matter how much attention she received, it never seemed to be enough. All that said, she really loves her brother and now that he is almost 2, they play well together. And we can't imagine life without 2!!!

 

[Camping Griswalds]

Now, with #3, you may be too relaxed! I find I don't worry quite enough about him, but he'll probably turn out to be the best adjusted of all!

This is so true!!!!...............................................


#1 Oh My GOD he threw up...we have to take him to the doctor right away!!!


#2 The baby threw up...he'll be okay in a couple of days


#3 Oh baby LOOK what you've done to the carpet!!!


You do start to relax more and more with each one....maybe too much too