OT: Have your stuff in order - please!

[StormTigger]

Okay... I read this article and then I bounced on the boards for a little pick me up and found ConcKahuna's post about his partner in the hospital and it made me just want to post a reminder. We all know stuff like this happens, even though we'd love to think it would never happen to us, or it's to expensive, or to much work to make the necessary preparations just in case, or its just something we don't want to think about, but how much more time, effort, money, and emotional turmoil do we put ourselves thru when we don't have power of attorney's, wills, beneficiary deeds, etc in place ... NOW. While we all are waiting for gay marriages to be recognized universally, the reality is, it's not. Even those in places where their marriage is recognized, if they travel it may not be wherever trouble may take place. So I ask all of those with partners to do what needs to be done to protect you and yours so you won't have to go thru this.

http://www.indystar.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070806/LOCAL18/708060398

 

[Tony-NJ]

I keep putting off going to see a lawyer, I guess I shoudl do it. I even have Legal insurance through work and they would cover this. It's just finding the time!

 

[rpmdfw]

Actually, my partner and I have just started the process of getting all of this together.

I'm very pleased with this book. So far, I've found it very helpful.

http://www.nolo.com/product.cfm/ObjectID/65E7D52B-E9E5-435F-A51F24A3045B2369/118/

Just in case anyone else out there didn't know about it. It's a great resource.

 

[Kevin&Randall]

A few years ago, we obtained enough documentation to deforest a small country. We now have Wills, Powers of Attorney, Living Wills, documentation stating we are a couple and that we can speak for each other in times of medical emergencies. Our house is now protected if something catastrophic happens to the other. There are even provisions about our darling pet if we both have something happen.

And this I find most comforting. We have documented what we want to happen to us after death -- creamation.

While it never seems like a convenient time to do it, I highly recommend it. It was maybe 4 hours of time with the laywer over 2 visits. Painless, but oh-so-very important.

Randall

 

[padalyn]

I whole heartedly agree!!!

I had my power of attourney drawn up a few years ago (at the same time as my advanced directive). I picked my best friend - not my significant other as my proxy.

Why one asks?

Well, first Tiggr33 wasn't in my life at that moment, but even if I were doing this today I would still choose my best friend (call her B for now shorter to type!). I feel that B can make choices that I would never ask Tiggr to make. B is in the medical field and knows my wishes very well - she can be cut throat and very vigilant about patient rights. So, to the other end of this - I think that I would rather NOT have my family or SO have to make choices that would leave guilt afterwards...the what if and what about and did I do the right thing questions that come up after a nasty event.

Tiggr and I have discussed this many times, and I feel I can say that she is actually happy that she will not have to make those hard decisions for me. It was hard enough for her when her grandmother was ill - I can't imagine her haveing to make decisions for me...

now - on to another thought...I mentioned advanced directive not a living will - they are different. Be sure you pick the one you really want!

A living will is for the terminal and for the end of life issues. An advanced directive can be a living will but not the other way around. Advanced directives are a series of what if statements.


For example in my case:

I have asthma (so do a lot of people!)
mine has recently been downgraded to stable but for years I lived as a brittle asthmatic. This means that at any time I could stop breathing. If someone would "breath for me" using a device or mouth to mouth I would remain conscious. So, the living will would not apply. The advanced directive that stated no tubes into my lungs - well that holds up in this case.

I hope that I made my point - any questions? check with your state - each is different. This is NJ....silly state that doesn't really seem to know what they want.

Sorry to go on and on, but this is something I feel VERY strongly about. I recommend to every patient I see, and every family I talk to

GET AN ADVANCED DIRECTIVE!!!!
please, make the choices while you are able - save your family, loved ones, hunnies, and friends the hassle of trying to know what your thoughts are about these things.

PLUS: you want YOUR wishes carried out - not their guilt wishes...

<sorry to preach here....>

'nuf said...signing off....

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

KevinandRandall, may I ask who was your attorney? We've formalized many things, just now need to have an attorney, but are not sure where to start. Obviously, we don't want to get involved with someone who is going to make us uncomfortable.

I am guessing that you had all your documents drawn up here in Central Florida?

 

[Kevin&Randall]

Yes, she is in Winter Garden. I will send you a PM

Randall

 

[odd1]

Thanks for the reminder. Stories like this are heartbreaking. My partner and I have all of our ducks in a row, thank goodness -- wills, powers of attorney, living wills, instructions for cremation, instructions that each of us has the authority to make decisions re: funerals and ashes ... everything. We don't have the advantage of an automatic law (via marriage), but we can write it all up so that we're protected. THEN let someone say my partner doesn't have the right to be there, or to make decisions on my behalf!!

 

[EWR2AUS]

I'm a lawyer, but certainly not one the specializes in this sort of matter. However, for anyone thinking about hiring a lawyer, here is a link to local LGBT lawyer organizations. They would be happy to provide you with the contact information of LGBT or LGBT-friendly lawyers in your area. Just scroll down to "Professional Legal Organizations." Many, such as Le-Gal in NYC, also sponsor free legal clinics.

http://www.nalp.org/content/index.php?pid=199