OT: Grrrr! DD6 won't play soccer....

[mommy-on-the-move]

I agree about there being a big difference in activities you put her in vs. activities she ASKED to be in, my mother was terrible for putting me in activities my elder sister had asked to be in because i "needed" to be in them but they were my sisters thing, they were my mothers thing, there was never time for my thing and as a result i really resented and hated the activities and I really resented the fact i had to "stick it out" because my mom had bought the uniform etc already... if i'd have asked to go and then changed my mind sure, sticking it out is a commitment but when someone else chose to put me in an activity they felt i needed and then i didn't like it I really failed to see why i was expected to stick out their error of judgement.

In my household the kids only go into extra cirriculars if they ask to do them, if they ask then they're expected to give it a reasonable try out before deciding not to do it any longer. My eldest struggled her first term of flute lessons but because she'd chose it we talked about how learning to read music was a life skill she could take to any instrument, she stuck it out and now we're almost a year into lessons and she actually enjoys it.

 

[PollyannaMom]

.... We live in a community that is awesome but not many people understand you if you don't eat, sleep and breathe soccer, so not that many to vent to!

I know what you mean, but in reverse! DS loves soccer, but most of his friends do T-ball/baseball/softball this time of year, and he just doen't enjoy it half as much. We did it once when he was little to try it, but didn't sign up again. I'm definitely not for over-scheduling kids unless THEY push to be in something.

Also, in your DD's case, maybe it's partly because her older sibs did it that she doesn't want to. She's probably spent a lot of time at the soccer field in her life already! And she and may come up with something all her own she wants to do later. Since you said she's healthy and all, I wouldn't push it.

 

[Aliceacc]

My name is Alice and I'm not an athlete.

I'm not a total couch potato, but I'm not an athlete. I skiied a bit before I had kids, and I was in our high school sports night, but I've never been on a soccer, softball or gymnastics team. A good part of my childhood was spent curled up with a book while my siblings played their sports.

Maybe your daughter is like me-- sports just aren't her thing.

For what it's worth, my kids are kind of like me. They love to play outside-- on bikes, on scooters, in the pool, climbing the tree. They've been on one or two organized sports, but basically prefer to play what they want when they want.

As long as they're not spending all day in front of some sort of a screen, that's fine with me.

 

[Magic Mom]

If she asked to play soccer, then I would make her finish the commitment. Even if that meant her just going to practice and watching. I've always asked my kids to finish their commitments to teams, scouts, etc. However, if you forced her (even gently) to join and she only consented because she knew it would make you happy, then I would let her quit since she is only 6. If you make her stay, she could end up hating it for life.
As far as developing her independence, keep her in Scouts. Make sure she is in a troop that has a leader that will work with you to foster some independence in DD. If one troop doesn't work for you, don't hesitate to move to a different troop.
I have 2 girls in my troop that are are clingy to their Moms. That's not a bad thing, but both Mom's want to encourage them to be a little more independent. So we do short outings and short camping without those Moms. They help in other ways. Both girls have come a long way in three years. BTW they are 9 and 10 now.

 

[thegrimdwarf]

You've gotten a lot of good advice here regarding the soccer thing. I wanted to throw the idea of you taking a martial arts class with her? Karate is great for building confidence, which will help her be more independent. My cousin, a single mom, went this route with her son, and it worked wonders. He did better in school, started making friends more easily, and before she knew it wanted to try everything under the sun.

Good luck!

 

[taximomfor4]

My DD at 6 would have finished the commitments. She has tried soccer, karate, dance, skating, cheerleading and gymnastics. These were her choices and I explained that if she wanted to do this, it would be 6 week commitment. Some classes she liked more than the others, but we still finished them. At 6 she doesn't need a sport, but I think there is value in finishing your commitments.

I would have her go and if she doesn't want to participate, I wouldn't force her but she could watch. Maybe she will warm up to it and actually enjoy it. Don't think of it from the angle of "I'm busy, so one less thing for us to do" but rather what you would have done if she was an only child. I know it's tempting to skip and make it easier, but I personally feel there is a lesson with sticking with things. JMHO.

Got to say that if my dd was the one begging for the activity, she would finish the commitment. But since OP had "finally convinced" her, I'd let her drop. Honestly, I wouldn't bother pushing a child into an activity. She has her Daisies, so she is involved in SOMETHING!

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I would let it go.

My DS12 played soccer when he was 4 & 5 but he didn't like it. He didn't like T-Ball, either. He liked golf and tennis. He would still be playing golf & tennis if we had reasonably priced facilities close by.

He was in drama/video production classes for 4th & 5th grade but this year he didn't want to do it because he wasn't sure what his workload would be like in middle school. He is kind of a "hermit" - he likes to have plenty of unstructured time and hates to be pushed to do activities. He is in band and has been staying after school twice a week to get ready for competitions, so it is good that he doesn't have other commitments.

When he was younger we enrolled him in lots of summer camps but there were only a few that he really enjoyed.

Some kids just don't enjoy being in lots of activities. There isn't any point in forcing them.

 

[marcyinPA]

My DS8 is like this. He finally started taking Aikido and has stuck with it. He did try soccer, but he didn't like it. He's the kind of kid that needs a lot of down time. He has told me on several occasions that he just wants to play! Nothing wrong with that!!

My DS12 does enough extracurricular things for the both of them. He's the type that needs to be a part of something all the time.

I wouldn't force her if I were you. She'll come around in her own time. And even if she doesn't, I'm sure she will grow up to be a well-adjusted adult!

 

[matthew&haleysmom]

Got to say that if my dd was the one begging for the activity, she would finish the commitment. But since OP had "finally convinced" her, I'd let her drop. Honestly, I wouldn't bother pushing a child into an activity. She has her Daisies, so she is involved in SOMETHING!

I agree! I have the opposite problem. My children want to be involved with too much. Our rule now is one sport per child per season. And if you sign up you finish the season.

 

[teresajoy]

Please tell me that in the day of overscheduled families that my DD6 is not the only one who won't participate in anything!
She is the youngest of 3 and won't leave her comfort zone.
She wouldn't do dance, zookids, gymnastics, etc.
We finally convinced her to do soccer and now she won't go to the practices or play in the games without literally screaming and crying without letting up.
Do I force her? We've tried easing her into it, being patient to no avail.
My DH travels most weeks so I am basically a single parent. I know this has contributed greatly to her attachment and insecurites but we have no family, etc. by us, it leaves us no choice. She does great in school and loves Daisy GS, because she is with her friends from school.
So, do I let her off the hook with soccer? Force her and bring a lot of tears?
With my older two kids' schedules (who are involved in EVERYTHING) it is hard for me to stick with her soccer schedule only for her to stand by me and cry the whole time. Any constructive (and kind?) advice?

I am going to speak from the perspective of a very shy child. I would have HATED if my Mom or Dad tried to force me to do something that put me out there for EVERYONE to see like soccer or dance! I can not even think of anything that would have terrorized me more than doing that. You say that she goes to Daisy GS with her friends. So, it sounds like she does have friends, and she is happiest doing activities with them. I have to say, let it go, let her quit and let her be who she is.

 

[2cutekidz]

I don't see the need/pressure of putting a 6 yo. in a sport they don't want to do. She's doing well in school, is healthy, enjoys GS (even if you are the leader). Let it go. I don't get why it's so cruical to have (any) child in an organized sport outside of school. My DD5 is in ballet. She has been for 2 years. I was the one who put her in it last year. She asked to do it again this year. She also wants to try soccer next year, and GS. I am limiting her to 2 activities. So next year she will choose between GS and soccer. If she still wants to do them. But if she didn't want to do any of these acticities, that would be ok too.

 

[DawnM]

I wouldn't make her finish, only because she isn't the one who wanted to do it in the first place.

My oldest LOVES golf, it is his passion and he wants to do it, so he is vested in it.

I wouldn't make them do any sport really. Most of us adults didn't do any formal sports until Jr. or Sr. high. Today things are so different!!!!

My DH was MVP of his golf team in high school, became a golf pro at age 20 and he didn't start playing until Jr. High when he was a kid.

Dawn

 

[MomtoGKC]

My kids are the same way! My 7 year old does violin but refuses to do any recitals (even though she is great at it!) She does Girl Scouts - I'm the leader but it wasn't planned that way - it was supposed to be another leader. She won't do soccer, t-ball or even summer camp! Last year she did one week of art school summer camp and loved it, I don't know why she refuses to go this year.

My 5 year old only does Girl Scouts because she was allowed to be in our Brownie troop since I'm the leader. Other than that she won't so anything! She took one tennis lesson, was great, then at the second lesson she had a meltdown and wouldn't do it anymore. She won't so soccer or any of the other things her friends do either. She did say she wanted to take piano and now that she is old enough she says she won't do it!

It's hard for me to understand because when I was there age I loved to try everything - dance, swimming, softball, every camp I could find, etc. For now I'm letting them decide what to do, but this summer with no summer camp I think I might go crazy!!

 

[holly7347]

I sort of forced DD#1 into swimming and dance. But after the first few classes she loved it. Now it wasn't all out screaming crying it was more whinning MOM I don't want to go I want to watch TV, or something like that. We did classes at the YMCA so they were only once a week for 8 weeks 30 minutes each. After she complained about going I told her I had already paid for the session and if she didn't want to sign up again after this session was over she didn't have to. She really started enjoying it about class 3 or 4 and we have signed up every session since. DD#2 is only 3 and just started her first swim session. The whole way there she said I don't want to swim who is going to help me, will I get water in my eyes etc. After her first 30 minute class she ran to me asking me when we could come again.

So I think minimal forcing is ok but I wouldn't do it again and again with a child the truly didn't want to do activity. Depending on the level of tantrum being thrown it can also be upsetting or distracting to the other kids that are there to have fun and as a paying parent that would upset me.

If you don't think she is going to come around and start enjoying it I would give her a couple choices. I would tell my DD's that I think it is important they are involved in something and give them a few choices and let them pick which they prefered. I would also say once signed up for a session you have to give it a real try until this session is over (try to find a short session not a year long commitment). I'm not sure what all activities you have tried but maybe she would be more comfortable in a one on one activity like music lessons rather than a team sport.

 

[r4blessings]

I didn't get a chance to read through all the responses so I know I'm probably just repeating what another dis'r has already said.

But I would just not push her to get involved in things for now. My ds9 was involved in as much as I'd let him from the time he was four. Ds6 didn't want to do anything either, soccer, baseball, library program, karate....playdates...anything! At first I kept signing him up for it all, b/c I was sensitive to the fact that my family kept saying I was giving my oldest all the opportunities and would I be able to do that for all my kids. But he would cry, and I could have cried too, for all the juggling and running around getting four kids out to the soccer field, or preschool only to have him cling to me the whole time crying.

So, I let him drop out of everything ( I had signed him up, he didn't ask and clearly did not want to do it) And you know what, he was so happy!

He started kindergarten this year and loves it! He still didn't want to do soccer so we didnt push it. But he has gone on playdates and loves having friends over. More importantly, he came home in Jan asking to do karate. I signed him right up and he loves it. But it is something HE wanted to do. Now he did ask to do baseball this spring and it starts next week. I made sure he understood that we were paying for it and he was joining a team, making a commitment so he would have to finish the season like it or not. And DH and I agreed that even if he hates it, we'll go to all the practices and support the team b/c we don't want him to take quitting lightly.

Sorry, long post! Anyway my point is that when they're ready (and IF they are ready) they'll ask. And now looking at my older son, I see how young six years old really is. I know when I was six I was always with my mom and sisters and played only in school and the backyard.

 

[Snow Shoe]

Does she like animals? If so, I would suggest introducing her to horseback riding. Because of her age, she would probably start out on a pony. This is something that I introduced my two boys and daughter to when they were about 6 yo. They all feel in love with it. There is a unique bond between the rider and their horse. Learning to balacne themselves, control the horse and taking care of it (grooming-equipment) are real esteem and confidence builders, as well as having great fun. My kids enjoyed it so much they competed locally at shows. All of this lead to qualifing for state shows for many years. All of our children are gone from home now with families of their own. However they all still ride, and are teaching their children to ride. The bond between a rider and horse is unique and wonderful as I've said before. I strongly suggest it.

 

[disney[xo]sweetie]

i was the EXACT same way when i was a kid. i just liked to stay at home and chill with mom. i took up figure skating when i was 8 or 9, but i went to practice, did my thing, and went back home. even during the weekends, my mom always said, "oh, call a friend!" but i just never really felt like it, unless we hung out and baked or something low-key. i wasnt overweight, healthy kid, not "anti-social", i actually loved going to school with my friends! i guess some kids are just that way! i wouldnt worry about it, just let them do their thing. maybe talk to a few moms and sign the girls up for a mini-camp for a week of something. i know where we live, the cheerleaders put on "demo camps" where they learn a routine and cheer at a high school basketball game, and the session runs for about a week, for 45 minutes at the RAC (kind of like a YMCA). so, theres lots of options, but you can just probably let her be for now.

 

[minniebeth]

I just wanted to update everyone and thank you for letting me vent my frustrations a little! We tried another practive and game with DD and she just continued to cry. The coaches and other girls were very kind and supportive but she just didn't want to be part of it. It really began to stress her out the days she knew practices and games were coming up. We told her she could just be part of the team and watch, but you could see her anxiety levels. She was even acting out a little bit. While I'm big on the committment thing, we told the coach thank you but that she just wasn't ready. He understood.
We are no longer going to practices or games and she is a new little princess!
Pressure off, she's happy. She has her playdates and Daisy GS and that is enough for her.
FYI....we are all extremely allergic to horses, that is a great suggestion though!
My older two do TaeKwonDo and the little one wants NO part of that either!

Thank you for all your suggestions and advice! They are all good points!
I think I just needed to vent a little because it was just so different for me to have to experience!
Thanks! Beth

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I would never force my child to play the activity of MY choice. If she doesn't want to do it then I think it is really wrong to force her. Not all kids have to be in a million activities and believe it or not many of them thrive just as well as the ones who are. I am not flaming but I don't get your reasoning. She doesn't want to play. She never wanted to play. You are making her play. She has other activities that she likes so go with those. Why does she have to have some athletic type activity? Let her be her own person. Your other children like athletic activities and she doesn't. I wouldn't push the issue. She is only 6. She will find something she likes. I definetly would not make her play nor would I make her participate in any extra curricular that she did not want to. JMHO.

ETA- I just read your update. You did the right thing. She will be fine. She is just enjoying being a kid. It goes by so fast- enjoy it! ;-)

 

[badblackpug]

Have you thought about asking her what she is interested in? If it is just a case of she is not athletic, maybe music, art, dance, gymnastics, or arts and crafts. Maybe she is overwhelmed by a large or chaotic group and needs something smaller, more personalized, or quieter.

If it is an issue of her needing to socialize more or be less dependant on mommy maybe after school programs. My kids love to go to their schools after school program, even though, from a childcare perspective it is not necessary. They get to run around and cut loose with their school friends. It is a nice wind down time in a familiar environment.