OT: DS turns 5 end of July so Kindergarten or no Kindergarten

[StephMK]

One more story if you are still deciding, I read some pages but not to the end.

DS is a late June bday & FT only K school started 8/13. We moved mid-year of preschool & both teachers said he was ready. Very social, always participates, baby of my 3 which probably helps w/his socialness, knows all the K basics & was reading. Little immature in terms of impulse control but nothing concerning. Big for his age, same size as petite DD7.

We sent him & he is one of the youngest. Other than being tired the first weeks, understandably, he has done great. Still participates all the time, has friends, go to the reading teacher. There are kids a head taller than he is but plenty his size as well. I did think of holding him back briefly but he was so ready, I didn't see the point in keeping him home. Plus someone has to be the youngest. If he's not, then he's close.

Good luck, I know it's a tough choice!

 

[dogluva]

16 year old HIGH SCHOOL FRESHMAN?!? Wow, I have met 16 year old college freshman, but hs?

No High schoolers. There wre some in his class. YOu have to pass English to go into the next grade. So they repeat a grade, were held back and yes, it can put them at 16.

 

[LisaNJ25]

Well you have to understand their side of it too.

yeah but if they are in the same grade there should be no issue. Of couse as a senior I hope he is not dating a freshman... but if it is a fellow classmate and he is 18 and she is 17 I have no issue with it. Likewise if it was reverse and my daughter was the 17yo and dating a 18yo senior, I would have no issues with it.

 

[LisaNJ25]

My son has never looked his age. He was the biggest and second to youngest in his early school days. He started to grow a beard around 13 (or shave anyway). If I had held him he would have stood out like a sore thumb even more.

He is nineteen and looks 25. He asked a girl older than him out (by six months and) she initially thought he was too old for her. He had to prove it by showing her his license.

I did have a problem with 20 year olds in his class. Even more when he was 13 and in a freshman homeroom with 16 year olds.

I can see 16yo freshman easily happening. Even though we kept my oldest ds back in 3rd grade... If he woul dof been born year later he would turn 15 in oct of his freshman just like he did since they have since pulled the cutoff date back. Add to if he had failed at some point or help him back he would turn 16 in Oct of his freshman year.

 

[dogluva]

I can see 16yo freshman easily happening. Even though we kept my oldest ds back in 3rd grade... If he woul dof been born year later he would turn 15 in oct of his freshman just like he did since they have since pulled the cutoff date back. Add to if he had failed at some point or help him back he would turn 16 in Oct of his freshman year.

Exactly. And if the kids repeats another grade then he is like 20 when he graduates.

My son turned five in Nov. of K. He started high school at 13 (turned 14 two months later). He graduated at 17.5. and was a freshman in college at 17 turning 18 two months later. Right now he just turned 19 and is finishing his Sophmore year in college. Some kids his age are finishing high school.

 

[tiggerzpalz]

My DS was 5 on July 30th. There was not a thought in our mind to hold him back. In fact, our school system discourages it and holding back is not the norm here at all. Our kids attend a primary learning center which is a kindergarten only building. It is awesome and exposes the kids to everything from the normal activities to activities like cooking in the kitchen. When they start school in September they eat lunch in their classroom and gradually work up to traveling to the cafeteria to eat. Gradual transitions. It allows them to grow and develop among their own peers so they are ready to move forward the following year. Our son is doing great. Reading, writing, making friends and simply loving school. We have no worries or regrets.

Just wanted to post what we did and how it has turned out so far. Best wishes to you on your decision. I know it is a tough one.

 

[december]

I didn't read past page 4-too many judgemental posts for me! My son's birthday is July 13, and he didn't start kindergarten until he was 6. He has always been very smart, but he was small and had a speech problem. Dh and I discussed it with his preschool teachers, and decided to wait a year, and we have never regretted it. He didn't become some huge overgrown child who causes problems for all the younger kids in class-really amazed at this perception. He looks right in his 4th grade class-he would have been a small 5th grader. He makes straight As, no longer has a speech problem, and is very outgoing. And he gets to be a kid for an extra year. This didn't hurt anyone else, and makes his life better. If I had another one with a summer birthday, I don't know if I'd do the same. It simply depends on the child. With ds10, it was absolutely the right decision.

OP, talk to his teachers, but do what you feel is right for your child.

 

[kanga24roos]

I have experience on both ends. My DS8 missed our schools cutoff by 16 days. He has always been tall for his age and also very mature for his age (strange for a boy) so we were very upset that he was not going to be able to start kindergarten so we enrolled him in a catholic school that offered 5 day a week pre-k, now my DS5 made the cut off by 14 days. Now he is very small and not so mature so last year we enrolled him in a 3 day a week pre-k. He stared K this fall and is doing GREAT ajusted well and has surprised even me with how well he is learning. DS8 has not only been one of the oldest children in all of his classes but also works at the top of his class and if not for great teachers and SMALL classes he would be bored silly. So in summation I believe that if the child is acedemically ready send them, they will adjust socially. Peer pressure is great at this age.

 

[maktrk96]

I work in a the school system here in Baltimore. Kindergarten is mandatory. They must be 5 by September 1! But each state is different. Wish they would make it all the same, so it would be easier on people like me..

 

[brymolmom]

I work in a the school system here in Baltimore. Kindergarten is mandatory. They must be 5 by September 1! But each state is different. Wish they would make it all the same, so it would be easier on people like me..

Does that mean that if a child is 5 by Sept 1st that they HAVE to go to Kindergarten? Or are they 'allowed' to wait a year if they're born on Aug 30 or July 30? Man - I WISH they would do that here.

Actually - this post has had me do a lot of thinking - I'm going to be going to some school board meetings and writing to my legistlator to see whom to talk to about getting something like that legislated here in NY!

 

[hmacmahony]

Boy, thats what we need, someone who doesn't know MY child to tell ME that MY child needs to go to kindergarten, when clearly there are many reasons we choose to hold her back a year.
I think you will find 99% of people hold their child back a year, because they have VALID concerns about how their child will do in kindergarten, wether it is social, or educational
I am sure like any other state the cutoff is Sept 1, but my guess would be that you can hold a child a year if you feel it is necessary. That is why we live in the UNITED STATES, where we can CHOOSE what is BEST FOR OUR FAMILY!

Does that mean that if a child is 5 by Sept 1st that they HAVE to go to Kindergarten? Or are they 'allowed' to wait a year if they're born on Aug 30 or July 30? Man - I WISH they would do that here.

Actually - this post has had me do a lot of thinking - I'm going to be going to some school board meetings and writing to my legistlator to see whom to talk to about getting something like that legislated here in NY!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Boy, thats what we need, someone who doesn't know MY child to tell ME that MY child needs to go to kindergarten, when clearly there are many reasons we choose to hold her back a year.
I think you will find 99% of people hold their child back a year, because they have VALID concerns about how their child will do in kindergarten, wether it is social, or educational
I am sure like any other state the cutoff is Sept 1, but my guess would be that you can hold a child a year if you feel it is necessary. That is why we live in the UNITED STATES, where we can CHOOSE what is BEST FOR OUR FAMILY!

I get what you are saying truly I do but sometimes you need an impartial 3rd party. While we all know our own kids best if you were to really be honest we all do have "Mommy eyes". Meaning- they are our babies. Is it more our emotional need to hold them back or are they truly not ready. Something to think about.

 

[hmacmahony]

We know of at least 9 kids who were held out of kindergarten a year, and started this year instead. We have an oct 1 cutoff, all but one of the kids had birthdays within days of the cutoff, excpet one,and she was very late august. Most were also girls, not boys (but then we know more girls than boys anyway around here, the kindergarten class is 70% girls!!)
I don't know them all personally, but know a few, one was held because she was just found out to be diabetic, and spent lots of time in the hospital, and they were all adjusting to that change.
Ones father was in Iraq, she also is the day before the cutoff, life was in an constant state of worry for them, and she just was not educationaly ready.
One boy was held back because his fine motor skills were horrible, to the point where he has since be evaluated, and recieveing therapy, he could not hold a pencil right a year ago.
One boy was held because, and I forget the right term for it, he is not autistic, but has no concept of who, what, where, why, how, and he was recieveing therapy for this (there is a name for this, his brain fires signals the wrong way, I do not know the name off hand)
One girl was having bladder issues, accidents all the time still, she has seen an urologist, even had surgery, but still was having problems, this year she is doing great, with the occasinal accident at home, but so far nothing at school.
My daughter was held for speech reasons, at 3 she was tested at 80% unintelligable, not lacking speech, just pure articuation errors. We have had her in therapy since (and had I not been a first time mom, listening to the doctors I would of had her in therapy at one when I thought there was a problem, that will forever be my biggest parenting regret, not pushing to have testing done, and listening my doctor say it will come with age). We had her tested for kindergarten, she was ready in the academic area, but her social was lacking, and her self esteem. She would go to the park, kids would tell her she was a baby (since they could not understand her), not play with her, be mean to her she had a hard time making friends. She also would get very upset, and rage if no one could understand her, socially we were setting her up for failure, and I WOULD NOT do that to my kid.
We held her a year, she got therapy twice a week, for an hour at a time, and what a change. Her self esteem is 100% better, she is much more understood, she is doing wonderful, has made lots of friends, and her speech has improved to the point that she is in two group sessions a week.
So, as you can see, not a single one of us held our kid to be better, and smarter than yours...we held them because they all had valid reasons. I am sure this is the case with most parents, no one I have talked to has held a child so they are better, smarter, than yours (since if you do any research that edge is gone by around 3 grade).
So, once again, I have not seen a single parent make this decesion lightly, most of us have had impartial 3rd party imput to help us along.

I get what you are saying truly I do but sometimes you need an impartial 3rd party. While we all know our own kids best if you were to really be honest we all do have "Mommy eyes". Meaning- they are our babies. Is it more our emotional need to hold them back or are they truly not ready. Something to think about.

 

[KariC]

I think the above reasons would be considered valid by all of us here. Definately.

However, that being said, I do know MANY parents that have not had these valid reasons for their June, July, August, and September babes. They just wanted that extra year to do their own thing (seriously...good friend of mine), wanted their sons to be leaders by waiting (sorry, you are either gifted with leadership skills or not...like being shy, it's a personality trait), belief that their child would be better off in sports by waiting a year (a preacher's child, no less), and I could go on. So while your experiences are different, many of us have anecdotal stories to the contrary.

 

[LisaNJ25]

Those who have a sept 1st cutoff... is it turning 5 before the 1st or can you turn 5 on the 1st?

 

[scouthawkk]

Does that mean that if a child is 5 by Sept 1st that they HAVE to go to Kindergarten? Or are they 'allowed' to wait a year if they're born on Aug 30 or July 30? Man - I WISH they would do that here.

Actually - this post has had me do a lot of thinking - I'm going to be going to some school board meetings and writing to my legistlator to see whom to talk to about getting something like that legislated here in NY!

Yes! In the entire state (Maryland) if they are 5 by Sept. 1, they are required to be enrolled! You can get a waiver for immaturity, but it is at the school system's discression, not the parents.

Also, for those who miss the cut off, you can request early entry. In my county it is 5 by Oct. 15, and must pass any test given with at least 90%. There is a probationary period until Oct. 30, so if the teacher feels they are not ready, they can be kicked out. My DS missed cut off by 11 days, but was more than ready to go, so we requested he be tested. He was given 3 of 4 tests-got 98.6% in both reading and spelling, and 99% in math (the average scored in each is 78%-82%). He absolutely loves kindergarten, and is doing very well. You would never know he was younger than the rest of the kids in his class.

 

[momto2girls]

Boy, thats what we need, someone who doesn't know MY child to tell ME that MY child needs to go to kindergarten, when clearly there are many reasons we choose to hold her back a year.
I think you will find 99% of people hold their child back a year, because they have VALID concerns about how their child will do in kindergarten, wether it is social, or educational
I am sure like any other state the cutoff is Sept 1, but my guess would be that you can hold a child a year if you feel it is necessary. That is why we live in the UNITED STATES, where we can CHOOSE what is BEST FOR OUR FAMILY!

ITA!!

 

[brymolmom]

Actually - I will restate - here, in the UNITED STATES, most states (maybe all??) do REQUIRE a child be enrolled in school by the age of 6. So, if you don't like your government telling you when your child should go to school - I'm thinking you need to look elsewhere.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

We know of at least 9 kids who were held out of kindergarten a year, and started this year instead. We have an oct 1 cutoff, all but one of the kids had birthdays within days of the cutoff, excpet one,and she was very late august. Most were also girls, not boys (but then we know more girls than boys anyway around here, the kindergarten class is 70% girls!!)
I don't know them all personally, but know a few, one was held because she was just found out to be diabetic, and spent lots of time in the hospital, and they were all adjusting to that change.
Ones father was in Iraq, she also is the day before the cutoff, life was in an constant state of worry for them, and she just was not educationaly ready.
One boy was held back because his fine motor skills were horrible, to the point where he has since be evaluated, and recieveing therapy, he could not hold a pencil right a year ago.
One boy was held because, and I forget the right term for it, he is not autistic, but has no concept of who, what, where, why, how, and he was recieveing therapy for this (there is a name for this, his brain fires signals the wrong way, I do not know the name off hand)
One girl was having bladder issues, accidents all the time still, she has seen an urologist, even had surgery, but still was having problems, this year she is doing great, with the occasinal accident at home, but so far nothing at school.
My daughter was held for speech reasons, at 3 she was tested at 80% unintelligable, not lacking speech, just pure articuation errors. We have had her in therapy since (and had I not been a first time mom, listening to the doctors I would of had her in therapy at one when I thought there was a problem, that will forever be my biggest parenting regret, not pushing to have testing done, and listening my doctor say it will come with age). We had her tested for kindergarten, she was ready in the academic area, but her social was lacking, and her self esteem. She would go to the park, kids would tell her she was a baby (since they could not understand her), not play with her, be mean to her she had a hard time making friends. She also would get very upset, and rage if no one could understand her, socially we were setting her up for failure, and I WOULD NOT do that to my kid.
We held her a year, she got therapy twice a week, for an hour at a time, and what a change. Her self esteem is 100% better, she is much more understood, she is doing wonderful, has made lots of friends, and her speech has improved to the point that she is in two group sessions a week.
So, as you can see, not a single one of us held our kid to be better, and smarter than yours...we held them because they all had valid reasons. I am sure this is the case with most parents, no one I have talked to has held a child so they are better, smarter, than yours (since if you do any research that edge is gone by around 3 grade).
So, once again, I have not seen a single parent make this decesion lightly, most of us have had impartial 3rd party imput to help us along.

I completely agree with you in the above cases. The children had medical/speech etc. issues. What I am talking about is parents who simply want their kids to be "gifted" so they send them a year later because in their head Johnny and Suzy just aren't ready for the big bad world of Kindergarten. They tell themselves they are giving their kid the gift of time but what they really are doing is not letting them go so they can keep them home another year. Look, I will be the first to tell you that I hate when my kids are in school. I love them home with me all the time. I do not look foward to the end of summer vacation, spring break etc. I truly enjoy them and I like to think most people enjoy their kids. The people I am talking about and yes, they are even here on the Dis are the ones who say "my baby isn't tall enough, I want her to have an edge, I want a leader, he's a boy and all boys are immature" etc. That is just hogwash. These parents are thinking with their emotions without thinking what is going to be best for the child overall, not just at that moment. If your child has a real issue then you must do what is best for the child, but if it is just because you can't let go then you are not doing your child any favors. Keep in mind this is coming from someone who sat with the principal for 2 hours (tears and all) before I would even register my child for school because I needed to know who would be taking care of my baby. It is hard to let them go, but it is part of what we have to do. JMHO.

 

[momto2girls]

Actually - I will restate - here, in the UNITED STATES, most states (maybe all??) do REQUIRE a child be enrolled in school by the age of 6. So, if you don't like your government telling you when your child should go to school - I'm thinking you need to look elsewhere.

Ummm... yes, children must be enrolled by a certain age (FYI-- some states have a compulsory age of 7, not 6 ), but the US does not state what grade/level that they need to be at a specific age. That is the point.