OT: Don't judge a book by its cover... or reputation...

[simonkodousek]

I just wanted to post about how vitally important it is to get to know someone before judging them. This is a lesson I learned tonight...

My very good friend and I have been talking recently about her mom, and how we think she might be a little bit off her rocker, to say the very least. We thought this because she kept talking about this guy who was "stalking" her through her computer. She posted "different" things on her Facebook page about how she appreciates the police presence in the community and how grateful she is that they are keeping her and her two daughters safe. We thought she might have a mental illness or something because she kept mentioning this guy (not going to say his name, he's a prominent theologian who has a bad reputation for sexual abuse and being a predator) was out to get her. We were so wrong...

Tonight I ran in to her in the mall. She works at a prestigious jewelry store and allowed me to try on some amazing pieces, including a $12,000 Rolex loaded in diamonds. We got to talking and she explained to me that everyone thinks she is crazy for "thinking" this guy is after her, and how bad she feels having that reputation. I asked her what exactly he was doing. She took a class in which this man was the teacher and asked for people's e-mail addresses, which he then used to track down their IP address and other computer addresses (I'm not good with this stuff, but it's something that can easily be tracked giving your exact location and personal information on the computer) and installed malicious software on her computer using this. She had no idea until one day when she started typing, he would keep pressing the backspace key on his side of the network and write messages to her.

She contacted the authorities, including the city's sheriff who was just reelected, and became friends with many members of the police force. She talks to them often (she actually has all their numbers in her phone and called Sheriff ___ ________ to show me she isn't making this up; he answered the phone and greeted her by name) and they keep an eye out for her on her Facebook page and computer records. That is why she kept posting thank you messages to the police. She talked to the Sheriff and he told her there wasn't anything they could do to catch this guy because she voluntarily gave him information which he used to hack in to her computer.

She is now purchasing a Mac laptop because of the added security. If he manages to break through that wall, he will be arrested and charged with violation of privacy or whatever they see fit. She also has the police tied in to her cell phone and her daughters cell phones to make sure this creep isn't up to anything with them.

Furthermore, this is affecting her more than a "normal" person because she was abused by her stepfather when she was a child. My mom is friends with her sister and knows what went on... I don't really want to say on here. She moved out when she was 16 and lived with a friend's family until she was 18. At that point, she was completely broke and decided to become a "dancer." She made a lot of money doing that, and I'm sure she was more than a "dancer" because she then found out she was pregnant with her first child. She is unaware of who the father is. Her son is now 24 years old, graduated from Oxford in England (which is a HUGE deal) and is now very successful in social work (I'm not exactly sure what he does, but his mom was a big influence on choosing this career path.)

This story really hit home for me. I was adopted at a young age and I recently found out that I have an older biological brother who may or may not have died of a bone disease. He still lives in Russia with my biological parents. The part of her being a dancer was also a big deal for me because that is what my biological mother did to survive. I have a dual citizenship between the US and Russia, and unfortunately I cannot visit Russia to find my brother because I will be drafted in to the Russian Military. I am choosing to retain my US citizenship and give up my Russian one when I turn 18.

It took a lot of power for me to not break down in tears with her at the restaurant... Her eyes started watering and her voice got shaky when telling me her story. I gave her a big hug and we parted ways.

I now know what she has been through in her life, and I can relate.

Please, please never judge someone before you get to know them. Had I been even more judging, I would have never given this amazing woman a chance. I feel like we have a special bond now, and are good friends, as her daughter and I are. Not to sound creepy or anything...

Much love,
Simon

 

[*NikkiBell*]

Hugs. This must have been very difficult to write, but I am sure it helped heal some wounds. You are very true. People should never judge others before they get to know them. That is something that is all too often forgotten both in the "real" world and online.

 

[safetymom]

Thank you for sharing your story.

 

[simonkodousek]

I just realized how creepy that first part sounded... I didn't mean for it to sound creepy at all. I'm sure we all have a story that other people don't think is "real."

 

[jcb]

Simon, I always enjoy your posts. They are so very thoughtful.

Your friend's mom, however, might want to consult with the FBI. Simply because you give someone an email address doesn't give them the ability to hack into your computer system without repercussions. What you describe (and I understand that you are not being technical) could violate federal laws that prohibit illegal access to computers or computer networks.

Please don't take this as any hint that your post is anything other than very thoughtful. I just thought it might help.

 

[rchristiansen]

If the disboards had a "like" button for this post I'd click it But since it doesn't, I'll just say thanks for sharing.

 

[Danibelle]

Thanks for sharing this story.

 

[simonkodousek]

Simon, I always enjoy your posts. They are so very thoughtful.

Your friend's mom, however, might want to consult with the FBI. Simply because you give someone an email address doesn't give them the ability to hack into your computer system without repercussions. What you describe (and I understand that you are not being technical) could violate federal laws that prohibit illegal access to computers or computer networks.

Please don't take this as any hint that your post is anything other than very thoughtful. I just thought it might help.

I will definitely talk to her about this next time I see her. This guy has an AWFUL reputation, and is SICK in the head! Unfortunately, she didn't know this before she took the class, otherwise she probably wouldn't have taken it.

Thank you,
Simon

 

[lovethecastle]

Wow..how scary is that to have some wacko start typing messages to you on your computer- yikes. By the way, I like your idea of not judging people-We really never know what they have been through. We usually don't get out of this life unscathed.

 

[paulasillars]

Although I don't doubt that this person is in fact potentially being stalked by some creep, the whole hacking into the computer thing raises a flag with me.

Firstly if it was that easy to find out people's IP addresses from their email address, don't you think all the local bad guys would be doing it?

It is more likely he tricked her into installing something on her PC to give him remote access or provided him with her IP address and her firewall wasn't on allowing him access.

Malware/spyware and the like in this day and age will be looking and grabbing your personal information for financial gain and identity theft is far more likely. You would also most likely never know its happening - long gone are the days with porn popups and irritating software - the stuff out there now is acting quietly in the background looking for passwords and account numbers.

Most ISPs give out dynamic IP addresses so a reboot of your router will often give you a different IP address.

Also why replace the PC with a Mac? Just putting a firewall on it will stop someone getting into it!

Make sure you have a firewall, antivirus and scan for malware regulary - you can download any/all of these from reputable vendors for free!

Just my 2 cents as an IT professional...

 

[Justin Jett]

Very thoughtful post, Simon. Thank you so much,

 

[*NikkiBell*]

Although I don't doubt that this person is in fact potentially being stalked by some creep, the whole hacking into the computer thing raises a flag with me.

Firstly if it was that easy to find out people's IP addresses from their email address, don't you think all the local bad guys would be doing it?

It is more likely he tricked her into installing something on her PC to give him remote access or provided him with her IP address and her firewall wasn't on allowing him access.

Malware/spyware and the like in this day and age will be looking and grabbing your personal information for financial gain and identity theft is far more likely. You would also most likely never know its happening - long gone are the days with porn popups and irritating software - the stuff out there now is acting quietly in the background looking for passwords and account numbers.

Most ISPs give out dynamic IP addresses so a reboot of your router will often give you a different IP address.

Also why replace the PC with a Mac? Just putting a firewall on it will stop someone getting into it!

Make sure you have a firewall, antivirus and scan for malware regulary - you can download any/all of these from reputable vendors for free!

Just my 2 cents as an IT professional...

I was thinking this myself. I don't think it's possible any other way. Good points here, Paula.

 

[simonkodousek]

I was thinking this myself. I don't think it's possible any other way. Good points here, Paula.

She's not really a technology person at all, so that's probably what happened.

 

[EKW]

Advice for your friend: Tell her that it will make Mr. Crazy's attempts to stalk her more difficult if she unplugs her modem when she's not on the computer. Your computer can be hacked while you're not on it if you leave the modem hooked up all the time!

In fact, it's a good way for everyone to protect their computers. Think of how much time you're actually online...it is a fraction of the day for most people. Having the modem unplugged makes it impossible for anyone to mess with your computer during the time you're offline!

 

[EKW]

Although I don't doubt that this person is in fact potentially being stalked by some creep, the whole hacking into the computer thing raises a flag with me.

Firstly if it was that easy to find out people's IP addresses from their email address, don't you think all the local bad guys would be doing it?

It is more likely he tricked her into installing something on her PC to give him remote access or provided him with her IP address and her firewall wasn't on allowing him access.

Malware/spyware and the like in this day and age will be looking and grabbing your personal information for financial gain and identity theft is far more likely. You would also most likely never know its happening - long gone are the days with porn popups and irritating software - the stuff out there now is acting quietly in the background looking for passwords and account numbers.

Most ISPs give out dynamic IP addresses so a reboot of your router will often give you a different IP address.

Also why replace the PC with a Mac? Just putting a firewall on it will stop someone getting into it!

Make sure you have a firewall, antivirus and scan for malware regulary - you can download any/all of these from reputable vendors for free!

Just my 2 cents as an IT professional...

Totally disagree! This happens more than you know. And, since a Mac is a different platform, it makes it harder for the creep to use an existing program to access her computer...he'll have to be working manually or get new software. Only about 2% of all viruses are written on the Mac platform. A Mac is the best protection against viruses and malware.

 

[alebisi]

Loved the story, really made me think, hope they finally catch the guy and this woman can be safe and most important FEEL relaxed!

 

[tinkbutt]

thank you for sharing the story. While I have never had an experience like this it really makes me appreciate that I am so careful with my info. I have two emails one for people I know and can trust and one that only junk goes to and I might check once every two months.

i hope this woman will soon be free from this guy!

 

[dmccarty]

If the stalker put software on her system without her permission I would be shocked if your state does not have a criminal statute on the books to charge said stalker. Proving he did it would take some work but if he regularly "types" to her then an officer should be able get what they need to make an arrest.

On the other hand if he somehow talked her into turning on remote desktop access, provided him with an IP address, userid and password then she did let him in. But she could just change remove the user id and turn off remote desktop.

Just moving to a Mac would be a waste of money. Worse case just reformat the drive and reinstall windows. Much cheaper than buying a new system even if she hires someone to do the work.

Later,
Dan