OT-Does your 2.5 year old stay overnight at Grandparents?

[cruiserkaren]

Hey fellow Diser's. I was curious if your 2.5 to 3 year olds stay the night at their grandparents house? My dd will be 3 in September. I haven't had a night away from her in over a year. She has attempted to stay at my parents house on 2 occasions over the last year. Once my mom brought her home at 10:30pm and the other it was at 2am b/c she was crying to come home.

My dd sees my parents several times a week, sometimes almost daily. She is at their house frequently so I know she is comfortable there and with them. In fact she asks to go to their house almost daily!

My dh works 3rd shift and is a hard worker. He works most weekends. Since he's on 3rd's I could count on both hands how many times we've slept in the same bed since January. We dream of spending the night at a hotel....ordering room service....watching movies.....just a night! Sometimes we really get carried away and talk about going on a 3 night weekend cruise to the Bahamas!

Anyway, I was just curious about it. I didn't know if it was her age or if we're just being selfish! Thanks!

 

[all4fun]

I read recently somewhere that kids sometimes don't outgrow seperation anxiety totally until around their 3rd birthday. Maybe she will do better now that she's older. You could try again on a night that you're home (so if she needs to come home she can), before booking a special evening somewhere with your dh.

I really don't think you're being selfish at all! A healthy relationship between parents is just important to the kids as spending time with their parents, after all.

hth!

 

[Savsmommy]

We have my mom spend the night at our house instead of our kids staying over there. That way our kids are comfortable in their own home, own bed and my mom sticks to the same schedule that they are use to. It works great for us.

 

[NotUrsula]

Many times, starting at 2 months. By the time separation anxiety might have been a problem the routine was old hat, so it never became an issue. Of course, now that they're older, not as cute and much more easily bored, G'ma thinks keeping them overnight is too much work, so she doesn't do it anymore except in medical emergency situations.

Not selfish at all; go for it.

 

[ekball]

Hi there,

First of all, it's not selfish of you at all to want to have some alone time with your DH! As the last poster said, a healthy relationship between mom and dad is good for all!

We send our 2.5 year old over to Nonnie and Papa's quite often for sleepovers and she LOVES it! We started doing this regularly when she was about 2 - around the same time that her baby brother arrived. And to be accurate, I shouldn't say we "send" her over, rather she asks to go over and they ask to have her over. In fact, I think she'd rather be over there than at home at times! It's a treat for her - some special alone time where she gets all of their attention and they get to spoil her (breakfast in bed is their treat to her ). She's a pretty independent kid though, so I think that's why she has been OK about it from such a young age.

I'd say to keep trying it, but not to push her if she isn't ready. We had one night where the plan was for DD to spend the night and she didn't want to, so we changed our plans and she stayed home. No pressure. How about spending the night with her, to ease her into it?? Just an idea.

Good luck! I love having DD sleep over at my parents house - not only as a bit of a break for us (though we still have DS at home when DD sleeps over), but most importantly because it makes my parents and DD so happy to be together! I love watching how excited DD gets about spending time with my mom and dad.

 

[jayhjay]

My DDs (2.5 and 5) has sleepovers at the grandparents often. Not until about a year as I was nursing and needed to be close by. But I don't think you are selfish at all. Everyone needs time away! Early on when we would travel (more than one night) my parents/in-laws would come to my house. Smaller adjustment and when DD would wake at night she was in familiar surroundings. Then the gparents revolted and decided they wanted to stay in their own homes so now the kids stay there. But it might be worth trying to have the sleepover at your house and you guys spend a night out and see if that works better for you.

 

[kidshop]

Nope, mine never did. I'm not comfortable with the separation at that age and see no reason for it. My ds1 did spend the night with them occasionally(across the street) just around 5, he came home once, but other than that was fine.
Ds2 is 3 1/2 and is not ready yet, nor am I. Plenty of time for that later!

 

[lclark0621]

Your going to get opinions from both sides on this.

In the end, do what works best for YOUR family. As long as your DD is happy with her Grandparents, and it is a safe enviroment, then really the only question would be the emotional aspects of it. Is SHE ok with it? Are YOU ok with it?

That is all it comes down to.

My DS will be 3 in 5 weeks. I have never spent a night away from him & have no plans on doing so anytime soon. I just dont feel the need to be away from him now.

My DH travels a lot for work. So the thought of leaving DS behind while we go on a trip, or sending him to stay with somone else when DH is home, is completely unappealing to him.

So for us, it would never work to send our DS away overnight. And we are happy that way.

 

[JoyG]

What if you all go over there for a sleepover before you ask her to stay over there herself?

My kids and I have ALL camped over at grandpa's house together. Especially when dh is out of town. It's a big sleepover and it's fun.

My kids have all slept over there without dh or me. They didn't have a problem, but they also had each other for company so that lessens the anxiety.

I would sleep over there with her just to get her used to it and see if she'll stay by herself next time.

 

[Reese]

My two year old went for his first sleep over at my Mom's when he was about 20 months. I was at work when it occured and was a little upset with Dh for letting my baby go for a sleep over. He said he couldn't stop him. My Mom asked him he went and got his shoes and coat and that was that. My other children sleep over quiet a bit at my Mom's house so he was just happy it was his turn. He sees her almost every day and he'll go for walks with her or just up for a visit.

How is she alone with your parents during the day?

 

[cruiserkaren]

I'd say to keep trying it, but not to push her if she isn't ready. We had one night where the plan was for DD to spend the night and she didn't want to, so we changed our plans and she stayed home. No pressure. How about spending the night with her, to ease her into it?? Just an idea.

Good luck! I love having DD sleep over at my parents house - not only as a bit of a break for us (though we still have DS at home when DD sleeps over), but most importantly because it makes my parents and DD so happy to be together! I love watching how excited DD gets about spending time with my mom and dad.

Oh I feel the same way with my parents. To see them together is something else. She adores my parents as they do her. She is great with them and asks to go to their house on a daily basis. I'm an only so she's their only grandchild right now.... I'd never put pressure on her to stay. We bring it up occasionally to kind of talk it over and then it's done.

DD and I stay over with them a couple of times a month. Also since dh went to 3rd's she has started sleeping with me so I don't think staying at our house would make a difference.

I read recently somewhere that kids sometimes don't outgrow seperation anxiety totally until around their 3rd birthday. Maybe she will do better now that she's older. You could try again on a night that you're home (so if she needs to come home she can), before booking a special evening somewhere with your dh.

I really don't think you're being selfish at all! A healthy relationship between parents is just important to the kids as spending time with their parents, after all.

Oh yeah, we'd never book anything! That's what I was wondering if it was an "age thing". My dad is patiently waiting until she wants to camp out with him and sleep in a tent! She has him wrapped around her finger.

The weekend cruise thing is more of just day-dreaming of lounging under a palm tree quietly! But the overnight in a hotel would be nice. I think that's about as long as we could stand being away anyhow. I guess I just miss my hubby. Guess that's better than not wanting to see him right??

 

[alicenwonder99]

My youngest kids stayed overnight away from home for the first time at Grandma's when they were 5 and 7 years old. If you feel your child isn't ready, don't push it. And I don't think you're being selfish. It just wasn't what I wanted to do for my family...not saying it's not right for your family.

Mary

 

[matthew&haleysmom]

Glad to see you asked this question. I was just thinking about the same thing. My dd, 6, spends most Friday nights with my mom. She lives 1 block away. My ds, 2, always wants to go; however, I have not let him. I would like a quiet evening home with my dh; however, I am just no sure!

 

[emma'smom]

We left my dd2.5 with my parents while dh and I went to Australia last year where I had a conference. I was really worried about missing her, going so far away (What if something happened? How would I get back?), the time change making it difficult to call, etc. However, I learned these were my anxieties not her's. She had a fantastic time spending quality time with her grandparents!

She was glad to come home...but ready to go back for a week this year. This time (now she is 3 almost 4) she went just to have fun with Grandma and Papa. We weren't away..we just drove half-way to their house (they live about 9 hours away) and she changed cars. She was a bit ticked that we all went out to lunch before they headed back to Iowa. I think it's important that she spend time with her grandparents. It's important to give her the benefit of an extended family support system. I also feel better when she is in their care when we are away as I believe they raised me just fine!

 

[Suzanne74]

Don't feel selfish at all. A healthy loving marriage is what makes a healthy loving family. There is no need to spend every waking moment with your child. It is good for them to be around others without you. I feel that you are setting your children up to believe you will be around 24/7 and that separation will be harder in years to come when they enter pre-K or kindergarten, playdates whatever - there are always those 5yr old kids who can't get off mommy's shirt. As much as love my daughter, I want her to grow up strong and sure of herself. I am a stay at home mom and often do playdates back and forth with other moms and also have my dd stay over her Granny's one night a month and my parents for a night or two every few months when we visit them. She has been going to my parents house ever month or two since she was born (even when I breastfed) but my MIL was a little leary when she was an infant so we waited until she was 2 to start. Well the first night, she was a little teary-eyed but now she BEGS to go over there. My mom and MIL love to have her without us there. Not because we hound on her but just to have grandparent bonding time. That is just as important as you and DH's bonding time. I would try it again soon and the idea of your mom coming to your house is a great idea and a reason for you two to go to a hotel

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

nope i couldn't do it, we're all just not ready for that.

 

[hockeymomoftwo]

Both of my boys have stayed overnights with grandparents and aunt from a young age. They love the time away from us as much as we enjoy some adult time. It helps them develop a relationship with their other family that wouldn't happen as easily because we are not in the same city but we are an hour away.

Even when I was breastfeeding I sent them on up with pumped milk. My boys have never had any separation anxiety which I tribute partly to being comfortable around different people in the family at young ages.

This also worked out well for my family because at the time when they were babies I was working night shift and I felt that my babies got a little more tlc during those night feedings from grandma than from Dad. Who knows if he even got up everytime. He loves his kids but man is he glad that I am home in the evenings and nights now.

 

[cruiserkaren]

Don't feel selfish at all. A healthy loving marriage is what makes a healthy loving family. There is no need to spend every waking moment with your child. It is good for them to be around others without you. I feel that you are setting your children up to believe you will be around 24/7 and that separation will be harder in years to come when they enter pre-K or kindergarten, playdates whatever - there are always those 5yr old kids who can't get off mommy's shirt. As much as love my daughter, I want her to grow up strong and sure of herself. I am a stay at home mom and often do playdates back and forth with other moms and also have my dd stay over her Granny's one night a month and my parents for a night or two every few months when we visit them. She has been going to my parents house ever month or two since she was born (even when I breastfed) but my MIL was a little leary when she was an infant so we waited until she was 2 to start. Well the first night, she was a little teary-eyed but now she BEGS to go over there. My mom and MIL love to have her without us there. Not because we hound on her but just to have grandparent bonding time. That is just as important as you and DH's bonding time. I would try it again soon and the idea of your mom coming to your house is a great idea and a reason for you two to go to a hotel

Ohmigosh! I totally agree and that is what I'm really scared of! I'm also a SAHM and my dd pretty much expects me to be around all the time. She is timid around other kids and seems to have a hard time just going off and playing. She wants me right beside her. I'm not sure if it's her age, personality or something I've done! Dh and I've been talking about pre-school in the fall. At first I was like NO WAY, I'm not ready for that! But then when I see her around other kids I get so worried. I think the socialization would be good for her. I don't think it's fair to keep her out of it, b/c I have a hard time dealing with it. She always asks if she's "big enough" to go to school.

Uggh, I don't know. Being a parent is sure tough! Playdates would be great, but unfortunately I don't have anyone to have them with! I only know one other child her age and it's tough b/c he is developmentally delayed. She is way beyond him so when she tries to interact/play with him he doesn't respond much. But I do love that she is seeing that not all of us are the same.

Just like you said...I'm scared I'm going to have a 5 year old that would rather sit beside me on a park bench than run around with the other kids! Then I think well, she's not even 3 yet so things will change in the blink of an eye.......it's just something I worry about and I'm not sure what's best.

Sorry that got wayyy OT! From simply staying overnight to school age!!

 

[Suzanne74]

I know - my daughter was the same way. She loved adults when I was around but even kids she had a hard time adjusting to - even with me there. This was when she was 2 and early 3. Even with the grandparent stay-overs she was still tough at the playground etc... I would have to encourage her to seek out a friend and try and sit back to watch. It would take her all of 3min to realize I was not right near her and not want to play with the other kids anymore. She is 4 now and is so much better. I did start her in Preschool only 2 days a week this past fall and it has done wonders for her. I wouldn't worry too much at this point - some kids are very shy and held back at your childs age. It may just take time but it may also take some encouragement too. GL

 

[3princesses+aprince]

NOT SELFISH AT ALL!!! I don't really know who would think that sleeping at grandma' house isn't a wonderful idea. My Mother is wonderful. My children always want to go to Grandma's. My oldest kids sleep over about every few weeks or so. My youngest just turned 2, she doesnt' sleep over yet, I think she would end up wanting me before bed! A Grandmother is a wonderful thing to a child, they usuallly spoil them and let them do things they don't always get to do. And I know my Mother looks forward to their sleepovers as much as they do. She loves spending time with them.

As another poster said though if you want to go out and your child is not used to sleepovers have Grandma come to your house!
Grandma is one person that I would never feel guilty leaving my kids with!