OT: Did you child do this while Potty Training

[Wendybird55]

Oh no...not another potty training thread! It seems to be the bane of toddler parents.

So here goes. DS will be 3 in Sept. We've been working on the potty training the last 4-5 months. I know DS knows what to do and is physically ready. He can hold himself, control himself. He wakes up dry in the morning, he's used the potty for #1 & 2 - he even has stood a few times. He comments when mommy and daddy go to the potty as well as others...he likes to flush the toilet, etc.

The problem..over the past month he's been more and more reisitant to using the potty. He always askes for his pull ups. He doesn't want to wear underwear. And when we try to put him on his potty he fights us. He uses kid potties - he's still scared of the big toilet. But until recently I was able to put him on the potty in the morning and before he went to bed. And during the day we got him on as well. Now he totally refuses to use the ptty, yet he seems more aware of everyone else using the potty.

We tried rewards, and keeping him without diapers or only in underwear. When he doesn't have anything on he asks for his diaper when he has to go and will hold it and not go on the potty. I don't want him to make himself sick holiding it so long.

He wants to start pre-K - he love school buses and we talk about all the fun he will have and he knows he can't go unless he uses the potty. He even knows he can't go to Chuck E Cheese until he uses the potty all the time.

He's just being very stubborn. I keep enbcouraging him to use the potty and ask him, but am not forcing the issue - I know he knows what to do, it's just for whatever reason he doesn't want to do it yet. I'm afraid if I force him to much it will make it worse not better.

Anyone else run into this situation? He will probably start PreK late as they won't take him unless he's potty trained. They said they will hold his place if he's not ready by Sept. 14. (We're going to WDW the week of Sept 6th).

I just can't find that one key to make him want to use the potty.
Any suggestions?
Thanks..

 

[mjkacmom]

Keep him nakey butt, but if he insists on POOPING in a diaper, let him, because it's dangerous if he starts to withhold (permanant bowel damage). I've found that my kids all regressed after the novelty was over. Throw out the pullups - they are just diapers.

 

[Macduffy]

It's funny - I didn't remember until reading your post - my son used to SREAM bloody murder when I tried to put his underwear off or put him on the potty. He would kick me, scream, cry, scream some more but I completely forgot about it until now LOL! Must have blocked it out!

I bribed my son. I don't care what people say about it - it worked for us (and my son's stubborn personality). I went to the dollar store and bought $20 worth of toys. I decorated a box and put it in the bathroom. I showed my son everything in the box and told him that when he went potty and wore his underwear he'd get a toy (smarties and marshmallows were too little for his stubbornness). He WANTED those toys LOL!

I put a timer on the microwave and put the potty in the living room (so he didn't think I was punishing him by taking him away from something ie his toys). I told him when he heard a "ding" to sit on the potty and try to go. I slowly increased the time on the microwave and move the potty closer to the bathroom then put him on the toilet. 2 days later (well a little longer for the big potty but .... VIOLA a potty trained toddler!

Do what works

 

[Wendybird55]

We have been keeping him nakey butt. And for awhile he would sit on the potty when he had to go. Now even when he has to pee he will hold it until he gets a pull up. And the funny thing with poopy - many times when he poops in his diaper he will take his diaper off right away and a few times he even put the poopy in the toilet and flushed it down. But he as pooped in the toilet as well.

I honestly think it might be a control thing with him. As he's been getting older and understands more he's being held accountable for his actions and being "punished" (Naughty chair) when he doesn't listen. With the potty he's controlling when he goes...I'm not sure...

 

[mjkacmom]

We have been keeping him nakey butt. And for awhile he would sit on the potty when he had to go. Now even when he has to pee he will hold it until he gets a pull up. And the funny thing with poopy - many times when he poops in his diaper he will take his diaper off right away and a few times he even put the poopy in the toilet and flushed it down. But he as pooped in the toilet as well.

I honestly think it might be a control thing with him. As he's been getting older and understands more he's being held accountable for his actions and being "punished" (Naughty chair) when he doesn't listen. With the potty he's controlling when he goes...I'm not sure...

He can only hold pee so long - I've found that although my kids would pee in underwear, they hated to pee directly onto the floor. I agree with the PP about bribing - we usually did M&M's.

 

[Joyful3Heart]

Just because he seems physically ready does not mean he is emotionally ready. Also, you see the school bus, preK, and Chuck E. Cheese as a reward, for him there is a possibility that all these new things he will do once he is potty trained are overwhelming, anxiety provoking or just plain scary. I have found, especially with my first child, that the more you push, the more they push back. When my daughter started resisting, I put her back in a diaper and totally quit pushing her to go in the potty. I told her to let me know when she was ready to wear her "pretty underwear". I would offer the pretty underwear every couple of days, and eventually she told me she wanted them. It didn't work like magic, but she never went back to diapers after that.
Kids this age don't do well with "deadlines", every child develops at a different rate, and as PP said, you may avoid problems later if you avoid a potty training power struggle. Good Luck!

 

[SmallWorld71]

I have seen kids as old as 10 use their bodily functions to have some control when they were scared/ nervous about something. Going to preschool is an exciting but scary time for many kids. My guess is that if you keep telling him he needs to use the toilet to go to school, he will continue to resist. This way, he has the ultimate say-so on whether or not he takes this next step. I would back off temporarily and be much more casual and matter of fact about the whole thing. After all, the goal should be toilet training for it's own sake.
And, just an FYI, although kids can't hold their pee forever, they can hold it for a very long time. When DS10 was 4, he had been trained for a year and a half and then he had some surgery in that area and was afraid to go. He held it for over 24 hours!

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

Any major thing you can use for collateral??

My parents booked FD in June and the bribery was on. We told DS (as well as DMIL) that you could only take 1 trip to Disney in diapers. After that, you had to use the potty or Mickey wouldn't allow you in the park (I know... I know... mean, but it worked). MIL got him to agree to be fully PT by his b-day and he was close, but we told him he could go to WDW anyway - he did a great job up to that point.

I've done the naked thing and it worked pretty good. Try making a game out of it or making a really big deal of him going now that he's refusing. Have you thought about using Tinkle Targets or have him "dunk" Cheerios while going? DS would crack me up if 3 Cheerios stuck together "Look Mommy! Mickey Mouse is in the toilet!"

Good luck.

 

[allyphoe]

My DD was about where your DS is for months before she finally was ready to use the toilet. She could go around for hours in underwear without a problem, but when she was ready to go, she asked for a diaper. Zero interest in, or willingness to use, either the potty chair or the toilet.

We signed her up for preschool (which she was desperate to go to), and told her she needed to be potty trained to go. She went from 100% diapers to completely day-trained literally overnight - got up 3 days before school started, and pronounced herself potty-trained. And she was.

She went to a school sleepover later in the summer, and the teacher forgot to put her nighttime diaper on, because she'd always been in underwear at school. DD came home night-trained, having gone through up to *5* diapers a night before that.

With my stubborn kid, I find I have to figure out how to "sell" her on something new.

 

[princessmorgan]

I'm going through the same thing right now! I think it's normal, because my friends are going through it, too and it happened with my older DD. I didn't even want to potty train until later, but DD(2) wanted to start. She would go potty by herself. Now that we talk about school, she gets excited, then says she doesn't want to go. So I'm not forcing it, but when it happened with older DD, I just sent her to school and prayed she didn't have an accident. She never did! I think being around other kids and not having it be as big of a deal as at home helps them. So I'm going to do the same thing with this DD. Her school has a lenient policy if it doesn't work out.

 

[Mrs D]

My son is a late Aug bday. We too started pre-K at 3 y.o. and we tried potty training before school started. Let me tell you it has been the longest year of my life. We've have MANY regressions, tons of frustration, times when we quit trying all together and many tears (mostly mine). DS just turned 4 and I feel like we've turned the corner.
Our Pre-K allowed him to wear a pull up to school but won't change poops (it wasn't ever an issue for us, but was for a friend just 2 weeks older than him).

It was finally at the first of the year that he would poop on the potty full-time and would *attempt* peeps on the potty regularly. That's when we began to send him to school in underware ALWAYS with a change of clothes in his bag. I'd say once a week he'd come home in new pants.

My overall advise is if he is resisting - stop trying all together. He is very young for a boy to potty train. Talk to his school/teacher about a way to make it work. Once he sees the other boys going potty and all their cool undies the wheels will turn for him.

I seriously wished someone would have told me to wait a bit longer for DS and spare myself some gray hairs! Most of the past year was me convincing him to try to potty.

Now my DD26 months just decided last week to where her Ariel underware and sit on the potty! Not much success but it's her idea!

Hope my 'Been There Done That' can help a little. Good Luck!

 

[debbiedana]

I bribed my daughter with a trip to WDW!!!!

I told her when she used a big girl potty, I would call Mickey Mouse and plan a trip. Wouldn't you know, the very next day... no more accidents!!!

 

[Stitch76]

I am in the same situation with my DS. He turned 3 in July and we started potty training. He done well for a few days and then here come the screaming fits everytime the potty was mentioned. He will come to me and tell me when he is "Nasty" (his words), and wants a clean diaper. So I know diapers are getting a bit uncomfortable for him. I do not believe in pull ups. It set my second DD back months using these things, so I bought some little tiny tidy whities for DS to try out, he just pees in them and comes and tells me he wants a diaper. We have stopped trying for the time being. I figure we will give it another try in about a month, who knows. I don't want him to feel forced, but it would be nice to get this milestone over with.
I always heard boys were harder than girls. In my case I can vouch for that one. My oldest DD was trained at 2, (she pretty much trained herself, I put a potty chair in the bathroom, and just let her run around in a diaper. I showed her what to do, and from that day on she would take her diaper off, and streak through the house to the potty whenever she needed to go. It was so easy.
Not so much with the next DD, but still easier than DS. She was tinkle trained at 2 1/2, but took her till 3 1/2 to get poopy trained. She preferred hiding behind the couch for that particular activity.
All kids are different, I just hope he's trained before we go to Disney next year.

 

[Wendybird55]

Thanks for all the input and suggestions - I feel like I've tried them all...

We tried bribery - Candy or treats won't do it - I know. He loves crayons so I went to party store and bought a bunch of the little 4-crayon boxes - kept a tub of them in the bathroom out of reach and told him each time he used the toilet he got crayons...It worked maybe once ot twice and then the crayons weren't as important any more.

He's into money now - he names all the presidents on all the bills. So I took a bunch of $1 bills and told him if he used the potty he would get a "George Washington" for his piggy bank. I even gave a $1 to daddy after he did pee pee in the potty and though DS was upset he didn't get $1 he didn't use the potty (and I knew he had to go).

He's been to Cuck E Cheese and loves it. When the summer came I stopped going to Chuck E Cheese because I would rather have him playing outdoors in nice weather and save Chuck E for winter. When he started asking to go to Chuck E Cheese I said we can go again when he does pee pee in the potty.
Same with Pre-K - he visted the classes and few times and loved it. He got very excited when we bought his school supplies and was thrilled that he would have his own scissors. And to not disappoint him I told him he will go to school when he does pee pee in the potty.

We even went a whole week with him only in underwear. By the end of the week he was the crankiest kid you would want to meet. The only time he was consistantly dry was when he went to bed. He didn't wet the bed once the entire week sleeping in undewear, but he peed on the floor alot during the day. It was after that week that he became adament about not wearing underwear.

I spent a weekend this summer with him out in the yard in his bathing suit only. Figured it would be uncomfortable for him if he peed in his swimsuit, but easier for me being outdoors. He peed in his bathing suit - watered the grass and kept on playing..

I work full time and my parents watch DS. We have the same potty at their house as we have at mine. My parents try to be consistant, but they are older and I know it's not as easy for them. Maybe I try to accomplish too much on the few full weekends I have at home and unfortunately I do not have enough vacation time to take a week off.

I guess we'll keep plugging away - I don't want to force him or make him feel bad about not using the potty. I'm trying to make it casual and hopefully one day everything will click.

Thanks again for the support..

 

[momof3+twins]

I know you don't want to hear this...back off. It is his accomplishment. He is young and not ready. My kids were all different. Of course, the first one I pushed and he wasn't ready. We worked on it starting at 2 1/2 but he didn't decide to do it until he was 4. Child # 2 was ready at 2 years and 2 months, he just said he wanted to use the potty and that was that. Child # 3 wasn't pushed but encouraged starting at 3 1/2 and was trained by himself at 4. And now... #4 and #5 are 3yrs and 8 months. #5 is peeing on the potty when he wants to. #4 is pretending to pee on the potty. I am sick of diapers after 11 years but I am not making myself upset over this. I know in 4 months, I am done with diapers. I have known many people to potty train and that is the age. I don't know why.
And do you want him to go to preschool for a break? Try mothers day out. They will take them untrained. If you want him to learn a little more, you can work with him at home. Preschool isn't a rush either.
Good luck. Try not to get frustrated. He will do this when he is ready. Trust me...5 kids has taught me to relax and go with the flow. And I promise you will have a 4 year old potty trained for sure!

If you need encouragement or just a friend, feel free to PM me. I know being a mother is not easy!!

 

[allyphoe]

I know you don't want to hear this...back off. It is his accomplishment.

Yep. From reading your narrative of all the things you've tried, it sounds like you want it more than he does - and he knows it. One day, he'll want it.

 

[tjbaggott]

When your ready to try with him again, here are some things that make using the potty fun (for a boy). These worked at getting my oldest boy willing to use the potty.

Blue food coloring in the bowl (it's magic to make it turn green!)
Cheerios in the bowl (for target practice)

The summer my son (then 3 1/2) finally became potty trained on a consistant basis, was when we went camping one summer. Behind our tent there was shrubbery and a hill that went down to the lake. We were tent camping and the walk to the outhouses was a distance away. The guys ended up using the shrubbery behind us. Well there was also this large rock. My son, Loved peeing on this rock for some reason. Not once during that week of camping, did he have an accident, but would not use the outhouse for peeing, only that rock. When we were packing up for home, my DH jokingly suggested bringing the rock home with us! LOL. But that week he learned control, and was fine with the regular potty once we were back home. (I was getting worried about him too since he was 3 1/2, but all worked out)

Like a previous poster said, use what works. We did!

 

[Wendybird55]

I agree that he needs to "do it" in his own time.
I am not "in a rush" for Pre-K..It's just DS is an only child and probably always will be (I had 3 losses before he was born and 1 after).
He is very active and curious and loves to play and learn. I've taken him to Gymboree and Kindermusik classes on the weekend. I try to make playdates when I can with other kids his age and he always has a great time.
I signed up for 2-days a week at Pre-K and I think he will love it and it will be good for him to have more socialization with kids his age. But I'm OK if he starts later in the year.

My concern or confusion is after the week in underwear I decided to lay off the potty training and not force the issue at all. I have a potty in his room and one downstairs. Usually every morning he liked sitting on his potty when he got up while watching a DVD and at night when he took his bath he asked to do potty either before or after his bath. Sometimes during the day if I could tell he needed to use the potty I would ask him if he wanted to sit on his potty and I pulled down his pullups and he sat with no problem and did his buisness. And when we kept his diapers off he would go and sit on the potty by himself and use it.

I tried putting on underwear and if he resisted didn't force it. In fact I'd ask him do you want to wear your Mickey underwear or pullups and he would say pullups and I'd be OK.

Then all of a sudden he began resisting the potty totally. And I didn't change anything. Like most of you have said I figured when he was ready he'd use it. But now it seems like he's going backwards...totally resisting the potty and I don't know why. I haven't told him when school begins. We've been talking about our trip to Disney and his up coming birthday and I never mention potty training for either. I'm just baffled as to why the sudden turn.

I ask him every morning do you want to sit on your potty and now he says no and I don't force it. Yet he's still very interested in everyone else using the potty. As I said, I guess I'll just wait and see..

 

[Mrs D]

I experienced almost the exact same thing. Even to the point of DS was almost totally trained wearing undies to school, then he began peeing in his pants up to 3x a day. Not even trying at all!
I don't know why they go completely backwards, but they do sometimes. I know there's still a lot of physical and emotional growth that is still going on in regards to the toilet.
Will he wear a diaper now or only pull ups? If he will wear a diaper I say put him back in it and when he shows signs of wanting undies or to sit on the potty try again then.
I understand your frustration and often feel it too! Hang in there!

 

[fireworks fan]

My son is a late Aug bday. We too started pre-K at 3 y.o. and we tried potty training before school started. Let me tell you it has been the longest year of my life. We've have MANY regressions, tons of frustration, times when we quit trying all together and many tears (mostly mine). DS just turned 4 and I feel like we've turned the corner.
Our Pre-K allowed him to wear a pull up to school but won't change poops (it wasn't ever an issue for us, but was for a friend just 2 weeks older than him).

It was finally at the first of the year that he would poop on the potty full-time and would *attempt* peeps on the potty regularly. That's when we began to send him to school in underware ALWAYS with a change of clothes in his bag. I'd say once a week he'd come home in new pants.

My overall advise is if he is resisting - stop trying all together. He is very young for a boy to potty train. Talk to his school/teacher about a way to make it work. Once he sees the other boys going potty and all their cool undies the wheels will turn for him.

I seriously wished someone would have told me to wait a bit longer for DS and spare myself some gray hairs! Most of the past year was me convincing him to try to potty.

Now my DD26 months just decided last week to where her Ariel underware and sit on the potty! Not much success but it's her idea!

Hope my 'Been There Done That' can help a little. Good Luck!

I could have written this post-I just want to say, Mrs.D, you have made me feel so much better and not alone. My DS is also a late August B-day, and just turned 4 and we have struggled with toilet training and school all year. Anyway, thanks for sharing and good luck to the OP.