OT: Daycare and walking-newbie needs help

[lghost]

Hi everyone-

I know this has absolutely nothing to do with Disney, but I have been a faithful reader of this board for 4 years and have come to really respect a lot of your opinions out there (not to mention that this board and all it's members have helped me plan 3 of the most amazing disney trips of my life with a 4th coming up in March). I knew I would be turning to you all someday and I can't believe it's taken this long!

I just had our orientation for a montessori daycare that my 14 month old is registered to start in September. We had signed her up when she was 7 months old and the earliest age they take is 14 months. Imagine my surprise when the teacher tells me that my daughter not walking yet is a problem. Actually, the teacher didn't seem prepared to handle the issue and offered me no reassurance. No mention ever of this when we registered her. Has anyone ever run into this problem? I didn't think that all children are walking by 14 months. My other two children didn't walk until at least 16 months.

I'm really not sure how to handle it from here. I'm calling the director first thing monday morning. I don't feel comfortable with a program "compromising" because they think they are obligated yet, I have a large deposit that I feel that they should give me back if they cannot guarantee her safety.

I know there are a lot of moms/dads out there who are frequent posters and I'm wondering if anyone has any good advice.

Thanks-

 

[HappyDznyCamper]

I teach a class of kids about the same age, they will all turn 2 during the late fall through early spring. I can't say that I have ever had one not walking(even a little) at the start of the year, I will start my 9th year on Monday. I'm not sure how we would handle it, but we would handle it. It may mean that an extra person is needed to help get the class from place to place, like the playground(although what a nonwalker would do out there on the mulch I'm not sure). Perhapse you could loan the school a stroller to help with getting your little one around until he is walking. In the class it shouldn't be to big of a problem and I'm sure the teacher will work something out. A good preschool teacher is vary creative and adaptable, she just may need a day or two to figure out the best way to make things great for everyone.

 

[mom2aredhead]

But here it goes...
I am not a fan of Montessori schools, so my opinion is to look elsewhere. At 14 months, I don't think the "education" they are providing would be vastly different than many other daycare/schools that would be more willing and prepared to have a non-walker. Of course, quality of care varies greatly, but I know in my area there are many licensed, high quality, highly recommended non-Montessori schools where a 14 mth old not walking yet would not be an issue.

My sister uses a Montessori school for her daughter and was basically forced into potty training her before she was really ready or interested because they did not take untrained 2 year olds in their program.

Yet they stress the importance of learning at their own pace??

 

[Patti_C]

As a home day care provider, I find it very hard for these places to expect so much out of babies. I have a 13 month old right now in my care who doesn't stand on her own yet. she has pulled herself up to a standing position a few times. I also have a problem with potty training before they are ready, I feel it can lead to aot of anxiety for the child. But a lot of people feel that the home is not where they want their child to be. It is the only place where I wanted my son to be when he was young.

 

[mla2177]

As a home day care provider, I find it very hard for these places to expect so much out of babies. I have a 13 month old right now in my care who doesn't stand on her own yet. she has pulled herself up to a standing position a few times. I also have a problem with potty training before they are ready, I feel it can lead to aot of anxiety for the child. But a lot of people feel that the home is not where they want their child to be. It is the only place where I wanted my son to be when he was young.

I don't mean to sound rude, but what does a child being trained too early have anything to do with anxiety? I get really sick of people saying children can be trained too soon! My son was completely trained day and night by 2 yrs old. He certainly doesn't have any anxiety problems. I think a child with anxiety problems has something to do with the way they were parented!!!!! Maybe the parents were always anxious.

 

[Nanu57v]

A 14-month-old non-walker is not unheard of, its just not as common as 14 month old walkers. We have a 1 year old at our daycare who just isn't ready to stand yet, let alone walk.

If they cannot guarantee your child's relative safety, I'd ask for your deposit back and go somewhere else. But if they can do as another poster stated and perhaps have an extra staff person with your DD until she can walk (I'm sure it will be soon). This isn't a permanent problem.

 

[CEDmom]

Every baby develops at their own rate. Since you other 2 were at the upper end of the developmental scale with regard to walking I'd imagine your youngest would be as well. I'd talk to the director about it. Can you put off your DD starting for a month or so until she is walking?

As far as potty training goes a child that is pushed into training before he/she is ready can cause anxiety. It has nothing to do with age but rather the child's level of readiness.

 

[mla2177]

Every baby develops at their own rate. Since you other 2 were at the upper end of the developmental scale with regard to walking I'd imagine your youngest would be as well. I'd talk to the director about it. Can you put off your DD starting for a month or so until she is walking?

As far as potty training goes a child that is pushed into training before he/she is ready can cause anxiety. It has nothing to do with age but rather the child's level of readiness.

What do they get anxious about, going to the bathroom or just generalized anxiety problems? Children who are encouraged to walk early do they have anxiety problems too? Children who are put on solids before they are 6 months old, do they have anxiety problems? I just don't see how going to the bathroom has anything to do with anxiety. Maybe I am missing something here. I think it's just a poor excuse for parents to use when they don't feel like changing wet sheets in the middle of the night!

 

[NemoMOm]

What do they get anxious about, going to the bathroom or just generalized anxiety problems? Children who are encouraged to walk early do they have anxiety problems too? Children who are put on solids before they are 6 months old, do they have anxiety problems? I just don't see how going to the bathroom has anything to do with anxiety. Maybe I am missing something here. I think it's just a poor excuse for parents to use when they don't feel like changing wet sheets in the middle of the night!

I'm sorry but I have to agree with the other parents. We tried to push DS to potty train right at 2 because DMIL said he should be, it made him very anxious of the potty. After doing some research I found that most child experts agreed to let the child do it at their own pace. It had nothing to do with us being lazy, in fact I too run at home child care and you can not be lazy and do so. In addition, diapers are expensive and DS always goes thru quite alot during the day. So, we backed off and just asked him everyday and assured him it was okay when he said no. Then one day he decided that he did want to use the potty and there you go. My others parents have children the same age and experienced the same thing. I think that it is okay to encourage development but not push when they are not ready. If your child potty trained right away then that is great for both of you, but I think by telling other parents that by not pushing their children is lazy on their part is unkind.

To the op, I agree with other parents that you should look for other daycare. It would really alarm me that not only was this a problem but how unsympathetic the school was to your child's needs. As far as not walking I have a friend who's grandchild did not walk until 18 mos and their ped. and specialists said that it was fine and when he was ready he would walk. And he did. There is actually study out there that the later the child walks the more coordinated they will be. So maybe you are raising a famous athelete!

 

[mla2177]

I'm sorry but I have to agree with the other parents. We tried to push DS to potty train right at 2 because DMIL said he should be, it made him very anxious of the potty. After doing some research I found that most child experts agreed to let the child do it at their own pace. It had nothing to do with us being lazy, in fact I too run at home child care and you can not be lazy and do so. In addition, diapers are expensive and DS always goes thru quite alot during the day. So, we backed off and just asked him everyday and assured him it was okay when he said no. Then one day he decided that he did want to use the potty and there you go. My others parents have children the same age and experienced the same thing. I think that it is okay to encourage development but not push when they are not ready. If your child potty trained right away then that is great for both of you, but I think by telling other parents that by not pushing their children is lazy on their part is unkind.

To the op, I agree with other parents that you should look for other daycare. It would really alarm me that not only was this a problem but how unsympathetic the school was to your child's needs. As far as not walking I have a friend who's grandchild did not walk until 18 mos and their ped. and specialists said that it was fine and when he was ready he would walk. And he did. There is actually study out there that the later the child walks the more coordinated they will be. So maybe you are raising a famous athelete!

I have to say, my son was never anxious or nervous about going to the bathroom. I just find it hard to believe that a couple of generations ago it was unheard of to have a three year old in diapers!!! They all trained their children the same way I did, mostly at the 2 year mark, (no pull ups) and I don't have any friends or relatives that have anxiety issues about going to the bathroom. It is all how you handle the training. I was very positive and encouraging. If he had an accident, I told him it was ok, he'll get it. If I would yell at him at that point, then maybe he would be anxious from that. I hate when parents associate the age of training with readiness. My son was counting to 20, knew his ABC's and their sounds by 2 years old. My grandmother used to tell me if they can tell you when they are hungry and thirsty, then they can tell you when they have to go to the bathroom. He was ready, I didn't have to force him into it! I'm sorry to get so heated, but I can't believe how much criticism I have gotten from other parents because my son was completely trained when he was. I get chastized for something I should be proud of. I actually get embarrassed when people ask me how long he has been trained. SAD!! I don't really care how someone else raises their child or children, they have to do what's best for them and their family, and I do believe every child is different. However, I wish they wouldn't criticize me for my parenting decisions!!!!

 

[CEDmom]

What do they get anxious about, going to the bathroom or just generalized anxiety problems? Children who are encouraged to walk early do they have anxiety problems too? Children who are put on solids before they are 6 months old, do they have anxiety problems? I just don't see how going to the bathroom has anything to do with anxiety. Maybe I am missing something here. I think it's just a poor excuse for parents to use when they don't feel like changing wet sheets in the middle of the night!

They get anxious because adults are pushing them to do something they aren't ready for - I don't know why that would be so difficult to understand . If someone tried to push you to do something you weren't ready for or weren't capable of doing wouldn't it make you anxious . Why do you care what other parents do as far as potty traning anyway ? And if you have to get up all the time and change wet sheets in the middle of the night that means the child isn't trained the parent just wants them to be.

 

[mommytobug]

Whew, I dont think that the OP wanted a potty fight, just advice on her child. Children develop at different stages, and their bladders develop at different stages. They may not have the ability to "know" they have to go at the same time as everyone else. So, pushing them to do something that developmentally they are unable to do causes anxiety. Are you this harsh when potty training? Now, back to OP. I would call and get my money back. I would be insulted by the teachers reaction and would not want my child there.

Good Luck!!

 

[mla2177]

They get anxious because adults are pushing them to do something they aren't ready for - I don't know why that would be so difficult to understand . If someone tried to push you to do something you weren't ready for or weren't capable of doing wouldn't it make you anxious . Why do you care what other parents do as far as potty traning anyway ? And if you have to get up all the time and change wet sheets in the middle of the night that means the child isn't trained the parent just wants them to be.

First of all, I only changed wet sheets for a couple of weeks, my son was completely trained within two weeks. How long did it take you? Let me guess, you used pull ups too! That's how you train them. Even a three and four year old wets the bed when you are training them. Most mothers use diapers or pull ups at night so they don't have to change wet sheets. It's common sense. A child is going to get confused if one minute you are telling them to go in the potty and the next telling them to go in a diaper. That right there is the cause of the anxiety for a child.

 

[CEDmom]

First of all, I only changed wet sheets for a couple of weeks, my son was completely trained within two weeks. How long did it take you? Let me guess, you used pull ups too! That's how you train them. Even a three and four year old wets the bed when you are training them. Most mothers use diapers or pull ups at night so they don't have to change wet sheets. It's common sense. A child is going to get confused if one minute you are telling them to go in the potty and the next telling them to go in a diaper. That right there is the cause of the anxiety for a child.

You seem very angry about something . I hope you find what you need to put potty training in perspective. An early trainer doesn't guarantee a spot at Harvard any more than a later trainer guarantees a HS dropout. In the end as long as the child is happy and well adjusted in doesn't matter when they train. I don't know of any kindergartener still wearing diapers to school.

 

[Manda]

But here it goes...
I am not a fan of Montessori schools, so my opinion is to look elsewhere. At 14 months, I don't think the "education" they are providing would be vastly different than many other daycare/schools that would be more willing and prepared to have a non-walker. Of course, quality of care varies greatly, but I know in my area there are many licensed, high quality, highly recommended non-Montessori schools where a 14 mth old not walking yet would not be an issue.

My sister uses a Montessori school for her daughter and was basically forced into potty training her before she was really ready or interested because they did not take untrained 2 year olds in their program.

Yet they stress the importance of learning at their own pace??

You're making generalizations on every Montessori program because of your experience with one or two. Every school and program is different. You can't judge every non-Montessori program based on the policies and procedures of one or two, so why would you base your opinion on Montessori based on one or two experiences? My son has gone to Montessori since age 2. He potty trained at age 3. His school certainly didn't push him - I was actually frustrated because they didn't help me out more and push him along. Meanwhile, the preschool he was in previously, he wouldn't have been able to move from the 2 year old room until he was potty trained. Talk about anxiety.

To the OP ~ I would say that if you don't feel like this school is a good fit at this point, you might want to look elsewhere. Although, it wouldn't surprise if your toddler started walking within days on being with older kids.

 

[WantToGoNow]

If this school isn't able/willing to work with your child, then find another one. Most children are walking by that age -- but there is the ocassional one that is not ready (be it developmental, fears, etc). My son started running at 9 mos (skipped the walking altogether). It will happen, and probably really soon.

As for the potty training, my children were all potty trained before age 2 but they were ready - it took less than 2 months to get them each in regular underwear. My son however, had to use Pull-Ups at bedtime for another year. When I took my 3 y/o for her well visit (she had been trained for a year at this point), he asked if she was still wetting the bed -- I must have looked really confused because he said it's common for children to have nighttime accidents until age 5-6. My cousin has 3 children (4 temporarily) and 3 in diapers. The middle ones are 2.5 and 3.5 and neither are trained. The 3.5 has severe anxiety issues (so bad that he now has started stuttering) -- he sees a Psycologist once a week. The doctor said the worst thing they could do right now is force the issue. They are working with the younger one instead. When they stopped pushing the issue, he has started ocassionally to ask to go to the restroom.

 

[mla2177]

You seem very angry about something . I hope you find what you need to put potty training in perspective. An early trainer doesn't guarantee a spot at Harvard any more than a later trainer guarantees a HS dropout. In the end as long as the child is happy and well adjusted in doesn't matter when they train. I don't know of any kindergartener still wearing diapers to school.

EXACTLY!!!!!! I wonder why soooo many mothers are so quick to say I forced my child into training before he was ready. I wonder why they care so much? JEALOUSY maybe. I guess they hate the fact that their lame anxiety excuse doesn't apply to my child since he is VERY happy, well adjusted and anxiety free!!!!!!

 

[Patti_C]

i'm very sorry i hit a raw nerve. To the op I hope you find what is best for your child. And may God bless you all.

 

[CEDmom]

EXACTLY!!!!!! I wonder why soooo many mothers are so quick to say I forced my child into training before he was ready. I wonder why they care so much? JEALOUSY maybe. I guess they hate the fact that their lame anxiety excuse doesn't apply to my child since he is VERY happy, well adjusted and anxiety free!!!!!!

You seem to be missing my point or are just choosing to ignore it. It's not an excuse. It is a real issue that affects a lot of kids if pushed to do things. We tried training our DD just after her 2nd birthday and all of us were miserable. Once we backed off for several months and followed her cues she trained within 3 days. That was before her 3rd birthday so technically my DD trained herself when she was 2.

I really think though that you might benefit from speaking with someone about your anger. I don't know who all these moms are that you speak of. Honestly I couldn't give 2 hoots if some child potty trained at 1. You seem to focus a lot on your child's abilities. Perhaps you need to find another venue to focus some of your energy on.

To the OP, I wouldn't rule out Montessori or any other program as long as they're willing to work with you. You need to go with your gut instincts.

 

[mla2177]

You seem to be missing my point or are just choosing to ignore it. It's not an excuse. It is a real issue that affects a lot of kids if pushed to do things. We tried training our DD just after her 2nd birthday and all of us were miserable. Once we backed off for several months and followed her cues she trained within 3 days. That was before her 3rd birthday so technically my DD trained herself when she was 2.

I really think though that you might benefit from speaking with someone about your anger. I don't know who all these moms are that you speak of. Honestly I couldn't give 2 hoots if some child potty trained at 1. You seem to focus a lot on your child's abilities. Perhaps you need to find another venue to focus some of your energy on.

To the OP, I wouldn't rule out Montessori or any other program as long as they're willing to work with you. You need to go with your gut instincts.

I focus a lot on my child's abilities because he was 2 months premature and I was told by several pediatricians he would be behind in everything till he was 2. I am a SAHM, so yes, it is my job to try and raise a happy, healthy little boy. I always put my childs needs before my own, and if I couldn't do that then I wouldn't have had any children.