OT-Children being teased by peers

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I have two teens that have always been in special ed classes. They are very confident and happy kids. All the years of them going through school I have never had any incidents with them being teased (that I knew of). Well, tonight as we sat down for dinner my DD commented that kids walk past her classroom and yell things like "hey, its the retard class" among other things. I asked if anyone has ever said anything to her personally and she said yes. She proceeded to tell me a multitude of things I wished I hadn't heard. I think my heart sunk down a thousand notches. She was actually kind of funny because she tells me not to worry and that those kids are "jerks" anyway-she was trying to console ME! She is a very assertive kid, so I have no doubt that she would take any garbage from someone without dishing it back at them. But still...I was quite devastated to hear this news. Then DS chimed into the conversation and said they do the same thing to him at the high school (DD is in middle school) and pretty much looked at me like I must be crazy for not realizing. I'm just totally crushed. I know you can't protect them forever, but I can't help but feel like I failed somehow. We always have had what I thought was open communication and I felt that they shared everything with me (okay, within reason). DD and DS both said that this wasn't important enough to share and that it doesn't bother them. I hope this is true and I'm glad if it doesn't, but it bothers me. Am I a nut? I know there is nothing I can do to prevent it. Has anyone else had the same experience? I worry that after a while the teasing will just wear them down and I don't want that to dim their spirits or confidence.

 

[Earstou]

No, you are not nuts. If I heard something like that from my kids, I would be very upset. I would talk to the schools about this, and ask what actions they will take to put a stop to this.
Sounds like they need someone standing at the doorway during class change to stop this.
I would also talk to the school counselor about this. They can have a lot of resources available, plus they can be a good ally!
Our schools adopted a "no bullying" plan last year, and behavior of this sort is not to be tolerated. My ds even got written up a few months ago because he asked a girl what happened when he saw a big sore on her face. He didn't know that the day before (when he was at Model UN0) the girl had been teased about the sore. He felt horrible (he's asd and knows about teasing) and I really think they went overboard writing him up, but that shows the school is working on eliminating teasing and bullying.

 

[sammyteach]

Your two children sound like like great kids and youve obviously done a great job raising them. Its true that we feel the hurts of our children a lot. Id have a word with the schools as regular name calling should not be allowed, kids are the same as us they say the wrong thing but to do it systematcally is not acceptable. Give yourself a apt on the back for raising such strong wise kids.

 

[bzzymom]

It is really sad. I remember kids talking about special ed kids when I was young. I was brought up in a christian home and saw and heard a lot of things at school that I didn't agree with. My son ( almost 10) has been taught the same way. I know there are many parents out there who don't bother to teach their children this.

There is a boy on his baseball team with tourettes. He does remarkably well, but does make some sounds during the game. My son wasn't even aware the boy is different, I am so proud of that. He plays first base for a few innings every game. I was a little surprised a few games ago when the other teams kids started making fun of the boys "tics". I was appalled that the coaches in that dugout did nothing about it. The adults who coach children are supposed to teach children how to be "good sports" and so on. I know that coaches can get focused on the game and tune out things, but we heard it from the other side of the field. They had to have heard it.

I don't know about you, but I think that by ignoring that and not addressing the issue encourages those kids to keep acting that way

 

[belle&beast]

This makes me so sad to hear. I work with special needs preschoolers and have worked in elementary schools and honestly have NEVER seen anyone being picked on because of a disability. Of course, I haven't worked in high school and I'm sure it happens, but I haven't seen or heard of it either.

Keep in mind that most kids aren't cruel and it sounds like your children have great self esteem. Give yourself that credit- you have taught them to be confident and proud of who they are! I think you should let the resource teachers know that happened because they probably have no idea, but if your kids are ok, I would just drop it letting them know that you will be there for them if they need you.

My DD was teased in front of me one day and it really did bother me more than it did her. She told me she really doesn't care what someone else thinks and I realized that I was more affected than she was. for you and your family. I hope you and your kids don't have to deal with more meanness from peers.

 

[SandrainNC]

I'm so sorry!! And yes it would definitely bother me. I would definitely take it up with the schools and let them know what is going on. And seeing if they can do something about it.

Have any of you heard about the speech that a high school senior made about his sister with disabilities? It is getting a lot of attention.

http://www.dailyherald.com/search/searchstory.asp?id=319092

They need to read it at every school and make people think. And if they still say those things, they are just ignorant little brats.

Sandra

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Thanks to everyone for the support and making me feel like I am not crazy for being upset. I don't want to rock the boat by getting the school involved-if there was something that happened very recently, I would take issue with it, but from what both kids were telling me nothing has happened in the recent days/weeks.

At this point we have a week left of school to go. We have a no bullying policy too, but on the few occasions that I have raised concerns over an incident, I always get the same old response-if they don't see it, they can't do anything about it. I think that is a very lame attitude, because at the middle and high school level, these kids are pretty darned smart and more often than not, they won't do it front of a teacher. Makes me crazy! I do wonder what, if anything was done to the kids that yelled into the classroom about it being the retard class.

Wow...I had not heard about that teenagers speech! I just watched the video and I tell you, it is amazing. It's too bad that a lot of people out there will praise something like that and then go on with their lives and forget. Hopefully that will make a lot of folks think and be more accepting of those with visible and non-visible disabilities.

 

[Hannathy]

May I just chime in and say it is the age not your special needs kids. Anybody out of the "norm" gets this done to them at this age. I have a DD on the other end of the spectrum. She is in a class for the highly gifted and if you heard what the other kids say to them you would see it is the same way. They say things in front of their room also, in the hallways, on the stairs, Halls, cafeteria. Believe me they aren't complimenting them for being 3 yrs ahead of them in their studies.Some of it is down right nasty and obscene.This started in elementary and is continuing in High school. I will say things like this have taught these kids to have great self esteem and confidence and how to deal with the idiots in the real world. My DD's class just sticks together and has learned to ignore them.

 

[Charleyann]

My son is now in middle school grade six. Last year of elementary was a living H*** ! My son who has cystic fibrosis and juvenile rheumatoid arthrits and spends massive amounts of time is hospital was picked on constantly.

He had doors slammed in his face with his ta present. He was knocked down and slapped with rulers. He was CALLED Jacob GERMS, JACOB DISEASE and everyday he was called a F***ing loser! Schoold did little to stop it.

Once his teacher left a student teacher to talk with my son and the other boys tormenting him. He told the boys and my son to GROW UP! Yes that is right, told a child with a fatal illness to grow up! Man, I was furious !

I went in and I blew up...Teachers said those children bullying was caused from bad home environment. I asked why not call in Social Worker?
They didn't have an answer. I called and the ringleader stopped after that point!

At one point those nasty boys plotted to throw my child out of his wheelchair and make him cry during family fun night! They were going to try to convince him to go with them and they were going to dump him! Another parent called me and told me what was going to happen. Her daughter overheard the ploy and didn't think it right!

I called district office and made them make the principal ban them from family fun night. She didn't want them too! District office made her do it. They too brought in interventionist to work with these children. It was a horrible and scary time for DS just 9-10 years old!

Couldn't imagiane children could be that evil. Teachers and princiapl all said too that my son never did anything to the boys either. He was also with his Teacher assistant as he was medical fragile...thye just hated him! I was a horrible year for he and I both. He felt isolated from all the other kids too. Nobosy wanted to play with him becasue they were afraid thye would be bullied too!

I knwo how you feel OP!

Charleyann

 

[SandrainNC]

Oh my gosh Charleyann! That is awful!!!

The elementary school that my oldest is in is great (so far). There are a lot of kids with SNs at this particular school because they are a school with the SAC (specialized academic classes = self contained with an "a" in the middle). And they are spread out, so not every school has these classes. So that is why there are a lot of kids with SNs. Like 15 handicapped parking spots in the front. There are a good many children with walkers and wheel chairs. I have never heard a child saying anything nasty. Of course, I am not there all of the time every day. But there is no way his teacher would put up with that crap. I will have to ask her when he goes back to school (he will have the same teacher again - YEAH!) if she has ever heard anything. He also goes to the after school enrichment program (which I dreaded big time) and it has been great for him. He is very popular and has two "girlfriends" who are with him a good bit. He also hangs out with another child with Down syndrome and they get into mischief together.

Everytime I am at the school kids pass him in the hall and say hello to him. And want to give him five.

I am sad to realize that this isn't what is going on in all of the schools. It makes me so sad. I figured elementary students would be the sweetest! Right now, he would not understand people saying these things to him, but of course, later he will. It is just heart breaking. I am going to end up in jail!!! I just know it!

And I cannot believe the "gifted" students (that is what it was called when I was in elementary anyway) are being treated that way too! A lot of the smart kids were the popular ones when I was in school. Go figure.

Sandra

 

[boomhauer]

I hate hearing things like that. My wife and I were at the mall a few weeks ago and there was a handicapped boy walking with his parents, and some teens walked by and started imitating him.

Teens are VERY mean.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

May I just chime in and say it is the age not your special needs kids. Anybody out of the "norm" gets this done to them at this age. I have a DD on the other end of the spectrum. She is in a class for the highly gifted and if you heard what the other kids say to them you would see it is the same way. They say things in front of their room also, in the hallways, on the stairs, Halls, cafeteria. Believe me they aren't complimenting them for being 3 yrs ahead of them in their studies.Some of it is down right nasty and obscene.This started in elementary and is continuing in High school. I will say things like this have taught these kids to have great self esteem and confidence and how to deal with the idiots in the real world. My DD's class just sticks together and has learned to ignore them.

I'd be laughing at the kids who took issue with the smarter kids. Just look at Bill Gates...he's laughing all the way to the bank.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

My son is now in middle school grade six. Last year of elementary was a living H*** ! My son who has cystic fibrosis and juvenile rheumatoid arthrits and spends massive amounts of time is hospital was picked on constantly.

He had doors slammed in his face with his ta present. He was knocked down and slapped with rulers. He was CALLED Jacob GERMS, JACOB DISEASE and everyday he was called a F***ing loser! Schoold did little to stop it.

Once his teacher left a student teacher to talk with my son and the other boys tormenting him. He told the boys and my son to GROW UP! Yes that is right, told a child with a fatal illness to grow up! Man, I was furious !

I went in and I blew up...Teachers said those children bullying was caused from bad home environment. I asked why not call in Social Worker?
They didn't have an answer. I called and the ringleader stopped after that point!

At one point those nasty boys plotted to throw my child out of his wheelchair and make him cry during family fun night! They were going to try to convince him to go with them and they were going to dump him! Another parent called me and told me what was going to happen. Her daughter overheard the ploy and didn't think it right!

I called district office and made them make the principal ban them from family fun night. She didn't want them too! District office made her do it. They too brought in interventionist to work with these children. It was a horrible and scary time for DS just 9-10 years old!

Couldn't imagiane children could be that evil. Teachers and princiapl all said too that my son never did anything to the boys either. He was also with his Teacher assistant as he was medical fragile...thye just hated him! I was a horrible year for he and I both. He felt isolated from all the other kids too. Nobosy wanted to play with him becasue they were afraid thye would be bullied too!

I knwo how you feel OP!

Charleyann

Wow...your situation is pretty horrific. Kids are very cruel. Sometimes I wonder about the parents of these bullys because I am constantly pounding it into my kids heads about being tolerant of others who are different from them and not to be dismissive or insulting to others in order to pump themselves up and look good (or right) in comparison. I really get disgusted with the lack of common decency and respect. I just don't recall it this way when I was growing up-maybe I'm way too old at this point. Yes, there was teasing in my day, but not on the vicous scale it has seemed to escalate to these days.

A little over a month ago we had an incident where a boy told my son that he was going to bring in a 35mm gun and "blow him away". Where do they get this garbage? Oh-and he told the principal that he just didn't like DS and that is why he said it. Not because it was provoked or anything, just didn't like him. What a little charmer! The kid was suspended from school. Apparently the parents of that boy threw a fit (we were told after the fact by the principal). They should have been grateful that we told the police we did not want to press charges. The school automatically called the police and they were required to file a report, we had nothing to do with that. If the reverse had happened and my son said that to another student, the suspension from school would have been the least of his worries. I don't get it. I defend my kids if they are right, but I make them take the consequences if they are wrong. I just get disgusted because you are not only fighting the bully, you are fighting the school and what seems to be (more often than not in our experiences) the other parents as well. It is very exhausting on an emotional level for all involved.

 

[Hannathy]

I'd be laughing at the kids who took issue with the smarter kids. Just look at Bill Gates...he's laughing all the way to the bank.

Oh they do, it is pretty amazing to watch these 12 yr olds deal with this junk. They say exactly that back to them. (we caution them to not say so much that it isn't safe to use the BR) It does give them great self confidence. For the last gym class they were walking to the park and my DD asked if she could bring a book, the Gym teacher said isn't that a bit anti-social? don't you want to socialize with the other kids and she said to her No, they have been mean to me all year and _______has told me to shut up every day so no I don't want to socialize with them. The teacher just stood there with her mouth open. DD took a book. It is too bad any kid has to be picked on because they are different, but as long as there are insecure kids and kids desperately trying to follow and fit in I guess it will happen since it has happened since the beginning of mankind.

 

[Charleyann]

Wow...your situation is pretty horrific. Kids are very cruel. Sometimes I wonder about the parents of these bullys because I am constantly pounding it into my kids heads about being tolerant of others who are different from them and not to be dismissive or insulting to others in order to pump themselves up and look good (or right) in comparison. I really get disgusted with the lack of common decency and respect. I just don't recall it this way when I was growing up-maybe I'm way too old at this point. Yes, there was teasing in my day, but not on the vicous scale it has seemed to escalate to these days.

A little over a month ago we had an incident where a boy told my son that he was going to bring in a 35mm gun and "blow him away". Where do they get this garbage? Oh-and he told the principal that he just didn't like DS and that is why he said it. Not because it was provoked or anything, just didn't like him. What a little charmer! The kid was suspended from school. Apparently the parents of that boy threw a fit (we were told after the fact by the principal). They should have been grateful that we told the police we did not want to press charges. The school automatically called the police and they were required to file a report, we had nothing to do with that. If the reverse had happened and my son said that to another student, the suspension from school would have been the least of his worries. I don't get it. I defend my kids if they are right, but I make them take the consequences if they are wrong. I just get disgusted because you are not only fighting the bully, you are fighting the school and what seems to be (more often than not in our experiences) the other parents as well. It is very exhausting on an emotional level for all involved.

Can't believe your child was threatened with a gun! Like your child, mine did nothing to provoke these boys. He is with a teacher assistant at all times because his health goes from good to bad in a matter of minutes. There were five of them, one of the boys was the ringleader and got the others to do his dirty work! I don't excuse the others kids, because at 9 years old you know right from wrong.

To this day, I'll never understand. Our schools are suppose to have a zero tolerance for bullying. In the case of my son. The boys were given a 3 strikes your out approach (some much for the zero tolerance bullying policy district office put in place), and then they only lost a break to begin with

Finally I called the social workers myself and report the so called bad home environments! That ended the bullying for the final few weeks of schools.

This year my DS has many friends. The ring leader of the pack, the first of the year at middle school, called him a not so nice name. The principal drug him to the office by the collar and said "not at my school!" He has never bothered my son again. Thank God!

Charleyann

 

[diswheels]

Hi! I am 31 and have CP. I was teased all through out school. I always wished that someone else with a disability would come into the school and talk about their life and how they live with a disability. I do that now with school age children and it seems to make a difference. Hope this helps!

Ashley

 

[GroovyWheeler]

My DH has been teased a lot in school because he has hemiplegia cerebral palsy and traumatic brain injury. He also functions at the age level of a child (not sure which age range though). He told me of one incident that involved some kids on the bus when he was riding to school and riding home from school. They were making fun of him and calling him names like "retard", "stupid", you name it. The bus driver stood up for him and reported the bullies to the principal, who then was able to take discipline action.

I was born with a rare craniofacial syndrome. I grew up in a small town and never had a problem with kids teasing or making fun of me. Although, no one really wanted to hang out with me, because they were afraid that their friends were going to tease them for hanging out with someone that was "different". It hurt me a lot inside, especially when they realized that I had to miss school a lot, because of having to be in the hospital for surgeries, and traveling out of the state for doctor visits with the craniofacial team in San Francisco.

Samantha