OT but need opinions of other moms

[DebMcDonald]

Absolutely mean without a doubt and any parent should know better and put that breaks on that type of action.

 

[loveshak22]

Our family likes a good joke as much as the next, and we aren't throwing a pity party because DH is out of work. I know the kid is only 10, but his parents were totally aware, no question. This is why I came on the board looking for other opinions, which I appreciate. I wanted to get some perspective. Of course lots of kids asked for an XBOX One for Christmas and didn't get it. That wasn't the purpose of my post. Anyway, as I stated before, there has been some weirdness with this family in the past, and they are not well liked. For example, she has boy/girl twins and gave a joint birthday party last year. Boy had his friends, girl had hers. On each invite, she noted if you should bring a gift for the boy or girl, along with a suggested dollar amount. (My son was invited by her son, but was asked to bring a gift for his sister). When asked why, mom said she didn't want the amount of gifts to be "unfair" between the twins, because they would be upset! So, gifting is a hot topic with this family anyway. We were all friends once, but I think we had better move on. Again, thanks for all of the replies.

I don't even know what to say about this except - WHAT!? Who sends an invitation with a suggested dollar amount for a gift and/or who to bring a gift for?

Now back to the original question - I think it was in bad taste. Whether it was purposeful or not, rude or not, it was in poor taste.

I don't think the 10 year old was thinking about financial situations as much as he thought it would be funny for your son to think he got an XBOX and then didn't - hahaha joke! Even though I don't think that's funny I'm not a 10 year old boy. I could potentially excuse his behavior because of stupid things I did as a kid that looking back at now are embarrassing.

However, I don't know how there'd be anyway that the parents wouldn't have known. The parents had to have planned for the party to get their son the gift card and they had to see the boy carrying around a big box to say 'what is that.' Plus if the 10 year old thought it was going to be so funny then I'm sure he would have told his parents before and/or after. And the mom should have known the joke could have hurt either the birthday boy's feelings or the moms. Even if she didn't think it would hurt someone's feelings she should have thought it was stupid and told her son just to give him the gift card. I think it's just plain rude. I'd especially think it's rude if the dollar amount she asked for at her kids party was over $10!!

OP - I think you have the a wonderful mindset that the best gift is friendship and none of the kids had to bring a gift but that it was generous that they did. That's a great lesson to teach your kids!

 

[purpledisneyprncess]

I don't even know what to say about this except - WHAT!? Who sends an invitation with a suggested dollar amount for a gift and/or who to bring a gift for?

Now back to the original question - I think it was in bad taste. Whether it was purposeful or not, rude or not, it was in poor taste.

I don't think the 10 year old was thinking about financial situations as much as he thought it would be funny for your son to think he got an XBOX and then didn't - hahaha joke! Even though I don't think that's funny I'm not a 10 year old boy. I could potentially excuse his behavior because of stupid things I did as a kid that looking back at now are embarrassing.

However, I don't know how there'd be anyway that the parents wouldn't have known. The parents had to have planned for the party to get their son the gift card and they had to see the boy carrying around a big box to say 'what is that.' Plus if the 10 year old thought it was going to be so funny then I'm sure he would have told his parents before and/or after. And the mom should have known the joke could have hurt either the birthday boy's feelings or the moms. Even if she didn't think it would hurt someone's feelings she should have thought it was stupid and told her son just to give him the gift card. I think it's just plain rude. I'd especially think it's rude if the dollar amount she asked for at her kids party was over $10!!

OP - I think you have the a wonderful mindset that the best gift is friendship and none of the kids had to bring a gift but that it was generous that they did. That's a great lesson to teach your kids!

Lol the note on the invitation just reminded me of what my friend (we became friends thru our sons meeting in baseball) did on her son's invite. She wrote to not bring toys. Only gift cards or money! Lmao. I thought that was tacky but I listened to her and gave a gift card. I completely understand parents not wanting too many toys but I would never have the gall to tell people what to get for my children. If family or friends ask, I tell them what my kids are interested in at the time but always say "whatever you decide on, they will like!"..,which is true, they are appreciative as a gift is a gift!

 

[aprilchem]

Lol the note on the invitation just reminded me of what my friend (we became friends thru our sons meeting in baseball) did on her son's invite. She wrote to not bring toys. Only gift cards or money! Lmao. I thought that was tacky but I listened to her and gave a gift card. I completely understand parents not wanting too many toys but I would never have the gall to tell people what to get for my children. If family or friends ask, I tell them what my kids are interested in at the time but always say "whatever you decide on, they will like!"..,which is true, they are appreciative as a gift is a gift!

Most kids parties my kids get invited to are "no gifts, please" these days. We've been invited to a couple where the kids are asked to bring a book that will be donated to their school or a child in need. It's the norm so the kids don't feel cheated, plus they get gifts from parents/grandparents. I like it much better that way!

 

[mjkacmom]

My 5th grader would think it would be a funny prank to wrap up a gc an xbox box. As a normal parent, I would explain to him why it's not a good idea. OP, you say people don't like these parents. Is it because they are jerks, or because they are "off." Awkward people tend to attract each other (because they put off regular people). They might say inappropriate things, not get social cues, laugh at the wrong times... We all have people like this in our community, you know, the ones you try to avoid at functions.

I wouldn't put too much blame on the child - 10 year old boys can be idiots. Personally, maybe because I have too much faith in people, but I just can't believe adults would think it's okay to play a cruel joke on a child (especially one not even their own ). Maybe they're just weird.

 

[penn19]

I am sure thousands of children asked for Xbox and idevices that didn't get them for Christmas this year - regardless of whether their family had the money for it or not - the "I" pad joke would have been well received by almost all of them - whether they were 5 or 25...this Xbox box was just a joke - I mean - of COURSE a 10 year old couldn't get another 10 year old an Xbox for his birthday! But it was a way of showing him that he listened to the request about what he wanted but gave him 10$ for target because that's what was an appropriate gift...

It had nothing todo with rubbing it in that 'I have an Xbox and you don't -(I have two rainbow looms and you don't! I have skylanders Swapforce and you don't! I have a 3DS and you don't! Etc) that happened WEEKS ago when everyone returned back from Vacation...

Don't make this be a pitty party about your DH not having a job - focus on it being a joke and make sure that your son learns more about time and places for a joke...

Thats how I look at it also. I think just trying to be funny and it wasn't appreciated by his audience. I would let it go.

 

[kamik86]

Now there are certain people that I would prank like that (I have a sister who liked to repurpose boxes of things that would be really stupid gifts and put real better stuff inside...I have received christmas lights, water flavor packets etc.

Generally there was a gift card to somewhere I would like inside the box.

But
1) we were all family and got it. The first year someone knew joins in (new husband or boyfriend for example) they tend to try and be gracious before we all burst out laughing
2) This order is better and much more funny!

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

It was not funny, it was mean. And the reason people do stupid crap like this is because we let them. I would darn sure say something to the parents, maybe they would at least pause for a moment before they do something like this again. It's no wonder people are getting more rude and more self-centered. This whole MYOB culture is getting out of hand.

 

[loveshak22]

Lol the note on the invitation just reminded me of what my friend (we became friends thru our sons meeting in baseball) did on her son's invite. She wrote to not bring toys. Only gift cards or money! Lmao. I thought that was tacky but I listened to her and gave a gift card. I completely understand parents not wanting too many toys but I would never have the gall to tell people what to get for my children. If family or friends ask, I tell them what my kids are interested in at the time but always say "whatever you decide on, they will like!"..,which is true, they are appreciative as a gift is a gift!

Another WHAT??!! LOL! That is just crazy IMO! People can take toys back and get a store credit these days, usually without even a receipt. If they didn't want what you brought they could take it back! How rude to ask for specific types of gifts

Like aprilchem said I've heard of people saying "no gifts please" but of the countless kids parties I've been too (I don't have kids but get invited to a lot) I've never ever ever seen these type requests.

 

[Gina-Gina-Bo-Bina]

I think the whole thing was very mean spirited. Not humorous in the least.

I also also think that we sell our sons short (and our daughters, too, if this was an issue between two girls rather than two boys) if we brush off these instances of unkindness as some kind of joke-gone-wrong. That's how we end up with adults who make decisions like this child's parents did. Call me old fashioned, but I think we have a responsibility to these kids to teach them kindness and respect, first and foremost, before we instruct them on the fine art of humour. This kind of "joke" fostered neither of those desirable qualities and was ultimately hurtful to the recipient.

As a parent, I would have been beyond appalled if my son had carried out this "joke" on his own. The mother and father of that boy should be ashamed of themselves.

There were many ways to wrap that gift card. This was in poor taste and not cool.

 

[drinkme]

I also think it's probably just the boy thinking he's being funny. I would just let it go and have your son send his thank you card just mentioning the gift card.

I could see my ds thinking that would be funny.

 

[SandyinMonterey]

I find it mean and rude. I don't think I'd be picking up the phone and calling the parents, it's just not in me to do that. But I would make it a point of when I saw them again to say something that makes them feel bad and embarrassed ...if that's possible. If the kid did it with the parents knowledge....obviously the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Children learn what the live.

 

[DCbride]

Wow.

 

[ceecee]

I would say it's a 10 year old boy trying to be funny and probably he thought it was. Unfortunately it would have been a good teaching tool for that boy's parent to explain how it was not funny. Since the mom asked for the box back she knew he did it and I think that is the problem! Don't let your son know it bothered you and he may not give it another thought.

 

[Sagginit]

yes it may have been mean. but you said the family is awkward. maybe the boy wanted to be funny, maybe he wanted everyone to think he was really funny and awesome and to like him. so he pulled what he thought what was a great prank, but it bombed on him.

i would let things play out on their own, and your son make his own decision. like others said, it will play out in his social group on its own. if it was a bad prank it may come out and all will be forgiven. if it was a mean spirited prank, it won't stop their and then everyone will know the truth.

 

[Skywalker]

I don't think they were necessarily being mean. Maybe it was just an attempt to "disguise" the gift card by wrapping it that way. He could have just asked for the biggest box they had on hand and used that one, innocently.

You said the boy laughed, but did he laugh and say "ha ha you thought you go an xbox" or maybe it was just "Ha ha fooled you its a gift card and you never would have guessed because I am so clever".

You may be stewing about job loss and the xbox your son wanted, but its entirely possible the other family didn't mean it in this way at all. Also entirely possibly the mom forgot all about what you told her, remember your life is only top of mind to YOU and if her son wanted a big box to throw your son off the scent for a birthday party, I can see how they thought they might be sort of funny without thinking all that much about the job loss discussion etc.

Sure some people who are very considerate and on the ball may have thought it through to that extent, but maybe some people are just more simple. Doesn't mean they were all rubbing their hands together in glee at humiliating your son though.

Oh, also wanted to add: if the box was empty I'm sure your son knew just from the weight of it that nothing was really in there, right from the moment he picked it up (unless the kid put a brick inside or something lol) so it is doubtful he really got his hopes up much?

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I think it is entirely possible that the parents did not know that the boy had wrapped up his old Xbox box. Kids can be sneaky. Maybe that is why he wanted the box back, before his parents recognized it was missing.

One way or another, the only classy thing to do is to make sure your child learns from this experience never to play this kind of joke on someone else.

These were similar to my thoughts as well.

OP, your DS got a lesson in sensitivity out of it.

 

[marthachick]

Take the gift card and buy a manners book and send it to her with a charming note.

This is exactly what I was thinking! It was very rude. Not a joke at all. I wouldn't invite the child (or parent) to anything else.

 

[starwart]

Look at any angle all you want. Twist it inside out or outside in, sideways and make ridiculous excuses for the the behaviour. But in the end, and however you look at it, Behaviours are learned. Again,Behaviours are learned and stick that in your mind people. Show a young child that twerking is cool or normal and sure enough that child will be twerking. You "may" want to bring this "friend" to participate in charity events, volunteer in soup kitchens etc.. and who knows? There is hope after all.

 

[mefordis]

$10 gift card to Target?!!? Wanted the box BACK? These people are low class. I'd stop associating with them.

OP here. There was a $10 gift card to Target that was in an envelope that was taped to the outside of the box. Parents knew, after all they are only 10 years old. Not like he can shop and gift wrap something on his own, well I guess he could but I doubt he did. They boy took the box home with him, because he said his mom wanted it back because she keeps the paperwork for the XBOX in it! We have talked about it as a family, and it is a good teaching moment. It wasn't about not getting an actual gift, that is a kindness and a courtesy, not a given. It was about being aware of others and their situation and feelings. This family is well off, and we do live in a fairly affluent town, but I try try to teach my kids that you should never assume to know the situation of others. There have been a few odd things with this family in the past. We live in a small town, and I have know them for a while, but I think we may need move on from them. Thank you everyone!