OT but need opinions of other moms

[2kidsForMe]

Hi all. I could use some subjective options of other moms, dads, or anyone actually, so please bear with me.

My son had his 10th birthday party last night. He has a lot of friends, lucky boy, and he had 10 over to have dinner and watch the Pats game. As the boys were getting ready to leave, they really wanted my son to open his gifts. We normally wouldn't do the gifts in front of guests (for one, we don't teach our kids that gifts are expected or required from our friends at birthdays, and we are happy just to celebrate together), but the boys were really excited, and they insisted. Most of them are very close, (same school, sports teams etc..), and have know each other for years, so I said ok.

One boy, who is a little outside of his tight knit group, made such a fuss about my son opening his present first, so my guy did. The boy in question had wrapped up the empty box that his XBOX One (he got for Christmas) came in, and gave it my son, as a joke.

Now a little background, my husband lost his job in September, and is still looking. The mother and father of the boy who gave the empty box were aware of this. His mom also knew, per a previous conversation with me, that my son had asked for an XBOX one for Christmas, but that it was not in the budget due to the fact that my husband still hasn't found a new job.

So I guess my long winded question is, what this mean or funny? My vote is mean , but I would like get some other opinions. I get that the boy in question is just a kid, but even so, my kids just would't think of doing something like that. At the very least, his parents should have put the brakes on. Should I talk to the boys mom? My son is not happy with this kid, and I don't think the other boys appreciated the joke either, they all just kinda stood around and stared. Boy in question was the only one laughing.

Thanks so much for reading. I appreciate it.

 

[mrsklamc]

Ok I know you said the parents know he wanted an xbox but are you sure they knew about the 'joke'? And no, I don't think that was appropriate.

 

[mhfrau]

I would be furious, and I can assure you that the boy's parents would have gotten an earful from me. For the parents to know that their child was going to do this mean-spirited prank is bad enough, but especially if they knew that there were financial issues, that is just beyond rude! What kind of people do things like this?!

 

[drcmk]

It sounds like a dumb joke to me, not necessarily meanness, but without knowing the child, I can't say for sure.

I would not bring the joke/gift up with the parents or the child. I'd let it go from that perspective, particularly since you said you are trying to teach your child that gifts are not to be expected. But I would certainly use this as a teachable moment with your child--to reinforce the manners that you are already teaching him and get him to think about the right way and the wrong way to give gifts and to joke with friends.

My kids have occasionally gotten very odd presents from friends and it gives me the opportunity both to accept the gifts graciously and to think about gift etiquette when they are the giver.

 

[drcmk]

Also, I would use this as an opportunity to talk to my child about friendship in general and to get him to think about whether this person was a good friend or not.

 

[nugov2]

I think it is more than just rude, but mean. You are sure the parents knew about this? I would be very disappointed in my child if they did that. Not that it matters, but did he give him an actual gift? Sadly, this is just one of those times where you have to acknowledge that what he did was not right and have your son look at his relationship with this friend. Is this his typical behavior, or just a joke gone bad. I think all kids have experiences with friends who are not kind, but they have to decide when they've had enough and move on. Maybe b/c of the other boys reactions he will see how hurtful it was and learn something from it.

 

[starry_solo]

Totally uncalled for and very mean of the child and his parents.

 

[okeydokey]

Was there anything in the box? Another gift, perhaps?

I probably wouldn't say anything to the parents, but would understand if my son did not want to continue a friendship with this boy.

 

[pfp258]

Why not just drop off the box at their home....let whoever answers the door suffer the uncomfortable feeling of accepting the empty box. You could simply say something like " here is the empty box your son wrapped and gave to my son for his birthday, we don't need any empty boxes at home so we are returning it you." Or better yet, write a thank you card to the mom saying how thankful you and your son were for the empty Xbox box. "How special it was to receive an empty box....it reminded everyone in our family that is not the gifts that matter but rather the friends we surround ourselves with"

 

[2kidsForMe]

OP here. There was a $10 gift card to Target that was in an envelope that was taped to the outside of the box. Parents knew, after all they are only 10 years old. Not like he can shop and gift wrap something on his own, well I guess he could but I doubt he did. They boy took the box home with him, because he said his mom wanted it back because she keeps the paperwork for the XBOX in it! We have talked about it as a family, and it is a good teaching moment. It wasn't about not getting an actual gift, that is a kindness and a courtesy, not a given. It was about being aware of others and their situation and feelings. This family is well off, and we do live in a fairly affluent town, but I try try to teach my kids that you should never assume to know the situation of others. There have been a few odd things with this family in the past. We live in a small town, and I have know them for a while, but I think we may need move on from them. Thank you everyone!

 

[2fit4fatmom]

Hi all. I could use some subjective options of other moms, dads, or anyone actually, so please bear with me.

My son had his 10th birthday party last night. He has a lot of friends, lucky boy, and he had 10 over to have dinner and watch the Pats game. As the boys were getting ready to leave, they really wanted my son to open his gifts. We normally wouldn't do the gifts in front of guests (for one, we don't teach our kids that gifts are expected or required from our friends at birthdays, and we are happy just to celebrate together), but the boys were really excited, and they insisted. Most of them are very close, (same school, sports teams etc..), and have know each other for years, so I said ok.

One boy, who is a little outside of his tight knit group, made such a fuss about my son opening his present first, so my guy did. The boy in question had wrapped up the empty box that his XBOX One (he got for Christmas) came in, and gave it my son, as a joke.

Now a little background, my husband lost his job in September, and is still looking. The mother and father of the boy who gave the empty box were aware of this. His mom also knew, per a previous conversation with me, that my son had asked for an XBOX one for Christmas, but that it was not in the budget due to the fact that my husband still hasn't found a new job.

So I guess my long winded question is, what this mean or funny? My vote is mean , but I would like get some other opinions. I get that the boy in question is just a kid, but even so, my kids just would't think of doing something like that. At the very least, his parents should have put the brakes on. Should I talk to the boys mom? My son is not happy with this kid, and I don't think the other boys appreciated the joke either, they all just kinda stood around and stared. Boy in question was the only one laughing.

Thanks so much for reading. I appreciate it.

Wow just wow. I find that very rude. I also agree I would be talking to the boys parents and would hope my child didn't want to ve friends with someone so rude. Was there a gift at all from this child? Or just the rude box? No gift is fine and one.thing, but that was so incredibly insensitive.

I am sorry your son had that happen to him. I hope he still had a wonderful birthday! Some people just aren't worth the time of day, he seems like he may be one.

Good luck in the job search! Been there so I feel for you tremendously!

 

[nugov2]

Why not just drop off the box at their home....let whoever answers the door suffer the uncomfortable feeling of accepting the empty box. You could simply say something like " here is the empty box your son wrapped and gave to my son for his birthday, we don't need any empty boxes at home so we are returning it you." Or better yet, write a thank you card to the mom saying how thankful you and your son were for the empty Xbox box. "How special it was to receive an empty box....it reminded everyone in our family that is not the gifts that matter but rather the friends we surround ourselves with"

Normally I am not a tit for tat person, but in this instance I may write the thank you note. Dropping off the box..no(but I see it is gone anyway). I would want them to really think about the impact of their actions. I am not good with words, but I am sure someone here could craft a tactful note that sends the message of how wrong and mean it was.

 

[starwart]

.

 

[Elleshoodat]

I'm not sure how I would react, but I wanted to ask about not opening gifts in front of guests. Is this a regional thing? I get that birthdays, showers, etc. are not about the gifts -- but where I'm from (New Orleans) and where I live (Florida), it would be considered rude to not open gifts guests have brought.

 

[ShayBells]

I'm quite shocked. I view this as mean and not a nice joke at all. I just can't believe it especially if the boys parents knew about it makes it ten times worse. I honestly don't know what I would do in this situation except tell my boy never to talk to that other boy again. My heart goes to your family. It must of felt awful for you and your son.

I am just astounded at how mean some people can be.

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[2kidsForMe]

I'm not sure how I would react, but I wanted to ask about not opening gifts in front of guests. Is this a regional thing? I get that birthdays, showers, etc. are not about the gifts -- but where I'm from (New Orleans) and where I live (Florida), it would be considered rude to not open gifts guests have brought.

Where I grew up in CA we always opened gifts while the guests were still there. People don't seem to do that here in MA so I was following suit. Also, we have friends of vastly different means, and some of the gifts in the past have indicated that. I didn't want any of the boys to feel weird if their gift was "less awesome" than one another friend brought. Hope that makes sense.

 

[cjbcam]

Obviously the parents were in on it since she asked for the box back. I can not believe anyone would do that!! So sorry but it would be time to call it quits with them. I don't believe in kicking people when they are down.

 

[Elleshoodat]

Where I grew up in CA we always opened gifts while the guests were still there. People don't seem to do that here in MA so I was following suit. Also, we have friends of vastly different means, and some of the gifts in the past have indicated that. I didn't want any of the boys to feel weird if their gift was "less awesome" than one another friend brought. Hope that makes sense.

Yes, that makes sense. My son is 3, so we typically only have family over for his parties. I haven't had to think about it like that before.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Take the gift card and buy a manners book and send it to her with a charming note.

 

[wallawallakids]

First of all, I am very sorry that your son had to go through that. And yes, I think it was mean on the parents part more than the boy's. At 10 the parents should have stepped in and told their son "no" and explain that it wasn't funny. Unfortunately, they didn't and that says worlds about them.

I don't see the point in talking to them about it, or bringing it up in a card. What good would it really do? I would send a thank you card for the $10 gift and talk to your son about what being a friend means and reevaluate that friendship. I also would not tell that family much about anything personal ever again.

I feel like this could be turned into a teaching opportunity for your son. It stinks and it was mean but it is a chance to show him that just because someone isn't nice, it doesn't qualify for revenge. Let him be the bigger person in this situation, and move on.

I also live in an affluent neighborhood and my kids often feel like the odd one out. We moved here for the good schools but honestly, at times the amount of stuff other kids get compared to ours makes for a lot of hurt feelings. I try to show our children that money isn't everything and that just because your best friend got 3 pairs of UGGS for Christmas, doesn't mean she is any happier or a better person than they are for not having any. It isn't easy but I do think the message is getting though and in the long run, I firmly believe my children will be better off because of it.

I hope your son had a nice birthday in the end. Wish him Happy Birthday from all of us on the boards. Best of luck to all of you.