OT-bedroom help

[la79al]

Well, we have 3 kids bedrooms, my stepson is 13, my stepdaughter is 8, my DD is 1 and we are due next summer with another one. I need to come up with a fair distribution of the bedrooms. The stepkids are with us 50% of overnights, we won't be finding out the gender of the new baby until it's born. DSS has been begging to sleep on the couch, DSD is a sound sleeper but she moves around A LOT during the night. DD does not sleep through the night and is a pretty light sleeper. DSS does not have much stuff beyond his bed and game system. DSD has tons of art supplies and some other girly toys. DD has the typical collection of toddler toys, which will be going to mostly her bedroom as our downstairs is small and will be overtaken by baby gear. I want to redecorate and move DD (if needed) as soon as possible, to make all the transitions easier but I also want to be as fair as I can. Help?

 

[MichelleinMaine]

I would put the 2 youngest (baby and to be born baby) in the same room. Ideal, no, but at that age, it's doable.

Your post makes it sound like you're proposing your DSS not have a room? I think that it's unreasonable to expect someone to not have a room in a home he lives in 1/2 the time. It's not so much about the amount of "stuff" he has, but the privacy and sense of "belonging" that a teen would need.

 

[canadianjovigirl]

I also agree on the 2 youngest sharing as there is too big of an age gap with the others to the new baby and the 2 oldest are of the opposite sex so could not share.....my girls did not do well sharing and there is 6 years between them.......

 

[1lear]

Consider your stepkids as your own children. Give the oldest boy his own room-he's a teenager and would appreciate the privacy. The 8yo should also have her own room right now. The two youngest can share. Or, you can put the baby in your room.
You (as in you and your husband) chose to have another child. If you want everyone to be accomodated, add another bedroom or you deal with the baby. It's not fair to displace the other children.

 

[Conkozan]

One boys room, one girls room and one toddler/baby room. You can put the 19 month old either in with the baby or in with the 8 year old, but I would NOT have the boy sleep on a sofa.

If my son had no where to sleep at my ex-husbands house, there would be a major change in custody and support faster than you can say sleeper sofa.

edited to add: get twin beds for the girls room and the 8 yr olds movements will not affect anyone

 

[crashbb]

Definitely agree that putting your stepson on the sofa is not a good idea, especially if it is the downstairs area that will be "overtaken by baby gear".

Either put the baby in your room or put the two littlest ones together.

 

[vroomagain]

I say give the older kids their own rooms and put the new baby in your room until he/she can sleep the night and then put him with your toddler. If you have a boy and eventually become uncomfortable with him and his sister sharing a room move one of them in with a same sex sibling.

 

[Magic Mom]

A 13 YO needs a bedroom not a couch. Put the babies together.

 

[momxx5]

When we had 4 children and lived in a 900 sq ft 3 bedroom, the youngest shared a room.

Honestly DD, as a newborn slept in a cradle in our bedroom for at least 6 months.....she did not sleep through the night. She also had a full crib in her shared room. She shared a room with DS, who just turned 2 when she was born. He moved into a big boy bed in time for her birth.

That said, I would put the little ones in a room together for a few yrs. They will both be young enough that they will have much more shared interests items.

I can see a day when your SDS would share with DD but only you know their sleeping habits and if its possible.

 

[doxdogy]

The son needs a room of his own. Treat all the kids equitably and as your own.
I would have never made my (step) daughter move to a couch.

 

[greenpea89]

I have to agree with the other posters. It's best to put the little ones together or have the baby in your room and then move the baby in with your toddler when the baby is older. Most children actually love this when they are small and it can create a closer relationship between the two littlest ones at a time when your youngest may feel a teensy bit of jealousy towards the baby. It's a win win.

Your two oldest (step or not) need their own rooms and moving them (or leaving one without a room altogether) really shouldn't even be something that enters the equation IMHO. They already only spend half of their time in your home and it becomes even more important in those circumstances for a child/teen to feel that they truly have a place in their father's home. Not a sofa but their own personal space.

You have lots of time to renovate or look for a new home as your children grow. If that looks like something that will not be in the cards for you then your oldest son will graduate from high school in about 6 years and the baby will be about five then. When your oldest child leaves for college may be a more appropriate (not ideal but possible) time to consider that your oldest child's room could then be used by your new arrival. You may find that your youngest children don't want to be separated though.

 

[la79al]

I only brought up the couch because when we have discussed hypothetical future children, DSS has begged to be able to sleep on the couch. He's going to have to move out of his room but if we can't set up an acceptable bedroom somewhere else in the house, it will just be to the tiniest bedroom. Unless we can come up with a way to turn one of the bigger rooms into 2 rooms. I am considering doing a few trial runs of DD sleeping in DSDs room. I know the toddler and baby sharing a room makes the most sense but with DD waking up every few hours and a newborn, I have a feeling I would be in the nursery at least once an hour. The baby in our room will not work. I really tried that several times with DD and nobody slept at all. Any ideas on an easy way to make one room into 2?

 

[Magic Mom]

I only brought up the couch because when we have discussed hypothetical future children, DSS has begged to be able to sleep on the couch. He's going to have to move out of his room but if we can't set up an acceptable bedroom somewhere else in the house, it will just be to the tiniest bedroom. Unless we can come up with a way to turn one of the bigger rooms into 2 rooms. I am considering doing a few trial runs of DD sleeping in DSDs room. I know the toddler and baby sharing a room makes the most sense but with DD waking up every few hours and a newborn, I have a feeling I would be in the nursery at least once an hour. The baby in our room will not work. I really tried that several times with DD and nobody slept at all. Any ideas on an easy way to make one room into 2?

Why would your son have to move to the tiniest bedroom? If the infant isn't sharing it makes the most sense for him/her to have the smallest bedroom. Your stepkids lead a pretty unstable life living in two different houses. It isn't their fault their parents divorced or that you are having more kids, why should your stepson be uprooted yet again?

 

[okeydokey]

The 13 year old needs his own space and his privacy. For now, the two youngest should share a room. There is no way a child should have to sleep on the couch in his own home with no place to keep his stuff or any space to have as his own.

 

[Squeasel]

I only brought up the couch because when we have discussed hypothetical future children, DSS has begged to be able to sleep on the couch. He's going to have to move out of his room but if we can't set up an acceptable bedroom somewhere else in the house, it will just be to the tiniest bedroom. Unless we can come up with a way to turn one of the bigger rooms into 2 rooms. I am considering doing a few trial runs of DD sleeping in DSDs room. I know the toddler and baby sharing a room makes the most sense but with DD waking up every few hours and a newborn, I have a feeling I would be in the nursery at least once an hour. The baby in our room will not work. I really tried that several times with DD and nobody slept at all. Any ideas on an easy way to make one room into 2?

I have to go with everyone else, this sounds like it will hurt your step-kids.

If this were happening to me when I was a teen, I would be hurt that I was being kicked out of my room, and my parents were not divorced. Privacy was very important to me, and since he is a stepchild to you, he might feel like he is being kicked out and being replaced by your new children. He should have his own place in your house, as should your stepdaughter. 50% is a lot of time to be spending with you.

It makes the most sense to put the babies together since they will be so close in age, and that you are really favoring them and giving your stepkids the shaft. Please consider their feelings and importance in your family at a time with lots of changes.

 

[dfchelbay]

Don't forget the ex-spouse too. If the ex-wife feels one of her children is being shrifted, you better believe she will make a problem for your husband. She will really create a problem for you both. She may even demand a change of custody due to her ex-husband's unwillingness to even provide a bedroom for her child. You may or may not think she would do such a thing, but believe me ex-spouses can do unimaginable things throughout and after a divorce...especially if they think they, or their children, are being short-changed somehow. This may get nasty for you. Just be careful and really think this through.

Also, this will set up a less than desirable situation for the stepchildren. If there is no place for the stepson to call his own in his father's house, his visits will become less frequent over time and perhaps eventually stop all together. Why would anyone want to go to someone's house where there is no place for them. Especially a teenager. He'll feel cramped and overcome with baby this and baby that. Where can he escape it at your house...no where if he doesn't have a room.

If I may suggest, if you have a basement you could fix up for him, he, along with most other teen age boys would love it. If it's cold and damp, that can be addressed. It doesn't have to be perfect. Temporary walls with paneling, or fabric will work. A nice roll of carpet remnant for the floor, a dehumidifyer and space heater for extra heat will work. A nice electric blanket for the bed will help too.

Also, a word of advice, no matter who does what, you, as the step parent will almost always be blamed. The step kids won't ever think ill of their father, they will most likely blame you, the outsider, for whatever goes wrong in their relationship with their father. True or untrue that's usually the way it shakes out for the kids.

 

[Magic Mom]

Don't forget the ex-spouse too. If the ex-wife feels one of her children is being shrifted, you better believe she will make a problem for your husband.

I'm really surprised that their Dad is ok with all this. They are just as much his kids as the new babies, and that house should be just as much their home as it is to the babies.

 

[dfchelbay]

I'm really surprised that their Dad is ok with all this. They are just as much his kids as the new babies, and that house should be just as much their home as it is to the babies.

I couldn't agree with you more.

 

[Boxley]

Just put the youngest ones in a room. Your son should not be sleeping on a couch no matter how much he "begs".

 

[Merriwind]

Really? Do you not realize that a 13yo asking to sleep on the couch is a novelty, an indoor campout, not something he wants to do all the time? DD11 is sleeping on the pullout in front of the tv tonight. She's been begging since break started. Doesn't mean she wants to move into the TV room.

Part of having babies means not getting a lot of sleep. I can't see any other way this works other than the new baby sleeps with you--or the toddler. If they share a room, it will be what they've always known.

Be careful of the message you're sending to your 13yo--and his dad.