OT: Babysitter not feeding an infant?? LONG

[me again]

Also, if she's licensed, I do believe that licensed care facilities are required to keep their inside temperatures within a certain range, that is, use the ac in the summer, heat in the winter as necessary. You might want to check with whoever licenses day care in your area, report a violation if indicated. she's getting paid to take care of children, sounds like she's just cutting any corners she can to improve her profits.

Gosh, I'm so glad those days are behind me. Mine are 10 & 11, I'm still a SAHM, we just don't need any type of outside the home care. I still remember well the anxiety the day care situation caused for me. I never felt right about leaving my kids, even in places that appeared good.

 

[lutherlovr]

She is not liscensed, she is just someone who I thought I could trust with kids of her own looking for a little extra money. The sprinkler thing is not that big of a deal I just thought she could have at least dressed them in the spare clothes so they would be ready to go home. I do not know that she did not give them something other to drink, just that the sippies I brought were returned in the same condition, did not appear to have been drunk from. She put them in the fridge when I got there so the only way the kids could have had them is if she gave them to them. She may have given them something else.
I have been staying at home since my oldest was born and I thought this would be a good solution to the working/staying home dilemma as I am only gone 10-15 hours a week. This was my first try at "daycare" and not so great! I will start looking for someone else. The problem I guess is that you never know until you get there. I interviewed this girl and she asked me tons of questions about if they had any food allergies, etc. so I never imagined there would be feeding problems.
Thanks to everyone for all of your honest opinions. I had some people tell me I was overreacting and some people tell me I was not, I know you guys would tell me the truth.

 

[krystalleigh1]

I do see a couple of red flags that would bother me:

1. No A/C when it was so hot outside. I really hope she offered them something to drink at that time.

2. Not putting their extra clothes on them-when she had them to change into. (When I first read your post I didn't think it was a big deal-but if she had an extra pair of clothes and didn't change them-not cool, IMO)

Things that I didn't think were such a big deal:

1. From 2:45-6 she didn't feed them. I don't think that's a big deal at all. I do hdc too. We have our afternoon snack at 3:00 and that's the last time they eat while here. They're all gone by 5:00. They get a sippy cup at meals and snacks with water or milk (milk at breakfast and lunch). I don't allow them to carry around a sippy when inside-only when outside. Even water will stain the carpet (attratcs dirt like a magnet)-plus I don't want to pass germs around when one kid puts the cup down and another one picks it up. Happens so quick. And they start to shake the water out, you get my drift. But if they ask I'll gladly give them some-but they give me their cup when they're done. And with the younger ones, like 14 mos old I work on sign language with them-they can tell me when they want a drink, but even if they didn't know sign language it's pretty easy to know when a kid's thirsty. They'll get their point across if they want to. And since it was their first day maybe they really were just too busy to eat. Usually when I start a new child in my daycare it takes a week or two before they start eating well. It takes them a while to get used to the new toys, kids, sounds, smells, etc. They would much rather play with the new things than eat.

Now, I don't know how long they were there the second day, can't remember what you said, but according to state licensing requirements if they're there a certain number of hours the provider is required to serve a meal, snack or both. I know you said your daycare provider was unlicensed and that's part of the problem-she dosen't have any standards she HAS to meet. Basically she can serve whatever and whenever she wants. In some states unlicensed providers are completely legal-some states it's not. But 3 hours without food, IMO, is not a big deal. You could always feed them before bringing them to her house. Easy fix.

My biggest concern other than the ones I mentioned above is that she's unlicensed. Sure there are some really great unlicensed home daycares out there, but they are really few and far between. Just by the fact that a provider takes the time and initiative to get a license shows that she's comitted and takes her responsability seriously. Not only that but you know a licensed provider has a least some minimum standards that they must follow. Sure there are unlicensed providers who still follow the minimum standards set by their state, but they're not required to and have no one to report to.

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

That's all I can say!

 

[tnkr_bell]

The not eating on the first day wouldn't be too much of a concern for me. I know my kids go through days when they eat more and days when they eat less. But the second day when you told her to feed them at 4:00 and she didn't A big one for me would be the no A/C and no drinks apparently, and she should have put thier new clothes on after the sprinkler.

I'd simply tell her that this just isn't working and you found someone else. Certainly not a place I'd want to leave my kids. I hope you can find someone else soon.

 

[PEANUT1]

If you have a bad feeling....trust it. You are a mother, there is no better intuition than that. This lady obviously isn't going to listen to instruction (ie..you asked her to feed your kid and she ignored you). If she ignored something even more important and your child was harmed, you would never forgive yourself. Look elsewhwere.

Good Luck!

 

[dogluva]

Too many red flags. Trust your instincts. Your baby cannot tell you what is going on and a three year old is not a reliable source either.

I had doubts about my sitter. My one year old daughter came home one day with a bruise on her head. The kids were pushing her around in an umbrella stroller and it tipped over. The next day I did a suprise visit at the school she picked some Kind. Kids up from (one was my five year old son). My daughter did not have her snow pants on, a hat or her mittens. It was about 10 degrees. She was freezing while her own son sat nice an warm in the stroller all bundled up. I was furious. I took her home and she was soaked through to her pants. That was enough for me. I found a new sitter shortly after. I was told a few days later by my son that the sitters babysitter handed out snacks. If he was mad at my son that day, he didn't get one. My new sitter has babysat for all of my six kids (all part time) and I have never had any issues.

Take care and good luck. It is a tough position to be in.

 

[klineyqueen]

I am a pretty easy going mom...and I WOULD NOT take my kids back to this house.

We do not snack between meals...but that is because my kids are lite eaters and if they have a 3:00 snack they would not eat their dinner at 4:30. We eat early lunch and dinner...then have an evening snack.

If I were watching someone else's kids and they specifically told me to feed their kids...they would be fed.

As for drinks....you can have drinks whenever you want them...especially when it is hot...drinking is encouraged.

Please do not take your kids back to that house.

 

[FSUGrad97]

What do I do about the mom's group thing...am I going to have to drop out now? What do I tell her is the reason I am taking them elsewhere? I can't be outright rude, this girl is my friend, a subtle way to tell her?

You must be a better person than I, because I wouldn't give a flip what she thought of me since she had the audacity to not feed my child. If she wanted to bring it up at the mom's group, I would GLADLY tell them my reasons.

Also, if I got any static from the mom's group, I'd be done with them too.

 

[dis ms.]

OP, I also think you should trust your instincts. I find it odd that she didn't give your children an afternoon snack -- especially after you instructed her to. However, I wouldn't expect her to feed my children at a set time (such as 4:00 as you requested) unless it was medically necessary. As long as she gives them a snack, she could do it according to her schedule. If every parent specified a time for snack, it would be hard to manage. I guess it's a moot point, though, since she didn't feed your kids at all.

hi, i do in home daycare and yes, i would pull them...the first day their should have been at least one small snack...here is an example of yesterday for you, i will start at lunchtime
12:00-hotdogs, raw veggies and dip, crackers
2:15-party mix ( chips, pretzels, cheezies)
3:30-slushies(frozen juice, yogurt, ice) and yogurt with strawberries
4:45-celery and cheese whiz

oh yah, i also supply 99% of the food, i just started to ask the families to bring one snack to share for the week-just for summer-examples are box of crackers, couple of bags of popcorn, tub of yogurt.....it has been working awesome for me as my grocery bill is getting huge...water was continuous all day-i have a fridge with water and ice maker....freezies were also handed out a couple of times, they are great for cooling down and getting a little hydration
Some days i feel the kids want to eat non stop and other days not so much...i kinda have set times for snacks or parents get their kids home and they will not eat dinner...usually 1-2 small snack in the morning and 2 in the aternoon, sometimes 3...yesterday was well over 100 degrees here and most people do not have air conditioning around here so my house was hot...the kids swam and spent a lot of time in our basement, which is nice
and cool.

Sorry to get OT, but wow! That seems like a lot of snacking in the afternoon. I would be surprised if my kids wanted to eat dinner -- having snacked at daycare every hour and 15 minutes in the afternoon.

I also have to say that -- as a parent -- I would be a tad annoyed if my daycare provider asked me to supply a snack once a week. After all, the fee you charge for daycare should factor in the food costs. I see nothing wrong with you providing 99% of the food. If you can't afford to pay for the food, maybe you aren't charging enough. JMHO.

FTR, I used to do daycare in my home, too. The only time a parent was expected to supply food was when the child was not on solids. I wasn't going to buy baby food or formula, and I certainly wasn't going to provide breastmilk, either. Other than that, the food was my responsibility -- which I paid for out of the fee I charged.

 

[chipndales]

I'm a daycare teacher and I'll be blunt. Find someone else to watch your children. When an adult is caring for a child, they should respect and honor the parent's wishes. Not to say that there isn't a time and place to make a decision, because of course there is, but you asked her nicely to feed your child and she repeated what she said on day one.

You need to find someone who is more in tune with your schedule, your wishes, and your children. There's a time and a place for worrying about appearances, but when it comes to your child, there's only one of each of them. Treat them like gold and always, ALWAYS, go with your maternal instinct. Good luck.

 

[dana1003]

listen-bottom line is-their your kids and they should be taken care of the way you want regardless of whether or not she does it w/her kids. she sound like a slacker and not very educated. you sound like me. i expect my kids to be taken care of the way i would do it and if that means letting him eat snacks, having the air on, you have that right. your probably better off putting him in center where they have more knowledge. please keep all of us updated.it bothered me just reading your post. do not regret your decisions-THEIR YOUR KIDS. good luck.

 

[dogluva]

I also have to say that -- as a parent -- I would be a tad annoyed if my daycare provider asked me to supply a snack once a week. After all, the fee you charge for daycare should factor in the food costs. I see nothing wrong with you providing 99% of the food. If you can't afford to pay for the food, maybe you aren't charging enough. JMHO.

QUOTE]

I found it odd as well that you asked the parents to bring food. I would be a little annoyed as well. I remember interviewing a provider and she told me that she expects parents to bring snacks each week (apples, juice), etc. I was a little put out-I thought that was part of the care.

My daycare provider never would ask me to bring food. She is on a food program anyway.

Maybe if you need parents to help with food, you really are giving them too many snacks.

 

[Ciao Mickey]

Ok, so I have decided to go back to work full time, but with most of my hours on nights and weekends so that DH is home with the kids. I have hired someone I know from a Mom's group in my area to watch them for the ~15 hours we need someone.
So, this week was transition and I left them there from about 245-6PM. They are almost 3 and 14 months. I brought over a pretty big bag of food and explained what they could eat, etc. I also brought milk and juice. When my DH got there to pick them up, he asked what they had eaten because I wanted to replenish the food supply as needed. She said that they hadn't eaten because they were playing and "hadn't acted hungry". My 14 month old is used to having a snack around 3-4PM and he is a big eater (27 lbs). Even if he doesn't eat anything, he normally drinks some juice or milk. My DH said when they got in the car he was starving and shoving food in his mouth like he had never eaten (normal for my 14 month old even if he has eaten!).
This all concerned me a little, but I put it on myself as I had never specifically said "feed them at such and such a time". So yesterday I dropped them off again and I said "Ben needs to eat at 4PM, you can give him a banana and if he refuses try some crackers. He also needs milk with his snack." She said ok. When my Dh came, you guessed it, the same thing. She didn't feed them because they didn't "act hungry".
She is pretty young, but she has two children the same age as mine. One disturbing thing she said when I dropped them off was "My son woke up from his nap at 10:30 and he wanted lunch but I told him to wait until lunch time and then he cried so hard he fell back to sleep." Her son just turned one. Should I be worried about this? Her kids may just eat 3 meals, no snacks, but my kids are not used to that. I am not so worried about my 3 year old, he will say if he wants something to eat, but my 14 month old is too young to do that.
Also, she does not turn the A/C on in her house (saving energy, I can relate) but yesterday we had a heat advisory here for 115 degrees and it was BLAZING in her house, I am afraid the kids will get dehydrated as she also gave them nothing to drink. She also let them go in the sprinklers with all their clothes on and then they were dressed in their diapers when DH showed up while she handed him a pile of wet clothes, he had to get them dressed in spare clothes to get them home...would it be that hard to let them run in the sprinkler in their diapers?

Is all this odd to anyone else? What should I say to get her to feed them? I will eventuall be leaving them for about 5-6 hours there. They cannot go that whole time without eating. It is a little awkward as we have the same group of friends...I am going again tomorrow and I am so confused....

Not only would I get my kids out of there ASAP, I would also report her to Children's Services. She sounds like a poor mother who needs a couple of parenting classes.

I would have given the situation a pass on the first day because your kids could have been excited, nervous, etc. to be there, but when it happened on the second day, then no way would I accept that excuse.

The AC not being on really bothers me. Kids can dehydrate quickly and can end up in the hospital or worse.

I wouldn't trust this woman with my plants much less my childs.

 

[dogluva]

Not only would I get my kids out of there ASAP, I would also report her to Children's Services. She sounds like a poor mother who needs a couple of parenting classes.

I would have given the situation a pass on the first day because your kids could have been excited, nervous, etc. to be there, but when it happened on the second day, then no way would I accept that excuse.

The AC not being on really bothers me. Kids can dehydrate quickly and can end up in the hospital or worse.

I wouldn't trust this woman with my plants much less my childs.

Please tell me you are not serious! Report her to Chidlren's Services??? For what? This is ridiculous-she sounds like a lazy parent, not one that needs Children's Service involved. Please tell me you don't call CS on people who have different parenting styles as you. This can really ruin someone's life.

 

[Ciao Mickey]

Please tell me you are not serious! Report her to Chidlren's Services??? For what? This is ridiculous-she sounds like a lazy parent, not one that needs Children's Service involved. Please tell me you don't call CS on people who have different parenting styles as you. This can really ruin someone's life.

Nah, I was just kidding, sorry.

She does sound like she needs to read a couple of books on how to raise kids.

 

[lutherlovr]

Well, I am interviewing someone else today, I just wanted to update. I just need to find someone who will take care of my kids the way I specify even if it is not necessarily what they would do with their kids. Some of you on here said that. That is why I didn't want to go with a big center. Ironically, when my oldest was born, I sent him to a big center to try to go back to work and they actually fed him TOO much. They said they didn't want the kids to be crying from hunger when the parents showed up. He was bottle fed and ate every 3-4 hours, but they would feed him like every 2 hours, and then he would throw up all over himself on the way home. I guess I just can't find a happy medium!
It's not even the fact now that she didn't feed them, its that I told her to do it and she knowingly did not. If they needed medication or something, how could I be guaranteed that she would give it to them? She obviously is going to do her own thing no matter what I tell her.
I will let you all know how it goes today.

 

[Ariel8676]

Good Luck!

 

[allie_to_you]

Thanks. I was just looking for confirmation that I am not crazy. I thought maybe people would think I was overreacting, it was only 3 hours, etc. What do I do about the mom's group thing...am I going to have to drop out now? What do I tell her is the reason I am taking them elsewhere? I can't be outright rude, this girl is my friend, a subtle way to tell her?

While I can understand not wanting to be rude or confrontational, especially with someone you know or is your friend, this is your child you are talking about. They come way before any friendship or loyalty to someone outside your family.

If you don't think your child is getting the level of care that they should, then you should absolutely not think twice about taking your child away from there, even if it means severing a tie with your friend. However, I do think that if you tell your friend the truth about the care your child is getting, then they should do something about it, or else they are no better than the negigent caregiver.

 

[dogluva]

Nah, I was just kidding, sorry.

She does sound like she needs to read a couple of books on how to raise kids.

Don't be sorry-It just bothers me when people use Children's services for petty things. This is not about abuse. Some minor neglect but not enough to get CS involved. They are needed for serious abuse/neglect cases. I am glad you were kidding.