OT: Are grandparents entitled to one on one time with grandkids?

[Minnie824]

We have 2 DDs..age 3 and 1. My parents want to take older DD out shopping, to McD's etc. They've done this before, I have no issue with them going. However my mom said something today in her weird backwards logic when she brought it up, that annoyed me, and I wanted to get opinions to see if it was just me (which it definitely could be). She said, well, you have time alone with her, going to movies, baseball games etc, so we should too. They've watched younger DD 3 times alone (not both DD...they watch them together all the time). 2 movies, 1 baseball game with older DD. But heres what bugs me...theyr'e our kids! I understand, they're also, my parents grandkids, but they're our children. We're entitled to take them where we want to whenever we want. I have no issue with 1 or both going out with their grandparents, but to me, that was a rude comment....theyre not entitled to it because we are...they're not DDs parents. Did that make sense? I'm sure DD will go out with them, its not that big of a deal, but I just wanted to see if it would bug anyone else.

 

[Darcy]

strange way to put it, but that aside I say that there is something special between kids adn the love of a grandparent and is very positive thing in a kids life, so I would actually encourage it.

 

[brandip22]

I agree with you- I think she said it the wrong way, and that would've irked me, too. Although, my Ds spends tons of time with his grandparents, I don't think it's their "right" just because. But, maybe she meant no harm and just said it wrong? It would bug me, though- I would have said something back!

 

[estherhead]

I don't know. I do think that a reasonable grandparent who is a good influence does have a right to see their grandkids. And one on one time is important to any relationship, especially if either kid is quiet. I have this situation with my mom. She has all the grandkids often, but is constantly asking for alone time with one of my girls. She says it's just too hard to bond with them when lots of kids are there. I see that. With one kid: you talk and play with them. With 2 or more kids you get snacks, put band-aids on, resolve fights, etc. I'm not sure why she brought up "You get to." as that sounds kind of irrelevant. She should have just said, "Please? I want to!" But my point is, I do think they are entitled as they had us and grandkids are the perk for putting up with all the crap we put them through.

 

[meb]

Your lucky they want to spend time w/them. B/c my grandparents dont hardly want to do anything w/me.

 

[powellrj]

Everyone says something that comes out sounding really stupid and not how they mean for it to sound at all. I would just chalk it up to that, let it pass and be GLAD they want to spend time with her. There are hundreds of post from people that would love to have Grandparents that want to have special time with their grandchildren.

 

[goofyforlife]

She might not have meant any harm by the comment. I look at it at her expressing her need to develop a seperate relationship with them from you.

Please thank God that your parents have this interest....

My DD has three sets of grandparents. My DH's parents NEVER EVER wanted to spend time with her or us for that matter. Now my DMIL died earlier this year from cancer, only 56, but I feel sad that my daughter never really knew her, learned to knit from her, went to lunch, or shopping, etc...

Now my parents are a different story. My DD and DSM- they live out of state but not terribly far away- they are too busy with my DSM's grandkids (all 6 of them born after mine) to even bother with my DD. They don't even return any calls so I've stopped trying.

My DM and DSF - are busy running around the eastern US camping and going to casinos because they claim they are too sick to work. I keep them at a distance from my DD because I do not want my DD to think that their lifestyle is OK. Also my DSF is an alcoholic and my DM is in denial on that issue.

So enjoy that your parents can and are willing to offer to take the kids places. I can remember going on trips with my own GP's when I was little. My paternal GP's used to even take us to the Jersey shore every Sunday. My DA lived there, but I can still remember staying with them or a certain toy they bought me that I really wanted.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

I have to agree with the Op on this one, she should have said it better and they are not 'entitled' to this time. my fil thinks like this and we don't all our dd to have alone time with him and his wife not my mil step-mother-in-law. mainly because, he doesn't know that babies need clean diapers and he shoved a piece of cake in my then 3month olds daughter and told me to lighten up and ALSO cause he throws her in the air and shakes her around and tells me i don't know what i am doing or talking about because i am a first time mom and he has two grown sons! AUGHH!!!! he walked out on his wife and children when my dh was 7 what does he know?!!?!?

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I know the issue of whether grandparents are entitled to have time with their grandchildren legally has been hashed out in the courts. I believe there were many appeals though, and I'm not positive of the final outcome. Anyone know and care to comment?

 

[lulugirl]

Entitled? No. Poor choice of word, I would say!
If they are a healthy influence on your children, certainly a relationship should be encouraged.
Her way of wording it struck me as odd and yes, it would bug me.

 

[crisi]

google is your friend:

http://www.grandparenting.org/Grandparent Visitation.htm

Depends on the state that you are in, but in many states, entitled is a pretty good word.

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

google is your friend:

http://www.grandparenting.org/Grandparent Visitation.htm

Depends on the state that you are in, but in many states, entitled is a pretty good word.

This is definitely true! I learned on another thread that grandparents have often sued for (and in some cases, won) custody. This is usually unlikely in an intact family (legal term for a family comprised of child/children and both biological parents)

Personally speaking, I think her wording was a little odd. Saying you "get" to spend alone time with your own children was a little unusual, but I think it showed that she's probably feeling a little lonely or unimportant or unneeded and it just came out the wrong way. Plus at those ages (1 and 3) they are so cute and precious and the time goes by so fast! If you see them once and then 3 months later, they look totally different! She's probably worried on "missing out" and just blurted it out without thinking how it sounded, which was a little rude. Reminds me of Marie on "Everybody Loves Raymond" - meddling and rude, but also genuinely caring, nurturing, well meaning, etc.
Good luck!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

a good thing--but by no means an entitlement. It is great to foster a relationship, but her statement is a bit odd to me.

 

[adisneymama]

Entitled no! I would have found her comment odd as well. I'm glad she wants to have a relationship with your DD as I'm sure you are. Does she say things like this all the time or was this a first time saying something "backwards". Only you will know how she meant it, but if it continues to bother you I would talk to her about it.

 

[J and R's mom]

I think your mother chose the words she wanted to chose. In other words, she said exactly what she meant.

Has she always been this controlling in your life? I'm assuming that controlling you through guilt is nothing new for her?

They are YOUR children and she gets the PRIVELAGE of spending time with them. Good parents SHOULD be spending MORE quality one-on-one time with their children than the grandparents are (in J and R's mom's world anyway).

 

[adisneymama]

They are YOUR children and she gets the PRIVELAGE of spending time with them. Good parents SHOULD be spending MORE quality one-on-one time with their children than the grandparents are (in J and R's mom's world anyway).[/QUOTE]

Very well said! Same way in my world too!

 

[Colinsmom]

My gut reaction is not the way that she said it. But IMO children are entitled to have one-on-one time with their grandparents. DH's parents are also uninterested in DS and it breaks my heart. FIL was in the room alone with DS for almost 20 minutes while DH took a phone call, and he didn't say a word to DS, who was chatting away to him!

I think that every child deserves in their life grandparents or SOMEONE besides their parents who takes that kind of interest in them. I don't know, kinda like it takes a village to raise a child??

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

Slightly OT, but I do not understand one little bit, how someone would not have any interest in their own grandchild! It sounds like somone like that has lots of issues.

 

[jann1033]

can't say why she made the comment as she did but as a sappy grandma...I LOVE one on one time with my grand daughter...it is such a totally different relationship as with your own kids it's hard to explain...i not only see my grandbaby, i see my baby in her( that is my daughter) and get to live those nice memories all over with out the stress! it is such a joy i can't really tell you . when my gb was born it bugged my daughter if we called my gb "our baby" but to us she was"our" as in "our family" baby...i don't now cause i know it bugs her but i never meant it wasn't HER baby just we love her also.

so guess maybe for years of loving you she's maybe "entitled " to love your daughters too???? they say you never know what it's like to be a parnet till you are one( which i think is true) but it also applies to being a grandparent. be glad they want to love your kids JUST MY OPINION and didn't notice in the op that she wanted to exclude time you spent with them just wanted to spend time with them also....if they were good parents can't see why that would be a problem

also don't know how her health is ( mine stinks so maybe that is why i think this)but after a few hrs of running around after my gb i am whooped...maybe it is difficult for her to feel she spends any real fun time with either when she has both?

as for those too busy to spend any time with thier gkids.my mil showed little to no interest in my kids when they were small,( busy dating and marrying guy after guy ect) now wants a relationship and they aren't really interested...her loss imo

 

[C.Ann]

I think children are "entitled" to a close, loving, safe relationship with their grandparents - regardless of who they "belong" to.. It's a relationship that can not be replaced by anything else and to deprive them of it is not in their best interest..