OT- Anyone with medical problems fell guilt with kids?

[Skyw]

Hi
I know this is off topic but today has been one of those days. I have chronic pain and I am a full time mom. I sometimes wonder if I parent with some guilt. Ya know, because I am not 100%. Has anyone else had these feelings???

 

[Mrs. Charming]

I totally understand, I've been feeling that way since the end of December. I'm just not "fun mom" anymore. I feel horribly about it. I'm just absolutely exhausted, and still having the morning sickies.

I wish I knew what else to say other than "I totally understand."

BIG hugs

 

[cassiez76]

me!

i have psoriasis (70% body coverage) and psoriatic arthritis and even being on the expensive shots, i'm still not 100% feeling like i use to before being diagnosed 4 years ago.

it sucks, but i hope one day there will really be a cure! haha don't get me started on awareness causes.

 

[Zeebs]

Give your self a break, if you were perfectly healthy you would still have some guilt about the way you are parenting. That is what parenting is for LOL.

As long as your kids are loved they are with the best parents for them.

Kirsten

 

[Deesknee]

I can relate. I was very healthy & "fun mom" with my 1st 3. Now they are basically adults & I have a 6yr, and I have chronic vertigo. Cann't run & play like I did with the others. I cann't do alot, but I can love & spend time with her. I do the best I can, but yeah, I can get the guilts. I find with me it usually comes when I am .....on the pity potty. I feel bad for myself & her. Do yourself & your children a favor & give yourself a break, even if only for today. good luck.

 

[katied]

From a now grown kid's perspective, I would not worry about it. My mom had medical issues since birth, was never supposed to survive childhood (and then never supposed to survive childbirth) but managed to raise 3 kids. Yes, there were times she was very ill. There were times she was in the hospital. Even at her best, she could not be very physical. By the time I was in jr. high, her ankle joints had fused from long term bleeding in them, as well as other joints throughout her body, so walking was always painful, and she had to take things slow.

With that said, I never felt like I was missing anything as a kid. She did tons of arts and craft or baking type projects - so she was always very invovled with us. Later, she taught my sister and I to sew. We learned so much from her, even with her more limited physical ability. I feel very blessed for all the time I had with her.

She was a longest living woman with her condition in the U.S., and made it to age 51. She was very happy with as long of a life as she had, and would not have changed having kids, in spite her limitiations and leaving us before she wanted (but we were still all grown - DBrother was the youngest at age 25 when she passed).

So - don't worry. Just do what you can for your kids, and later, your kids will be better individuals and better understanding of other people limitations.

 

[nmmom95]

I know exactly how you feel. I have kidney failure from an autoimmune and I am on peritoneal dialysis. I got sick when my little guy was only 5. He will always remember me as being sick. I can't go in the pool or the ocean with him. I try not to let him see when I'm sick, but I feel so bad about things I can't do anymore.

 

[emtmom0104]

I have RSD, reflex sympathetic disorder, which causes chronic burning pain in my knee. I have had several surgeries and nerve blocks to try and reduce the pain without much success. Running and playing with the kids, kneeling down, getting up off the floor...etc...is sometimes soo difficult. The stress on my knee makes it hard to do what I did when I was a little younger but even though I am still a young mom, 27, and have 3 kids, it doesn't make it any easier. The pain still sucks but to see smiles on the kids faces makes every little thing worth it to me!

 

[emtmom0104]

and to top all of that off I was diagnosed with a heart condition 3 years ago.

 

[Skyw]

WOW. I guess there is a lot of us out there. Thanks everyone for the replies. It is nice just knowing that I am not alone. I have nerve damage to my face from a sinus surgery. I have constant pain on the left side of my nose and forehead. It has been this way for 3.5 years. I just hate having to say "not today son, I just don't feel well enough or the medication is screwing me up." Today I had to break some of our plans because I of the meds I am on. He cried and I felt horrible.

 

[Skyw]

me!

i have psoriasis (70% body coverage) and psoriatic arthritis and even being on the expensive shots, i'm still not 100% feeling like i use to before being diagnosed 4 years ago.

it sucks, but i hope one day there will really be a cure! haha don't get me started on awareness causes.

Shots.....I hate them!!!! What is psoriatic arthritis?

 

[Skyw]

I can relate. I was very healthy & "fun mom" with my 1st 3. Now they are basically adults & I have a 6yr, and I have chronic vertigo. Cann't run & play like I did with the others. I cann't do alot, but I can love & spend time with her. I do the best I can, but yeah, I can get the guilts. I find with me it usually comes when I am .....on the pity potty. I feel bad for myself & her. Do yourself & your children a favor & give yourself a break, even if only for today. good luck.

I get the guilt's too when I am on the pitty potty...why me???

 

[Skyw]

From a now grown kid's perspective, I would not worry about it. My mom had medical issues since birth, was never supposed to survive childhood (and then never supposed to survive childbirth) but managed to raise 3 kids. Yes, there were times she was very ill. There were times she was in the hospital. Even at her best, she could not be very physical. By the time I was in jr. high, her ankle joints had fused from long term bleeding in them, as well as other joints throughout her body, so walking was always painful, and she had to take things slow.

With that said, I never felt like I was missing anything as a kid. She did tons of arts and craft or baking type projects - so she was always very invovled with us. Later, she taught my sister and I to sew. We learned so much from her, even with her more limited physical ability. I feel very blessed for all the time I had with her.

She was a longest living woman with her condition in the U.S., and made it to age 51. She was very happy with as long of a life as she had, and would not have changed having kids, in spite her limitiations and leaving us before she wanted (but we were still all grown - DBrother was the youngest at age 25 when she passed).

So - don't worry. Just do what you can for your kids, and later, your kids will be better individuals and better understanding of other people limitations.

thanks...I love to hear a kids view. I do worry about him not having what other kids have.

 

[mom2aidanNpiper]

I think moms feel guilt about many thing for many reasons- I swear it's built in as soon as we have them!

I felt guilt as soon as my ex husband ran off w/no word and I had to go to work full time and leave my kids in daycare. I then stopped that a year later getting a good paying part time and then got diagnosed with cancer (at age 26). And then felt immense guilt while I was essentially bed ridden from being exhausted.

I'm now in remission, but my kids look back on it (I've been in official remission for 6 months, but treatment free for 12) and say nothing negative. They are proud of their momma and know how much I love them.

The biggest thing was knowing that it all came down to making sure they knew that!

 

[deerhart]

Shots.....I hate them!!!! What is psoriatic arthritis?

It is arthritis in joints which are usually covered with psoriasis. The psoriasis actually causes the arthritis. Its typically found in knees and elbows.

 

[mommy2allgirls]

I totally understand you all. For the past 18 months I have been chronically ill with Late stage lyme disease. I am bedridden and life has changed. For the most part my kids understand and we still have fun but I cry and feel guilty every once in awhile that I am not the mommy I used to be.

 

[livie1205]

I feel your pain...I feel guilty all the time! I was hurt a few years ago (my neck) and I have to see a nero every month, on meds everyday and have 75% less energy then I use to...my life has changed but I try to make sure they understand and I do as much as I can.MY dh has helped so much, he is a angel!I have pain everyday and migraines many times a week.I feel I am to young to have to deal with this but what can I do...all I have is a bunch of drs who pass the buck to each other and the dr I was told to go to killed someone in surgery (his mistake) a few weeks ago!uuuummm not going to him. I am not giving up though...I will find a way to correct this.

 

[shaylahc1]

Aw.....huge (((((HUGS)))) This post broke my heart cause I know exactly how you feel I have lupus and vasculitis and I've been sick for 3 years. I can't take my kids to the pool or outside to play because I swell up from the sun. I take too many naps. I swear my kids must think everyone's mommy is like me They know I'm sick but they don't ask too many questions. I feel horrible about it....I know the guilt and the sadness and the anger. I get so angry sometimes about my illnesses. This is not the life I envisioned for myself Being chronically ill sucks

 

[Skyw]

I really appreciate your stories. I think the hard part for me is to stop trying to be the person I was 3 years ago and be the person I am now.

Next question.....How do you say " I can't do ______ today" and explain it to you kids so that they don't get upset???? I really struggle with that one.

 

[emtmom0104]

I really appreciate your stories. I think the hard part for me is to stop trying to be the person I was 3 years ago and be the person I am now.

Next question.....How do you say " I can't do ______ today" and explain it to you kids so that they don't get upset???? I really struggle with that one.

I know exactly how you feel. I spend a lot of time thinking about that and what usually works for me is telling them that " How about we do ____ (insert something you know you can do with them)today and save _____ for a day where mommy feels a little better" My kids usually go for something like that.