OT - Anyone else's child turning on you??

[Mom2Rae]

My dd, 6, is changing right before my eyes. She's gotten so mouthy and saying things she's hearing at school that she's never said before. Examples: I don't care, You're mean, Leave me alone, I'm telling your mother (which is her Granny). And so on....I know kids go through stages but it seems I'm always trying to keep dd in a good mood. That the slightest thing I say will make her mad and cry. Not like a spoiled cry (I want that now, Mommy). But, a hurtful cry...then she'll say "what's wrong with me"? (Meaning her).

This is the same little girl who I've heard "your daughter is so sweet" from everyone she's come in contact with. We're going to WDW in late Feb. and taking her Granny and she's even said she doesn't want to go.

It's breaking my heart. She's hearing impaired and we don't treat her any differently than we would a normal hearing child. But, she is our only one and I have nothing else to compare this behavior to. I've created a chart to try to improve her mouth, but I'm so depressed over this.

Help!

 

[kellia]

Sorry, you just have a GIRL! My dd did the same thing when she was that age. Went from an angel that I'd never had any problems with to moody, sensitive and MOUTHY! When I got pregnant with twins, I was hoping for one of each, but then was ecstatic when they were both boys. It does get better, she went through a couple years where she was much better, but now that she's 11, dh wants to send her to military school. Those hormones are a killer! I was a Girl Scout leader until this summer and also do home daycare and had girls slightly older than she was (at that time) and I have to say it is just the age.

Hang in there! Eventually we do become normal again!

 

[PrincessHeart]

It isn't just girls either. My DS7 has also gone (and is still going) through this phase. He was the most people-pleasing child. If he would see me frown, he'd and walk over and say I want you to be happy Mommy. Then he went to Kindergarten and boom he morphed into someone else. I think the pressure at school to be on your best behavior all day and all of the work that they do just wears them out. Then they are just moody and cranky when they get home - because home is a safe place to show your feelings. So I don't think it's you or your child. A lot of my friends have also experienced this with thier children. As for bringing home new words/behaviors - I just am very firm with my kids. I tell them those words or behaviors are not OK in our house. I try to explain that every family has thier own rules and just because its ok for another child to say or do something does not mean its ok for you. If you do this or say this again this will happen (the consequence).Then if the behavior is repeated, I implement a punshiment that I set our before. Usually with my son its grounding from his Playstation. I also keep only books and stuffed animlas in thier bedrooms. Then if they are melting down they can be sent to thier room to cool down without the option of playing. I have a playroom in the basement.

 

[angwill]

It sounds normal. I have a boy so I didn't really get the crying but more acting out. He has gotten mouthy to see what reaction he could get. When he would say I hate you or I wish you weren't my mother I just looked at him and said yeah you'll feel differently later when you calm down but I love you anyway no matter what. It took the power out of it for him and I very, very rarely hear it. My son is 12 and the one thing I learned is to try my hardest not to let him think his words effect me and if I am really upset I make him go to his room till I can think about how to handle the situation. They go through spurts where you wonder if they are normal and then things will be ok for a while till the next time...........

Just be on the lookout for constant illness like stomachaches or headaches, and crying a lot and not to get attention or not wanting to go to school. That can be a sign that something upsetting is happening outside your house possibly with another child at school.

HTH,
Angela

 

[MickeyMonstersMom]

Yup. My DD did exactly that in Kindergarten: teachers said she acted like an angel, but then she'd pick a fight with me *every day* before we'd even gotten to the school parking lot! She turned human again for a few years, and now that she's 12 we're back to mouthy attitude - but the new, "improved," more-attitude-than-ever version. I hear from other parents that I'll get a respite in a few years, with one more round of this before I can make her get her own apartment.

Hang in there, you're not alone!

 

[luckey-lasvegas]

Hang in there it only last for about 20 years . My DD10 is the same way, mainly with her father. She is testing your limits and wants to see just how far she can push you. When my DD says I'm mean I say thank you it's my job. I've always told my DD jokingly that the #1 rule was No Happy Children ! She LOVES to break this rule, so when she gets pouty I say are you happy ? And if she says no I say good thanks for following the rule, she can't keep herself from smiling and then she usualy understands that what I want most in life is for her to be safe and happy with limits. When she is reall having a good time I yell at her hey theres no happy children allowed around here and she says oh ya stop me .

 

[pweyl36]

My dd is the same way,always saying how she is going to find a new family,(I tell her happy hunting ).or how everybody hates her,we love her brother better,because in her own words " he is always acting so precious",thats why we love him sooo much.useally I just send her to her room If she really is out of control.I just tell her she can come out of her room when she is in a better mood.God,Iam not looking forward to period time !!! She is my only girl,i have to boys,and I would rather have
10boys to one girl .

 

[LaraK]

I just went through a bad patch with my 4yo DD. (it hurts to hear I'm going to go through this AGAIN in a couple of years) Anyway, DD did many of the same things. Every day we were fighting. Luckily, it appears that the demonic possession of my darling DD is ending and she is back to loving her mommy. I don't have a solution, but I can express my understanding and empathy.

 

[princesspiglet]

I can so sympathize with you! My DD4 is the same way. She throws a fit over the littelest things and "Not fair" is part of her daily vocabulary. She is also saying, I don't like you, your'e mean, etc. Our problem is she takes everything personally. If she accidentally knocks over a glass of milk, she freaks and will start screaming and crying. I tell her it is not her fault, I am not mad, etc. But she gets herself very worked up over it and usually runs to ber room to cry on her bed.

The best thing that has worked for us is to let her just blow off that steam and wait for her to come to us. If we go to her, we feel like we are coddling her and she starts to cry even more. When she has calmed down, she will come back down stairs and act like nothing is wrong. We usually just let it go.

We as parents have to realize that even though they are little, in their worlds they have alot of stress! Acting out if the only way they know how to release it right now.

 

[Elmo888]

My dd, 6, is changing right before my eyes. She's gotten so mouthy and saying things she's hearing at school that she's never said before. Examples: I don't care, You're mean, Leave me alone, I'm telling your mother (which is her Granny). And so on....I know kids go through stages but it seems I'm always trying to keep dd in a good mood. That the slightest thing I say will make her mad and cry. Not like a spoiled cry (I want that now, Mommy). But, a hurtful cry...then she'll say "what's wrong with me"? (Meaning her).

OMGosh!!! I could have written that. I have a DD6, and she is exactly the same way.

As for WDW, DH thought that DD6 would be absolutely blissful at WDW (we just went in Jan. and she was very excited about going), happy, without a care in the world. Instead, "it is just" DD6 "at WDW", with the same "I want to do this now" and "everyone is being mean to me". They are so self centered at this age.

We do what the other poster suggested, and let her calm herself down. I send her to her room, which makes her madder ("no one cares about me!"), but she usually comes out in a much better mood.

 

[Downrivermama]

It's just the age. I don't think you will get off the hook with your ds's when they get that old. My dd is8 and a boy down the street is 9 and his mom complains about it too. She also has ds12 and he gets mouthy at times. I think what one poster said is true. Home is a safe place, they don't have to be on good behavior. Lucky us!

All you can do is hang in there.

 

[LynnTH]

My DD5 has gotten a little attitude also. She will say something to me that is not too nice and all I have to say is "you want to say that again" and she will of course say "no" cuz she knows better. And then I ask her if she has something to say - and she apologizes. (usually with a "I'm sorry, but...)

It is a world of difference between her and my DS7. You can just look at her wrong and she has a meltdown. (of course my Mom just laughs and tells me that I was the same way and what goes around comes around - very funny)

 

[HelenePA]

ahahaha we are going thru this RIGHT now.. I mean this exact second. Daddy is having a "talk" with our middle child.. Gosh.. its horrible. I gotta say my 6 yr old is NOTHING like this. I had NO idea what I was in for.. dont you just wonder if we were the same way growing up? I think we all need to send cards or flowers, diamond rings to our mothers maybe??

 

[PrincessHeart]

Oh yes, I forgot mention when my DD was about 4 she went through an I hate you stage. She would say it mutiple times a day. Of course the first time she said this it broke my heart and I would reply well, I love you each time. Finally after two weeks of her telling me this I said " You say that so much it doesn't even hurt my feelings anymore." She totally broke down and started crying and saying she loved me. I took the power of words from her. She doesn't say it too me anymore. I get the "your mean" speech still.

 

[SunKat]

My dd is 10 and has the attitude. I'm always hearing "I hate you", "you love the dog more than me", "yeah, duh", "everyone hates me", "this is the worst day of my life" (said about every three days!), "you're mean", etc, etc. I agree with the poster who wrote about them feeling safe at home and letting out their feelings. At school, she's little Miss Perfect, but at home, watch out. Those hormones are a killer!

 

[mimif1]

I feel for you! I'm right there in it with you. I have a DD11 with the tween attitude, a DD7 with the separation attitude and a DD2.5 that is in the tantrum phase! I must admit there is a bit of loudness in our house, but I do know each phase will pass eventually.

 

[eeyorelori]

Mom2Rae ok first off there is the school change they go through ..BUT if she is hearing impaired does she wear a hearing aid?? My son is also and wears a hearing aid ..He went through a big change b/c he was different then everybody else..He says everyone picks on him the teacher swears he is not .sometimes i feel he feels hes different and puts himself down .We have tried everything but with 5 kids all with different types of disabilty it only gets harder for them ..Sorry Just keep showing the love and dont treat her any different but it may be just a phase ..But 3rd grade was my sons worst ...Kids really noticed he was different with the hearing aid ..He also has a microphone the teachers wear and he has a extra boot on the aid for extra hearing help in a very busy room ..He didnt even want to wear that b/c it put extra attention on himself since he has to give it to each teacher he goes to ....Good luck and keep apatient ....

 

[rt2dz]

As you can tell, this is normal behavior for a child that age. Ain't motherhood grand? And, being a girl, it is worse. They're much more emotional (tears) and hold grudges.

So happy to have boys!! I have 8 nieces, so I know. And when we found out our 3rd was a boy, everyone who had pre-teen to adult daughters kept telling me how lucky I was to have all boys; that up until 5 you want a girl, but then you start to know better, especially if you do also have a boy(s). I'd better be careful, we're trying for #4 now and NOW it will probably be a girl. Sorry, I degress.

It passes. I've found making sure my DS gets a little more sleep at night and more excercise during the day helps. School can be a real drain. Other than that, we just need to wait it out.