ot any child protective workers out there?

[AllyCatTapia]

In conducting a report, one of the very first things looked at is if there is a custody battle going on. Let your friend know that.

 

[Tnkrbelle565]

CPS worker here...the situation you described definately doesn't fall into the catergory of abuse. As many posters have noted, it is very common for reports like this to occur during custody disputes.

However, my personal opinion would be that 5 yr olds shouldn't be bathing with adults.

 

[mommiepoppins]

update... child was removed from dad 's custody and given to mom until investagation is over.

 

[soothy]

update... child was removed from dad 's custody and given to mom until investagation is over.

Was this because of the shower thing?

 

[DisneyPhD]

Whether or not one agrees with the appropriateness of this practice, it still wouldn't be considered abuse...as one poster mentioned, such practices do vary by cultures and by individual family practices. Some families are really much more open than others. It doesn't sound like the situation was sexual at all (and therefore not abusive). However, this doesn't mean that everyone has to approve.

I agree with emma'smom. (as a mother and a social worker.)

I just read your update. I hope to God it isn't over this bathing situation alone. I would guess that something more must of came up because I can't really see a CPS pulling a kid based on that alone.
If it is, how stupid and what a horrible thing to make the child go through if that was the only issue. I HATE it when parents fight and kids get caught in the middle. Really why can't adults be adults and learn to play nice for the sake of the children.

Be very careful this friend doesn't pull you in the middle of this.

 

[babiesX2]

My ex-husband and I separated when my oldest DD was 5. My attorney grilled me and asked me tons of questions about our home situation. He turned innocent things into "abuse." Ex-husband's attorney did the same thing. Only someone who has been through a bitter custody battle would believe me about what was filed in the papers for the courts by both his attorney and mine. Ex's attorney filed in the paper work that I wouldn't take DD to school and his sister had to do it. His sister was the school bus driver on our route! But that bit of important info was left out and it sounded like I was still in the bed sleeping and my SIL was in my house getting DD dressed and driving her to school. Judge's aren't as naive as people like to think. They hear this garbage being thrown back and forth between parents everyday. If that is the reason the child was removed, your friend has more than likely dug herself a very deep hole (and pulled the dirt in on top of herself). She may have won this battle, but she will certainly loose the war. Her life will be much more pleasant once she looses the hate she has for her child's father and takes steps to get along with him. Children need their father just as much as their mother. Believe me, family courts have recognized this. Your friend needs to love her child more than she hates the child's father. I hope you didn't help her by playing a part in this mess like she wanted you to. That is some bad karma I wouldn't want to have connected to me.

FYI, it took our DD13 pulling out every single one of her eyelashes for me and her dad to finally stop fighting over her. It is a nervous condition called trichotillomania, and she has it because we caused it with our bitterness and hate towards one another.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Your friend needs to love her child more than she hates the child's father.

These are such wise words. I hope more parents hear them.

 

[babiesX2]

I worked ER for a bit -- I'm an RN. You wouldn't believe how many moms bring their kids in to have them "examined" after picking them up from their dad's houses. The moms were always quick to tell us about the custody battle and that they were there to get "documentation" against the dad. They would be surprised when we told them that we didn't automatically call CPS when kids got bumps or bruises because no kids would be living with their parents!

There are kids being raped, molested, sodomized, abused, and killed everyday in homes at the hands of parents. How many kids could be saved if CPS wasn't having to investigate frivolous claims coming from parents who just can't stand each other anymore and view their kid as a trophy to be won?

 

[mommiepoppins]

I just have kept my mouth shut. they go back to court on thur. it is a real mess. I love your quote love your child more than you hate the childs father. . I will tell her that fyi I am friends with both parents and I am keep my nose out of it.... trying to . I still watch the child

 

[DisneyPhD]

mommiepoppins, hugs This is never easy. At least you are there for the child.

 

[stacy6552]

Its a little shadey that mom just happened apon them? There could be manipulation on either or both ends.

Experts say that kids are concious of anatomy differences at 18 mos and communal bathing should stop at that point. You could point that out to dad.

But otherwise stay out of it.