OT - Am I wrong/overreacting?

[ForeverDance]

Here's the situation:

Saturday we get a call from DMIL that she is flying out to Vancouver (she lives in England) because her sister called and said if she wanted to be able to see her mother (DH's grandmother) alive she should come now (grandmother has been in the hospital for a while now). Neither her and her significant other are working so they had to scrape together the money for her to fly to Vancouver but couldn't figure out how she would get from Vancouver to Burns Lake (about 12 hours a way). We told her we would figure it out for her and would even pay for it.

Turned out that Greyhound is on strike there so the easiest/cheapest way for us to get her there was for DH to fly out to Vancouver, rent a car, and then drive them both to Burns Lake. So that is what he did (left on Sunday morning). At that time we also offered to pay for her flight back to Ontario for the funeral (DH's grandfather is already buried here so the funeral will be here), and flight back to England since they really couldn't afford it.

Fast forward to today. DH's grandmother is actually looking like she might recover after all. We are of course all very happy.

The problem that I am having is that DH said to me that his mother said she was still going to come to Ontario anyway so she can visit? On our dime?!? Now don't get me wrong, I love my DMIL and have absolutely no problem paying for the flights etc for family emergencies but we have already spent over $1000 to get DH and DMIL to Burns Lake (that's just flight and money for food etc.). We are looking at at least $750 more to get DH home (probably close to $1000). And DMIL's flight back to England will be at least $500. Am I wrong for saying I don't want to pay another $500+ for her to vacation in Ontario?

I'm worried I'm overreacting because I am of course stressed out from everything and emotionally drained.

 

[Whosemom]

hmmm. That's a hard one, isn't it? From the outside, I'd say since its you MIL, smile and nod and let your dh decide. Wouldn't that be best for everyones' relationships?

 

[nosnobunny2006]

Families.........gotta love 'em.

Beth

 

[Scornelius]

First off, I'm so glad your DH's grandmother seems to be on the mend! That's wonderful.
As for the vacationing MIL, I don't think you're wrong to feel a little irked at all! You and your DH have been extremely generous and accomodating thus far, to ask you to finance a vacation as well is a bit much. But in the quest for family harmony, I think you should take a good look at your bank account. Is the extra money just an inconvenience, like 'hey, we wont be able to stay concierge on our 3rd 10 day trip to WDW this year', or a major issue like 'food? who needs money for food. We can live off sunshine and unicorn giggles'. Chances are your circumstances fall somewhere in between, but you know what I mean.
If you can afford it and it would make your family oh so happy and you'll be DIL of the year, go for it and send her a ticket. If you guys are already streched by your (extreme!) generosity so far, I think it's completely fair to say to DH 'we're not the trumps. that tree in the yard grows bitter little berries, not c-notes. let's save this money incase, heaven forbid, grandma's time does come'.
Good luck, and pixie dust to the Grandma!

 

[4eyedbuzzard]

Families.........gotta love 'em.

Beth

DMIL's: Can't live with 'em, not allowed to kill 'em.

 

[wannago2disney]

DMIL's: Can't live with 'em, not allowed to kill 'em.

can I use that?

 

[ForeverDance]

Well I talked to DH again and although he is also not happy with the situation he just doesn't want to fight with DMIL. I can appreciate that especially since emotions are running high. I just really feel like she is abusing our generousity and I am really frustrated that she would take advantage of us.

I thought about it some more and decided that I should at least get an accurate idea of the difference in cost between flying her directly to England (because we've already told her we would pay for that) and having her come visit. I went and figured out the cost of flights using different airlines and flying out of a bunch of different cities and I figured out that if I can get DSIL to agree to pick DMIL from our house (in London) and take her to the airport in Toronto (DSIL lives in Brampton so this will probably work out) the difference in cost will likely only be around $150 dollars. Well, I have to admit that seems like a really reasonable price to keep the peace.


Thank you all for your suggestions/advice.

 

[CanadianGuy]

around $150 dollars. Well, I have to admit that seems like a really reasonable price to keep the peace.

Keeping the peace is PRICELESS.. in my limited experience.

Knox

 

[KINGBOBOFTHENORTH]

Hmmmm......check out these ads from today's Vancouver Sun. There are some one way flights as low as $99 on Flyglobespan, $149 on Canadian Affair and $249 on Zoom. If any of those seats are actually available on your needed travel date, you can politely tell the old lady that these prices are just too low not to send her directly home!

http://shopping.vancouver.canada.com/ROP/Subcat.aspx?cat=3770&subcat=3786

BobK/Orlando

 

[runner26.2]

In my humble opinion you should take the high road and pay for DMIL, if you can afford to do so. The alternative will cause no end of hard feelings, resentment etc.

good luck